"So, do I even want to ask where we're going this time?"

"Tegan…" The Doctor let a heavy sigh escape through his teeth and slowly looked up at her from where he leant over the TARDIS console.

"I just want to be sure that, just for once, there's going to be no chance of us getting ourselves killed, maimed, attacked, sacrificed, expected to help out with local wars, or in any way endangered the moment we step out of the door. And another thing-"

"-Alright, Tegan. Tell you what, I'll put exactly those criteria into the TARDIS, see what she comes up with, and then you can pick our destination from that. Agree?"

"Fine. But add to the list that I don't want to be worshipped as a god, kept as a pet or imprisoned for shouting too much either."

"That won't happen again, I promise. And in my defence, I did warn you that unauthorised bossiness is an imprisonable offence on Vlaros III…" While Tegan tried to come up with a suitable retort, he punched a couple of buttons on the console with a flourish, straightened up, glanced down at the results of his search and immediately began to fumble in his pockets for his glasses. Finding them, he peered down at the console again, then sheepishly up at Tegan. She stalked round to his side of the console, looked down at it, then, with a face like thunder;

"Earth? You're telling me that the only place in the entirety of space and time as known to the ancient race of Time Lords themselves where you can safely go is Earth? After all the trouble that's followed you there?"

"Be fair, Tegan; it was never really my fault. And, well, I must admit that I entered a couple of criteria of my own as well as yours…" The penny dropped. Tegan sighed, her anger turning to exasperated resignation.

"You wanted somewhere to play cricket."

"Yes, well, it's a very long time since I've played."

"Fine, whatever. Earth it is then."

"Oh, not again!" Turlough had just entered the console room in time to catch this last exchange, and Tegan shot him a look contemptuous enough to give a charging rhinoceros self-esteem issues. Turlough, however, remained unperturbed. "Why earth this time?"

"The Doctor thinks it's a safe place to play cricket." Tegan's voice dripped with scorn.

"How is earth, of all places, safe for you?" demanded the young Trion.

"Ah, but this is a specific time and place on earth where we'll all be as safe as houses." The Doctor ignored Turlough's quip, instead flashing his two companions a dazzling smile and swiping the air with an imaginary cricket bat. "1930s Yorkshire. Did you know that there's no place in the universe more self-contained than Yorkshire? Beautiful countryside, wonderful people, no alien activity for years to come; you'll both love it."


"TRISTAAAAN!" Siegfried's bellow erupted through Skeldale house, causing the dogs to start up an almighty racket, Mrs Hall to shake her head in annoyance as she almost dropped her laundry basket and the youngest member of the practice to saunter lazily down the stairs, adjusting his cuffs and looking at his brother with a hurt expression.

"There's no need to shout, you know, Siegfried. I was only upstairs"

"That's no excuse; for all I know you were probably asleep or something of the sort."

"I was studying, actually, now you come to mention it" The look of offended dignity on Tristan's face was so impeccable that Siegfried almost believed him. "Anyway, was there something you wanted?"

"Yes, there was. I am reminding you now, so you don't conveniently forget this afternoon, that you are expected to be- and will be- playing for Darrowby in this afternoon's cricket match. No excuses, no emergencies, no prior engagements. If there are any call-outs, James or I will take them, you will not. Understand?"

"Dash it all, Siegfried, you know how much their bowler hates me. He nearly killed me two years ago, and that was before he caught me flirting with his fiancée. I won't stand a chance against him this year. Let me take calls."

"Certainly not. Heaven knows some good, healthy exercise is just what you need. All three of us will be on the cricket pitch this afternoon, and Mrs Hall will be taking calls. She can cycle down to the pitch if we're needed, but I highly doubt we will be. And don't be such a coward. There is a tide in the affairs of men, Tristan-"

"Alright, alright. I'll be there. But I want the evening off tomorrow."

"Take the evening off; take this morning off if you like. But don't forget; you must be on that pitch this afternoon, or there will be trouble."

"Have I ever failed you, dear brother?" Tristan flashed Siegfried a dazzling smile and swung an imaginary cricket bat against the air, then sauntered out of the front door into the warm, August sunshine.