AN: Heya! It's Pearlsnow8, or Cece! You might now me for Little Mix, Chouchou Yosei, or Captured Fireflies. But if you don't, I still love you! This is a One-shot I wrote for my friend and I ended up really liking it, dare I say it's one of my best works and I'm really proud of it. This will not be continued in any shape or form, but I hope you enjoy Eternal!
Preview: She's tired of being an outsider but with her disease, it's hard to be an insider. Juvia just wanted to try love. [Gruvia, One-Shot]
I constantly asked myself, at the days beginning and end, what does the sun feel like? That single question was like a broken record in my mind, only because I would never feel it. I would never feel the sun rays, or swim at the beach, never meet a boy, or move out of my parents house. A normal life is a hopeless wish, yet it's my very being. I wanted to leave.
Basically, the Sun is a bitch. No, it's not. Just to my skin, and my body. Everyone else loves it, and I'm sure I would too if I didn't have XP. Like every other disease, it stands for a much longer word, but I tend to forget it. Just means I have a severe sun allergy, I've had it since I was 3, and it made me a child of tears and rejection, simply because my life expectancy was low.
I wasn't even expected to live till I was 17, but here I am! Doctors guessed 6. Than 10, than 12. Basically, I was hopeless, and sooner or later. I would die, granted all living things do, but it's impossible for me to reach 25. And thanks to my extended life, my parents got more and more attached to me. They felt that since I've lived this long, I would live forever. Which is bullshit, because you can't run away from the sun.
No matter how much they would lock me away, board up my windows, the sun would catch me. Than ingulf my entire being, eat me away and leave only three people to cry for me. Than the doctors said I was depressed.
"No shit Sherlock." Was what I told them.
Who wouldn't? It's kind of easy to get lonely and depressed when your in my position. But, despite all the negatives, I had the things I loved.
Music was my only sense of expression, it kept me sane and feeling alive. I could only play the guitar and sing, yet it was enough to keep me a wallowing mess. That and Gajeel. Gajeel was a trouble student that often ditched class to spend time with me. He said he hated school and that it was boring, full of gossiping girls and prank pulling boys. I found it pretty ironic from him to say that, he was a pretty mischievous kid himself.
I was ever grateful to him; he is my best friend and savior.
"Juvia," he once said to me, as we sat in my dim room. "We've known each other for a year now..."
"Juvia is aware." I responded, third person habit came from my loneliness and depression. Doctors made me depressed.
"Not once have you been outside," he trailed off, looking at me nervously. This was a sensitive topic, and I sucked in my breath.
"Juvia is also aware of that," it was impossible for me to get angry at him.
"I... Talked to your parents the other day. I convinced them to let you go outside, but obviously only night time." His words made my stomach flutter in excitement.
"Gajeel!" I jumped off of my bed and pounced him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I couldn't contain it, "Juvia loves you!"
"Yeah I know," he laughed.
I did not love Gajeel in the romantic way. It was a family 'I love you', he feels the same. Our relationship was strong and full of trust, he is my only friend as I am to him. I finally let go of him, crying tears of happiness. Than I looked over at my closet, it dawned on me then, that I only had sleepwear. Overly comfortable clothes, no jeans or skirts, or a real bra to say the least.
"What... Season it?" I asked, my eyes not leaving the closet.
"Fall?" His voice laced with confusion.
"Juvia see's, month?"
"November,"
"Oh... Day?"
"17th? What's with these questions Juvia?" He leaned back on my rooms floor.
"Tonight, Juvia would like to shop. She needs clothes to wear, cuter ones."
"Just ask your parents, they'll be happy you asked for something." His comment made me smile.
"Okay!"
That night, I did exactly that. Shopped. I was given a multitude of rules, like home by 4:30 A.M, no later. A $300 limit, which I only asked for a $100, but my parents were excited and said it was an early Christmas. Gajeel had to go with me for the first couple days, and show me around our city. I didn't mind, he did though. I felt bad for dragging him around at 8 o'clock, and to be dragging him around for another 9 hours.
I bought only winter clothes, tights, leggings, thick dresses, coats. To be safe I bought a parasol and nice gloves. Boots and tennis shoes, I kept in that zone so in case I ever lose track of time I'll be safe. Plus it was winter soon anyways. It took two weeks for me settle into my new schedule, and I could wander around our city without getting lost.
The city I lived in was remotely big, it had it's own school system, an ice rink, and a bus route. To the whole East side was the salty ocean, leaving the air always foggy and cold. My families house was surrounded by other houses, and next to the Boardwalk. That's about it though, the closest mall was 2 hours south. So technically, there was some parts I couldn't travel to. But I knew the bus routes.
It was December 2nd, and as I slipped into the house at 4 o'clock I realized how dark it was. Both my parents were asleep, and all was quiet. It was unsettling, I quickly pulled my boots off and ran up to my room. I shut the door, settled on my bed, and it took a second. My usual boards blocking the windows were replaced with heavy curtains. I smiled, I was excited. Maybe my parents noticed the true reason for my depression, that or they gave up on me and wanted me to die. Either way, sadly, was fine with me.
I had tinted windows so I was able to not break out in hives as I watched the sun rise. Outside our house was a boardwalk to the beach, I realized then I still haven't walked in the sand. Then I saw a boy. He broke all my thoughts, cause I knew the moment I saw him. I wanted to know his name.
Let's just say this guy, had the body of a god. For some reason he didn't have a shirt on (I'm not complaining), and it revealed his jaw dropping abs. Maybe it was because I've never seen a shirtless guy in real life, but Tumblr had educated me well. And his, was damn good. After I finished drooling at that body of his, I looked at his bag. He held a sports bag that was protruding a hockey stick, a jock. Explained the body.
He stood at the bus stop in front of my room and peacefully, I watched him, he wasn't very interesting. Although, 15 minutes in, he realized he didn't have a shirt on. Mystery guy put on a sweater and ruined a fraction of my fun.
Gajeel walked by him, about to enter my house. He waved to the boy. They waved! Holy shit! They knew each other! I looked over at the time, 5:30, listened to the door open and Gajeel's heavy footfall. The moment he walked into my room, I gestured him over to my window.
"Name." I said bluntly
"Gray Fullbuster." He answered. "Why would you care?"
"No reason!" I looked down, closing my curtains as the bus picked him up. "... Does he go to Fairy Tail High?"
