BE SURE to read La Push Journal: Part 1: Entwined before reading. I will be putting all new "journal entries/chapter" here to continue the story.


March 26th

Dear Journal,

Jason was at school yesterday. I don't know what happened to me but I felt as if he had never left. I am certain that Cade is just this distraction I have kept for myself. Maybe it's because he's a vampire, it's what he's made to do. When I'm with him he makes me forget everything, he makes me believe whatever he says. I'm not sure if it's more like a drug or brainwashing, but now that Jason is back...

Not to mention that Caden isn't as self-controlled as he tries to make everyone believe. Last night he came over. His eyes seemed darker, not the usual bright gold, somehow shadowed. He never would explain why his eyes change so I stopped asking. Well, he was a lot more aggressive than usual, I'm afraid I encouraged him a little too much when he were swimming.

I was doing some of my homework and he kept trying to distract me (as usual) by playing with my hair and whispering things to me. "Cade, let me finish this. Surely you have school work too?" I asked him.

"Already done. You get pretty fast at it after repeating it so much," he said and pushed my book and paper to the floor before pulling me back into the pillows. "I'll do it for you later..." he whispered before pulling me in to make-out. I started shove him away before he kissed me.

"I don't want you doing my work. I need to do it myself. It's more important than making-out," I told him but I wasn't strong enough emotionally or physically. His lips landed on mine and I couldn't help but surrender. He knew it to. I know he is taking advantage of me but I can't help it so most of the time I just accept it.

He kissed me really aggressively, even for a normal, safe, human-human kiss. I was used to being careful and cautious; I knew there was a strong temptation for him. But last night his hands were all over me as his lips attacked mine like...like I was something to eat. "I want you, Jenny," he told me in between quick breaths. I didn't know what he meant, though I knew the only two options and I wasn't willing to give into either.

"Cade, I think you should..." I tried to say, tried to send him home but I could get out any more before his lips covered mine again. For a moment I thought he was this way because he knew my grandparents were gone taking my mom to the airport to visit my dad's parents. But I still wasn't comfortable with it.

As I tried to pull his hands off of me (of course I didn't succeed) he rolled me over onto my back and pinned me down. His eyes were almost black. "Caden! Let me go!" I shouted at him. Again, his lips captured mine in a harsh, passionate kiss. I kissed him back, thinking that was all he wanted. Then his kisses moved to my throat.

I felt him let go of one of my arms and slid down my chest to feel my heart. The sound of my blood pumping through my heart filled my ears. He pressed his ear against my chest, listening just as I was. He looked intoxication. For a while we lay really still. I was too scared to move.

Then he sat up and kissed my collarbone, then the base of my throat. "I can feel how good you taste...just a bite..." he whispered. Then he sat up straight and looked at the window. I breathed a sigh of relief, but only gave my self a nano-second before falling off the bed, out from his grasp, and running to the door. I turned to see what had distracted him.

There Jason stood. He was taller than I remembered, all his baby fat gone. Whatever I had remark of his appearance as being "cute" before had somehow transformed into the physic of a handsome young man. I never thought of him as strong, but as he stood before me (shirtless in only a pair of jean shorts) my eyes took in his muscular chest and arms.

I could barely believe it was him.

"Get out," Jason said very sharply to Caden. The vampire stood with inhuman speed, growling.

"You think she'd be safer around you, pup?" Cade laughed.

"Maybe not entirely safe, but safer for sure. I'm not going to put myself in any tempting positions. Jen means to much for me to give in to selfish pleasures," Jason responded calmly. Cade snarled again. I had never seen him this way. He stood as if ready to attack. I saw him flinch to move.

As fast as my legs would carry me I ran into Jason's arms, hugging him. I wish my hug had been more of a "welcome home" sort of thing than a "stop it, Cade" but the situation wouldn't admit it. Caden had made a first move but stopped the moment he saw me.

"Get out," Jason told him again. He pulled his arms around me as Caden stalked towards the window. I felt his hand graze my lower back and Jason growled at him. Then he was gone.

"Jason, I've missed you so much," I told him. He held me maybe just a little too tight and rested his head on mine. I felt his chest rise up and down as he sighed deeply.

"I should go, Jen. I'll see you at school," he said, forcing me to let go of him.

"Go? You just got back!"

"We'll talk at school. I don't trust myself yet to be around you alone," he told me with a painful honesty. But somehow, his words were comforting after what had just happened. "I hope things can work out between us again..." his wished allowed and then was gone as well.

I really hope Cade doesn't come back. In fact, I've made up my mind to call Jacob today. I'll talk to Jason today at school, hopefully work something out. If I know anything for sure now it's this:

First, Jason is the one I want. The only times I don't want to be with him is when Caden is around.

Second, Cade is selfish and controlling. He knows how to manipulate me and does it only to often.

Third, this isn't going to end well. There is a war coming and somehow I fear it will involve more than just this irritating love triangle.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly