A/N: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling. I am simply playing with her characters. This story is just for fun, writing it made me giggle. Not-so-squeaky-clean and not-entirely-innocent fun with the Marauders (Bellatrix/Remus). Slightly AU - I realize this is not compliant with cannon because Remus' and Bellatrix's ages are too close together, but it was too much fun not to write. Any resemblance to other stories is completely unintentional. Rated M just to be safe. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
"Truth."
"No. Vetoed. You've picked 'truth' for every single turn so far Moony."
"Seconded. Remus, seriously, its time you did a dare."
"The reason I haven't picked 'dare' is because I in no way trust you Padfoot, or you Prongs."
"What about Wormtail?"
"Wormtail did not dare James to run naked, and screaming, up and down the hallway in front of McGonagall's office. Wormtail did not dare Sirius to announce in song his undying love for the Giant Squid during the last Quidditch match."
"Fine. We promise –"
"All three of you."
"Fine. All three of us promise not to dare you to do anything involving nudity, McGonagall, singing, declarations of love, or Quidditch. Good enough?"
"...Fine."
Remus knew he had made a mistake as soon as he agreed. Cackles filled the air of the empty common room. James, Sirius, and Peter immediately formed a tight circle, excluding Remus, and shot him gleeful looks every couple of minutes. All three of them were grinning so widely that they looked insane when they finally broke up their circle. Remus winced.
"Remus," Sirius deadpanned, "you will have a week to complete your task."
"Which is?"
"Seduce Bellatrix." James and Peter howled with laughter.
"Your cousin?"
"How many other Bellatrix's do we know? Of course my cousin." Remus stared at each of them turn, mouth agape.
"You can't be serious. She'll kill me. Literally. You'll find my body lying in the middle of a hallway. Also, isn't she dating Lestrange? I might as well give up now."
"Ah," James smiled, "but then you'll have to do our standard refusal punishment. Come to think of it, that might be kind of great. No one's done it yet."
"That's because trying to snog McGonagall at breakfast, while sitting in her lap, is a sure-fire way to get detention every night for an entire year."
Sirius smirked at him. "Really, it's win-win for us." Remus sighed.
"Fine. I'll take Bellatrix."
It wasn't until breakfast the next day that Remus realized how utterly doomed he was. There was almost no way he wouldn't fail at this dare. Bellatrix wasn't only a Slytherin in the year ahead of them, she was also dating Rodolphus Lestrange, and, to top it all off, Remus was pretty sure she hated him. He wasn't entirely sure why, but it probably had something to do with his being friends with her recently disowned cousin. Once he failed, only God knew what they would cook up for him to do as a punishment. He was praying he could talk them out of the snogging McGonagall scenario. He had been hoping to use her as a reference after his graduation next year.
Remus had a free period after breakfast, and headed to the library intent on catching up on some long overdue Charms homework. Upon entering the library he noticed Bellatrix sitting by herself at a table by the window. With a sigh, Remus resigned himself to the challenge, and strode purposefully over to the occupied desk. Merlin, she was already giving him a dirty look and he hadn't even sat down yet. Remus sat, without invitation, shot what he hoped was a charming smile at Bellatrix, and began to pull out his notes.
"What are you doing Lupin?"
"Charms homework. You?"
"I mean," her eyes narrowed and her voice lowered dangerously, "what are you doing sitting here. At this table."
"Oh. Well, I saw there was an extra seat, so I helped myself." She glanced around the library. Almost every other table was deserted. Remus swallowed uncomfortably, and ducked his head towards his parchment. After a minute or two he risked a glance at her from underneath his eyelashes. She was staring at him. He didn't think she had moved at all. He quickly looked back at his notes. As the minutes ticked by, he became increasingly uncomfortable. She was still staring at him. He couldn't think of anything to say that would be remotely helpful in his, already failed, first attempt. It was almost a relief when the bell rang. He looked up in time to see her nodding curtly at him, a faintly amused smile playing on her lips.
"Lupin." Remus smiled back.
"Bellatrix."
Tuesday was no better. In fact, it was worse. He only saw Bellatrix at mealtimes and she was wrapped so tightly around Lestrange that he thought, in a bit of a panic, that she had somehow figured out what he was trying to do, had told her boyfriend, and they were enjoying putting on a show for him.
Wednesday he saw her in the corridor when he was heading to Transfiguration with Sirius. Mercifully she was alone, and Remus thought he might have had a proper chance of at least saying something to her if Sirius hadn't intentionally shoved him sideways into her. To his credit, Sirius may have thought he was helping Remus by giving him a chance to talk to Bellatrix, albeit through an apology. This was not the case. By the time Remus made it to Transfiguration he was slightly out of breath from dodging hexes all the way down the corridor.