"Um... Yes?" Gajeel leaned back so his upper shoulders rested on my wall "now, if you want information on Gray I can't gi-"
"Please! Gajeel!"
"Fine! But only for you Juvia!" He growled
"Yay!" I squealed and scooted closer to him. Like a little kid waiting for story time.
"Gray is actually one of the few people I can tolerate at school. He's best friends with Natsu, and is the Ice Hockey teams ace. Full scholarship, average grades. Pretty popular. I guess... He gets asked out a lot." He trailed away
"Juvia sees... Competition is a problem!" I looked down then back up "Juvia wants to meet him."
"Er." He looked away "no?"
"Juvia wants to meet him."
"No? No." Gajeel had a trace of doubt. I stared at him sternly, until he broke. "They have a game next week, it ends at 6:30. I can take you to meet him. Only a hi, no more."
"JUVIA LOVES YOU!"
As I waited for the game to come, I entertained myself by trying out different outfits and make up. It was pretty bizarre. Even I was aware that trying to meet a guy you only caught a glimpse of at the bus stop outside your house, was peculiar. Yet, I had to. Like there was some force pulling me towards him, Gray Fullbuster was someone I had to meet.
When the game day arrived, I ate a big breakfast, took a long shower, and settled in my outfit. I wore a dark blue dress, that had long sleeves, with sheer leggings and long brown boots, I inspected myself in the mirror and smiled. I thought I looked cute. My natural hair was curling perfectly today, maybe a sign. Gajeel knocked and I pulled myself away from my mirror, throwing on a dark green vest in case it got cold.
"Coming," I opened the door for my best friend and he grinned.
"Someone's trying hard," He laughed
"Is it really obvious?" I felt my stomach drop.
"Nah, unless he knew you before. Just used to you in sweatpants and t shirts, it makes me oblivious to the fact that if you tried. You'd be actually pretty," he shrugged, blunt as ever.
"Thank you, and also," I pulled on my beanie and grabbed a small bag. "Juvia's ready now!"
We left my house just as the sun faded from our view. Gajeel and I waited at the bus stop, it only took five minutes for our ride. Than another fifteen for the bus to reach our stop. I've never been to the rink until that moment, and as we sat down in the bleachers. I realized how immensely popular ice hockey is in our town, people were flooding in and sitting down. There were all ages, but a lot of high schoolers. As I looked around, dazed by all the commotion, I saw three girls. There were a lot of girls, but these three were looking at us.
"Gajeel." I said nervously.
"What?" The boredom was showing in his voice.
"Juvia is either crazy, or there are some girls looking at us." I tried not to make eye contact with them.
"What?" His voice was nervous, at least I'm pretty sure it was "where?"
"Over there!" An elbow in their direction later, sweat. The moment he saw them, sweat was beating down his forehead.
In the group of girls, there was a short one with blue hair that curled in odd places. Her jeans were white, with the ends rolled up, a pair of black converse on her feet. Her top was a coral sweater with light blue decorations. I'm talking about her, because when Gajeel looked at the girls, she waved. Happily, a light blush.
"Is she your girlfriend?"
"What!?" He whipped around, anger and embarrassment emitting from him. "Hell no."
"But she likes you." The other girls waved, and that time, I returned it. They smiled.
Then they walked over to our row of seats, my eyes went up and down the aisle hastily. Three seats open next to me, and two on the other side of Gajeel. The trio made it to us, and the middle one smiled.
"Hey Gajeel, and I don't think I've met you?" Her voice was perky as she stared me down.
"Juvia Lockser. And you haven't." I responded, smiling. Is she one of my rivals?
"Juvia, pretty name!" She sat down and pushed the short girl towards Gajeel, the blonde got a glare but the girl sat next to him anyways. "I'm Lucy,"
"Levy," I looked over at the shorter girl. "My names Levy,"
"Shrimp." Gajeel muttered. Levy whacked him.
"Gajeel! Stop it, I'm not that short." She responded, the blush only growing.
"I'm Erza, by the way." The final girl, a red head, said before sitting on the other side of Levy.
"Gajeel, we were wondering if this was your girlfriend?" Lucy chirped.
"No," he said instantly, a scoff included.
"We're friends," I clarified.
"Good!" I looked over at Lucy, her voice hiding a little malice. "So what school do you go to?"
"Oh... Juvia doesn't ..." I glanced at Gajeel, hoping he would save me. He didn't care. "Juvia doesn't go to school,"
"Really?" Levy said, it made me feel like an experiment and they just sat there prodding me.
"Well, that's cool." Lucy had uncertainty in her voice.
"She's here for Gray." Gajeel said, leaning back in his chair. "Well, actually she's here because she's never been to a game and saw Gray with his hockey stuff. Grew curious and forced me here."
"So another Gray fan, well he's a tough one. Wait..." She was a talker "you've never been to a game?! How long have you lived here, do you stay inside all day?"
She was joking. I got that, but it still hurt. Lucy didn't know of my condition and thought it was a light teasing, but the comment made me feel more insecure.
"Lucy, shut up." Gajeel said, giving the blonde a glare.
"S-sorry?"
"No. It's not your fault." I spoke up, "you've never met Juvia so you don't know, and Gajeel doesn't talk about her either."
"Listen, I probably said something insensitive and I'm sorry. If you're not comfortable exposing some secret, then you don't have too."
"Wait a second..." Levy hummed, thinking. Than Gajeel glare at her, shutting her up. "Never mind,"
The lights went down, hushing the crowd, I felt more comfortable. Darkness was my second home, but I told myself to be positive so I'll try to keep the mood. Lights flashed onto the rink and the players skated out. Home side was first, so players from Fairy Tail High emerged from the benches. A couple players were still benched, getting me nervous. What if Gray wasn't playing in the one game I came to?
"There he is," Lucy whispered to me, he was the last player. Fullbuster was pasted onto the back of his jersey, his hair was matted down from the helmet but just by his build, I knew it was Gray.
The game went by faster than I expected, I got really wrapped into it when things got started. The ongoing battle of 'home is winning!' or 'Oh no, they're falling behind!' It was immensely fun, despite my headache through the game. I wasn't the only one who enjoyed it. Lucy got into it too, and her pink haired boyfriend Natsu, who came late with popcorn, was cheering loudly with us. Gajeel remained bored but one time, Gray fell. My best friend stood up and yelled.
