1-Desperation

The small fire in front of me crackled as I tried desperately to warm my cold feet.

Note to self; Next time the world ends, remember to pack real shoes and warm socks, I thought to myself.

The thin white socks that I wore beneath my white work shoes did little to protect my feet from the cool October air. I could only imagine how much worse it would be when the dead of winter rolled around. I looked down at the can of baked beans that was supposed to be my dinner and decided that I wasn't all that hungry-my appetite had yet to return in full.

Rick could use the extra boost anyway.

I stood from my seat in from of the fire and made my way back inside the decrepit cabin that Rick and I called home. We found it empty two months ago and set up camp. It was dirty, cold, and reeked of mildew and our combined body odor but it was the only place that we could take time to regenerate, semi-protected from the Hell that surrounded us outside.

I grabbed our makeshift broom, fashioned from a tree limb, a piece of bailing twine, and a few small hickory sticks and did my best to clear some of the dust from the old wooden floor below me. My mind went to Rick, the man who had kept me alive for the past six months. We first met when he was admitted to the Atlanta Medical Center with a gunshot wound to the chest – I was his head nurse. We had been together since the start of this thing and I considered myself to be forever indebted to him. On more than one occasion, he had jerked me back from the edge of a cliff with death waiting at the bottom.

"You saved my life in that hospital", he would always say "We do what we have to do to keep each other alive."

The more I thought of him, the more I began to worry. He was out, gone to the nearest town to scavenge for food and any other supplies we might need. Rick had just recently become somewhat comfortable with leaving me here alone. I told him not to worry and that I'd be here when he got back but I could still sense the anxiety welling up inside of him when he was getting ready to leave.

"I'll be fine, Rick" I told him "I'm a big girl"

"I know", he said solemnly as he fastened his gun holster around his waist "But, Kenna, you have to realize…it's not just the walkers we have to be worried about it."

"I know, I know…'there may be other people around who want what we have' I got it" I quoted his exact words back to him.

"Exactly, and that's why…"

"Rick" I interrupted, "I'll be fine"

I pulled the handgun he had given me out from underneath the pillow on the queen sized bed we shared.

"I know how to protect myself" I said, smiling at him "I learned from the best"

"Makenna, listen you HAVE learned a lot and you've become a hell of a shot but I would just feel better if you went with me" Rick said, placing both hands on his hips and looking down at his feet.

I sighed loudly and placed my gun back under the pillow before walking across the room to face him. I snaked my arms up around his neck and met his eyes with my own.

"I promise I'll be careful" I told him quietly "There are things here that need to be taken care of and how can you get the job done when you're constantly having to watch out for me?"

Rick gave in and wrapped his strong arms around my waist.

"I just want to keep you safe" he said to me "Always"

"I know, and trust me, you've done a damn good job so far" I said "But I'll just slow you down."

"You don't give yourself enough credit" he said.

Rick leaned in slowly and met my lips with his. There was a passionate desperation behind every kiss he and I shared; desperation to find love that had been lost, desperation to find an escape from the madness that surrounded us, and desperation to feel something other than anger, sadness, and fear.

I pulled away and stared into his sad eyes.

"I'll be ok" I told him "Just be careful"

He leaned in and kissed me once more. When he pulled back he looked at me and sighed.

"I love…"

"Don't" I stopped him.

"I do" he said before kissing me on the forehead and walking out the door.

The sound of the hickory sticks against the wooden floor brought my mind back to the present. It had been what felt like days since Rick and I had last been together and my anxiety was increasing with each minute that passed. I walked out onto the front porch and looked up at the night sky to see that the full moon was directly overhead – the sun was still up when Rick had left. He had been gone for at least five hours.

Calm down Kenna, I told myself, He's fine.

I was desperate for a distraction so I ran back inside, grabbed my coat and my handgun, and made my way out to the shed behind the cabin. I picked up two five-gallon buckets and headed for the woods. All four sides of the one-acre plot of land were surrounded by dense forest with only a partially concealed foot path leading to the main road a mile away. Rick had found a decent sized creek one day while we were on a hunting trip and cleared a second path running from the water source to the cabin, making it much easier for water runs. I stepped out of the clearing and into the tree line, the metal handles on the buckets cold against my fingers.

Pretty soon, I was far enough away from the cabin that I could no longer smell the burning fire and the canopy of trees overhead made it impossible to see anything above me. The forest floor beneath my feet was soft and spongy due to last night's rainfall and the smell of wet earth was a pleasant but temporary substitute for the smell of the dank cabin. I genuinely smiled to myself for the first time in a long time. While the world that I had always known was gone forever, there were still a few natural aspects of the earth that remained: the smell of wet soil, the sound of crickets chirping in the trees, the stars that shone brightly in the night sky – things that not even the end of my world as I knew it could change.

I could hear the sound of the creek growing louder and louder. When I reached the water's edge, I dropped to my knees and dunked one of the buckets into the creek, replacing it with the second one when it was full. After both containers were teeming with fresh water, I leaned over and splashed my face with the creek water. I had just leaned over the creek, trying to rinse the grim from my hair when I heard a rustling in the leaves.

It all happened too fast for me to have time to digest anything. The walker stumbled out from behind the brush and lunged towards me. I jerked my buck knife out of my coat pocket and thrust into the monster's skull twice. I pushed its chest with one hand and pulled the knife from its head with the other before watching the body collapse to the ground in a lifeless heap. I took a second to catch my breath before I heard the second one coming through the trees. I took him out with a swift thrust to his temple before running back towards the cabin. There were no telling how many more walkers were waiting in the trees, but I wasn't sticking around to find out and the buckets of water would only slow me down - Rick and I could come back in the morning for them.

Sprinting back towards the cabin, I had no idea what would be waiting for me when I got back.