A/N: So this is my first fan fiction ever and I'm very nervous about getting it out for you to read. I was never that much into writing. The only things I did write were essays and short stories for school. But Lisa encouraged me to publish this, so I just did. (I'll dedicate this to you, baby, because you are my very own fangirl xo) If there are any huge mistakes in grammar or wording, Lisa may be blamed because she read beta. Also bear with me if my choice of words is somewhat always the same. I'm not a native speaker so at some point I exhaust my vocabulary.
This story should've only been a one shot, but I got carried away and now it's gonna be a two parter. It actually got inspired by a Twitter pic of Lena watching Stef sleep. I don't know if you remember this, it was black and white and very beautiful. Anyway, I just wanted to write this scene but somehow I started at the beginning of the day and not the end... Whoops!
The title was not inspired by Adele's song, but by the fact that Stef is now showing a different side of her to Lena. The story's set about three weeks after the wedding. Callie's back with the family and what happened doesn't matter. If I choose to write more, it might, but right now I don't intend to. That depends on your reviews, I guess.
Now tbh, all I want for season 1B (and seasons 2, 3, 4, 5, ...) is mushy Stef so I decided to focus on that, meaning you get to see a very romantic side of her and I mean like reeeeally romantic. I hope you don't think it's too cheesy or in some way out of character, but I was told it is very true to the show.
Ugh, okay I just really hope you like it not to mention any reviews and comments will be very much appreciated.
X
- Michél
Ever since Callie had run away, Stef and Lena hadn't really been able to enjoy being newlyweds. They've had their little moments, but those moments hadn't been filled with as much joy as they wanted them to be filled with. Now that Callie had finally found her way home and everyone in the Foster family knew for a fact that she would never ever leave again, things were different.
Still, there was something going on between her and Brandon which neither Stef nor Lena knew anything about yet, but Stef had made it pretty clear that all she would do for now was to keep an eye on them. She had more important things to take care of. Things that didn't concern her kids. It was all about her wife and being one herself. Stef and Lena could finally ride the wave of excitement in the great ocean of marriage.
Now that she had overcome her internalized homophobia, Stef would finally allow herself to be more romantic. Standing up to her dad and declaring her undying love for Lena in front of all of their friends had made her realize that a great romance wasn't only reserved for heterosexuals. She wanted to call Lena her wife in public and do something romantic for her. Anything really. She'd do anything to surprise Lena in her own mushy way. She'd move mountains and set fire to the rain to see that smile on Lena's face, the smile she loved so much.
Stef got out of the car, walking slowly towards the entrance doors of the police station. She dialed the school's phone number and it didn't take long until Lena picked up.
"Hi, this is Anchor Beach, assistant vice principal Lena Adams speaking. What can I do for you?"
Stef made a mild throat clearing sound.
"Excuse me? Lena Adams?" She emphasized the last word excessively, trying to make Lena realize that something about that name wasn't quite right.
Lena chuckled. "Oh, it's you! Your number didn't show up on display. It's an old phone. You should've called my cell."
Stef couldn't help but smile at the fact that she had already known before that Lena probably wouldn't get the hint. Maybe she should've made herself clearer.
"Hang up, Lena!" she commanded her wife to put down the phone using her serious 'cop voice'.
"Wait. What? Why that, honey? You haven't even told me what you called for yet." Lena replied in surprise.
What was going on here? Did she do something wrong? She couldn't have, could she? She had barely said anything.
"We'll just try that again, okay, love?" Although Stef's voice sounded relatively serious, her face still held that smile.
Lena wasn't able to see her face, though, and so Stef's stern reaction made the light-skinned woman feel slightly uncomfortable. Stef could sense that, but she wasn't going to let Lena off the hook just yet. She did deserve to suffer a bit for that little mistake she made. Besides, Stef loved teasing her, especially when her significant other had no idea what the hell was going on. She thought it was cute when Lena acted under the impression she had done something wrong when, in fact, Stef was just messing with her head.
Before Lena could say anything else, the phone on the other end of the line was already dead. Stef had hung up on her.
Lena stared at her office's phone for a moment, wondering what Stef's reaction was all about until her gaze fell upon the sign on her desk.
Lena Adams Foster, it said.