"GRAY YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY! STAND UP YOU ICE PRICK!" Gray looked over at him and frowned.
"HE'S RIGHT, HE BARELY TOUCHED YOU. WHAT ARE YOU, A BABY?!" Natsu joined in.
"SHUT UP! SKATING GETS HARD WHEN YOU'RE TIRED, YOU'RE JUST A FLAME BRAIN WITH NO COORDINATION!" Gray retorted.
Cute.
After the game, I stood outside with the four new companions and waited for Gray. They were all in his circle of friends, and they informed me that he was a little on the cold side. He's had girlfriends in the past, but the longest one was three months. Comforting, but I smiled. It took 30 minutes for Gray to join us.
Gray still had sweat on his forehead, and some of his hair was flattened. It fit him, but I wasn't planning on someone catching me stare. I looked at my feet, listening only to them banter, and tease. My headache worsened. My world became dim, and dizzy. My head was pounding, and I couldn't feel the ground, like everything else. Even my surface was leaving, my head couldn't focus. I was having a panic attack. I wanted to reach out for Gajeel, but I couldn't find him in the mess of my head.
Scream, do anything. But my fears restricted me, and all that was left was my loneliness. Everyone else was talking happily, I didn't want to ruin that all for my selfish self. I thought I was going to die, that or I already died. I couldn't tell by then. I was just about to accept it, when I suddenly remembered what my therapist said.
Breath. Breath Juvia, breath. I managed to calm myself down, and I could finally hear reality. Levy was calling for me, and then my vision began to return. I tried not thinking about them, and only my breathing, be selfish even more.
"Yeah?" I managed to sputter,
"Are you okay?" Levy's voice was heavy with worry.
"Yes. Juvia is fine." I looked up at everyone. Their eyes stared at me, confusion and worry in all.
"Juvia..." Gajeel leaned down and whispered in my year, knowing I would have hated him if he announced my problems. "Did you just have a panic attack?"
I nodded then smiled, anything to prove I was fine. He sighed in relief, I felt better. Proud that I could save myself and not depend on others.
"So, as I was saying." Lucy continued with the conversation I blanked out on. "This is Juvia, and Juvia, this is Gray."
I looked up, seeing him there. Gray nodded and a small smile was on his perfectly framed face. I could have melted than. I returned to the smile.
"It's nice to meet you," he said "how'd you like your first game?"
"Ah, it was lots of fun. Juvia thinks everyone's full of energy when cheering for their friends." My smile grew, feeling extremely happy.
"Yeah," he gave a smooth and calm laugh. "A little too much sometimes."
"Okay, well we're heading off. I'll see you guys tomorrow, and Juvia, hope to see you soon. We should hang out." Lucy said as she began to hold hands with Natsu and leave.
"See you later," her boyfriend simply said. The couple went on their way.
"I should also be going." Erza said as she closed her phone. "Bye guys, don't get into trouble."
It was just us four now and I caught Levy glancing at Gajeel, a look of expectation on her face. She was an open book, I smiled and decided to help her. And help Gajeel not be a hermit.
"Gajeel," he looked over at me, and I smiled deviously "Juvia is fine on her own, go ahead and walk Levy home. Alright bye,"
I looked at Gray and wanted to grab his hand, but I decided he might not like that. So I turned around and ran on my own, I headed towards the closest bus stop and when it came. I kept on running. I didn't want Gajeel to catch up, and decided that I would just head to the beach. It took a while, but I jogged down the steps and was greeted with sand.
"Juvia!" I muttered a curse word under my breath.
"Gajeel! Take my advice!" I turned around, expecting my towering friend, instead for Gray. He stood on the top staircase and was panting.
"Sorry I'm not Gajeel, and do you run cross country or something? Cause, damn, you can run!" He sighed and sat down.
"It was mainly adrenaline. Why did you follow Juvia?" I crouched down, playing in the sand with my index finger.
"Gajeel wanted to run after you, but I got what you were trying to do. So I told him I'll get you home. He said you live close to me." Gray watched me.
"Oh, well.." I wasn't sure what to say. "Um... Juvia went to the game because she saw you outside her house."
"What?" He sounded disturbed.
"No!" I didn't want him to think I was a stalker, "Juvia lives right next to bus stop 6. And Juvia was looking out the window when she saw you. Juvia doesn't go out much, but she knew she wanted to see you play. You seemed really... Passionate or something along those lines."
"That's..." He covered his face, and slowly brought his hand down to just his mouth. I caught a light blush dusting his cheeks, I embarrassed him. "Geez, no filter. Thanks,"
I laughed and looked at the time on my phone, 9:49. Still had lots of time to kill, and was stuck with nothing to say. We were quiet for a couple minutes before Gray stood up.
"I want to play in the water," he walked past me and turned in the direction of the ocean.
I watched him reach the waters edge, and slowly I stood up. Walking closer to see the water for myself, I didn't know how to swim and didn't think I'll ever learn. But I was curious to see him, or see how people play in the water. That night, was beautiful. Maybe it was the butterflies in my stomach, or Gray slowly stripping.
But maybe it was the view, it was one of those nights that were perfect to painters or photographers. The water was low tide, shells lined the beach and the night sky glittered on the water surface. Gray seemed to be the brightest of all, his tan skin glowed and the moonlight reflected off of him. It was cold, but I couldn't feel it. I didn't think Gray could either, cause he had completely stripped to just his boxers.
"Are you going to join me?" One foot waded in the water as he stared at me, a small smile on his face.
"Ah... Juvia can't,"
"Why not? Oh, is it the clothes. I forgot you might not want to swim in your under wear." He looked away "sucks to be a girl sometimes,"
"No, Juvia doesn't know how to swim. She never learned." I sat down, slipped my shoes off and held my knees close.
"I see, do you want to learn?" He dove under the water and quickly emerged "cold!"
"Yes," I said immediately
"Than come on." He grinned and used a hand to pull his hair back. "Join me."
He was playful, and extremely attractive. I think the water trickling down his abs was beginning to hypnotize me. I didn't want to be a boring girl, plus I was destined to die soon. Why not cut loose? I stood up, and noticed his eyes were on me, if he wanted to play, I would play harder.
I hitched up the back of my dress and pulled my tights down, letting loose my legs. Than I walked over to the water and smiled, a thought coming to my mind.
"Gray," he walked towards me and I turned around, pulling all my hair to one side of my face. "Unzip Juvia please, She can't reach."
