Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over 'Bleach' nor am I profiting from this.

Pairing(s): Yamada Hanataro/Zaraki Kenpachi.

Warning(s): none.

Word Count: 1,052.

His diplomas are fake. His fancy diplomas in their even fancied frames are fakes. Kenpachi Zaraki alternates between scowling at those maybe-fake-diplomas and returning to his stare down with the preschool director, who he suspects might be a literal kid.

Toshiro Hitsugaya reclines in his cushy leather swivel chair and taps a pen against his mouth. "Does she have any behavioral problems? A child isn't removed from five preschools without reason."

Were he a different parent, Kenpachi would begin his vehement speech on how it was a teacher, classmate, or anyone else causing her behavioral issues and she received the blame.

"Yachiru won't be aggressive with her teacher or classmates. I will give them credit for trying with her, but her hyperactivity and impulse control issues became too much." He shrugs. "I refuse to place her on medication and turn her into a zombie."

Toshiro gives his pen another tap. "I see her most recent teacher remarked that her social skills were phenomenal, but could be a distraction and that she lacked proper motor skills for her age."

Her artwork never made any bulletin boards. Instead, it made the refrigerator with the notes from teachers requesting they discuss her creativity. Their notes had increased in frequency after her creation: a rainbow that is also a heart but really looked like an abstract vagina to her teacher.

"I don't even trust her with a plastic knife. I wasn't confident enough to give her any kind of scissors."

"Our art teachers Mister Kyōraku and Mister Ukitake believe in learning creativity before learning a skill, and both have infinite patience." Toshiro rises, and he really is a child. "I do not give excellent tours, but I give tours."

Kenpachi usually never spares attention for ornate designs or expensive things which have some meaning only the designer can understand. However, their preschool's design commands attention.

It is spacious, and he wonders just how many children does one person intend on cramming into the lobby? Their front desk lacks clutter but instead boasts a brand-new computer and carefully stacked paperwork. Unlike his previous tours, the walls are not lined with awards and diplomas, but artwork which rivals the abstract vagina.

Children chatter, shrieking, and squealing reaches near ear-splitting volume as they approach a door.

A little girl raises her paint-smeared hand and nearly strikes the white-haired man attempting to braid her hair. Her bottom teeth are missing, a fact which she immediately announces while furiously waving her hand back and forth.

Toshiro's voice becomes syrupy and thick. "You always make beautiful butterflies. Is this one for my office?"

"You have competition," the man warns. "Shunsui has been waiting as patiently as he knows how for a butterfly painting."

Kenpachi prepares for some joint pops or dislocations as the man begins righting himself.

He sighs. "How old are you? I know that my little creature will ask and in a much less polite manner."

"I did not get a choice in my hair going white." He says. "I am younger than it makes me appear. I usually leave work with blue, orange, or purple somewhere."

A different man wearing a garish pink smock moves between low tables. His hairy arms and stubbled face are covered with drying paint, which Kenpachi imagines will be a bitch to peel off later. it must itch terribly, too, but he approaches with a grin and claps the white-haired man on the shoulder.

"Don't be so hasty, Juushiro." He grins. "I might be willing to give up a butterfly for whatever our newest artist can produce. When will we be getting our new student?"

"I have to complete some paperwork…" Kenpachi glances over the children. "I'll be doing her paperwork stuff and then she begins on Monday."

"Paperwork isn't a terribly painful process," Toshiro promises. "Would you like to see her classroom?"

Were he facing anyone else, Kenpachi would admit his true feelings towards a room whose sole purpose is to corral children, breeding germs under the guise of teaching them to share and building friendships. Instead, he plasters on a semi-sane smile and nods.

Her future classroom is empty with shockingly clean tables and chairs. He would – could never judge anyone for having their children's books or toys thrown haphazardly into bins considering the constant state Yachiru puts their apartment in. His amazement drops into shame, though, as he realizes nearly all the books and toys are in pristine condition.

A small man pauses in his cleaning, rising with a minor grimace which he attempts masking with a smile. His arms are relatively toned for such a small person. His dark hair is shoulder length and appears to have been recently cut. The only thing which reduces his growing shame just a little bit is the dark bags under his eyes.

"I accidentally became absorbed in cleaning again," he admits. "I always emerge from work with bruises, scrapes, or sickness, but I can brag that my classroom is clean."

Toshiro raises his chin and gives a somewhat smug smile. "Hanataro Yamada: our most beloved teacher, organizer, and always available to distract my secretary."

"Rangiku is always a pleasure to work with," he says. "Sometimes, she just needs reminders to focus on her work. Am I rambling now?"

Kenpachi fights a sudden urge to shake him and demand he continue rambling. No one can control these many children by themselves, maintain a clean room, and appear this chipper. Do something to appear imperfect. Do something to make him feel like less like a shit father.

Instead, Hanataro smiles, cocks his head and who the fuck decided he needed extra long eyelashes? Yachiru is going to refer to them as princess lashes and likely get herself removed on the first day.

"Look, Yachiru is a monster sometimes," he says. "You're going to be called a princess on Monday, because she associates certain qualities with…"

Hanataro waits with that damned smile. "I've seen moments from even my most well-behaved children. I know its preferable to think children are loving and willing to give hugs and kisses all the time, but children simply aren't. I expect them to express their emotions and learn how to communicate and then deal with them."

Kenpachi gives him a shaky smile.

Yeah, Yachiru is definitely going to fuck him up.