The Truth Between You and Me

Summary: Part 5 in the Veridicality Series starting with The Mercy of Fortune. The first 4 chapters are must reads first! You can find links to everything so far in my profile. The Truth Between You and Me will take us into Season 2 and answer some lingering questions about Mae's past and Dean's future with her.


Chapter 1

Things had not gone as planned. Not even close. Mavis Singer was a planner. Dean Winchester called her picky, finicky, uptight, and type A, usually in jest but it was hard to deny. At any given moment, she was prepared and ready for a multitude of situation. She liked to keep her supplies and tools in nice, tidy order. So, this, which was not a part of the way she had planned to meet up with the young hunter threw her.

Or it could have been looking at him in the hospital bed. At least last time she'd sat beside him like this, he was conscious, he quipped with her, he was there. The body before her was barely Dean it seemed. Her hand trembled in his, made far more noticeable by his limp stillness. Sitting in the room, holding his hand and stroking his knuckles with her thumb, the room felt ominously large and claustrophobic all at the same time.

The doctors said there was too much damage and it would be a miracle if he pulled through. Miracles were not the way their luck ran. She didn't think they could pull him back with any sort of witch doctor or faith healer or anything else. He was supposed to die last time and had they not taken him to the faith healer and his misguided wife, he would have. It was possible they could find something like that again but not in time. Sam believed, beyond belief, that they would find a way to save Dean.

Give the time and chance, Mae wouldn't have any qualms finding that spell and the supplies to recreate Sue Ann's dark altar. She would, without question bind Death to keep it from Dean. She was even fairly certain she would sacrifice someone else just to keep the man alive. She wouldn't walk the rest of Sue Ann's path but doing even that, even to spare his life, she knew Dean would never forgive her. Not a second time. That time, he didn't like what had happened but accepted it because neither she nor Sam know what would happen.

They wouldn't have that excuse this time. Mae knew, without a doubt, Sam would move heaven and earth to help her, even in that sort of scheme to save Dean. She didn't know if Dean's condemnation would be enough to stop Sam either. There was desperation, intense despair in his eyes.

Regret was in no short supply. Mae knew, at any point, their time could be up, and it certainly seemed like that was happening for Dean. Again. All the things that she hadn't done threatened to suffocate her with anguish. There were several spells and rituals she could think of to work on him and while he might have survived, he would hate her for the price. So, this time was worse. There would be no 'get out of jail free' card. What's more, she couldn't bear to leave him. A part of her almost thought that if she left his bed side any longer or further than the bathroom that he might pass away.

She hoped she could be his tether back to his body, back to this life. Of course, if his body were broken beyond repair, there was nowhere for him to go back to. Dean wasn't looking so hot right then. Her heart twisted and stomach knotted. There was something perfectly perverse in this. Mae knew deep down, he was not going to pull through and for as much as she tried to keep him at arm's length to keep herself from feeling this ache that started in her heart and cut to her soul, it had not been dulled.

Had it not been for the tubes and lines keeping him alive, she would have crawled in his bed, curing around him. Judging by the abject hollow she felt now, she was certain she could have died too. She hated that she was angry at him because he'd asked her to stay behind. If she had gone with them, maybe she could have helped Dean. She felt a nagging reminder that she could have been worse off if she gone with them. She might have been killed in the accident or torn to pieces by yet another demon.

Even a few weeks ago, she was less convinced that this fight was her fight. She had one of her own. One that could have taken her in a different direction. But then, she might not have known about this until too lake. At least now, she got to say goodbye, even in this lousy fashion. "If you can hear me...it can't end like this Dean. You know that, right? We haven't even… we haven't even gotten to the good part. I need you. Please, don't leave me."


~Weeks Earlier~

"Hunting?" Of course, hunting, she thought to herself, "You're like a dog with a bone, I swear. You know I just said I need to put this thing down."