"What?" He was shocked, I could hear it in his voice. I wasn't shy because I made sure to wear my cute bra and underwear. Not that I was expecting this ordeal, but because it felt like a good luck charm.
He reached forward and I could feel his rough knuckles brush the nape of my neck. It shot electricity down my spine, and slowly he unzipped me. I let the sleeves drop down to my elbows and reveal my pale back, along with the lacey light blue bra. I turned only my head towards him and smiled, trying to hide my embarrassment.
"Thank you," I sauntered forward to the pile of our clothes and threw my dress down. I looked down at my body, for someone who has a disease that causes them to break out in hives. I thought my skin was smooth, but was still beginning to feel insecure. I've never been around other girls to compare myself with, whether that's good thing or bad thing, I didn't know.
I returned to the water and took a couple steps into the oceans blue. It was cold, but that's what you get for swimming in the late fall. Gray had his back to me and was currently squirting water out from his pressed palms. I walked until the water reached my lower hips and ran my fingers on the surface, causing light ripples. I smiled, feeling strangely comfortable in the salty sea.
"Gray," He stopped and turned towards me.
"Geez, didn't think you'd actually do it. Aren't you cold?"
"Actually, no. Juvia feels exhilarated." I smiled, and stepped towards him.
"Well, that's good I guess." He returned my smile. "Swimming is pretty easy, just relax. Kick your legs to keep you up. Or rely on the natural instinct of the human body to float. Blow bubbles out your nose too."
I blinked, it sounded simple. I guess I did that in the bath tub. So I dove down into the water, the cold biting at my skin. I did exactly as Gray told me, blew bubbles out my nose and kicked. Running out of breath, I burst out and took a big gulp of air. Gray was laughing, I opened my eyes to find him a couple feet to my right.
"What's funny?"
"You just went for it, usually people are a lot more tentative. You're quite fun Juvia," he was smiling, and I felt myself blush.
"Thanks," my voice was quiet, I rarely got compliments from a stranger.
"You're a natural though. Sure you haven't swam before?"
"Oh no, Juvia never left the house before until a couple weeks ago." I popped my lips together, suddenly regretting my words.
"Are you a shut in? Or maybe a hard core otaku? It's not my business, but it's bizarre." He laid on his back kicking lightly under the water.
"No, none of those. Juvia has a real reason but she'd rather not talk about it, it's kind of a sensitive subject."
"Does third person talking fall under that category?" He looked at me.
"Ah, yes." It was part of my depression, I wanted to keep the mood light. "Enough about Juvia though, what do you do?"
"School, school, hockey, and study." Gray said "unless I have a girlfriend. Than my schedule is even more packed. Don't have one now sadly, my previous one was really good at kissing though."
I puffed my cheeks up, feeling jealous. Without giving it a second thought, I splashed a big wave of water into his face. Gray stood up, coughing roughly into his clenched hand.
"What the hell was that for?" He glared at me, for only a second did I regret my choice.
"You don't talk about another girl in front of Juvia, or any girl for that matter." I huffed "it's extremely rude, and probably makes it hard for you to get laid."
"What?" He scoffed, smirking playfully. "Don't bring my sex life into this, yours is probably not that great."
"Well..." I shrugged and was about to respond, but instead I got a mouthful of water.
I spat the water out and glared back at Gray. He was laughing, finding his own childish antics funny. I returned it playfully and broke out a splash war. We laughed together for half an hour, hitting water in each other's direction. Gray seized the war when he picked me up and tossed me down into the ocean. I snorted water on accident as I found myself plunged into the water and quickly pulled myself out.
"That was mean!" I rubbed my nose as it stung.
"Sorry," he pulled my hand away and smiled. "Want me to kiss it?"
"No!" I wanted to say yes, but I habitually rejected his offer.
"Ouch, like a punch in the gut." He stepped back, letting go of my wrist.
"Well throwing a girl in water isn't a very good impression, and Juvia-" I rushed forward, and pushed his shoulders down, hoping to dunk him. Instead I wasn't strong enough, and only made him stumble back a step. My whole body was pressed against his, and I expected him to push me away.
"Geez, you suck at dunking." He laughed lightly and rested his fully extended arms on my shoulders.
"Forgot Juvia hasn't exercised for 17 years, and you've been playing hockey for a while." I looked up at him, sliding my hands down to his upper chest. I had to force myself not to look down, our bodies pressed against each other made it hard to think and my stomach did flips.
"6 years." He corrected me, causing my eyes to roll. "Say, for a girl I met about two hours ago. I really like you,"
Had to stop myself from screaming. "For a boy Juvia was told was cold to girls, you seem strangely nice."
"Odd, you called me rude when I threw you in the water." He smiled, could swear he leaned closer to my face.
"Actually, Juvia was referring to your action as rude. Not you in general."
"I see, well I'm glad to paint a better picture for you than my friends. I would like to hang out with you again, first girl I've liked in two months."
"Juvia would love to, but only if you stop bringing up other girls. And comparing her to them" I took a chance.
I was 17, never even had physical contact with a boy my age unless punching Gajeel counted. But I felt such a rush of energy around Gray, and I could feel him staring holes into me. So I went on my toes, feeling the water ripple, and squish between us. I closed my eyes and used my hands to pull Gray down to my height. He wasn't pulling away or saying anything, I took that as a good sign and closed the little distance between us. His lips were cold, and when they met mine, they split apart little.
My first kiss was gentle, and it made me feel fluttery. His hands moved down my body, one grazing my chest. Gray's left hand settled on the small of my back and the other on the back of my neck. He pulled away too early for me, but the grin that broke out on his face made me forgive him.
"Damn Juvia," his upper hand brushed away the wet hair sticking to the side of my face. "Did I ever tell you that I love girls who can kiss well? Because I'm guessing that was your first kiss, and you're a natural."
"Oh, Gray wasn't to bad himself. Juvia is happy for your compliment," I wanted to kiss again. But my courage dispenser ran out, and he pulled away.
I remembered how cold the water was, and shivered. Holding my body with my own arms.
"So now that you've played with me, you can go find a real guy." He began to walk back to the beach.
"What?" I stuttered.
"Didn't you kiss me because you're sexually frustrated, I don't mind that."
"No! Juvia-"
"Oh please, you don't like me. You don't know me. Here's my theory, your 16-" he started, but I coughed.
"17!"
