Joining the others who have written about last nights episode - which was awesome - just had to write something about Dean. Poor guy has it beyond rough when it comes to his brother; and Jensen does an amazing job portraying it.

Rating: T


It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black – or so the twisted, modern take on the old adage went. And every word of it was true. How ironic Dean thought that the truth was still cursing him in those words! As he sat beside the bed that his unconscious pain-in-the-ass baby brother lay on he was reminded of the time when Sam had died in his arms; for the first time. Then, as now, Dean sat beside his brother's motionless body and berated himself for not protecting Sammy, for not being there for the kid. His self-loathing reached an all time high. The words of Veritas still rang in his ear and ripped his heart out.

"You're not human! What is he?"

How the fuck was he to know what his brother was? To Dean Sam was just as dead now as he had been in Cold Oak. Only this time there was absolutely nothing Dean could do to bring his brother back. Didn't mean he wouldn't die trying though! And then Lisa's words screamed at him.

"As soon as Sam was back I knew it was over. You have an unhealthy relationship with your brother. As long as Sam's in your life you will never be happy."

The last words stopped Dean cold. They were true…to an extent. From the time he was 4 he had watched out for Sam and it had ruined any chance of a normal life for the toddler. But after their mom's death Sam was Dean's only source of comfort. Laying beside him in his crib, holding onto him tightly made his nightmares less harsh. As they grew older sleeping beside his baby brother wherever dad had dragged them next was the only comforting and certain thing in his life. Of course he was co-dependent on Sam as the old Sam had been on him – until Stanford. Sam would always be his life. His happiness was tied to the snot nosed brat that he had to always keep on the straight and narrow. There was no life without Sam – the past year had taught him that. Yes he was happy with Lisa and Ben but it wasn't easy and it all went to hell when Sam came back.

"As long as Sam's in your life you will never be happy."

Dean wished that mantra would leave his mind! He knew what he was now, Veritas had made him see that. He was a killer, a hunter, and most importantly an older brother. Dean Winchester would always be dependent on his baby brother, and truth be told Sam would always be dependent on his older brother. Who else would keep him human? Who else would try to fix the world for him? Who would protect him? Dean belonged to Sam from the moment his parents brought him home. He would do anything for the kid – even if Sam never returned the intensity of emotion Dean felt for him.

So many things had come between them but Dean's love for his brother was still strong and true. He was in hell all over again. Sam began to wake and Dean knew now was the time. He was standing at a crossroad where every path led to destruction of himself, of his brother.

"If you can't save him you will have to kill him."

Dean was prepared to do that now. To save Sam, and ultimately himself. He would make one more attempt to get the truth out of his brother…and if that failed, well Winchesters never had happy endings.