He asked her to come and hunt with him and Sam. It was a simple enough question, one that had a straight forward answer. Yes or no. That's what Dean was looking for. Technically, he was looking for 'yes'. When it came to Mae, he didn't seem to have a lot of gray; it was all black and white for him. Given everything he was willing to believe and everything he understood about her, it baffled her to know that he saw only one sure fire solution.

Now Dean was not 'a planner' but nature. He didn't usually have a game plan. The man went with what his gut told him, instinct and it worked for a hunter. There wasn't anything that worked better for a hunter. But the impulsiveness and call to action made for a lousy boyfriend. Or whatever he was to her.

He wasn't just looking to hook up, although he might have accepted that she thought. He could have wanted the extra help on jobs and Mae had to admit, it was easier and quicker to have three of them rather than going solo. It could have been either of those options or anything in between. The only thing she knew for certain was that Dean Winchester had a plan, not that she could figure out what it was. Sex, work, friendship, love. They tiptoed around something that fell in between. Calling it love would have been easy too, too simplistic a definition. Of course, she loved him, he loved her.

That did not serve to simplify anything between them. Pairing that with their undiminished physical attraction, it was hard to tell him no. It also made it difficult to say yes. So, his request which seemed simple on the surface was impossible to answer with any certainty in her voice. If they had been on the phone, she knew she could have figured out a way to deflect. Maybe that's why he waited until they were face to face. Maybe this plea, despite their conversation only moments ago, was part of a larger play on his end.

Now they were sitting together with the empty containers from lunch in a motel room. "I know what you said but hear me out," His impatience flared, just slightly. She could be the most irritating woman; he knew that much would always be true about her. Most of the time, her stubbornness didn't bother him, occasionally he found it endearing but not when it came up against something, he knew was right. "I thought—I thought we had agreed to see where this thing goes. I can't do that over the phone or by seeing each other occasionally. That's just crazy and I don't want any part of that."

Annoyed now by the lack of progress in convincing him of her intentions, she stood. "Hey, that's not what I said." But Dean's hand took hers and tugged her towards him until she was sitting on his lap. She didn't try to shift away and even kept a hold on his hand. "I didn't say I wasn't willing to try. I want to, I do. Even though I have no idea where this goes or… or any of the rest. All I said is I need to hunt this thing down and I can't do that with you."

"I understand but-you know, this thing could kill you too and I don't want to just stop hearing from you and wonder what happened. I'm not going to just sit here and watch you so something stupid. I don't know if you're punishing yourself or what but if this is what you planned, it's a terrible one."

"So, you're just going to...make me? Make me hunt with you? What you'll tie me up and haul me around in your trunk?"

"No. You'd probably keep busting out the taillights if I did that." He joked.

But Mae didn't laugh with him. "What then?"

"We find a middle ground. We come together, hunt together, and me and Sam will help you when we can. And when you need to go do something on your own...I won't stop you."

Question shadowed over her brow. "That sounded convincing."

With his free hand, he let his fingers trace her jaw. "I promise. I'm not saying I won't try to talk you out of it but...I won't stop you, okay?"

"If you're asking me pack up and head off with you boys tomorrow, I'm not ready for that. I don't want to say no but I've got to take care of things at home before I take an extended trip with the two of you. Also, shouldn't you ask Sam about this?"

"I guess… I just want-"

She pressed her fingers to his lips. "You want things to be like they used to be or like you thought they would be. I don't know that we'll ever be like that again." Dean did have a point, she admitted, she did already love him. It wasn't as if distancing herself until she found her demon again, not knowing how long that would take, would somehow keep a demon or anyone for that matter from using it against her.

Then there was the stupefying effect that being near him had on her. She continued. "But I'm willing to give it a try. Now, I need to be practical for a second here. Gimme a week. I don't need time because I'm unsure; I need time because I have to take care of a few things. After that...we'll try your whole middle ground thing. Is that good enough for you? If Sam's okay with it, that is."

Dean frowned, pulled her hand away from his face. "Why wouldn't he be?"

