Author's note:
I, like so many others, have had the pleasure of reading My Immortal, a fanfiction authored by Tara Gilesbie under the pen name: XXXbloodyrists666XXX. I read the entirety of the 'story' in all of its 44-chapter gothic glory and found about 70 percent of it to be unintelligible due to her abominable grammar and stilted dialogue. I was under the impression that she had a story-line going in her head as she typed, but left out important bits of information as the words came onto the page. It's like when you've got a train of thought going in your mind and you say the last bit out loud, leaving the people around you quite confused. The characters from J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series were unrecognizable. They died and were resurrected with no explanation, and quite often, did terrible terrible things that made absolutely no sense; I can only speculate on her reasoning. The main character, Ebony, is essentially Tara herself written into the piece in textbook Mary Sue fashion. She has many fantastic and unrealistic talents; She can sing, play guitar, have sex without taking her pants off, have sex in the middle of class, seduce anyone, wield a gun, hear her friends during a mosh pit, and extraordinarily, is the only person who can defeat Lord Voldemort! To top it all off, she is stunningly beautiful, so much so that it causes her mental anguish. What a compelling character! It's too bad she was in the hands of such a poor author. I hope, through the course of this story, I can do her justice.
As you have probably noticed, I'm operating under the assumption that Tara is a real person who simply wrote an awful piece of fiction. I believe that this 'story' was the byproduct of a pre-teen or early-teen gothic phase combined with poorly developed writing skills. On that note, my grammar probably leaves much to be desired as well, and I would appreciate the constructive criticism.
Several friends and I spent a weekend getaway passing around this glorious piece of artwork and laughing our heads off! I so enjoyed the challenge of trying to figure out what the hell was going on, I decided to do a rewrite! I will endeavor to follow the 'plot' to the best of my ability; therefore, I will take some artistic liberty in interpreting some of the more incoherent 'scenes'. I will attempt to give explanations to some of the more glaring in-discrepancies, such as: Why is Malfoy alive? Why were Snape and Lupin not prosecuted? Why does Ebony have sex in class? I will do the author's notes at the beginning, but I will likely leave out the ones inserted in the middle out of the story for the sake of having a smooth read. This is basically a coherent retelling of her story. I will leave all of the characters as they are. Or should I say, leave them out of character?
Chapter 1
Author's note: I would like to give special fangs (get it? It's a vampire joke!)to my platonic girlfriend, Raven, whose pen name is bloodytearz666, for helping me with the story and spelling. You rock! Justin, you are the love of my depressing life; you rock as well! MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ROCKS!
My name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. I have long ebony black hair, after which I was named. Due to too many dyings and bleachings, my hair has acquired a cacophony of different colors, including purple streaks and red tips, which reach down to my mid-back. I have icy blue eyes which resemble limpid tears. Many people tell me that I look like Amy Lee. She should give you an idea of exactly what I look like. Although my surname would suggest it, I am not related to Gerard Way. I wish I was though, because he's a major hottie. Having hotties in my family really turns me on. Even though my teeth are straight and white, I'm actually a vampire! Crazy, huh? In order to drink blood from people or animals, I have to gnaw over their jugulars for a good five minutes before the blood flows. It's quite a handicap! My skin not just white, but pale white. Remember what I said about Amy Lee?
Less important than my physical appearance is the fact that I'm a witch. I attend a magical school in England called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where I am a seventh-year student, although I haven't performed much magic. But all that's not important. I'm gothic. I wear mostly black clothes that I buy from the Hot Topic on the Hogwarts campus. For example, today, I am wearing a black corset trimmed with black lace. I chanced across a rare mini-skirt made entirely of black leather which I wear with pink fishnets and black combat boots. To allow my tormented internal self to show upon my face, I am wearing black lipstick, white foundation because my white face isn't white enough, and red eye-shadow above black eyeliner. This allows my living self to personify death. The red eyeliner, clashing with my pink hosiery symbolizes the struggle between the preppy and gothic communities. Every outfit I own is clearly thought out and an expression of my values contrasting the preppy way. In the future, I will meticulously detail every outfit and change of clothes I don because each has a purpose and should be given its due attention.
Satisfied with my appearance, although I have no reflection, I walked out and through the castle to the Hogwarts grounds. It was sleeting gently as I walked. The sun was hidden among clouds, allowing the rain its day as it so often does in Britain. I found they grey of the atmosphere pleasing to my vampiric condition.
I passed a crowd of preps, my social antitheses. They stared at me. I put up my middle finger in an obscene gesture. To them it only meant one thing: "We share different ideologies, stay away."
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked behind me. It was… Draco Malfoy!
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.
But then, before the conversation could degenerate any further, I heard my friends call me. I smiled apologetically and turned to leave, returning my friends' call.
Author's note: Is it good? Please tell me! Fangs (haha)!
There you have it. Hopefully things are a little bit clearer No? I didn't think so. Shall I continue? Or am I destroying a piece of history? Fangs guys!