"Okay. You're a 17 year old girl, never had a boyfriend, sexual encounters, or anything along those lines. You've never had a boy you liked, and so when you found us having a good time. You believed you liked me, when in reality you're just confused. I'm not offended, glad I could help actually." I followed him, gritting my teeth until he stopped. Our feet were the only thing touching the water now, and my body was shivering.
"Juvia can not believe this, when you painted a nice picture of yourself you had to go back and made yourself a monster. Finally found what Lucy and Gajeel were talking about," he turned around, smirking.
"Going to hate me?" His tone pissed me off.
"No, because that's childish. Juvia will just prove you wrong." I grabbed my clothes, and was feeling ultimately cold at that moment. Gray grabbed his own and pulled them back on, which I don't know how he could tolerate wet boxers under dry pants. I slipped on my dress and zipped it up.
"Hey, you could have unzipped it yourself!" Gray huffed.
"Yup," I pulled on my vest and boots, tucking my beanie and tights into my purse.
With that I stormed off, almost tripping in the sand a couple times in my rage. Gray followed behind me, a lot more calm about this than I was. He probably did this to every girl, and that thought scared me. A lot. What scared me even more is the fact he might have been right. What if it was just the moment, I was so busy chasing a boy I barely knew anything about that I didn't even notice my stupidity. I was being immature, and an idiot.
We reached the bus stop and I sat on the end of the bench, he took the other end and silence broke out. I was too scared to say anything, and my anger melted away to only sadness. I glanced at the bus schedule, the next bus wouldn't arrive 'till 3:45. I looked at my phone, 12:17. I sighed and regretted even leaving my house, I should have just remained a shut-in and not get attached to anyone. But the last four weeks, were the best time I've had in 14 years. I fell in love, went shopping and met other girls my age. I had so much fun, and now.
I wanted to live.
"Juvia," his voice was husky and quiet. "I'm sorry, I realize that I don't know much about you either. It was wrong for me to assume things about you."
"Juvia forgives you, but hear her out," I took a deep breath, pulled my legs up onto the bench and hug them tightly. I rested my head on the caps and turned only my head towards him, he watched me. "When she was in her room, sitting there. Wondering what she could possibly do to entertain herself today. She saw a boy outside, waiting for the bus. He had no shirt on and it completely threw her off, but she had fun watching him. It was like a light in her dark life. When Juvia's only friend knew him and told her about that boy. She knew she had to meet him. And that thought made her forget all her problems. All those heavy burdens and difficulties were lifted by a boy she only knew the name of. Gray, you are that boy. Juvia will stop for nothing to make you believe her, so please. Believe her feelings."
"I…" He stared at me, searching for words. "I'm sorry. For ever doubting you, but I can't return those feelings. I would need to know you better-"
"Silly!" I laughed, "That's why Juvia will make you meet her again. And hopefully, we can kiss again!"
He returned the laugh and scooted close to me, pulling his phone out. "Here," he handed it to me with a blank contact on screen. "I'll text you when we can meet."
I took the smart phone and handed him my cheap texting phone. After a minute of exchanging numbers, we returned each others phone. Gray put his hand out, as if forcing me to take it. I grew aware he was playing me like a game, but I didn't mind. I intertwined my fingers with his and smiled, Gray was giving me lots of firsts. My crush rested his head on my shoulder, and closed his eyes.
"Gray!" I blushed.
"Sh! Wake me up when the bus gets here, we have almost 3 hours to kill. And I'm tired." His breathing became shallow and relaxed.
"F-fine," I muttered.
I sat there humming a quiet tune, but after some time I became drowsy. I pinched myself, trying to keep myself awake. I lost the battle, rested my head upon his and closed my eyes. Sleep washed over me as I clenched his hand, feeling ultimately at peace.
I was awoken by a couple birds tweeting and the boy next to my squirming in his sleep. I opened my eyes and looked at my phone, dead. It was dark still but when I turned to the east, I saw a small glimmer of light. The sun. I felt frozen, and true terror ran through my body as I stood up. Gray yawned and looked at me, a small smile on his face.
"You fell asleep too?" I looked at him, he must have saw my fear. "What's wrong?"
"Juvia has to go. Now."
I said nothing more. My body ran on autopilot as I made a break for my house, it was a mile away and a 25 minute walk, but not once did I stop. The sun got higher and higher, making me only run faster. I was sore, exhausted, and my heel broke when I turned onto my street. My ankle buckled and I felt it twist in agony, I stopped for a second. Then my upper thigh burned as the sun greeted it. I screamed, tears brimming my eyes. I could feel the blisters, it was the worst thing I've ever felt. Like someone lit my leg on fire after oiling it with gasoline.
Gray was yelling for me to stop but I needed my house, I needed to be hidden from the demon above me. I recovered as quick as I could before running the last couple yards, my hand began to burn making the tears fall faster and finally I burst open the front door and closed it hastily. I fell to the floor in crippling pain, my parents rushed to my side. They were both crying, and I heard Gray knocking loudly. I couldn't believe he chased after me, I wanted to be happy.
My parents carried me into my room and called my doctor, I sat on my bed, waiting for the pain to stop. The blisters were ugly, and I wanted them to disappear. My phone rang, and rang. I crawled over to the plug in, where my mom decided to charge my phone. It was exactly who I guessed it was, Gray.
"Hey…" I pressed it up against my ear.
"What the hell happened? You couldn't wait for a bus to pick you up?!" He was panting through the speaker, I pulled my curtain back. He was staring at my rooms window, but I knew he couldn't see me through the tinted mass.
"No, Juvia couldn't." I pressed my palm against the glass, crying harder.
"And why the hell no-?!"
IOut of nowhere Gajeel punched him square in the jaw, he appeared so suddenly making Gray drop his phone and myself gasp in horror. I could hear them tousle on the street through my phone. Gajeel looked furious, and I had a good guess why.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" It was the angriest I ever heard Gajeel.
"Why did you punch me?!" Gray retorted "I didn't do anything wrong!"
"NOTHING WRONG!?" He grabbed Gray by the collar. "I told you to bring Juvia home! Not keep her out all night! You're a FUCKING idiot! You could have killed her!"
"Wha-" He stumbled back as Gajeel released him from his grip. "I…"
"Juvia couldn't leave the house for all those years because she's allergic to the fucking sun. And if she stayed out for just a couple more minutes. She. Would. Have. DIED!"
