A/N: As usual with my songfics, check out AO3 (Sarai90) for the full lyrical version. It's probably better and might make a bit more sense.
Emma sat alone in the hospital waiting room thinking about the last few hours. Everyone was safe. They won. And she was happy, really, she was. She didn't regret losing her magic. Now it was possible for her and Henry to live their normal life in New York.
Except her thoughts kept straying to how she lost her magic.
Her admittedly pathetic attempt at CPR hadn't really saved Hook; he was only unconscious. He'd come back all on his own. Killian Jones wasn't dumb enough to gasp when his head hit the water - too much time spent sailing through storms, he'd explained afterward - so while some water had found its way into his lungs he was only unconscious due to oxygen starvation. She'd pulled him out quickly after he'd passed out, so he'd only inhaled a small amount of water.
So basically she'd lost her magic for nothing. Not that she was complaining.
Emma couldn't even explain it to herself, which is why when anyone asked she said, "It doesn't matter." Because it didn't. It was gone and she wasn't getting it back. She didn't need it. Regina was able to save the day all on her own.
Emma wasn't needed.
Even though Emma's magic was taken, their so-called only hope, Regina was able to muster together all the innocence she could for Henry's sake and take her sister down.
Emma couldn't even do proper CPR, or muster enough concentration to get rid of the water Hook was drowning in.
It was panic, pure and simple. She panicked and completely forgot about her magic. It may have been a part of her, but it hadn't been a part of her conscious long enough for it to be instinctual. Or, it was, but only if she herself were being threatened.
So she stood by her decision to return to New York. She may have been born in their world, may have meant to have been a part of it, but she didn't belong. She loved these people, and they loved her, but she still felt out of place. Even though the memories were fake, New York felt more like home to her than Storybrooke. Keeping Henry had been the best decision Emma had never made and wished she had.
If they could just go back to that...everything would be good.
Her parents would be safe and happy with her new brother, Regina and Robin could love, she and Henry could come visit for holidays. It's not like they'd be separated forever. New York and Maine aren't that far away from each other.
And she wouldn't have to think about Killian - Hook - dying, or almost dying, for her and her family. She wouldn't have to think about the sacrifices he'd made, or the patience he'd exhibited for her.
She wouldn't have to shore up her defences because he wouldn't be there to constantly tear them down.
She wouldn't have to be scared of letting him in.