On Thursday at lunch Remus had a stroke of luck. He'd heard from a Gryffindor seventh year that Bellatrix had earned a Friday night detention with Professor Slughorn earlier that day for flinging a crocodile heart at Ted Tonks during their N.E.W.T level Potions class. Clearly, Remus had to get himself into that detention. He manipulated Sirius into helping him on their way to Potions that afternoon, and by the time they reached the classroom they had formulated a plan. It was shockingly simple and was either brilliant or suicidal. They waited patiently until the class was absorbed in the lesson (begin work on the polyjuice potion), and when Remus felt Sirius kick him in the shin he knew Slughorn was looking in their direction. Remus lobbed a crocodile heart at Severus Snape's face.
Slughorn was so angry his face was turning purple. "Detention Lupin. Tomorrow night, 8:00."
Remus was torn between a feeling of elation and a desire to run up to his dormitory and hide under the sheets until Sunday night.
Throughout most of Friday Remus suffered frequent fits of panic about his upcoming detention/effort to seduce Bellatrix. He noticed that she kept shooting him curious looks whenever their paths crossed during the day and figured she had probably heard about his not-so-subtle repeat of her crocodile heart throwing incident and the accompanying detention. He still hadn't decided what he would tell her if she asked him about it when he made his way to the potion's classroom that night.
Remus entered the classroom to find Professor Slughorn sitting behind the desk. "Ah, Mr. Lupin. Have a seat while we wait for Miss. Black. She will be serving detention tonight as well." Remus nodded and had just sat down on top of one of the desks in the front row when Bellatrix walked into the room. Slughorn nodded curtly at her. "Black, Lupin, the two of you will be cleaning out the student store cupboard tonight, without magic. You will find everything you need at the back of the room. Hand over your wands please." Remus turned in his wand, and saw Bellatrix give Slughorn an extremely sour look before relinquishing hers.
The first twenty minutes passed uneventfully. Slughorn sat quietly at his desk marking essays while Remus and Bellatrix emptied and scrubbed in silence. Suddenly, the professor stood up, announced that he had a meeting with the headmaster and that he would be back in an hour. Remus noticed that Slughorn made a point to let them see that he was taking their wands with him. As soon as they were alone Bellatrix rounded on him.
"What exactly do you think you are doing Lupin?"
"Scraping dead spiders off the shelves Bellatrix." Her eyes narrowed.
"In. Detention." Her teeth were clenched so tightly together that she barely got the words out.
"I made the mistake of misbehaving in Professor Slughorn's lesson yesterday." Remus replied airily. He noticed that a muscle had started twitching her her left cheek.
"Stop playing." Bellatrix hissed. "I know you threw a crocodile heart at Snape, in an obvious attempt to get detention tonight. Why did you do it?"
"And I would like to know why you threw a crocodile heart at Ted Tonks, but we don't always get what we want do we?" Remus stopped cleaning and turned to face her. He saw an expression on her face that clearly indicated that if she still had her wand she would have hexed him. Maybe, Remus thought, this isn't the best way to try and seduce her. He sighed internally. "I threw a crocodile heart at Snape because I knew it would get me into detention with you tonight."
"I know that!" Bellatrix snapped at him. "I'm not an idiot Lupin. But you still aren't explaining yourself properly."
"I am actually, you just aren't listening." Her eyes flashed. He winced. "I wanted to get detention with you tonight. With you Bellatrix." She blinked. And Remus noticed with relief that she had stopped glaring at him, although she still looked extremely angry.
"Why?" Remus put on the most charming smile he could muster.
"To seduce you of course." Damn. That had come out a lot faster then he'd intended it to. She stared at him for a moment, then smiled slowly. The effect was startling. Rather then looking angry and rather mean (the Bellatrix Black he was used to), she looked beautiful. And, Remus noticed with alarm, rather like she was enjoying herself. She closed the distance between them in three quick steps and before Remus knew what was happening their noses were almost touching. When she spoke her voice was low and husky.
"And what makes you think you can seduce me?" Remus swallowed heavily, then stood up a little straighter, emphasizing the slight height advantage he had on her. And thinking he might as well do it properly he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her body into his.
"Because," he said with a smile, "I'm irresistible." Bellatrix's eyes widened slightly. To Remus' surprise she gave him a quick once over.
"I don't know about irresistible Lupin, but you're undeniably handsome." She smirked at him. "And there is something, I don't know, slightly dangerous about you." Before Remus had time to register this statement he found himself pressed up against the cupboard they were supposed to be cleaning with Bellatrix's lips on his, their bodies pressed tightly together. When Slughorn returned forty-five minutes later he found them lying on top of one of the desks at the back of the room.
"Lupin! Get off of her this instant! Black, fix your robes!" The professor was turning that nasty shade of purple again. "Twenty points from Gryffindor and Slytherin! I never thought the two of you wouldn't be able to finish a simple task!" He thrust the two wands at the pair of them and beckoned them out of the classroom.
Out in the hallway, Bellatrix winked at Remus and shot him a sly smile before sauntering off down the hall to her common room. Remus returned to Gryffindor tower in a slight daze. In the common room he found James, Sirius, and Peter sitting in chairs by the fire, bent over a piece of parchment. When he sat down next to Peter he received only a cursory glance from James and Sirius before Sirius gave him a very comical double take and a once over.
"Bloody hell Remus, you did it."
