Note: Reading Follow Me Back Home before reading any of this is advised to avoid spoilers...and to make any sense of things.
Chapter summary: When left alone for the day, Vinnie decides to amuse himself in Charley's bathroom. Takes place sometime between later chapters of FMBH. Rating is...I have no idea. It's rated 'Vinnie.'
Left To His Own Devices
Charley was gone for the day and Vector was taking a nap, and so that could only mean one thing: Vinnie was alone - and bored. He roamed the small apartment for a while, poking around in the kitchen for snacks and digging through the living room for something to occupy himself with. He found a small bag of chips to munch on, but he decided to leave the TV and radio off - the noise might wake his baby son. And people said he wasn't responsible.
Belching quietly, he tossed the empty chip bag away and started brushing crumbs off his hands, then paused and sniffed his palms. His hands smelled greasy...and the rest of him didn't smell so good either. When was the last time he had washed up? If he had to stop and think about it first...yeah, he was probably about due for a shower.
Humming to himself, he headed down the hall and into the bathroom, where he shed his jeans and the new boxers Charley had picked up for him before getting into the shower. Without Charley around to throw things at him until he stopped, he sang as much as he pleased while he soaped up from head to toe. Charley sure kept a lot of different bottles on the shower shelves. He had no idea which did what, so he made sure to grab the bar of soap - she had at least three out - that had the least amount of fragrance. He wanted to smell clean, not like a field of posies.
When he had the last of the suds rinsed out of his fur, he stepped out onto the cool tile of the floor and grabbed the nearest towel, fluffing himself dry with it. It was too small to do the job on its own, so he grabbed Charley's hair dryer while he was at it. He also borrowed a hairbrush he found out on the sink to smooth himself down afterward. She wouldn't mind, right? Well, he just wouldn't tell her.
When he was finally finished, he picked what tufts of white fur he could out of the brush before giving up and turning to the mirror above the sink. "And there he is," he declared, as he lifted his arms and flexed his biceps. "Living proof of a Higher Power existing somewhere in the universe, because only divine hands could've sculpted this bod."
He continued to flex and pose in the buff, absently wishing he had an audience right now...and then he happened to notice a plastic container sitting out on the sink. It was dark brown, and for some reason there was a picture of a coconut on the label - along with what looked like a pile of cocoa beans. Puzzled, he picked the container up to study it closer. "Sugar scrub?" he read out loud.
Made with real cacao extract, or so the label said. Vinnie furrowed his brow: wasn't that like chocolate? Sugar, coconut, and chocolate. Sounded like a candy bar in a jar...yum.
Curiosity had him unscrewing the lid and taking a sniff. He felt his eyes light up; yum indeed. This stuff smelled delicious. And it looked like sugar granules mixed with a cinnamon glaze or something. And anything that looked and smelled that good had to taste pretty good too, he surmised as he dipped a finger into the gritty mixture.
A second later he was bent over the sink basin, gagging and spitting. "Oh god, I've been poisoned!"
Whimpering and making retching sounds, he fumbled to twist the faucet on and shoved his open mouth under the flow of water for a few seconds. Coughing, he straightened up again and wiped his mouth. How were you supposed to tell food from - whatever that was - around here? "No wonder so many accidents happen in the bathroom on this planet," he grumbled.
He slapped the lid back onto the offending container and pushed it away with a grimace, then scrubbed his hand across his mouth, but that awful taste was still on his tongue. His gaze darted around the sink briefly before resting on Charley's toothbrush.
Would she mind sharing? Well, he wouldn't tell her about that either. Smacking his lips unhappily, he started poking around the sink for a tube of toothpaste. There didn't seem to be one out so, after thinking for a moment, he set the toothbrush down and slid open the top drawer of the sink's cabinet. Let's see, he mused, Tampax, feminine wipes - ack!
He slapped the drawer shut. Uh-uh. No.
He was leery of checking anything else, but after hesitating for several moments, he steeled himself and cautiously slid open the next drawer. Frowning, he pulled it open farther. What was all this stuff? Clear boxes full of colorful powders, piles of small brushes, weird little sponge-thingies. Bemused, Vinnie scratched his head. Was this stuff used for painting or something?
His puzzlement grew as he pulled out a slender object with a black point. What did Charley-girl need a pencil in the bathroom for?
Perplexed, he continued to study the glossy item, noting the word 'Maybelline' scrawled along the side in gold lettering - and then his eye fell on the magazine rack tacked to the wall next to the toilet. Ah - of course. Word searches and cross-word puzzles.
He put the pencil back and poked through the rest of the drawers, finding things like wash cloths and toenail clippers, but no toothpaste. Clucking his tongue - which still tasted funny - Vinnie grabbed his boxers and tugged them on as he left the bathroom. He couldn't imagine why, but maybe Charley kept a spare tube in the bedroom or something.
After crossing the hall and opening the top drawer of the dresser, Vinnie quickly came to the conclusion that he wasn't going to find any toothpaste...but he'd stumbled across something much more fun.
Snickering in amusement and delight, he held up a filmy black bra, noting how he was practically seeing right through it. How come he had never seen her wear this before? And what about this? he thought eagerly, as he lifted out a lacy white top that didn't look like it could possibly serve any purpose other than to get his little biker motor running. He was going to have to have a talk with Charley-girl about modeling some of this stuff the second she got home from work.
And how about this? he thought, as he set the white top down and picked up something...that crinkled. Grin fading, he looked at what he was holding and noted that it was vaguely shaped like a little pair of undies - with stretchy panels on the sides, and bunchy elastic around the leg holes, and...
Oh, no. He could not possibly be standing here holding a pair of granny-
"What are you doing?"
Vinnie let out a startled yelp - well, more like a shriek - and spun around, hiding the - whatever they were - behind his back. Charley was standing in the doorway, hand rested on the door frame and one eyebrow cocked with dry curiosity. Vinnie laughed nervously. "Um, hi. Wasn't expecting you home so soon."
"I have an hour lunch today, so I thought I'd come check up on you two." Her eyes narrowed slightly. "What's that you've got?"
Cringing, Vinnie took his hand out from behind his back and held the crinkly bottoms out by his fingertips. "Please tell me these aren't yours."
Charley looked for a moment - and let out a chuckle. "I'm flattered you think my butt is that small," she said, clearly amused. "They're Vector's training pants."
"Oh."
Oh, thank god...
Charley took them from him and returned them to the drawer - and then raised her eyebrows dryly again as she spied the racy articles he had left out. "Any particular reason you decided to go through my things?" she asked.
Vinnie fidgeted sheepishly. "I was, um, looking for the toothpaste."
She turned to face him again, arms folded and lips pursed. "It's in the medicine cabinet above the sink."
"Oh," he said again. "Right."
He started to head for the bathroom again - but then he stopped and turned around. "You know, you should really have a warning sign up somewhere," he muttered. "Something about how just because something in the bathroom smells good enough to eat doesn't mean you should actually eat it."
Suddenly looking like she had figured out what kind of an afternoon he had had, Charley pressed a hand to her mouth as she snorted on laughter. "That's just common sense, Vincent."
She paused, then lowered her hand and started to open her mouth to add something - but Vinnie hastily stepped forward and pressed a finger to her lips. "No cracks," he warned.
