a.n.: This is my first Skins FanFiction, so bare with me if you would. Review Are Welcomed :)
Effy woke with a start, a scream barely captured in her throat. Sweat laid like a blanket over her face, chest raising and falling quickly, heart racing. The bed covers tangled around her suggesting she'd been tossing around a lot. As could be expected. Her dreams had been so real and vivid. Only they weren't just dreams. They were memories.
Memories that over lapped one another until they all seemed to blur together and bare down on her. There was the time her and Freddie had discussed her demons that were ever so hungry. The multiple times she'd had sex with Cook. And that day in the rain with him, when he confessed to being in love with her still. There was the sessions spent with John, the camping trip where she'd hit Katie and even Panda's sleep over. It was like her good and bad memories were banding together in an attempt to drive her mad.
Effy glanced around her dark room and suddenly felt as if the walls were closing in on her. The room was to small and to large at the same time, too quiet and too loud. She had to get of much paying attention to what she put on, Effy dressed quickly. She didn't even try to be quiet as she made her way down the stairs and out the front door.
The night was chilled and the smell of rain was thick in the air. She didn't care that the darkness with heavy and she didn't have much place to go. Effy didn't know what time it was or even why she felt the urge to get away from her home. All she knew was that the more space she put between her house and herself, the better. She started walking without any destination in mind.
Before long rain fell in sheets, showing little sign of stopping any time soon. Effy shivered, hugging the top half of her body tighter in an attempt to shield off the cold. She was beginning to regret going out without a jacket. But how was she suppose to know it was going to rain? Effy listened to the splashing sounds her heels made as she walked. Her own footfalls weren't the only sound she heard near by. Slightly heavier slapping noises were made from behind her.
The problem with trying to escape your past and the memories it shoves upon you, is that memories are the one thing impossible to escape. It's like trying to run away from your mind and emotions. It just can't be done. Effy had learned that the hard way. She'd also learned that everywhere she went, bad things followed. Followed like lost little puppies desperate for homes. Much like what Cook was doing, who had been trailing behind her since she left her place.
Effy was wondering why he even bothered. She'd made it quite clear she didn't love him. But that was a lie. Her heart very much wanted Cook, just like it wanted Freddie. Where was the sense in that? Nothing made any sense anymore. It was all meaningless. Pointless.
Nothing could fix her it seemed. John's therapy had made her worse off then when she'd started seeing the man. Freddie tried too hard and she only let him down in the end. Cook... well, what was there to say about Cook? They were so similar, she didn't have to worry about letting him down. Time and time again she'd told him it was Freddie she wanted and yet Cook hadn't gone anywhere. He was the one thing she couldn't seem to free herself completely of.
It wasn't until leaves were making soggy crunching sounds under her stilettos that Effy realized where she was. The park. The park with the pond she'd never noticed, the park that looked cold and rejecting this late at night. The park where she'd been Elizabeth and Cook had been James, not so long ago. That was a nice night... until later. They'd actually had fun together for the most part. It was like there was no Freddie or John or anyone else. Just James and Elizabeth. She couldn't help but think that she wanted to go back to that time. It had been a decent enough time for her, until it went south and she'd gone crazy again. Go figure.
Would there ever be someone to fix her? The name "Tony" poked again and again at her brain. But Tony wasn't here. If he really cared about his little sister, he would be here. He'd be here for her when she need him most. And yet, she found herself without her brother.
Effy sat down on the metal green bench. She brought her legs up and stretched them out across the length of the bench. Perhaps her little follower would take this as a hint. Naturally, Cook wasn't to be pushed away that easily. He joined her by lifting her feet, sitting where her heels had rested and then placing her feet back in his lap. She tried to give him a sour look of disapproval.
"Hey Princess," He greeted in his usual manner.
She just stared at him in all her soaked glory. Rain drops ran down her forehead, over her lashes and messed with her vision. Why did he bother? Effy wondered again. She was no good. Didn't Cook see that? Effy wanted to tell him to leave her alone, to go away. It was better if she kept pushing those she loved away. That's why she couldn't seem to hold on to Freddie, he kept slipping through her fingers like smoke. Effy tried to tell him, she tried to tell them all. Why didn't they listen?
Cook didn't say anything else just yet. He simply sat there, staring out at the night around them. Effy wondered what it was that made him stay out here with her in the freezing rain. They were bound to catch their death out here, not that either of them much cared.
"What do you want?" She finally asked.
He gave a lazy one-shouldered shrug. "Company."
"I'm not offering any."
Cook cracked a half smile. "Never stopped me before, did it?" No, no it hadn't.
Effy's mind kept returning to the night she really lost it. John's methods had screwed her over. Effy didn't know what was real and what he'd made her think was real. How could she have forgotten so much so easily? She remembered Cook being nice that night, taking her to a party and the drinks they'd had. It wasn't until they got to where Tony had his accident that things took a turn down hill. It happened... but it didn't happen.
Effy wished to go back, to do things differently. Perhaps in another time around she'd give Cook more of a chance. He'd said he'd do it all again, hadn't he? And she might as well have told him to shove it up his ass. Cook had been trying to reach out to her, to be there for her. Effy didn't understand why, after all she'd said and done to him, he kept coming back. Cook was always around when she needed him. Even when she thought she didn't need him, there he was.
But what about Freddie? A voice in her head asked. Hasn't Freddie been there too? Effy considered this and decided he had been. But Freddie had been ready to leave, to run away. For all she knew, he was long gone by now. That was her fault as well. She'd run off the man she loved because she was crazy. Freddie couldn't handle her, he couldn't take the pressure and insaneness that followed Effy no matter where she went or what she did. Effy didn't doubt Freds loved her, but she did question a few other things about their relationship.
