Thirty Years After

There is was again, that inevitable, that fire-and-brimstone inevitable January tenth.

(Never mind he had spent the last three decades pretending she didn't die on the eleventh. She would love the deviancy.)

He made his way, as he did every year down the dirt path to her. He could measure the years in how he got there: high school, walked, college, beater, married with kids, mini van.

He made his familiar way to the small stone tablet that was a monument to her.

Alaska Young

1989-2005

Daughter and Friend

He sat down with a sigh. At forty six and only a few years on nicotine gum, his body wasn't exactly its youthful self anymore.

"Hey Alaska. It's Pudge."

He lit a cigarette and placed it face up like incense. He figured if he got caught, he would be thrown out but he didn't care.

"Y'know it's your fault I'm a lifetime smoker you bitch" he laughed.

He picked a book out of his pocket and opened it. "We're almost done with your Life Library. This is a good one. Midnights Children."

For the last few decades he had come as often as he could to read to the gravestone. He was determined to finish her Life Library, the bucket list she never got to finish because she had died so fucking young.

I smoke to die

"Did you know" he said conversationally, putting the book down. "I have no pictures of you? The kids, they wanted to see what this ghost 'aunt Alaska' their dad keeps talking about looked like, so I looked and nothing! Isn't that crazy? Had to ask the Colonel for one and he finally dug up your yearbook photo. You so had a pimple, by the way."

He laughed and sighed heavily.

"I bet you're up there laughing at us aren't you? Here we are, getting old….having kids….Colonel on his third divorce, Takumi so stuck at work he's probably heading for a divorce...while you….you did it straight and fast, didn't you?"

He put out the cigarette. "You do know how hard it was not to smoke that. Only deepest loyalty held me back."

He got up and turned around.

"I'm still not sure if you're up there or down there or whatever" he said as he paused on the green. "But if you are….and you did it...I forgive you."

He regained his leisurely pace, whispering "I love you Alaska Young"

It was true. He still wasn't sure where she was. But if he got there, he was going to ask her about that night. And he was going to demand straight answers.

But he was sure of one thing. If Alaska Young was there, it was defiantly a beautiful place.

A/N: She was a hurricane. I just read Looking for Alaska and I have too many emotions about it, okay? Thanak you for reading and feel free to comment if you so choose!