Unconditionally
Part I
Aramis was walking through the palace gardens with d'Artagnan, Porthos, and Athos to answer a summons from Feron, the Governor of Paris, when they rounded corner and he saw them; the queen, the dauphin, and Constance. Anne was the first of them to notice the approaching musketeers and Aramis watched as Anne took two steps forward before seemingly catching herself and stopping.
"D'Art!" The dauphin exclaimed from behind her upon seeing his favorite musketeer.
While Anne turned to look back at her son, the governor, who was several paces behind her, looked ahead to the group of musketeers.
"Ah, Captain." Feron called out. The king's illegitimate half-brother came up next to the queen at the same time they did and, after they bowed, began to explain, "You probably haven't heard, Your Majesty, but there was an incident yesterday with some citizens who were, well, unhappy about the latest taxes, the higher prices for bread, and so forth, and they think I'm the one to blame. Ridiculous isn't it? It's the Spanish they should be directing their anger at. Anyway, I don't want to bore you with the details, but things were getting a little hairy when, thankfully, Captain Athos and this fine fellow," He clapped Porthos on the shoulder, "stepped in and managed to put an end to it."
"I did hear. The musketeers can always be counted on to save the day."
"Yes, well, I summoned them here to once again express my gratitude and to talk about dealing with the possibility of future incidents. If you'll excuse me, Your Majesty, Your Highness." Feron bowed and then started to walk away.
"D'Art, can we practice sword fighting?" The dauphin asked excitedly, stopping d'Artagnan from following the others, and giving Aramis the excuse he had been hoping for to stay behind. Since regaining his commission, Aramis had seen the queen and his son a handful of times, but from a respectable distance. He had come back to Paris knowing and accepting that he would have to restrain himself even more than before, but he would not-could not-cut himself off entirely.
"Louis, why don't we let d'Artagnan and Constance go and talk for a moment first." Anne interceded. "I want you to meet Monsieur Aramis."
D'Artagnan looked at Aramis and then over to Feron. Aramis gripped his hat tightly with both hands. He knew what the young musketeer was thinking. Feron was walking away with Athos and Porthos and did not seem to care if he and d'Artagnan followed. But should they excuse themselves and catch up with them anyway? Or stay? He had imagined talking to Anne and his son a thousand times, but now that such a situation was actually about to play out, he worried that he was not ready.
Apparently though, Constance wasn't going to give them a chance to refuse Anne. She said a quick, "Thank you, Your Majesty." Then took her husband's hand and led him a short distance away.
When Aramis turned back to Anne, he saw her take a deep breath before giving him a small smile.
He mirrored her actions and then decided to start with a simple statement, "Your Majesty, I hope you are well." She looked beautiful as always, but he worried about how the war was affecting her. She fully supported France and he believed it, but to wish for the defeat of her own brother, of her homeland, it must take a toll on her.
"I am, thank you." Anne answered cordially. She then looked down at her son and gently laid a hand on the back of his head. "Louis, say hello to Aramis."
The boy looked up at him. "Hello."
"I've told you stories about him." Anne's gaze flicked up to Aramis before continuing further. "About the bravest of the king's musketeers."
Aramis felt his heart jolt. She had told their son stories about him so he could know him in some way. After everything that happened, she still cared, and he could not deny it, so did he. How could he not, even the smallest bit, when it was for her sake that he left?
He got down on one knee so that he was eye level with little Louis. "Hello, Your Highness." Aramis greedily drank in the sight of his now four-year-old son; his warm golden curls and his bright eyes. D'Artagnan had told him the boy had everyone wrapped around his finger, and he could very easily believe it.
"Why do you have a big cross on your uniform?" Louis asked.
Aramis glanced down to the emblazoned cross on his new uniform. "Would you like to hear a story?"
Louis nodded his head eagerly.
"You see, I had this crucifix that I always wore. It was a good luck charm and one of my most treasured possessions." He briefly looked up at Anne when he said the latter part and then returned to the story. "Now, for the past few years, I have been at a monastery, but a couple weeks ago, it was taken over by the Spanish army to be used as a base in the war. When I heard what they had planned, I knew I had to get out of there and warn our side. I thought I had been able to slip away unnoticed, but one of the soldiers had followed me. He came at me with a knife," Aramis made a couple of invisible slashing motions, "and when I jumped back to avoid him, his knife caught on my necklace, on the crucifix. It threw him off for a second and I was able to overtake him, but the necklace had come off during the fight. I tried to look for it on the ground, but it was dark and I didn't know if more men might come looking for me, so I had to leave it behind."
