FEMININE TWIST...
Is a bit of a crack fic about our favourite MACHO team turning a tiny bit FEMININE...What could go wrong?
Part 1 of 3
"Hannibal you crazy fool we're surrounded." B.A. said loudly over the gun shots. He looked around the corner and watched the three robed men getting closer. He turned back to Hannibal. "The magic man and his freaky followers are coming."
"Don't want to worry you boss man but we got a whole bunch of them round here." Murdock said from the other side. "Ah I miss Bessie, she's all the way over there."
The helicopter, stolen naturally, was just in sight behind all of the storage containers. The team were hidden behind a lorry and men were beginning to advance on them fast. The river nearby was filled with overturned cars and a few men lay unconscious with cabbages beside them. It was a normal mission, but this time it had turned somewhat magical. A few men were approaching from behind.
"Maybe if we can distract them, get Murdock out of their way, we can get the plane in action?" Face suggested.
"I ain't going in no plane." B.A. said, grabbing face by the scruff of his neck. "You got that?"
Hannibal rested his hand on B.A. and the man backed down slowly. Face pulled his collar away from his shirt and the two pressed themselves against the lorry. Hannibal pulled two fireworks, three guns and a packet of marshmallows out of his pocket. The others looked in wonderment.
"We're not going on any helicopter B.A." Hannibal said. "Because boys, I've got a plan."
Three minutes, twenty or so punches and an exploding marshmallow firework display the four of them stood triumphant. The men lay unconscious, but basically unharmed, on the floor with pieces of molten marshmallows and small burn marks on their faces. Hannibal nodded his head and placed a cigar into his mouth.
"I love it when a plan..." He said, lighting his cigar.
A man in a hooded cloak emerged from the molten smoke. His face was clear as fresh water and a moon scar
"Hey it's magic man." Murdock said. The magic man read forward and a bolt of light hit Murdock straight in the chest knocking the unsteady pilot onto the ground.
"MURDOCK!" Face shouted.
A flash of light blinded the men and knocked them off their feet. Stirring, Hannibal was the first to wake up. He rubbed his head and staggered towards the river. As he did so he felt a weight on his shoulders. Walking to the edge he bent down and looked down. In the reflection he saw a woman of around middle age with blonde hair hung to the shoulders. He stumbled back, gasping. Face pushed himself up in the background.
"Something feels different." He said, though his voice far more feminine than before and he said loudly. "Was there a helium bomb or something?"
B.A. and Murdock came around next. Murdock looked at his eyes in wonderment before spinning around in circles and jumping in the air. B.A. however reached for his Mohawk and instead was met with a large afro. He turned around and looked at his three colleagues, all sitting and standing in their perfect female forms.
"Hell No!" He said, his voice oddly high, and stormed up to Hannibal. "Hannibal you fool, I got woman's titties."
"What you complaining about big guy?" Face said in the background before looking at B.A's ample chest. "Or should I say big gal?"
B.A. turned around and let out a low growl and stared. Face remained undeterred and looked down at his own decent sized chest. His eyebrows raised up in approval and Hannibal shook his head in disapproval. Murdock began spinning in circles with his hands up in the air.
"I'm making milkshake." He shouted. Hannibal got up and raised his arms.
"Ok everyone calm down." Hannibal said.
They all stood in silence and surveyed each other. They all remained in their own clothes, and because of their new feminine figures they hung too loosely off them. Only B.A. appeared to have retained any muscle mass and the others stood their slimly and weak. Hannibal tapped his head and whistled.
"Face, Hannibal, B.A... Murdock?" Sosa said appearing from around the corner. She looked at the A-team and said. "What are you four ladies doing here?"
"Charissa it's us." Face said.
Sosa backed away and looked at them once more as his familiar eyes dawned on her. A middle-aged woman , with mid length blonde hair, stood at the front of the group in a camel jacket smiled back with a cigar in her pocket. Another woman, with crazy brown hair, stared at her blankly and a young thirty something attractive woman stood by her. The final woman was tall, muscle bound and had a large afro with several gold chains hanging down and overly large dungarees.
"Face?" Sosa said, examining the attractive woman. "Hannibal these have to be your best disguise yet...and the voices they're so real."
"This ain't no disguise, we're real girls with real titties." B.A. said.
Sosa raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes. She stumbled backwards and Face followed her. There they were, the A-team, the most masculine of all men standing before her with women's bodies and voices. B.A. still held himself with an angry stance and his face scrunched.
