Disclaimer: all that I did not create myself in this fanfic belongs to the
authour or creator of it, and not me.
The Marauding Magic Chapter 1: Wart Lancaster, wizard extraordinaire and student of advanced headology at the Unseen University, was slightly uneasy. Only slightly, as 500 000 pieces of gold make anyone much more amenable to ideas like burning down houses, opening the gates to marauding hordes, or endangering the universe by attempting to wipe people out of time. Once again, he told himself to remember the money. No nightblade of the Guild of Assassins had ever earned so much, as they were usually on a kind of permanent loan to the University. He grinned; thinking of the money had worked, as always. He turned to the perfectly to scale model of the Disc and wondered at how gods must feel. He smiled, thinking of how easy this method of assassination was. He reached down, and squashed central Ankh-Morpork with a finger. Rupus Drumknott was not going to see another day, and, as he realised when a rather disturbing crunching noise started, he had misjudged the scale.
What a pity, he would never see what he caused, just would scream for a while "AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG-
Lord Rust had no time for the impossible. However, today he made an exception. It appeared that that incompetent fool Vetinari had no more tricks up his sleeve. And even if he had had some, the oversized finger that had squashed most of the 'government' of Ankh-Morpork probably did not like excuses.
He glanced round at the room of people, the surviving 'civic leaders' of the city. Lord Downey was looking rather uncomfortable, so Rust hurriedly started the meeting
"Gentlemen, as you no doubt have noticed, our city is missing some important things. Now, this city has been in need of some real leadership for some time, with all these dwarves, trolls and other ... unsavoury creatures that have imposed themselves onto our city. I propose we put in a leader who knows what the people really want. Myself, for example."
"that would be extremely inadvisable" The last time you attempted leading the city we damn near lost a war" grated Mr. Slant, one of the few lawyers ever to be awake through their post-mortem, "obviously the city would benefit from somebody who has its best interests at heart. Somebody who understands the precedents and antecedents of civilised ankh morpork life...such as mys-"
"You're bloody joking! The closest thing to a sane ruler this city has ever had and you're arguing about who gets it!? You're insane, I might even suspect you of plotting his downfall, and just to stop either of you from getting away with it, I propose that I, a man evidently having no connection with the plot to kill Havelock, should be the new patrician!" screamed Mr. Boggis of the Thieves Guild, who seemed to be in a near apoplectic state. Everyone else in the room had gravitated to one of three corners, behind Rust, Slant or Boggis, and a large amount of gold changed hands. (The fourth corner was not noticed. Apparently, everyone in the room supported one of these pursuers of power, and the fourth corner had been reserved for those who believed in democracy. Fools). It was a brilliant stand off, with each group swinging dramatically and majestically to leave, realising that there was only one door, and fighting to get through it. The budding rulers eventually managed to accomplish this mind-boggling feat of warfare and strategical planning, leaving behind only two eyes and several teeth, which Mr. Slant quickly retrieved.
The Marauding Magic Chapter 1: Wart Lancaster, wizard extraordinaire and student of advanced headology at the Unseen University, was slightly uneasy. Only slightly, as 500 000 pieces of gold make anyone much more amenable to ideas like burning down houses, opening the gates to marauding hordes, or endangering the universe by attempting to wipe people out of time. Once again, he told himself to remember the money. No nightblade of the Guild of Assassins had ever earned so much, as they were usually on a kind of permanent loan to the University. He grinned; thinking of the money had worked, as always. He turned to the perfectly to scale model of the Disc and wondered at how gods must feel. He smiled, thinking of how easy this method of assassination was. He reached down, and squashed central Ankh-Morpork with a finger. Rupus Drumknott was not going to see another day, and, as he realised when a rather disturbing crunching noise started, he had misjudged the scale.
What a pity, he would never see what he caused, just would scream for a while "AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG-
Lord Rust had no time for the impossible. However, today he made an exception. It appeared that that incompetent fool Vetinari had no more tricks up his sleeve. And even if he had had some, the oversized finger that had squashed most of the 'government' of Ankh-Morpork probably did not like excuses.
He glanced round at the room of people, the surviving 'civic leaders' of the city. Lord Downey was looking rather uncomfortable, so Rust hurriedly started the meeting
"Gentlemen, as you no doubt have noticed, our city is missing some important things. Now, this city has been in need of some real leadership for some time, with all these dwarves, trolls and other ... unsavoury creatures that have imposed themselves onto our city. I propose we put in a leader who knows what the people really want. Myself, for example."
"that would be extremely inadvisable" The last time you attempted leading the city we damn near lost a war" grated Mr. Slant, one of the few lawyers ever to be awake through their post-mortem, "obviously the city would benefit from somebody who has its best interests at heart. Somebody who understands the precedents and antecedents of civilised ankh morpork life...such as mys-"
"You're bloody joking! The closest thing to a sane ruler this city has ever had and you're arguing about who gets it!? You're insane, I might even suspect you of plotting his downfall, and just to stop either of you from getting away with it, I propose that I, a man evidently having no connection with the plot to kill Havelock, should be the new patrician!" screamed Mr. Boggis of the Thieves Guild, who seemed to be in a near apoplectic state. Everyone else in the room had gravitated to one of three corners, behind Rust, Slant or Boggis, and a large amount of gold changed hands. (The fourth corner was not noticed. Apparently, everyone in the room supported one of these pursuers of power, and the fourth corner had been reserved for those who believed in democracy. Fools). It was a brilliant stand off, with each group swinging dramatically and majestically to leave, realising that there was only one door, and fighting to get through it. The budding rulers eventually managed to accomplish this mind-boggling feat of warfare and strategical planning, leaving behind only two eyes and several teeth, which Mr. Slant quickly retrieved.