The expression on Lena's face changed immediately.
"Oh, shoot!" she exclaimed, slapping her own forehead with her hand.
She totally forgot that. She was still getting used to her new surname and sometimes the last part just slipped. That didn't mean she wasn't proud of it, of course. She loved having Stef's last name added to her own, and the fact that it had been her wife who had suggested it in the first place was yet another reason why Lena loved her so much. That woman meant more to her than anything ever had in her life. Sharing her last name with Stef, being sure that everyone would know they belong together, meant the world to her.
Just when Lena wanted to call Stef back herself, the phone rang a second time, only now Lena knew what to say.
"Hi, this is Anchor Beach's assistant vice principal Lena Adams Foster." Lena held her breath for a second before she continued.
"I'm happily married since three weeks already. Wow, can you believe that? To the most beautiful woman. She's an amazing mom, too. And did I mention that she's a badass cop? ... Yeah, she's just, I don't know, perfect, I guess." Lena paused, covering her mouth with her hand and giggled.
"Sorry about the babbling, I'm just so excited to be married. Now, what can I do for you?"
The line stayed quiet for a while and for a moment Lena felt embarrassed, because she actually thought there was someone else holding the other end.
"Nice one, babe!" Stef said, smirking.
She sat down in front of her desk and looked at a picture frame which showed a photo of her and Lena at the wedding ceremony. They've had tons of pictures taken on their wedding day, but Stef didn't really need them to remember it. She let her index finger slide over the spot where Lena's face was and sighed contentedly. She just had to take one look at Lena and everything she had gone through that day, her feelings, images, were brought back to her mind as if they had never left.
"Sorry about before." Lena apologized sincerely even though she knew Stef wouldn't hold it against her.
"The thing with the names... It takes getting used to, you know."
Stef smiled. Didn't she just have the sweetest wife? Always apologizing for things she didn't really need to apologize for.
"Yeah, I know." she answered choked up while her mind was still on that wedding trip down memory lane.
The sound of Stef's voice made Lena's heart skip a beat and she fought hard to stop herself from shedding a tear. Stef hadn't said much, no I love you or any of that kind, but those three words had been so packed with emotions that Lena could hardly keep herself together. She could picture Stef saying those words. How Stef would look at her saying that. Stef's eyes staring at her with so much love and affection one might think she would explode. And Stef's voice sounding exactly like it just had.
The clear vision of Stef in her head and the feelings that took over her whole body because of it, made it hard for Lena not to get too emotional about it. The new-found happiness in her love of ten years was just extremely overwhelming. It had been love at first sight, but Lena could've never imagined that first sight would turn into forever.
She had tried so hard to fight her feelings for Stef back then that she cried herself to sleep at night, because that was the only time when she could bear how much it hurt. She had tried so hard not to have a married woman nest in her heart, who wasn't even sure if she wanted to be with another woman, and God, she failed. But now, she had forever to look at Stef, to feel her and to touch her. And forever with that woman wasn't even long enough.
"Lena?" Stef quietly mentioned her name making sure not to startle her. "Is everything okay over there?"
Lena smiled at her wife's obvious concern and wiped the small tears of joy off her face.
"I was just thinking of how much I love you, Stefanie Foster." she whispered into the phone.
Stef laughed, but not too loud so everyone in the room wouldn't be staring at her. If they did, she'd only feel the need to explain why she still hadn't touched the paper work instead of talking to her wife on the phone all morning.
"You did it again, sweetheart. The Adams Foster part." Stef told Lena with a soft voice. "If you continue to do that I might have to divorce you. My pride can only handle as much." She tried to sound as serious as she could, teasing Lena once more.
Lena cursed herself for failing yet again. It seemed like she seriously had to work hard on what it meant to be married and have another last name added to her own.
"I told you I love you and that's all you're gonna say to that?" Lena chuckled.
She stretched out her arm and moved one finger over the photo of the two of them that she had put on her desk. Looking at it always made her smile. She was beyond happy. Would Stef ever be taken away from her, by her work as a cop or someone else, she would not be able to move on with her life. As cheesy as it sounded, but Stef was her life. The reason for her to breathe. Stef and their family.