"This is impossible..." She said.
"It's looking pretty possible right now." Hannibal muttered under his breath.
Sosa reached forward and touched Face's face. She trembled as her fingers traced his new sharpened chin and shivered as she felt his smooth skin. The rugged charm and square jaw was gone, and instead replaced by delicate features. She retracted her hand quickly and looked around at them.
"So...men." Sosa said, in an almost hysterical voice.
"I find that offensive to my feminine charms." Murdock replied in his most English of accents before singing. "I'm so pretty...oh soo pretty..."
B.A. growled as Murdock began to dance and sing. Sosa's composed faces from Afghanistan were lost and instead replaced by ones of shock and horror. Hannibal withdrew a cigar out of his pocket and began to smoke it without much fuss as if it were the most natural thing in the world and Murdock began to shake his head.
"I whip my hair back and forth." He sang. "I whip my hair bag and forth."
"Who did this to you guys?" Sosa shouted over Murdock's singing.
"The magic man." Murdock said, stopping mid dance.
Sosa laughed and looked in disbelief at this. This couldn't be happening. This was it, shell shock, schizophrenia, brain damage from several hits, completely sending her around the bend. She shook her head and bit her lip.
"For once that crazy fool's talking sense." B.A. said walking forward. "A magic dress wearing man did this to us."
"I'm sorry but why were you chasing a... 'magic man'?" Sosa asked looking at him.
All of the men laughed and looked at each other. Hannibal took a few drags from his cigar and the other three simply just looked bemused. Sosa waited for a few seconds and without anybody else volunteering an example he said.
"Same reason we always chase people, it was a job." Hannibal said.
"You chased a magic man for a job? I swear to you you're going to get yourselves killed." She said looking around, and as the bodies around them began to stir she hastened and lowered her voice. "Ok, do you guys have anywhere to stay?"
Hannibal looked to the plane, and after a low growl as warning, he then turned to the van. It was parked amongst the destroyed car in perfect order. It even had remained unaffected by the situation and stood there in its gleaming engineering. Hannibal walked over towards it and the others followed.
"We got the van." Hannibal said.
"I'm not sleeping in no van sucka." B.A. said walking over to the van. He rubbed it with a cloth from his pocket and said. "My baby's a steel laden fighter not a caravan."
Sosa shook her head and walked away from the team. All dumfounded, and feeling a tiny bit fragile, they looked at her for help, well all except Murdock who was too busy crawling on all fours and mooing (no one wanted to know why).
"Ok, get in the van, and follow me." She said.
In her black unregistered jeep she drove along several roads for hours until they reached a white house on the coast. She got out first, and once they were parked the others followed. It was large, spacious, and had a palm tree growing out front. There were several houses by hers, all of which also had a glamour that felt unwelcoming to such a team. Murdock ran up and whispered in Face's ear.
"La casa Diablo."
She opened the front door and let them in. It opened up into a spacious, but impersonal, reception room. There were no personal touches and all that graced the white walls were modern art pieces of little definition. She turned on the lights and ushered them to the sofas. Hannibal was a first to take a seat and the others followed after.
"It's very nice for you to put us up Sosa." Hannibal said.
"I didn't really have much choice." She replied back.
B.A. grunted and got up from his seat. He stormed out to the corridor as the others watched without a thing to say. Sosa stepped forward to reason him but found herself pulled back by Face. They all watched upon from a safe distance in order to escape harm.
"Where you going B.A?" Hannibal asked from the sofa.
"To get some air." B.A. said back.
Murdock got up, busting past the hands, and running forward with one arm extended. He ran towards her and jumped beside B.A. He smiled at his friend and punched forward. B.A looked back at him and raised his eyebrows. Sosa and the others watched from a safe distance and even Hannibal stood a few steps back.
"To infinity and beyond!" Murdock said.
"I don't want to share the same air as you fool." B.A. said walking out of the door. He slammed it and shouted. "It'll make me go crazy."
"Yes because today can get even madder." Sosa said as she walked to the kitchen.
Murdock pulled a grumpy face and took his seat back next to Face. Hannibal looked around the place with a smug smile though purposefully avoided the gazes of his team. Murdock tapped his feet impatiently and looked to Hannibal.
"What we going to do boss man?" Murdock asked.
"I don't know quite yet..." Hannibal said. "But are any of you also craving chocolate?"
Thank you for reading :)
LoveIsSweetMisery
