For a women who carefully planned almost everything in her life Kim Burgess was surprised getting pregnant was not one of them. It wasn't like she never wanted to have a baby, she'd always dreamed of it and having a child with one Adam Ruzek was a definite plus. But she didn't expect it, getting pregnant just months after being admitted into Intelligence seemed like a giant middle finger from the world.
They had been careful, up until that night when tensions over a bust had run high and they'd barely walked away from a shoot out. With adrenaline still racing all Kim could think of was how much she wanted to get him and have sex with her boyfriend. No sooner that he'd closed the door to the apartment then she threw herself into his arms, and Adam Ruzek wasn't one to decline.
Adam, after getting over the shock of being a father was the model of support. The biggest fear of she held was what to tell Voight. She didn't know what had convinced him to allow her into his select group and surely a baby would send her straight to a desk. She loved her job, it was her dream was she really ready to give it up?
Of course she was, the moment she saw that little plus on the stick she felt that draw to the little collection of cells in her. When the pair eventually told their commander about the impending child the older man sent her to the desk job without much fuss.
"Good luck, you're gonna be a great mother." He told her, Kim was struck by his kindness, surprised that this unbreakable leader could show that level of compassion.
The other members of the team greeted her with support, Olinsky's promise that Adam would be looked after, that their child would know its father. Erin being their to support her through the aches of the pregnancy. It wasn't that Adam didn't listen to her, it was just he wasn't one to hear the details of her problems. Despite being a detective he wasn't one for the details of his girlfriends biology.
He was there for her though, at every appointment with the doctor, showing literally everyone who would give him a moment the grainy sonogram pictures that barely resembled a baby, one night when she came home he had borrowed an enormous stack of pregnancy books from the library to educate himself on being the proper parent.
"So you're guess boy or girl?" He asked her, they were walking around Grant Park, the fall air crisp and the trees turning bright colors.
"I really don't know, I'm awful at guessing." She answered, glancing down to her now swollen stomach she gently laid her hand on the bulge. "It's cliche but I just want to to be healthy, now missing or with extra chromosomes, or arms or genitles…" She rambled remembering the various things that could go wrong from the books.
"Hey hey, don't worry the chances like that one in a billion, or like the Cubs winning the World Series." He joked, giving her a playful nudge. Kim clutched her chest and gasped.
"Hitting a Cubby Girl where it hurts!" She exclaimed but smiled. Adam took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Two months." He told her, beaming smile that still made her heart flutter.
"Two months." She replied.
The next two months spent at their 3 flat apartment in Bucktown were a rollercoaster. Filled with appointments, buying the necessary goods for the baby, visits from family and trying to prepare the nursery. She would sit on a chair as Adam and Atwater built the crib, every once and a while she would hear them shout at each other as they proved they weren't one for tools.
"Have you thought of any names? " Kim looked up from her newspaper when Erin set a mug of tea down for her along with her coffee. Kim stared at the brew longingly, wishing that she could have her daily cups of coffee back.
"Not really, I mean we don't even know the gender." She answered, she rested her hands on the bulge and smiled.
"Have you thought about you know marriage?" Erin asked her quietly, Kim's heart dropped. They'd talked about it, maybe it was better to just sign the forms at the city hall. But Kim didn't want to be some women with a protruding belly signing forms to a dissaproving clerk.
"I just want you to know I'm not going anywhere, I'm here for you, both of you forever." He told her one night, his voice was so sincere and honest to her it was better then any proposal from a Nicholas Sparks book.
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Karolina Ruzek was born on a blustery day in late November. She'd been on leave from early that week and was lucky that it was a thankfully slow day of crime in Chicago so Adam could be with her.
Karolina was named for her father's grandmother, Kim had never met the women but Adam would always tell her about his beloved Czech grandmother. She had a fuzz of light hair and blue eyes. Not much time had passed until her hospital room was filled with detectives, still carrying their guns and badges.
Kim nearly laughed when Voight carried in a large teddy bear, but it could've been the morphine that found it so funny. Adam was sure to make it so she wasn't over exhausted, nervous that she had been under too much strain from the delivery. Gifts were left and late that evening she lay in the hospital bed dozing when she heard a mumbling. In the dim lights of the room she saw Adam holding Karolina.
"Now I promise you no matter what happens I'm gonna be there, no gangs or drug lords can get between me and you." He whispered, with a gentle touch he stroked cheek." I know you can't understand any of this, but it's my job to keep you safe."
Kim couldn't help it, she let out a sniffle and Adam turned to her, a little embarrassed that she'd been listening in on his speech. He set the slumbering child in the crib that was brought in. Padding over to her he sank into the chair beside her bed. Taking her hand he rested his head by hers she leaned over and kissed his brow.
"I love you, no matter what, even though pretty soon I'm probably gonna yell at you." She told him sleepily.
"I know, and I probably deserved whatever causes you to yell at me."
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There's bad days along with the good. When Karolina has colic and won't stop screaming, it seems that all her training on keeping a cool head in danger goes out the window and she jus want's to curl up on the floor and cry along with her daughter. There's the nights where Adam is working and she's been alone with only a six month old for company. When Adam says something careless and she blows up on him because she feels like she's the only one doing the child raising.
"Don't you think I know that? That I'm not gonna be that dad who's there for everything that I don't have a 9 to 5 job? That I could leave one day and not come…." He yelled back and stopped, his voice breaking off at the fear that had been present ever since his daughter was born. That in an instant he could leave his girlfriend without a partner and his daughter without a father.
Kim shook her head, the tears of agitation turning into ones of pain at the idea of it. She gripped the edge of the kitchen counter, her knuckles turning white. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out the fear. A gently hand was laid on her shoulder, followed by arms circling around her waist and a head resting on top of hers.
A wordless apology.
The good days easily outweighed the bad afternoons spent at the beach, holding each of Karolina's hands and listening to her squeals of delight as the cold water rushed over her feet. Nights when the managed to get her to sleep and still have that brief twilight when they wasn't too exhausted and got a few hours alone together.
They would go north to the Botanical Gardens, pushing a stroller through the Rose Garden, past the reservoir, the Japanese house and sitting by the pond with the bell tower in the distance. Sitting in the grass with a slumbering baby in his lap Adam tried to pull the box out of his pocket. Deciding that it was time to really prove he wasn't going anywhere.
