I
saw you with her, dear.
You tried to hide away, she left
through the back door.
You always had your s e c r e t ways.
I
acted so serene, I was so drowsy then.
My fault, I'm
so careless.
I gave you one too many pills.
-Cardigan Weather, Meg and Dia
Her neck ached terribly, her limbs were burning, her eyes were tearing, and she could faintly make out the lingering taste of blood in her mouth. Around her smelt like tobacco and sweat, causing her nausea. It was uncomfortably cold, which she found unusual because she liked ice. And there was this strange feeling, one that felt toxic and serene at the same time. She couldn't place her finger on it.
Slowly she blinked her eyes open and drank in the scene that unfolded around her. The room was dark, white curtains stained with ash and blood blew gently in the quiet breeze that blew through open windows. It was slightly illuminated due to the moonlight pouring through. She made a move to sit up (though her muscles screamed in protest) in order to get a better look at everything. There were bloody sheets rumpled at the bottom of the bed and beer bottles lay open on the floor.
'Where the fuck am I?'
She was naked, she knew that much. She also knew that she must have had sex. She didn't sleep unclothed. And she found that unnerving as well because normally if she had woken up in a strange place with no garments on and blood splattered all around her she would have been terrified beyond her wits. But she wasn't. So that meant only one thing.
'Axel.'
Glancing over to her left she found the fiery red head sitting propped up against the headboard smoking. So that had been the ashy smell. Twisting her lips in a disgusted manner she grunted and nudged his shin with her toes. That's when she spotted the long cuts that were carved down her pale legs.
That explained the blood.
"Ello, Mason Verger," He sneered, taking a long drag of the cancer stick, "About time you came around."
She frowned at the name, narrowing blue eyes suspiciously. "What time is it?"
"Eh, about two-thirty."
She sighed and raised her arms over her head to stretch, but that caused her to let out a shriek of pain. "Holy shit!" She howled, immediately dropping her arms and cradling herself. That had hurt.
Axel snickered beside her and rolled his dangerous green eyes. "Be careful, Mason, don't hurt yourself." His tone had a taunting edge, saying more than the actual words. Images and sounds hit her instantly.
"Nn, that's it Kairi…hurt yourself. Carve deeper, longer…o-ohh my."
"Cr-crap mmmn Axel…"
"Just…ahhh…destroy yourself."
She winced, hesitantly reaching up to touch her face. She was relieved to feel her cheeks unmarred, as well as her lips and forehead. But under her eyes…she swallowed, daintily allowing a finger to glide down a pointed, tear-like cut. Just like Axel's,
"Those are my favorite." He crooned, drawing her close to him. She squirmed at bit at the unnatural burning heat that accompanied his body. She didn't like the after part of their little rendezvous, she didn't like his affection.
'What he going to think of you now? All cut up and mangled. For what? Axel? It'll make him sick to know you allow yourself to be controlled to the likes of a twisted pyromaniac.'
She was quite surprised that the voice from her old self still remained in her, since really she had rid herself of all innocence. But she had to admit, Old Kairi had a point. She didn't even like Axel. He was arrogant, wicked, destructive, highly irritating and most of all he was warm. She liked Riku so much better, he was icier, and a lot more comfortable to be around. Axel was always studying you, conjuring up ways for you to ruin yourself. Riku just didn't care. It was a nice trait to him, she decided, she was more caring anyway.
Riku didn't really notice her, though. Not as anything more than his friend. Of course, it wasn't like she wasn't obvious about it. Because she was. She was painfully obvious. But she supposed she had picked up on his 'don't-give-a-damn' factor because she kept going back to Axel anyway.
She and Axel had met at a theater camp almost a year ago, they had clashed violently. Barely able to be in the same room, let alone be intimate with each other. He was rude, disgusting and too cock-sure for his liking. Not that Riku wasn't, but Axel flaunted it like he'd won the goddamn lottery or something. Riku had the decency to keep it between friends.
That was another thing about Riku had that Axel didn't. Decency, cleanliness. Riku's hair was always washed and soft. His clothes smelled fresh of wash, his skin was flawless. Axel allowed his hair to stick up in an unruly manner, he'd go a few days without showering. He didn't wash his face, had marked it with pointed, tear-drop tattoos, allowed his eyeliner to remain smudged and nasty. And he always, always, always reeked of smoke.
God, she liked Riku so much better. But she kept going back. And she wasn't entirely sure why. Riku beat Axel on so many levels it almost wasn't funny. He was quiet, reserved, polite, well-mannered and groomed. Axel was foul-mouthed, kind of gross, loud, and obnoxious. Riku, like ice was, predictable and calm. Axel, like fire, was untamable and wild.
But there was one thing about Axel that Riku would never posses. Axel had the ability to lure people in, to entrance them under a terrible spell. Because fire was dangerous and daunting. People always wondered what it was liked to be burned. When they watched dancing flames they always were curious about how easily it could destroy anyone or anything. Everyone knew what the cold felt like, everyone knew how slowly it affected them. Fire was different, fire could affect at an alarmingly rapid time.
And Axel destroyed her a good amount of the time.
And that was why she kept going back, because she was too much like Riku because she wanted to be too good for him. But he didn't care and she couldn't have him so she wanted her ice to melt and try something different. She got burned each time she visited with the pyro but it was never enough because she was still infatuated with Riku. He was what she convinced herself she needed. And every time she would let herself get close to Axel she'd think up a reason that made her sick with annoyance just so she didn't melt.
She'd ask herself what Riku would think. And that was the worst part, because she wanted so badly to impress him and be like him (even though she knew it was a waste of her time) and that was caring. Caring about what he thought of her and that wasn't something Riku did.
"I feel really gross." She said quietly, enclosing her arms around her knees and resting her chin on them. Despite her aching body.
"You look it too."
She glared, "Thanks."
"Not a problem, kitten."
"Don't call me that."
"You liked Mason better?"
"No."
"Well, good."
She raised her eyebrows curiously, "Why's that?"
"Because honestly, they're kind of sexy…" He purred, his voice laced with honey. She felt his tongue trace one on her collarbone. "Mason Verger's just looked demented."
"Isn't that what you like?" She asked scornfully.
He snickered again, kissing her skin harshly, "Depends."
"Ahh, so you aren't so open-minded." She was forced under him again, a defiant look gracing her pretty features.
"Not at all." He growled, pinning her arms above her head, causing her to hiss in pain.
"You're a sickening person." She spat, wriggling under his weight a bit. She hated his possessive nature.
"So are you."
She didn't reply, just fixated him with a dark look and continued to push against his unwanted advances. She wasn't in the mood, she was done playing with fire for the moment.
"He won't be impressed, you know." He said simply, shoving his knee in between her legs, "He'll probably hate you."
"I know."
"He might even find you completely repulsive."
"Probably."
"Doesn't that bother you?"
"Yes."
"But you don't care?" He asked carefully, scrutinizing her face for signs of weakness that pretended to despise.
She smirked sadistically, and shook her head, red strands of hair flopping into her eyes. "Not one bit."
A/N: Gah, this wasn't exactly how I wanted this to turn out. I like that it's dark. :D But kind of confusing. -.-
THIS IS DEDICATED TOOOOOOO
ninjabutterfliie.
for being kwl. and because it was her birthday. HAPPY BE-LATED BIRFDAY DOLLFACE.