Gajeel pushed him back and stormed into my families house, I heard him slam the front door and in a couple seconds he was standing in my doorway. I didn't turn towards him, instead I watched Gray stand still. He stood out there for awhile before burying his face into his hands, I watched him walk over to the fallen phone and crouch down, picking it up. He stared at it before bringing it up to his ear.
"Juvia. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." His voice was drenched in sadness. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have just brought you home,"
Gray dropped his arm down to his side and hit the hang up button, then he left my view. He didn't look up and instead, left me feeling guilty. Like everything was my fault. And I began to believe him. The beeping on the receiver echoed in my ear, as if screaming 'I failed', over and over again. I felt my heart break, and I said the only words I could.
"I'm sorry." I muttered, in a futile attempt for him to hear me. "I am so sorry."
It was useless.
I didn't leave the house for almost two months, not for Christmas, or the New Year celebration. I only left my room to eat or use the bathroom. Gray and I didn't talk at all, and the only time Gajeel mentioned him was when he told me the hockey team won nationals. During this time was my lowest point, I ate a lot and wrote a lot of songs. Read lots of sad books and stopped my therapist from coming to the house.
Snow came down upon our town late January, and it was the only thing that made me want to leave the house. I felt like exhausted from my own depression and I have always wanted to see the snow. I went to my closet and pulled on light washed jeans, a knitted pale blue sweater, and finally a black faux fur lined A-line coat. I walked to the bathroom and brushed my hair into a curly ponytail, turning a couple times to make sure I looked put together.
After much consideration, I went with my dark brown booties and tucked my black fur ear muffs behind my hair, over my ears. I grabbed my cross over purse, tucked my phone and wallet into it and said good bye before leaving. The winter air caused me to shiver, I walked a little ways before stopping and looking up, catching a snowflake on my eyelash. I smiled.
"Juvia?" I turned towards the voice. Lucy, the girl from the hockey game. I nearly forgot about her.
"Yes," I walked towards her. "Its been awhile Lucy."
She smiled and brought me into a warm hug, I yelped in surprise. Seriously confused on why she was hugging me, but I returned it anyways. After a little bit, she pulled away and held my hands. Her's were colder than mine. I wondered how long she was out there.
"I was so worried. No! Everyone was worried, Gray and Gajeel told us about your condition. We all cried, and I feel SO bad for what I said at the game. Completely uncalled for-"
"Wait," I shook my head in disbelief. "You cried for Juvia? You barely know her."
"Listen, when we meet someone. Even if it's just for a couple hours, you become precious to us. It's how we work. And Juvia, you are one of us, because we all love you. It's weird, but it's how we work. I was heading to meet with everyone just now, join us!" She was the brightest girl I've ever met and it almost brought me to tears.
"Of course! Juvia would love too!" I smiled, that feeling I missed from two months ago returning.
We small talked all the way to a restaurant, where they apparently met every Friday to eat dinner together. Lucy told me about their antics at school and how Erza will yell at the boys when they do something stupid. Her boyfriend Natsu and how he's a dork, a dork she loves. Her face shone with love when ever she said his name, it made me jealous. I told her about my music, and how sometimes Gajeel would join in. She cringed, saying he sang at school too, it caused a catastrophe. We laughed a lot, but our time was cut short when we arrived.
We entered together and saw everyone at the big table. Natsu, Erza, Jellal ( "Erza's boyfriend, super sweet!" Lucy said), Gajeel, Levy, and finally Gray. I was greeted with hugs from all the girls, and an earful of I love you's. Natsu smiled at me, and waved. Jellal was the most polite, he stood up and shook my hand as we introduced ourselves. Gajeel stood up in shock, obviously not expecting me to be there, which made sense. I didn't know I was going to be there either.
Gray stared at me in shock, and when I was released from everyone else I looked at him. He opened and closed his mouth, scrambling for words to say. I simply smiled awkwardly and waved, not knowing what else to do. He nodded and I was pushed to sit next to him by Lucy. We ordered drinks, I got a Shirley temple and used it as an excuse not to discuss with the party. I skimmed the menu, not knowing what I want. I settled with a seafood, and finally noticed a shrimp cocktail. I have never tried shrimp, and it's always looked good. It served eight shrimps, and I got nervous. I would have felt bad if I didn't like it and made someone else eat it, or worse get it thrown away.
"Does anyone want to share a shrimp cocktail?" I heard my voice intertwine with Gray's. We said it simultaneously.
We stared at each other, and I broke out in a smile. Everyone was staring at us and suddenly I felt funny, like fate was playing with us too much. I began to laugh and he did too. In just a couple seconds, Gray and I were laughing manically at each other, The rest of the group stared at us like we were psycho's, which I believed them. We calmed down and it was like all the bad blood between us was boiled down to nothing.
"I'll share one with you," He said, stacking our menus. "I'm sorr-"
"No!" I stopped him, the words that have been haunting me for two months were on the tip of my tongue. "Juvia's sorry. She should have told you,"
He smiled, and I felt rejuvenated. I returned it and everyone began to clap, causing both of us to blush. I laughed in embarrassment while Gray yelled at them, his hand grabbing hold of mine under the table. I squeezed it, reassurance for myself to prove it was real. And it was.
The shrimp was really sweet.
I swung our arms in beat with my humming, a smile on both our faces. We walked home together after the dinner party, his friends letting us be alone for the night. Gajeel was the most reluctant after everything that happened but Levy managed to drag him away.
"What are you thinking?" His voice seized my thoughts, and I turned my head to him.
"That maybe Gray feels the same, or maybe he'll begin to see Juvia in a romantic way soon," I answered honestly
"Ah, do you want an answer?" He stopped, making me a couple steps in front of him. I looked down.
"Juvia, doesn't want you to make rash decisions." I took the steps towards him and held his other hand, smiling as happily as I could.
He leaned down, bringing our lips together for the second time. I instantly closed my eyes and threw my arms around his neck, pulling Gray as close as I possibly could to myself. He wrapped his own arms around my lower stomach, the distance between us little to nothing. Our lips melted together, it started soft and sweet then slowly evolved into more. I playfully bit his lower lip, and I felt him smile.
It was around then we forgot how public we were, not that there were a lot of people at 9 o'clock. Gray pulled away first, and we found ourselves in need of a breather. He set his forehead on mine and smiled, sending those all too familiar shots of electricity through my body.
