Three things you should know about this story I am about to tell. 1) I don't own PJO 2) The sword terminology I used was verified only by the internet, so don't get mad if I upset some of you serious sword enthusiasts. Finally, 3) Every word I write is absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, totally real, and not the biggest lie ever.

It all started when, in one of my many valiant acts of heroism, saved her life. You ask, who is this poor damsel in need of help from the great and powerful Kitty (or Child of Hades, I am called by many names)? Well, dear reader, this is someone whom you probably know. This sad, little peasant is Bobo. Yes, you've probably heard a very different story from her hilarious show, The Bobo Show, but I'm here to share the earth-shattering truth with you.

It was an average day for us two, we were just being the best monster slaying team ever seen. Bobo was locked in battle with one telekhine, I with the other. I swiftly ended mine with a well placed kick to the face and a stab in the stomach. The beast dissolved around my sword. I looked over just in time to see her adversary knock her into a nearby tree, and she couldn't get up.

The awful thing walked slowly toward her, an evil wolf grin spread across his gleaming fangs. Though he wasn't fully grown, only about six feet tall, he could still kill her in one blow. Without thinking, I sprinted to her rescue.

I stood defiantly in front of her semi-conscious form and shouted "Hey, Ugly! You want a treat, little doggy?" before pulling out my secret weapon, exploding ninja stars. Bobo and her brother, Leo, had rigged small amounts of geeek fire to celestial bronze throwing stars that exploded when they hit harder than falling on the ground.

I took three and threw them all at once. In deadly precision, they all hit the mark and exploded. The telekhine screeched in agony, and writhed around until it became completely engulfed in the emerald flames. The beast became ash, the fire consumed the ash, and soon nothing was left but a large scorch mark. The only blemish left on the battle field. I examined the clearing and the surrounding treeline. Satisfied, only after seeing nothing but photosynthesis, I ran and crouched at Bobo's side. She had finally succumbed to unconsciousness, and now breathed slow and deep.

She was battered and beaten everywhere, but two rather big things were my main priorities. shrugged off my knapsack and pulled out the medical supplies I had brought. First, I treated a large cut in her head. I took a disinfecting wipe and cleaned the wound. I treated it by applying nectar with a paper napkin. I knew it would close by itself soon and I moved on to her disfigured arm. For some reason, a strange thought entered my head. She had broken this very same arm, the right, early in our youth via a mishap with the jungle gym. I shook the nonsense from my mind and continued my work. I had to save her arm.

I pulled out a small hatchet. I brought it high over my head, and thought "Please forgive me!" I brought it down with bone shattering force, and cleanly sliced off the limb of a nearby tree. (Gotcha, sucka!) I shaved off a few thin slices then cut it in half, and I fashioned her arm the most organic splint ever.

Now, I understand reader. I can hear your mouth-breathing idiocy through this text on your screen. "Duh, why don't you just feed her some of that there nectar? *Derp*" you ask, proceeding to shove your index finger deep inside your nasal cavity. Well, you beautiful pig you, we wouldn't want her to asphyxiate, would we? Food and drink tend not to go down well if the person is not able to swallow. (Translation for idiots: Food/liquid + unconsciousness = Choking and/or death)

Not wanting to hurt her more, I strapped both hers and my swords around my waist. Her Flóga was beautiful and ornate. It's hilt was a fiery orange red. Engraved flames swirled around the grip and licked the guard. The blade itself retained a red hue, as if the flames in which it was forged remained embedded in the cold steel. It was an effective and devastating blade, and suited it's owner well.

My sword, oh what a thing of beauty it is! Despite the blade made of a modern steel alloy called Bainite, the entire sword was a uniform deep, soul sucking, bone crushing, undetectable until it's too late, shade of black. I also had a leather glove made in the same color to let my hand and my sword become one. The weapon was about three and a half feet from point to pommel. It was forged in the style of the Ritter, a German cavalry sword. I read about German knights, and their fearsome swords that were wielded with great skill and precision. It had few decorations, only a knuckle guard and two small engravings on either side of the blade, near the hilt.

The first was a detailed depiction of a ripped, shirtless warrior. It had the body of a human and the head of a wolf. He stood proud and regal as he wore the symbol of my father's power, the Helm of Darkness. The other side had two words in Greek, Σκούρο λύκος, Skoúro lýkos. The words, roughly translated, was the name of my weapon. The Dark Wolf, Wolf or Lýkos for short. Yes a modest but deadly weapon. And also cursed.

Long story short, Skoúro Lýkos has a bad habit of getting it's owner killed. The way the blade betrays varies, but the consensus is a curse. Some believe it has a magic cast upon it making it act simply like a wolf, hence the name, in that it kills to protect its alpha/owner. If you aren't the true alpha/owner, then you die. Fan-bloody-tastic.

Anyway, after I strapped on the sheathes and blades, I picked up my fallen friend. I ran and carried her like a newborn baby all the way to camp.

I burst into the infirmiry and laid her down. "Somebody help her, NOW!" I shouted. The was a flurry of activity and I was shoved out the door. I sat outside the door for hours, waiting for any sort of news. Finally, some kid I've never seen before told me she'd be okay. I thanked him and walked to my cabin. It was empty again, Nico off Gods know where doing Gods know what. Nevertheless, I was able to sleep knowing my only friend would wake up tomorrow as I did.

A couple days later, Bobo was out of the infirmary and came to talk to me. "I just wanted to thank you for saving me," she said after a bone crushing hug. "What else could I do, just leave you to die? I don't think so, kid." Then, she did something that changed everything.

She knelt down, stabbed Flóga at my feet, bowed her head, and swore an eternal oath. "I swear, by everything that binds me; by the highest of the heavens, the lowest of the depths, and everything between; the highest of the Gods, the lowest of the peasants, and everything between; I swear by my body, mind and soul, I will remain forever in your debt. Until the day I die, I will serve and protect you. Kitty, I am your eternal, loyal servant." Thunder boomed, the earth shook, and she looked up. It all stopped as suddenly as started as Bobo stood up.

Ever since that day she has remained true to her word. She worships the ground I walk on, and will do anything and everything for me. And while yes, a lot of others already do that, she puts them all to shame.

And that, dear, dear reader, is the true story.

Sorry, but I felt it was necessary to share the truth.

It's true, we're all a little insane, but something is rising… A horde of idiots rampages the internet, YOLOing and SWAGing with their l33t sp34k! Join the Army of Insanity and help us battle the Stupidity Horde! Good luck out there, Soldier!