"If you ever divorce me, Stef, you might as well kill me with your gun, 'cause I can't live without you. Ever."
Of course Lena meant to be joking, but that didn't change the fact there was some truth to it. She seriously never wanted to be without Stef again. And while she was sure that nothing in the world could ever break them apart, it remained her greatest fear that the future held something for them they weren't prepared for.
"Oh, don't say that, Lena! You know I'd never do such an awful thing to you." Stef said with amusement.
It was a shame she had to work at some point today, because right now she just wanted this phone call to go on forever. Actually, she wanted to leave this place in a hurry and head straight over to Anchor Beach to surprise her wife. The thought of being near Lena again and spending some alone time with her sent butterflies to Stef's stomach. She couldn't wait to see her and since they hadn't gone on a honeymoon yet, she had major things planned for tonight.
The day Stef had finally come out to her family and most of her friends and told Lena that she belonged with her wasn't just the day her life had changed drastically, it was also the day she had committed herself to a lifetime with that woman. And all the hate from other people, even that of her own father, hadn't stopped her from falling more in love with Lena every day. Being gay wasn't a disease or an addiction that could be treated. It wasn't a sin either. It was okay to be gay, simple as that. And she'd rather be hated for who she was than loved for someone she wasn't. It had just taken her way too long to realize that. Since the day she had stood up to her dad, it felt like she could finally let go of everything that had been keeping her from being the woman Lena deserved to have.
Lena grinned. "You'd never do such an awful thing to me, huh? Are you referring to the divorce or the shooting?"
Now Stef did laugh out loud, immediately drawing everyone's attention to herself. It was as if all eyes suddenly stared at her like she was some suspect in a murder case getting grilled by the police. Stef saw the confusion on everyone's face knowing damn well that it was because she hardly ever enjoyed herself that much when she was at the police station. She had her moments, but for the most part was so keen on doing a great job that she saved all the joking for lunch breaks. Now wasn't a lunch break and she was supposed to do her paper work which usually put her in a bad mood. Thus to her own as well as her colleagues' surprise, it seemed like Stefanie Adams Foster was indeed a bit embarrassed about the whole situation. And that hardly ever happened.
Stef grinned sheepishly, and then covered her face with her hand to hide her embarrassment from the other cops in the room. Like they don't know the reason you acted like that, she thought. She had never been in love this much. Not with Mike, not with anyone else before. Not even in her teenage years where love was said to be absolute crazy, leaving you with feelings that were so intense you almost couldn't deal with them. Well, she might have never felt that kind of love when she were a teenager, but she did now. And they said better late than never, right?
Stef sneaked a peek through her fingers at her colleagues, making sure no one was looking at her anymore until she got up from her chair and walked into the ladies' room. She did feel like a teenager being in love for the first time. Oh yes, she did. But Lord, it felt so good that she never wanted it to stop. She smiled to herself opening the door to the restrooms. Who would've thought back then that there would be a time in her life she'd be like this, all lovey-dovey. Stef for that matter would've placed high bets on that she'd never become one of these women who could barely be separated from their partner.
Stef looked in the mirror trying to picture Lena as well as she could.
"I wish I could kiss you right now." She sighed, longing to be in the same room as her wife.
If she were, she could've seen the huge smile that her words instantly brought to Lena's lips.
"You did." Lena looked at the clock on the wall behind her. "About an hour ago, actually."
They had said their goodbyes not long ago, that was true, but it sure did feel like way more than just an hour, Stef thought. Too long.
"Well, I don't care. I miss you. I wanna kiss you now!" she pouted, her voice sounding frustrated.
She was far from smiling, unlike Lena who couldn't be any happier. Stef was finally starting to let her more romantic side show. The mushy one. And Lena loved that. She had waited for that to happen for so long she had almost lost hope.
To her, it had always been a great mystery whether Stef couldn't be more romantic because she suffered from internalized homophobia or because being too cheesy just wasn't her thing. After all, Stef had trouble showing emotions when something got to her real deep. She hardly cried, always acting like it didn't affect her that much. It seemed that her job as a cop had given her more than just money. That it had given her strength and self-confidence but also the ability to build up walls in order to keep herself from being hurt. As a cop, she needed to be able to create a certain distance to the awful things around her so hard days at work couldn't bring her down.
