"You look shooo kayuuute"
I was standing in the largest hall I had ever seen, dressed to the nines in fluffy pastel colours. It was my birthday and though my party had been ruined by my friends' drama my very best friend had decided the day could not be wasted. The moment I'd stepped in the door she'd shoved fabric in my hands and demanded I go change and when I returned there was a wig to match. I looked like something out of a children's show. I sighed heavily but I put up with it. Roxy meant well and at least she hadn't felt me to look silly on my own. She was just as colourfully dressed, though I was certain that her hair had been dyed for real. I had to admit it looked neat, almost like cotton candy.
"Jane we are going to have teh besht time!"
She was drunk. When was Roxy ever sober? I tried not to let my disapproval show on my face. She was her own person, nothing I said would change that. Besides nothing changed her goodhearted nature. Here she was, trying to cheer me up after the explosion that happened yesterday. My idiot friends had broken up after months of issues. I had wanted to be happy for them but a part of me was glad for the break. I was so tired of the constant messages about their issues. I didn't care. Roxy thought it was because I was in love with Jake and I let her believe she was right. I couldn't bring myself to tell her it was because I was jealous they had been brave enough to give it a shot. To confess their feelings and give it a shot. I would never have that strength. The thought of rejection terrified me. I couldn't lose my best friend.
"So Roxy. What was it that you wanted help with?" I hadn't planned to be here today but she'd begged me, claiming she needed help with something that only I had expertise in. At least I assumed that's what she said. The texts she sent when drunk were often indecipherable.
"Oh! Right!" She perked up, grabbing my hand and dragging me further into her house. "Well I wash planning on making candiesh but I don't know where to shtart."
I opened my mouth to reply but we reached her kitchen first. It momentarily took my breath away. The girl lived in the grandest house I had ever seen though I never saw her mother. With all this space I wondered if she was lonely. Lost in thought I only came back to the present when my host shouted ta da and flung her hands towards a pile of grocery bags.
"I hate to break it to you Ro-Lal but I'm a baker. I don't know anything about candy making. They aren't the same at all." I felt bad for breaking the news to her, Roxy looked so disappointed. The expression gave way to her usual smile once more though and I was glad that my bad news hadn't brought her down for long.
"That'sth okay! They sent insturctionsth with the kit I bought. We can learn TOGETHER!" Her enthusiasm was intoxicating and I found myself laughing along with her as we tried our hands at candy making.
A few hours later and I was more than certain that neither of us was cut out for candy making. Especially Roxy with her shortened attention span and decision that instructions weren't that important. One thing I did learn is that candy making needed to be as precise as baking did. Even one or two things wrong and the whole thing needed to be scrapped. It didn't matter though that nothing seemed to want to turn out because I was having fun and so was my friend. Her smile chased away the clouds that the last few days had brought.
The let attempt was the best and Roxy insisted upon eating most of it right away. In her sugar rush she grabbed my hands, spinning round with me in a whirl of colours. Laughing we collapsed into each others arms, trying to catch our breath. When silence was paired with just our breathing I caught her eyes upon my face, something strange lying within them. Words failed me, I just stared back into the pools of pink that were locked upon me. Without warning she leaned forward to kiss me.
She tasted of sugar, cherries and vodka. She tasted of heaven.
Our gasps became ragged and deep, full of passion and flame. I could stay in this moment forever, my heart alight with secret wishes being fulfilled. This was what had made my heart so heavy and so light all at once. My fingers caught themselves in her hair, her's ran down to my waist. My pastel coloured dream was coming true. This was the best birthday I had ever hoped to have. Then all at once she pulled back, sheepish grin across her sweet lips.
"Sorry Janey." She giggled as her warmth faded from me. I didn't need to hear the rest, didn't want to hear the rest. My heart was breaking into so many tiny pieces that I would never be able to fit them together again. "I'm really drunk."
I waved off the apology and slapped a smile on my face. It didn't reach my eyes but she didn't notice. The rest of the day was spent with the new secret weighing heavily on my mind. When it came time to sleep my aching chest wouldn't let me. I stared at the ceiling, sleeping bag tucked around me like a flimsy shield and just listened to her breathing. When it turned to soft snores I pulled myself out from the confining covers, fighting what I knew I was about to do.
She was asleep, looking serene as she rolled over. I watched her for only a moment before I bent to lay the softest kiss upon her lips, a final farewell to a dream I knew could never be.
Her lips were still candy coated but my tears were bittersweet.
