Max tells Logan that she has never been with Alec. Some angst and lots of shippines ahead. M/L of course, do you need to ask ?

After reading the finale review I couldn't write dark moody chapters on my other fic, so I just followed my muse and committed to paper this short piece of angst and subsequent fluff. Remember, I haven't actually seen the finale so lots of things could be off, missing or just plain wrong. His takes place the evening after the events in Freak Nation.

They don't belong to me - that should be clear by now, but I love them all, so what can I do? I'll return them in the morning, unless Logan Cale, „protector of all that is good and true", advocates larceny and lets me keep the whole shebang or, who knows, even calls the store and has „them" charge everything to him.



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INTO THE HAPPY NOW

I never had the time to think until now. Things went so fast today, all I could do was let myself be carried away by my feelings and instincts. Haven't done that much in my life. Actually, the only time I can think of was when I heard of Logan being in the hospital and I ran back to Seattle despite the danger, afraid of losing him. This is just how today went. I acted on impulse, obeyed my feelings and weird enough, I am happy. Yeah, even given the givens I am happy.

Right, Max, everything is peachy in your world, you are a transgenic most people hate or are afraid of, there is a fucking virus preventing you to even touch the love of your life, doom seems to lie over your head since those runes announce some disastrous world shattering event only you can keep from happening. Oh, and don't forget, there is still that Alec-lie that hasn't been cleared up yet.

Despite the small pang in my heart at that thought I find myself grinning madly. Maybe police sprayed us with some laughing gas or something. You're happy, girl, just enjoy it and don't question it, I imagine my boo saying.

Right now I can't think about what will be. Things are too complicated, too much could go wrong. Planning is not something I can rely on in my life. Everytime I tried to stick to a plan as we learned in Manticore and as Zack always tried to teach me, the plan ended up going down the drains and I had to improvise. That's what I seem to do best. Beside kicking ass that is. Improvise when things get tough, surprise your adversary, get his buttocks blown to kingdom come. But right now I am not thinking of any of my uncountable and unimaginably dreadful adversaries. I *am* thinking about buttocks though.

Shit, am I in heat ? No, my forehead is dry, everything seems to be ok. And I feel like improvising. So I'll stop by that street vendor over there. Pasta. Yummy. My stomach growls approving of my improvisation skills and my genetically engineered, armor plated, grafted heart skips a beat as it realizes where this piece of improvisation is going. Somehow, I don't know how, I ended up with two casseroles of pasta. Two. I grin again and my heart beats faster as I stash the hot food on my Ninja and miraculously find myself heading for Joshua's.

Girl, are you sure you're not in heat ? No, I'm not. Today I decided I wouldn't run anymore. So Sam did rub off on me in the end. Was it just me or did I see pride on his face as I said I wouldn't run ? That felt good, even if I just imagined it. Well, I was proud of him today, too. The way he stuck with me, even given the situation with Alec. The way he barged in, regardless of the danger.

I don't think I've ever had anyone being proud about me before. Well, Lydecker, maybe, but he was always proud of my military skills only. Where might that old gruff be right now ? Will have to add him to my search list next to Sandeman. I missed old Don, especially when having to face that White dope.

I'm so deliriously hyper I can't help wondering if somehow I got drugs flowing through my system. Just what I would need right now. But no, might be hormones, might be an impending heat cycle, who knows. I don't care. I should be hurrying though, the pasta might get cold. So what, a small voice whispers in my head. It's not like we couldn't heat it again just using those smoldering looks he gave me earlier today as he was trying to decipher the runes. And I returned them, too. If he only felt half of what I felt in those moments... And I'm sure he did. The guy loves me no matter what. He can keep his distance, can try to hide it and say he wants me to be happy with my transgenic lover but he can't stop. What can a girl do under those circumstances? I'm done wanting him to hide it anyway. It hurts him too much and it also hurts me, having to watch it. I love him, too. No matter what.

And since I decided to stop running and face everything I have to face, I'll start with him. My alpha and omega. I'll tell him what I should have told him a long time ago. I'll confess just like I did a year ago about Rafer. He might not want to forgive me again, after all I put him through. He might not want to see me ever again. He might be angry or get drunk or start smashing things. But I won't think about those possibilities. The one possibility I keep thinking of we can't really have, at least not as long as this virus bitch is still between us.

I'll just take it a day at a time. *We* will just take it a day at a time. And somehow, no matter what his reaction will be, I can't shake off the hope that has been with me ever since he squeezed my hand through the glove. A tight squeeze, a warm squeeze. The glove could have been absent. It was like a jolt of electricity that went through me from head to toe, warming me up, awaking forgotten thoughts and repressed memories. He squeezed it and I squeezed back, maybe a little too hard, but his grip wasn't that weak either. We were holding onto the other like there was no tomorrow. That's when this weird feeling of happiness started.

Maybe there won't be a tomorrow. Maybe all we have is this gloomy today, where we're exhausted and reeling from the latest events. That's why I'm going to tell him everything, consequences be damned. I don't want to feel like I did when I was dying in the woods at Manticore, trying to confess my love to him with my last breath. And I don't want him to remember me as the bitch who used him and then double-crossed him when things got tough. That might be selfish, I know. But if everything came to a sudden end I want him to be certain it wasn't his fault, I want him to know he was loved beyond imagination.