"Uh-huh. What else do you wanna do, Stef?" Lena decided to play along, to tease Stef just like she had teased her. Although Lena knew, teasing her on that level was far worse. It was almost mean.
Stef held her cell in the one hand while her other hand seemed to be a bit lost.
"Hold you, caress you." Stef paused for a bit. "Lift you up onto your desk. Continue to kiss you. A bit of fondling, maybe." Again, she stayed silent for a second. "Oh, no maybe, more like definitely." She closed her eyes. Her imagination was excellent. She could almost feel it.
"Then I'd take off your shirt." She licked her lips. Maybe she should just go and tell Roberts that she felt kinda sick and, well, pay Lena a visit. Did Lena have any meetings today? They could do a different kind of parents' meeting. Damn, she'd like that!
"And take a close look at your fine boo-!"
Lena laughed hard, interrupting her quickly before Stef could end her sentence. Lena's cheeks blushed and she was more than grateful that there was no one walking into her office at this very second.
"Oh my God, Stef, shush! What are you doing? Aren't you at work?"
Stef opened her eyes. Why did she have to ruin this thing for her? Wasn't that a little mean?
"Yes, so? I'm a newlywed. The guys should understand. They'd do the same with their wives, right? Besides, I went hiding in the restrooms."
Lena laughed even harder at that. "Seriously?"
That explained why Stef didn't care to whisper. As long as no other woman joined her in the ladies' room, she could speak her mind as loud as she wanted to, even if that mind of hers was a little dirty right now.
"Yes, I really did. But I like it here. It's quiet and no one stares at me for laughing at my wife's jokes or because I'm just happy to hear my wife's voice."
Lena knew how hard it must've been for Stef to stand all her colleagues' gazes; because that wasn't something she was used to. Just like the other cops probably weren't used to that new kind of Stef, the lovey-dovey one.
"So basically you went hiding in the ladies' room, because you were too embarrassed about this – our phone call? That is so sweet!" Lena emphasized the last word teasingly. "How old are you? 15?" Stef was so cute right now, all Lena wanted to do was squeeze her like a lemon.
"I sure feel like it." Stef answered seriously, but smiled as soon as she realized how different she really acted now that she was happily married to the woman she met ten years ago.
"But I love feeling like a teenager again. With you." Stef held her breath and looked at the wedding ring on her left finger. The radiant smile it brought to her face lit up the whole room. "Because... of you."
Lena realized the different sound of Stef's voice. The affection that came along with it.
"Stef..." It kinda left her speechless. Of course she knew that she was most of all the reason for Stef's happiness and her mushy rapture of love these days, but hearing her say it was a totally different story. It got to her.
"I don't know what to say." She confessed, touched by Stef's sweet words.
Stef hiding in the restrooms, because she was so full of love she couldn't even hide it anymore and felt embarrassed about it, was a huge thing for Lena. She knew that Stef liked to be in control of everything, especially her feelings. And now she wasn't anymore. Stef had lost every bit of control because of the strong love she felt and it meant the world to Lena that Stef didn't try to cork up her feelings and gain control of them again, but just rolled along with them come what may.
"Then let me do the talking. You know how good I'm at it anyway, love." Stef heard Lena have a giggle over her comment.
"Yeah, I know. You're really good with your mouth, Stef." Lena couldn't help it but laugh out loud. She enjoyed these moments between them way too much. These teasing moments in which they knew exactly what to say to each other to provoke a certain reaction or create explicit images in each other's minds.
"I will remind you of how good I am with it later tonight." Stef smirked. Oh, how much she liked it when her wife talked dirty. "You're not gonna regret... listening to me, Lena. I can promise you that." she purred, but immediately spun round on her heel when she heard footsteps behind her.
Looking right into Roberts' face, Stef stood riveted to the spot. How long had the captain been in here? Did she just hear that, Stef wondered. But well, what exactly could she have been hearing. Something about talking and listening, that was it. There wasn't any chance that she understood it the way it was meant, though, was there?
Roberts smiled at her and Stef couldn't really tell whether the black woman sensed something or was just being polite. Stef smiled back, hearing Lena ask questions on the other end of the phone about what was going on and why she had stopped talking. When Roberts vanished into the toilet cubicle, Stef put the phone back to her ear.
