Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, and if I did, Han Solo wouldn't have died.
The real reason Anakin had turned to the Dark Side was because he hated sand. Sure, Padme was kind of nice and all, but the Chancellor had promised him that if he turned to the Dark Side, he would let Anakin use his special get-rid-of-sand potion, and it would get rid of all the sand in the Galaxy. It all started one day, when Anakin was a little boy on Tatooine…
"I hate sand," an eight year old Anakin complained to his mother, "Why can't we move to Naboo? I hear they don't have any sand there?"
"Anakin," Shmi replied with a shake of her head, "When you're a Sith Lord, and you rule the Galaxy, you can move wherever you want. But, for now, we live on Tatooine because I get a discount for blue milk, and we're 1,098,763,456,767 miles away from the nearest Gungan."
"Wait a minute," asked Anakin, "Don't we have to live here since we're slaves?"
Shmi Skywalker rolled her eyes. "Not really, but gives you a tragic backstory for Hollywood to make into a movie, so we do."
"Oh." said Anakin. He didn't really understand what Hollywood was, but his mother had once told him that mothers were always right, so he just nodded.
One year later
"Are you going to come with me, Mom?" Anakin asked, "Qui-Gon said you could if you wanted."
Shmi shook her heads. "No, I would rather be killed by Tuscan Raiders than talk to a Gungan. Besides, then I couldn't use the gift card I just got to Jabba's Hutt."
"Oh, okay." Anakin said. "Bye Mom! See you!
"Bye Ani!" Shmi called, "Kill some Gungans for me!"
Nine or so Years Later
"All right, Anakin," Obi-Yawn told his young(ish) apprentice, "Today we are going to talk about why we don't hate anyone, or anything, even sand."
"What about Gungans?" Anakin asked. Obi-Yawn stroked his beard thoughtfully.
"Well, it is physically impossible not to hate a Gungan, even for a Jedi, so you can hate them."
Anakin let out a sigh of relief. "But what about sand? I can't hate sand, either?"
"Nope," Obi-Yawn told him sternly, "I know I do, but I'm the master, so I get to make the rules, and I say you can't hate sand."
"But that's not fair!" Anakin cried. "Besides, you're just jealous that I'm the Chosen One!"
"I am not!" cried Obi-Yawn.
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Fair, life is not," said Yodel, who had just walked into the room, "If fair, life was, deal with Gungans we would not. But make rules, masters do."
"So," said Anakin, "You mean that when I have my own padawan, I can tell them what to do, and they'll do it?"
"Not really," sighed Obi-Yawn, "Your padawan will never listen to you, because she secretly loves sand."
"You know what," cried Anakin, "I don't want a padawan anymore!" He stomped out of the room
"May the force be with y'all." said Yodel, turning to leave.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed, and please review!