"Let's date," he whispered, "I don't think my feelings are as strong as yours, but I know I feel something."
"That's fine," I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck. "Juvia will still be there."
"Likewise." We both forgot about the snow drifting down.
Our second kiss, was like a secret promise.
I looked at my phone before walking up to Lucy's mansion of a house. 6:54, July 16th. She cryptically invited me a week ago, and told me to wear nice clothes. I figured it was some party, so I went ahead and made chocolate as a treat. I knocked and was pulled into the house quickly. It was dark, and I was being pulled deeper into the mansion, my mind was racing with questions and was about to ask who it was. Then I was suddenly blinded with light, forcing me to close my eyes.
"Juvia, what are you wearing?" Lucy said angrily before I could even recover.
"W-what?" I rubbed my eyes until I could clearly see myself in Lucy's large walk-in closet. Levy also stood there, smiling. "Juvia is wearing jeans and a collared shirt." I shifted uncomfortably.
"I said nice clothes, meaning a dress." She huffed, and I rolled my eyes.
"Slow down, why? You just dragged Juvia here, she has no idea what's going on."
"It's Gray's birthday?" Lucy said it like it was the most important thing in the world, like I should know exactly why she was going through this trouble.
But I didn't. Gray never mentioned his birthday to me. Not once, and honestly, hearing it from one of his friends upset me. I bit my lip, contemplating what I would do.
"Gray never told Juvia..." I said.
"Oh…" Lucy took a breath "Good thing you have me than. I was wondering why Gray seemed off in class, he kept on spacing out and looking at his phone,"
"Juvia is a horrible girlfriend!" I pulled my hair back in distraught.
"No your not! We should have told you, or at least Gray should've!" Levy stepped in and set a hand on my shoulder. "It's fine, Lucy kind of guessed this, he didn't tell us after we knew him for three years."
"So, I got you reservations to a really high class restaurant that my Dad owns. So everything is on the house, and not only that but I got you a suite room for later. If you know what I mean." Lucy waggled her eyebrows.
"Juvia and Gray have only been dating for six months! We can't have sex!" I yelled
"You guy's haven't done it yet!? Oh my god! Levy and Gajeel have been dating for three and she already lost her V-card two weeks ago!" Lucy was flabbergasted.
"TMI!" Covering my ears, "Juvia and Gray are taking it slow!"
"Geez, Gray is playing nice with you. He might get bored soon," She said deviously. Lucy must have known those words would rile me up.b
For the next hour, Lucy and Levy picked and pondered too many dresses, I got bored just standing there letting them hold it up against me and shake their head. They went on on how he's wearing a tuxedo tonight, with a light blue tie so I had to correspond with that. Lucy looked at my almost bare body, and frowned.
"What size are you?" She walked over to her dresser, and opened the bottom drawer.
"Um, 36D?" I said, as Levy put a light blue crochet dress next to me.
"Perfect! I accidentally ordered a size smaller when I was buying my first lingerie, and I think this will fit you! Dont worry, I only wore it once to try it on and was about to return it but if it fits you. Take it." She made me hold it and smiled "Levy, I like that one! It fit's Gray's tie perfectly and it will give little peeks of her bra. In a sexy way, and a maxi cardigan will look perfect with it."
I was sent to the bathroom to change, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the two. I took all my own clothes off, and pulled on Lucy's-now mine-lingerie. It was white with silver and blue decorations, the bra was strapless and had a lacy top. The panties were probably the most uncomfortable for my taste. They were a light blue and a thick strip of white lace laid at the hem, along with small buckles that connected to white tights. It had even more lace at the top of the tights but after that it was all sheer, I slipped on my dress.
Surprisingly, it didn't fit my figure. Instead it was loose and the two straps turned into thick crochet in the back, meeting in the middle and dropping down to the lower rib. It showed my whole bra but the moment I put on the maxi cardigan, it fell into place. I twirled around, feeling like a modern day princess, with just a bit more sexy. Lucy knocked before walking into see me.
"You look so pretty!" She said, wrapping me in a big hug.
"Juvia feels pretty! Thank you," I said, genuinely grateful. I ran over and hugged Levy too, making sure to kiss each of their foreheads.
"Gray will be here in 30 minutes, hair, makeup, and shoes!" Lucy led me to her vanity and gave me a pile of shoes, before pushing me down in the chair.
These two must do this a lot, because Levy applied my make up in ten minutes flat. Well, I already had my skin done and a light coat of mascara. She only did a small cat eye and added glitter in my lashes, along with adding a peachy red to my lips. Lucy pulled out a straightening iron, which made me second guess everything we tried to do. My hair was stubborn and refused to flatten out, I tried it once but failed. But I put hope into my blonde friend, she was a lot more experienced in the beauty department and knew what she was doing.
I stared at my choice of shoes, and put down all heels deciding I wasn't in the mood to trip. I looked at all the flats, and grabbed a cream pair. They had a small heel, and bow, I slipped them on and smiled. Lucy was just pulling a little fraction of my hair on both sides into a bow clip when the doorbell rang. I stood up and hugged them both, grabbing the clutch Levy prepared for me before looking in the mirror one last time. My hair was actually straight and it was a bizarre change, but I liked it.
I sped walked down the stairs, and grabbed the doors handle, swinging open the only thing that blocked me from Gray. He saw me and smiled affectionately, I returned it and hugged him. Gray laughed and spun me around to the other side, setting me down only to close the door. I grabbed his hand and he walked me away from Lucy's house. His black tuxedo fit him nicely and the blue tie, that was slightly crooked, matched my dress perfectly.
Gray didn't pick me up in a super nice car, or a limousine. Not even a car in general, he walked to our friends house only to see me. Because Gray wasn't a dream prince, he was human. Made lots of mistakes, like avoiding me for two months, not telling me his birthday. But I wouldn't want my man any other way, because he was perfect for me.
We arrived at the restaurant after a short walk, the air outside was humid and a small summer breeze caused my cardigan to ruffle. Gray led me in through the glass doors, still holding my hand. We were greeted by a hostess and taken to a small, two person table. This was probably the nicest restaurant in our town, it's tall ceilings were lined with elegant chandeliers and everyone there was dressed in their nicest clothes. I felt out of place, and pulled on the hem of my dress.
We sat down across from each other, and watched our waiter set the menus down in front of us. He set two wine glasses on the table and poured a clear liquid into both, I gave Gray a look of questioning and he smiled.