"Have you seen him?" Effy asked, not needing to give a name. Cook knew she was speaking of his best friend.
She noticed how sad he suddenly looked. "No. It's like he's fuckin' disappeared."
"He needs you," Effy said. The words made her think of the time she'd called Freddie to come and help Cook. Hadn't that been her fault as well? Sure, she hadn't known Cook's father was going to turn out to be such a jackass, but maybe things would have turned out differently if she hadn't gone with him.
Cook's mouth turned down, he titled his head to the side and his eyes studied her. He shook his head, used the hand that wasn't stretched out along the back of the bench to pat her ankles. His hands were surprisingly warm in the chilling rain. "No, Princess, he needs you."
"No one needs me," She replied quickly. Instantly, she wanted to take the words back even if they were the truth.
"Your not a bad person, Eff," Cook told her. The sincerity in his voice almost made her want to believe him. Almost. "Your the best damn thing that's ever happened to me." He paused then added, "To us."
Effy took it the "us" he spoke of was him and Freddie. She didn't believe that. Not for one bloody second did she believe there was any truth in that. If anything, Effy was certain she was the worst thing to cross Cook and Freddie's path. Look at what she'd done to their friendship, their lives in general! And it wasn't just Cook and Freddie's life she'd screwed up, it was Katie's too. And Emily's. Naomi, Panda, Thomas, JJ - all life's she'd touched and ruined to some degree or another.
"Stop that," Cook commanded, giving her a pointed look. "You haven't messed up a fucking thing."
"Then where's Freddie, Cook?" Her words might as well have been acid, they were packed with such harshness. "If I didn't drive him away, you did. One of us always fucks it up, you know. So, who was it, huh? You or me?"
He shook his head, face set in anger. "Just shut up, Eff."
She was too worked up now to shut up. Effy slid her legs off his lap, leaned closer to him. Cook watched the rippling pond with hard eyes. It was like he already knew what she was getting at, what she was going to say. She told herself it was unnerving even if that wasn't what she really believed.
"Well who was it?" She pushed. "Neither of us deserve him. One of us drove him away, like all the others." Effy throw her hands up in the air, spread them out to the general area around them. "Don't see any body else around!"
Cook sat there still, as if working hard to ignore her. But, honestly, who could really ignore Effy?
"It's a simple question, Cook." There was a paused and then she pushed even further. "Answer the damn question! You or me? You sure as hell didn't make things any easier on him. Breaking out of jail, always showing up to make trouble. Maybe he was sick of you and your - "
"Your not fucking perfect, Effy!" Cook shouted, whipping his head to the side. Yeah, like she wasn't already aware of just how not perfect she was. Effy hadn't realized she was leaning in so close to him until now. Their noses almost touched, breath could be felt on lips. "Your the one who went fucking crazy. He couldn't handle it. Freds didn't know how the hell to handle you." And the fact that Cook was here now, was like saying he knew how to handle her. But did he really? Did anyone really have what it took to"handle" Effy?
Effy stared at Cook, letting the words sink in. He said exactly what she'd been thinking earlier. So it was her fault. Not like she ever believed any differently, but it felt good to hurt someone else. It was clear she'd hurt Cook this time, like almost any other time they'd talked. Effy wanted someone else to feel what she felt. She wanted someone else to be as fucked up as she was. Cook was like the next best thing.
"He loves me." Effy suddenly sounded like a little girl again. "He loves me... but he left me."
When their eyes met, all of a sudden it wasn't all about Effy. It wasn't about how much pain she was in, how hurt she was. How messed her life was, or how much she cared about Freddie. In that moment, Cook and Effy's gaze locked, it was then about Cook and Cook alone. He was just as hurt, broken and lost as she was. He'd been kicked out of his house, screwed over by his friends on occasion and even had to give up the one damn thing he loved more then himself.
And that thing was Effy. He'd let Freddie have her, because it was what Effy and Freds wanted.
Cook was here. He loved Effy. And, even if she wasn't willing to admit it, Effy loved him too. In that moment, it was almost like they'd reached an understanding. They were far too much alike to ever have a functioning relationship anywhere near healthy. Effy and Cook needed to be with people who could take care of them. Neither of them could be on their own, never to be left truly and completely alone. They each desperately longed for someone to love them back. Cook couldn't give Effy what she needed, and Effy couldn't be there for Cook like he needed. They were two souls so very much alike it pained them to be apart and even more so to be together.
"We are Cook and Effy," She whispered faintly, hardly heard over the rain. "The world knows us."
"As they should," He added. "Because it's always going to be you and me, babe."
Effy leaned in just a bit closer, closing the distance between them. The kiss they shared was packed with so much emotion it hurt. Still neither of them was willing to let go of the other. Cook moved his body closer to hers, so that thighs and shoulders were pressing together. For once, there was nothing sexual in either of their actions. There was love and loneliness without any of the lust. It was something new for them.
When the kiss was over, the pair didn't speak. There was nothing to be said. Effy rested her head on Cook's shoulder, the cold rain falling heavily from the sky long forgotten. Cook laced their fingers together, laid his head on top of hers.
Tonight they weren't concerned about getting laid, high or drunk. It wasn't about how much pain they'd caused one another, or whether or not they loved each other. There was no John, no Freddie or even a Panda, JJ, Katie, Emily or Naomi. Tonight they weren't a couple, lovers or even friends.
Tonight they were simply Cook and Effy. James and Elizabeth.