It was a little naive on his part, she thought. Or maybe it was a streak of selfishness. Either way, she wanted to tread lightly because even though this was about her and Dean, Sam was involved too. Quarters would be cramped, and tensions could run high, even without the tumultuous history she and Dean shared. "C'mon, adding a third person to your duo is helpful but it also adds more conflict, disagreement, awkwardness...all that. We just need to check with him."

There wasn't a real reason he could come up with that didn't involve walking in on them having sex. Other than that, he couldn't think of a good reason Sam would have to not want her with them. "He likes you. You're like a big sister."

"And while I know he totally digs being the little brother all the time," she said sarcastically, "just find out if he really is okay with it. We did not always get along when we were all jammed together growing up. I don't want to cause more problems so… we need to make sure."

Dean sighed. It was the one excuse she could make that was sensible and he couldn't come up with a good way to gloss over the issue. Frankly, he didn't see any other way to get his way on this. "You annoy the hell outta me, you know that?"

She smiled, a little. "You still want me."

"I guess that really proves I am crazy." Leaning closer, he pressed a kiss to her mouth.


~Now~

Her expression was atypically grim. Exhaustion etched her face and those icy blue eyes, that could bring his blood alive under normal circumstances, were puffy and lined red. Her hair was pulled back from her pale face in a pony tail that she had nervously raked her hands through so many times it was only a pony tail in theory.

Seeing her at his bedside wasn't a shock; it was a comfort. Seeing himself on the other hand… well, it wasn't the first time he had been unsure of what was really happening. His brother and his father were there too.

He wished he could revel in the brush of her hand through his hair or her hand on his. Because of the look on her face, he wanted even more to offer her some sense of comfort in return. He could only pass his hand through her shoulder, causing her to shiver.

Could she feel him or at the very least sense him? She had to be clued into a little something going on. If he truly were a ghost or something similar, she had to know. Of all people, she should be able to pick up on the signs. If she did, she didn't really show it. Maybe she couldn't right then. She spoke soft, heartfelt words to him and he couldn't do anything to make it better for her. Closing her eyes, she pressed his finger tips to her lips. "I don't know if you can hear me but… I need you back."

His last brush with death had re-focused his perspective on her. He realized that there was more between them than he expected and that his feelings ran deeper, more intricate than anything he assumed thought. He also realized how much he wanted to be with her. None of that made it easier for them. She pulled away, while he tried to pull her closer. He supposed that was how they both strove for self-preservation.

There were a lot of things she was willing to face head on and it took him a while to realize her emotions weren't one of them. Her real feelings were more terrifying to her than ghoul, demon, or monster. He embraced and even relished those feelings quicker than she had. He was more than willing to overlook the transgressions of their youth for the hope that they would find even a sliver of their old relationship. If not that, that at least a respite from everything they had to deal with in each other. He didn't put it into those words, he didn't even vocalize it like that, but it was clear.

For her part, Make knew it shouldn't have taken this for her be able to admit that she wanted the same thing, to not be afraid to acknowledge it. She knew it pained him to deal with her fears, knowing that she had feelings for him but couldn't quite bring herself to fully embrace it. To his credit, he neither accepted less than he deserved from her nor did he punish her for this particular blind spot.

Of course, she thought, she'd kept herself from acknowledging it out loud for fear of her feelings for him being used to hurt him, for fear that he would be killed. Now, it seemed like something so small and simple that would have made him happy. Even if she had told him all her feelings before, they would still be in the same spot. But she could have made him feel loved and he would have known without a doubt. She might feel slightly less regret now, but she'd feel no better about the situation.

Putting his hand back on the bed, she reached over to brush his hair off his face. His brownish blond hair was so soft right then, clean and un-styled. "Dean, I'm so sorry. I know... I know things between us were never the way you wanted them to be. Butt… I do love you. I love you. I don't know if you can hear me and I don't know if it makes a difference to you…" Her voice broke and she ran her hand through her hair, "Come back to me please. I still need—we still need you."


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