Disclaimer: Is this mandatory? I mean come on people... who the hell writes about what they own on a website?
Ok people, this is angst. So, if you don't like angst for Excel Saga, I suggest you leave. Since Excel is not who I consider a... 'normal' person, this is my view on what her life would be like if she was more 'normal'. If your views are different, I respect that. No two people are the same. So if you read and don't like, then try to keep your overly angry feelings to yourself. Thank you.
Only You
Everything I do is for you. I love you, and it's that simple. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I would do anything for you. Anything. I would die for you. Probably not a bad idea though. It probably wouldn't matter too much to you. You only care about me in a certian way, in the way that I work for you. And I do the best I can for you. I want you to love me. I want you to hold me, kiss me, love me...
I try to hold back my pain when you insult me or hurt me. I don't think you realize you're hurting me. For you it's probably: Falls down, gets up, Ok, falls down, gets up, Ok... Over and over. And it hurts. I want to love you and I want you to love me back. Why can't anything ever go my way? I try my best to hide my pain, and I think I do a pretty good job. There's one thing I'm good at. People may look at me and say: 'What a happy girl,' or 'She's so funny.' And that's the way I want it to be. I don't want people to know my pain.
No one cares about me. Except for maybe the Menchi. He's such a great dog. I know he loves me so much. But I don't consider animals to be my true friend. Right now, my shiny, shiny knife is my best friend. I try to hold back, but it calls to me. I bleed for you. Sometimes I want you to see me bleeding, and then hold me in your arms and tell me everything's alright. But I always wipe thoughts like that away. Pointless dreaming. And when I sleep, I dream only about you. Sometimes I wake up screaming, or I wake up half happy. That doesn't last very long, though.
But I wasn't always like this. I used to be a happy, energetic girl, with lots of friends. But when I became obsessed with you, nothing else became important. Only seeing you and working for ACROSS was my life. My grades dropped (from C's to F's), and my friends eventually gave up on me. But I didn't realize. All I saw was you. For you are my world... You are my universe, my life, my pain, my happiness, my everything. Everything I do is for you. It's all for you, and only you.
owari
Angst is good for the soul. But that was too angsty for Excel Saga. Oh well. It's a good release. Tell me what you think.