"But it was lucky! It helped you win!"
"It did but I had to go and warn our army so they could win too. I was very sad to lose it though, so when I had this new uniform made, I asked for this big cross to be put on it."
"Hopefully it will protect you just as well." Anne said and Aramis was met with soft eyes when he looked up at her.
"And you can't lose it." The dauphin cheerfully pointed out.
Aramis chuckled, "Yes, it would be a lot harder to lose this one."
Aramis stared at his son for several seconds, looking him up and down, and then spoke again, "I can hardly believe how much you've grown."
"Aramis last saw you when you were not even a year old." Anne informed the boy.
"Really?"
Anne nodded. "You were even smaller than Philippe."
Aramis almost sprung up after hearing the name of Anne's second son; the true son of the king. He had learned of the queen's pregnancy and the subsequent birth of her second son while he was at the monastery. He would be lying if he did not admit that a small part of him was crushed when the news sunk in, for sometimes, when he dreamed of he and Anne living as an ordinary couple, they had more than one child, and learning that she had borne the king's child, had dashed those dreams.
Once he realized how ridiculous it was for him to be upset over an impossible dream, Aramis had quickly chastised himself. She was never his and never will be. The father of that child is her husband, a man she has been married to for more than a decade and who she almost had a child with before Aramis had even joined the Musketeers. He knew how long she had wanted children. Instead of feeling sorry for himself, he thought about how happy she must be now.
"Your Majesty, please accept my extremely late congratulations. How is the little Duke of Anjou?"
Anne's eyes went wide and her lips parted open. It looked like she wanted to say something, but she hesitated.
Instead, Louis spoke up. "He's sleeping. He takes a lot of naps, but I don't because I'm older, so Maman takes me outside to play while he sleeps."
Anne smiled down at her son and then her eyes darted behind Aramis to where Constance was standing with her husband. "Louis why don't you go and say hello to d"Artagnan now."
"Yes, Maman!" The dauphin ran off excitedly to see his favorite musketeer.
This time when Aramis turned back to Anne, she was looking at the ground.
"Sometime after you left," She began to say in a voice just above a whisper, "the king asked...if he could start visiting my chambers agai-"
Aramis stopped her. "Please, you do not need to explain yourself to me."
"I want to." Her voice was stronger and her eyes were pleading. "I accepted him not out of duty to my husband or to my country, but for the dauphin's sake. I hoped it would strengthen his parents' relationship and if I became pregnant, I could give him a sibling and then he would not be so alone. He would have a brother like you have yours." She paused briefly, her eyes glistening. "I love him, and Philippe. They are my whole world."
He realized what she was trying to tell him. She was afraid he would think that because she had the king's son, she would love his son, the bastard, less. "I understand." Aramis assured her, his fingers itching to reach out and further assure her with a comforting touch. But he could not, so instead he locked his gaze with hers and did what he decided he would do once he knew he was returning to Paris. He had already said it in his heart, but if given the chance, he would say it to her out loud. "And I will watch over your sons, and any other children you may have, with all my strength and heart." And with that, he renewed his vow.
"I do not deserve you."
"You're right." Anne slightly tipped her head in confusion, to which he added, "You deserve better than me."
"You cannot think so low of yourself. Aramis, when I say you are the bravest or the kindest, I mean it."
"Then I shall strive to be worthy of your praise." And he meant it.
Anne straightened up gave a slight nod. She was rebuilding her regal composure and reminding him that he was not making promises to just anyone, but to his queen.
Aramis thought he saw her start to raise her hand, that she might offer it for him to kiss, but she did not and he could not decide if he was more disappointed or relieved. Instead she gave him a tight-lipped smile and then walked past him. He turned and watched her make her way to where the dauphin was with Constance and d'Artagnan. The couple each had one of d'Artagnan's gloves and were using them as swords. The dauphin was watching enthusiastically from the sidelines and cheered when d'Artagnan won, then laughed when Constance lightly slapped her husband on the cheek with his glove.
Aramis felt the corner of his mouth curling into a smile. He knows that being so near will be hard and painful to deal with going forward, but he also knows that seeing his son so happy and loved will make it all worth it.