"Uhm, Lena, I..." She had to choose her words wisely now, because there was no way, Roberts wasn't listening to them.
"I gotta get off the phone." Stef decided not to mention Roberts name and explain things later.
"Has someone caught you and your dirty little mind in there?" Lena chuckled. She could imagine how embarrassed Stef must've felt now.
"Yeah, uhm, I just wanted to know if tonight's still on?" Stef asked, staring at the toilet cubicle in which Roberts was in.
"You mean, you talking and me listening?" Lena grinned.
Knowing that Stef probably wished to be swallowed by the earth right now, Lena tried hard not to make it worse for her, but she couldn't leave it. She just couldn't. A thing like this could've never happened before. It didn't even happen in the earlier stages of their relationship when one would assume that their love for each other was then still overwhelming and uncontrollable. It was just too cute that Stef experienced her ride on cloud nine only now.
"Lena, please stop, okay?" Stef whispered in a chuckle. "This is not funny. I'm so embarrassed. Seriously." She looked in the mirror and saw that her cheeks had indeed turned a bit red.
So she did get caught, Lena thought, guessing from what Stef had just said. She kept quiet for a little while but then burst out in a hearty laugh.
"Oh, aren't you just the cutest little thing, Stefanie!" This new side to her, the sweet, embarrassed and mushy one, made her fall in love with Stef all over again. "I wish I was there to see you."
She heard Stef murmur a few words, but couldn't hear them loud enough to make out what they said.
"I don't know about tonight, hon. Do you think the kids will be okay?" Lena sounded more concerned than she actually was.
She did think that the kids would be able to manage one night without them, but after all that had happened with Callie, she just wanted to be sure they weren't rushing things. She needed to know that the timing was right for them to give their kids some space and themselves the chance to spend some alone time together.
Stef looked at Roberts when she passed her to wash her hands. Oh my God, that was the most embarrassing moment she had ever found herself in. She felt the tension in every part of her body and only when Roberts finally left the ladies' rooms was Stef able to relax again by breathing out heavily.
"The kids will be fine, Lena. Come on! You and I deserve a night out with no kids to worry about. It will be just us and a nice dinner. A date night. Like you always wanted."
Lena thought about asking Stef who had run into her in the restrooms, but she didn't. She would ask her about that later.
"Alright, but I don't think I have anything fancy to wear." Lena sighed.
If she had thought of that earlier, she could've gone shopping and gotten something new. After all, it would be the first date they had in a very long time. The thing with Gretchen simply didn't count. That had been an awful threesome.
Stef smiled. "You always look beautiful, my love. Just let me pick you up when I'm done here so we can go on our long-awaited date. And we'll make sure to leave quickly so that the kids won't get in our way or anything else for that matter."
Lena furrowed her brow. Did that mean Stef would just show up after work in her cop uniform at their house and leave right away to get them to the restaurant? No way would she go out with her like that.
"Aren't you gonna get all dolled up for me tonight?" Lena asked, already wondering where Stef would take her.
"Of course I will." Stef replied. "I can't wait to dress up for you."
Lena squealed with excitement. "It's a date then!"
She wished for it to be tonight already. The long day at school would be torture. She hated waiting for something so exciting. She had missed spending time with Stef out in public so much. It had been so long since their last date that. If she didn't know better, it almost felt like they were hiding from the outside world.
"I'll be ready for you when you get home and I can't wait to see you." Lena said lovingly.
Stef smiled. "Me too, honey, me too."
She had found more things in Lena that she could've ever asked to find in not just her partner, but any other human being. It wasn't just love or support, compassion or the shared joy of having a family; it was the dead certainty that her heart would always have a home.
"I love you!" Stef whispered, wishing so bad for Lena to be with her in that smelly ladies' room just so that her wife could see her sickly sweet smile right now. Stef was sad Lena couldn't. But it was only a few hours until they'd finally be together again, and she longed for those hours to go by fast.
"I love you too, Stefanie Marie Adams Foster." Stef heard Lena say and felt a tear stream down her face.
There, she said it. Adams Foster. Just as it was meant to be. For now and forever.
