To Winter & Col, with Love
~||x||~
Her back was to the world, as she stared out blankly. The wind wiped her skin, drying it as it always did. The rain that fell from the heaven's drenched her clothes to her, and yet they stayed staring forward. Her form shivered from the cold, but she hardly noticed. She done this before…she weathered worse storms and lost more than this.
The rain danced silver, but only added to the tears in her eyes. They stayed for a while, and then fell with the rain, mixed so that few could tell one from the other, in her damp state. Her arms wrapped around her self, over her chest gently, and her bit into her bottom lip, only causing her to realize she was shaking faintly.
"Hewwo? Why are you out here?"
She turned to look back, a small child about the age of twelve in a long was watching her, from about five feet away. She had long soft hair and bright violet eyes. Around her was a complete white space that spanned out forever. The child was looking at her cautiously, curiously, and with concern. She had been made that way hadn't she? This living embodiment of the heart of childhood?
"I'm watching the world fall down," She answered Rosa-Leetah easily, and turned back to looking out.
"But that's rain?"
The girl in the rain shrugged, and her thought fell to a second to Labyrinth the movie, as a song lyric fell through her mind. 'As the world falls down, I'll be there for you.' She tried to smile, but it only made the feeling worse. Laughing was out the question it seemed too, for it only warmed the stream on her cheeks.
"You know…you're causing a scene." A sarcastic voice yowled at her. "You're not like this. Stop this right now before you scare the others."
She turned to look again. It was different. The scene behind the newer voice was a messy bedroom, with a desk scattered with comics. The figure was now a small elvin woman with bright blonde hair, and blue eyes. A calming face, but it didn't work.
"Go 'way, Re. Go 'way. I'm not ready yet." She rubbed her arms lightly. "I don't want to this time. It's not beautiful and inspiring. The others can wait where they were born."
There was a drastic sigh and the picture faded again. The area except for above and behind her was completely white for endless time and space and distance. She sighed in turn, feeling like she was doing them all a disservice. Not only the people, but also the other people too. She just couldn't do it now.
"Their not taking this easily. It's not like they understand yu'r change in attitude suddenly."
Her eyes shifted up again. Form changed again, but not scene. It was a beautiful lightly tanned female, with soft brown eyes and auburn hair, dressed fashionably like a cross between a hippie and a beach bunny in her bell bottoms and bikini top, even with the dark leather jacket over it, and the dog tag hanging down. Beautiful she always was the enigma. The quiet one who never spoke really until it was important.
"Oh, and you do?" The girl in the rain called with her own sarcastic lit. Though the reaction only caused a burn in her heart.
"Of course, I do," said Kylie. "I've lost four parents, and been be grudged grandparents and siblings, aside from the one. I've changed and moved and been alone enough to understand this storm. You're making it with your own will. You're doubting because of a different person even, that has nothing to do with the situation."
She closed her eyes and looked out towards the rain, willing the form away. Sometimes it's was easier to bear a lie, or a cloud of fog than that. Closing her eyes, she warded the chill of the rain as it suddenly hit her full force as if only in a sudden shower at that second hitting her like a tidal wave. She choked on the formed roll of emotions forming in her mouth.
"You're not impressing anyone, butt head."
The girl in the rain turned to look behind her. The entire endless had become the rainstorm. It was a rage unlike one touched do far, encompassing everything. The voice was beholden to a form of sleek darkness. Temptress of night herself. Pale skin, and raven hair, slick to her skin in the rain. Rain ruffled everyone, yet it seemed only to intensify her overwhelming fault of beauty.
"I don't care," The girl who'd been in the rain called out coldly.
The figure laughed, and the rain around her shimmered in silver and blue. She always loved her. The form of all that wised and loved, and was dangerous. There was always an attraction to that. Something one could be completely devoured by. To be willing to simple sacrifice.
'Come, take me, angel of destruction and love….'
"Funny," Casse laughed. " 'I don't care'. I thought that was my line."
"Is it?" the girl called out sarcastically. "I wouldn't remember a thing about it."
The pale brows knitted in something beyond and she shifted ever so silently. She was manning an assault. On the prowl for the win. She had always been this way in your mind hadn't she? This guardian who caught all the fleshless, soundless, waterless tears, and could hit back at the world, without your kindness, and your love?
A faint frowned marred her expression, and a glint of light from no where struck the locket around her neck. "This really isn't funny at all."
"I never said it was. Besides I thought you didn't care?"
"I don't do anything of my own prerogative, you know that." Casse folded her arm opposite. "I'm only the way my writer wants me to be."
"So be the way you're writer wants you to be!" A soft laughter smashed the air from the girl who'd stood in the rain so long. She'd loved rain hadn't she? Or was that someone else? Had she lived too many lives? Too many lies since then? "Be yourself. Come alive. Solve the world in it's complex."
A second passed and movement was noticed anywhere but suddenly the girl in white and black, leather and silk had moved. She was standing before the shorter girl in the rain with a blade tip to her throat. The prick of the blade felt like the stinging in the rain, which had suddenly gotten sharper. She swallowed only to feel the tears on her cheeks, and the pressure on her throat.
She looked up to meet the blue eyes. Stunning blue eyes, made for those so beloved to her. Stunningly beautiful. Full to the hilt, not a blue. They were a foggy grey blue now, more grey than blue. They were transfixed her mouth forming more of a frown than anything.
"You don't want this," Casse whispered next to her ear. The breath warmed her chilled ears, and the rain seemed to have suddenly lessened. Was it only sprinkling now?
Blue eyes blinked, dry, and untouched. No tears had been cried. No rain had fallen it had stopped. Or had it ever started? She stared at the figure's face. This ethereal breathless. So easy to fall in love with just staring at it. She could steal you heart without even giving you the space to breathe for one second. "Then give me what I want. Free me, clear. Set me loose. Break the bonds. Stop the pain."
Casse smiled oddly. It was gentle, and generous. It was the kind Jean or Kylie would give a lost kitten they were about to take in. The entire area was fading to faded white paint, a she learned forward to whisper again. "I can't."
The girl shuddered and grasped at her, realizing she was becoming transparent. The white world was fading. A bedroom, clutter, and messy and homey was appearing. She tried to hold harder, loosing more as she did. Her words howled from her throat, true anguish coming with a real wave a of tears. "WHY? You can do anything! Why can't you do this?"
'Because, Manda…'
The voice was whisper, over the clip and clatter of keys being struck on a keyboard above the soft musical drawl of Curtis Stigers "To Be Loved". It passed the ungodly humid atmosphere to wrap around her ears and whisper like a lover in her mind.
'Because no matter how much more real I am. I'll always be a figment of your imagination, and you're strong enough to do it yourself.'
The clammer of the keys silence, and the 'uh-oh' of an ICQ so far unseen and unanswered called out into the room. It seamed to shout to her. Only one person was on talking to her right now. She took a deep breath and placed her hands over her face, rubbed up and down slightly, moving her face. Moving her hands, her face slid into the crook of her desk over her desk.
Her thoughts collected quickly with her mind, as fingers brushed away tears like stray strands of the white world left by the imaginary rain she'd seen so much for the last few days in her mind and in life. She rose her hands above the keyboard and typed simply another line she'd used once this night before, and many times years ago:
"Though pain is relative, love is forever when real. Pain's only there when it's nurtured and love flourishes on it's own. ~ Manda, circa 2000 "