I raced up to Joshua's street but now I'm slowing down. I don't want him to hear me yet. Hell, if I keep wanting to surprise him like this, one day he'll surprise me and he'll have a gorgeous blonde with him as I barge in. But no, after today I hope that won't be the case. After all, I'm a dangerous chick, never know what could happen if I got jealous...

The pasta does seem a bit lukewarm, but anyway, he'll recognize it as what it is, just an excuse. I wonder for a second if I should knock or just pick my way in. I decide to try the door first. Yes, it's open. Damn, if I'm not here to look out for him he's just so careless about himself, as if he didn't care if he lived or died. Just like today, when he threw himself into the fight so bravely. Got to let him know he's not dispensable, not to me. I stealthily make my way in. He's in the kitchen, clattering with pots and pans, the noise of it louder than my steps.

„Sir, did you subscribe to meals on wheels?"

He whirls around and for a moment the surprise shows on his face. I want to believe I see the beginning of a smile, too. But he gets it under control and replies wearily, with a weird, dry humor.

„No, I used to deliver them myself for a while. But you know, a man my age could easily get a heart attack."

He looks at me intently, probably wondering what I'm doing here two hours after he had taken leave from the partying gang.

„Thought you wanted to have fun with the gang?"

And then, suddenly worried: „Max, what happened ?"

I feel myself melting as I see his concerned frown. Shit, am I really not in heat? I certainly behave that way.

„Thought I'd look out for my meal ticket for a change".

This time I've managed to shock him. Damn, of all the things I could have said... Now he looks pissed. He turns away and starts clattering with the pot again.

„Haven't been your meal ticket in a long while. And anyway, just because I'm

living at Joshua's doesn't mean you have to come over and bring food. I can take care of myself."

Should have known he'd react that way. He turns to me again, but looks past my shoulder, nervously.

„Can I help you with something?"

OK, I'll play it your way. A change of tactics is in order.

„Sorry. I didn't know I had that „Logan, I need a favor" look on my face again."

A grimace is the only answer I get. He doesn't catch the sarcasm? Damn, what happened to him? He did have a drink at Crash but had left almost right away. I take another look at the kitchen and realize that there is a half empty bottle on the counter. Shit ! Not again !

He looks almost relieved that I actually want something from him and I haven't come over just to see him. Well, he's only half right and half a bottle is not that much. I decide to try again, wondering if he remembered that yesterday would have been our two year anniversary.

„Somebody once told me that you have to seize every opportunity you get to celebrate." I wait to see if he catches on. But he doesn't make it that easy.

„Didn't you just celebrate at Crash ?"

„That's not what I meant. I brought some pasta and a bottle of wine, thought maybe we could have dinner."

By the way he lets the pot fall on the stove, turning his back to me again, I know he had remembered.

„You always seem to be late when it comes to celebrations." He turns to me again but is looking somewhere past my shoulder.

„Anyway, Max, I'm not in the mood today. I'm sure Alec would be delighted to take you out to dinner. And you know, you don't need to bribe me, just tell me what you need and I'll try to help if I can."

Now he looks at me, bitter, but also scrutinizing my every feature, almost with curiosity. His words hurt me, but I realize his pain runs much deeper and keep myself in check, remembering why I came over.

Just then he adds:

„It's not like I have the money or the equipment to do much, anyway."

Now that he compares me to Valerie I could almost choke him. I let the casseroles fall on the counter with a loud bang and head towards the door. How dare he!

Tears are welling up in my eyes and remembering those are just another virus carrier, I feel the pang of guilt and turn back to him. How did I manage to get him this angry? When had things deteriorated to the point that we would deliberately hurt each other so much with just words? As if there weren't other things to hurt us, drive us apart. Right, how and when? You know everything about the how and the when, girl. Last try.

„I thought today had been a special day. But well, seems like I was wrong. However, I need your help, Logan." I manage to look him directly in the eyes. „There is something you can do for me, Logan, please."

Does he look a little guilty, or am I just imagining it ?

„I'm sorry, Max. Please forgive me, it was a hard day for both of us and I wasn't expecting you. What can I do?"

I come back towards him and smile tentatively.

„I need you to sit down and listen to me in earnest for a few minutes, Logan, without getting angry and without interrupting. Can you do that for me, please ? It's something I should have told you a long time ago."

I don't know if it is my choice of words or if he really is sorry for what he said earlier, but he sits down on the couch and pats the empty space next to him.

„Come sit with me. I promise to listen to everything you have to say without interrupting."

Now I'm getting nervous. This is not how I planned it. But I should have known plans never work out, I'd just need to improvise and after all, I am good at that. I still have my jacket and my gloves on, and I throw the first onto the next chair as I go to sit with him. I catch him look at my gloved hands and I smile at his worried blue eyes.

„You don't need to be worried, Logan, everything is just fine, I just have a confession to make."

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I'll try to put the second and last part up later today or tomorrow. Please review, I'll work faster that way...