"Lucy's father runs a winery," The waiter left, and he took the bottle with him."Plus he's super lax, we can drink here."
"Law breaking?" I shifted uncomfortably in the cushioned chair. "Juvia isn't…"
"Fun?"
"No!" I lick my lips, "Juvia just wasn't planning on breaking a law today. Or any day…"
He rolled his eyes "Just for tonight? It's my birthday."
"Fine…" I took the wine glass, studying the carbonated drink before taking a sip. It was surprisingly sweet, and didn't taste sour like I've heard. "What kind is this?"
"Arbor Mist, It's a little too sweet for my taste." Gray drank a little more before setting it down to scan the menu.
After a bottle of Arbor Mist and a filling dinner, I stood up. I was so nervous and I felt like I could throw up, but I steadied myself with the table and took a deep breath. Instead of leaving a tab, we were given a room key. It all became very real then.
"Let's go." He was completely calm, so I tried to relax my shaking legs.
"Yeah," It took all I had not to stutter.
To the very right of the restaurant, was a marble staircase leading to the hotel lobby. We were in the condo and I prayed for an elevator. Gray held my hand and walked me up those steps, making sure I wouldn't trip or fall. When we finished the flight of stairs and showed our card to the employee behind the counter, he turned to me and smiled.
"Lucy told me she forced the manager to put in heavy curtains for you. Also I put in an order for more wine," His smile was childish and it ceased my worries.
I didn't respond, instead I returned the smile. Before I knew it, Gray was sliding our room key on the scanner. We still stood in the elevator but apparently you get the whole floor to yourself when you stay in a condo. The room was beyond beautiful, It's dark hardwood floors were warm to the touch and a large window spanned the front wall, it's heavy curtains pushed to one sides. I took a step in and did a small spin, taking in everything.
"This is so…" I couldn't think of a word that equaled the beauty of our room.
"Yeah," He understood where I was coming from, and hugged me from behind. Wrapping his arms around me and pulling me up against his body. "It's not only the room though,"
"Stop," I felt my cheeks heat up, he was always a smooth talker when he needed to be. "Gray…"
"Hm?" He was busy burying his face in my neck, I could feel his breath and lips.
"I love you."
The words poured out without my consent, and I regretted them immediately. Gray slowly pulled away, the places he touched still burning. He shifted uncomfortably, and I smiled meekly, trying to take back my words. Whether they were a lie or not. I walked over to the windows, watching the car headlights whiz by in our quiet city. Gray walked over to me, not saying a word before taking my hand and bringing it to his lips. He watched me in the corner of his eye than spoke.
"I'm sorry, you are always so honest. I can never keep up, plus you've sacrificed a lot of time for me and I couldn't even say three words." His eyes glistened, as if he was about to cry.
"I love you," I said again. "I love you, Gray. I love you. I'll say it enough to make up for your cowardness. I'll say it more than anyone. Because even if adults think were just ignorant kids, we know our feelings and I know this is the only love I'll ever have. And it was a great first and last love."
The reality hit him harder, and hot tears streamed down, like I just turned a faucet. He made me cry, and together we fell apart. Gray hugged me, wetting the dress Lucy gave me for the night, and he clenched his fists, cause the world was cruel to us. I loved him, and although he would never say it to me, I knew Gray loved me. That night was full of tears and love, we never spoke of it again cause it was our night. Our secret promise.
Later that year, I lost feeling in my hand. I couldn't move it and was stuck in a dim hospital room, my own 18th birthday was spent in a grey hospital room smelling of sanitizer. It was still my favorite birthday, and Gray smiled constantly. Even though I could see his eyes sore from tears. I began to regret my life once again, along with our love. But my selfishness, I was a aware of my short life but I still went and fell in love, then made it mutual. Only to tear him apart at the seams.
Next were my legs, and neck. I couldn't turn to look at him, instead Gray had to sit on the bed and position himself to make sure I could see him. He kissed me a lot, but even that feeling was ripped away. Only a couple days after my legs, my eyes and lips lost their movement and feeling. I couldn't kiss him back, nor could I feel his lips against mine. I couldn't see him, his strong jaw or dark hair.
It tore me apart.
'I love you.' I wrote messily with my only good hand, then reached up to touch his face. He was smiling, and tears hit my thumb.
I never got a response.
Juvia passed away on a cold November night, her death was slow and took two months to let her heart give up. I didn't cry at her funeral, but everyone else did. My pride was my greatest flaw, because even after 18 years, Juvia was the only person to see my cry. I couldn't say 'I love you' to her, despite the fact I did but I was afraid that if I responded. I would be the one take her place in the hole of depression.
She died with our child, the four month baby never got to see the light. It was when I got this news that I cried, and I never truly recovered from the pain. Juvia was the only girl I could have a child with, only girl I would want to marry. Only one I loved. And I could never tell her. I now stood at her grave, holding a bouquet of sunflowers and rosemary.
Juvia Lockser
and
Her beloved baby
October 23rd-November 17th
May you see the sun
in the heavens.
I smiled, she chose the words herself and I never understood why. Her words didn't make sense to me, she said to me once that when she died. She wanted to watch her friends have kids, and if she was so busy watching the sun. How could she observe her friends? A soft crunching of leaves made me turn around, Lucy held a yellow envelope and a small daisy. I smiled politely, and she returned it. Lucy set her flower down and stood up, holding the big envelope out for me.
"What's this?" I took it, beginning to open it already.
"Those two hours you weren't allowed to enter the hospital room is what you're looking at. Levy and I helped her type this, she wanted to give it to you so you'd never forget her," She sighed, melancholy heavy in her voice.
She left after more small talk, and I was alone with the ghost of my girlfriend. I sat down, leaning up against the side of her grave stone, pulling out the bulk of papers. I read it all, never stopping for a second, It took me half an hour and when I reached the last paragraph, I began to cry. It was in her messy handwriting, and stood out amongst the finely typed work.
Gray,
I'm sorry I couldn't give you an eternal love. You were a girls dream, and I was a living nightmare. Despite this you stayed with me, it caused me pain and made me love you more with each passing day, hour, minute. Second. I fell in love for my own forever, and left you lonely and empty. I cannot apologize enough, and I don't expect you to forgive me. I hope that for our short year together, that I was your own Sun.
Cause you were mine.
Love,
Juvia
Fin.
