AN This is a new fanfic. It will be graphic. It will have stuff that could offend. Please don't read if stuff like that upsets you.
Discailmer- I own nothing at all.
Chapter 1: Pain
Pain. That's how my life began. That's how it ends. Everything begins with pain and ends with it. Its there when you're born. There while you live. And it is always there when you die. The only answer to it's overwhelming thirst is itself. Pain answers pain. Always has.
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Hermione Granger quietly snuck up the stairs to the girls dorms. All the girls in her dorm would be asleep by now and anyone else who had half a brain. Hermione wasn't one of them.
Silently she changed into her pajamas and slid into bed. In the morning Hermione knew she would regret staying up so late, but she couldn't do anything about it now. Sleep was so far away right now. Even further than it had been the night the before, and the night before that. Hermione sighed and grabbed for her wand.
"Lummox." She whispered and a tiny light appeared. Then she reached under her bed and got out her diary. As always she would entertain herself by depressing herself. Odd, but routine.
Opening it to the last page Hermione saw that it was full. Carefully she closed it and put it back, getting out a fresh one.
Hullo again. I guess you could call this page the introduction to my life. I know its odd that every time I get a new one I write like this, but late at night I like to read over and see what a mess I've become and how much people care.
I got a letter from my darling step-mother today. In it she told me that Andrew had told all. Since I got it at the breakfast table, I had to keep up my mask. All I really wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry. I don't ever have the luxury of doing that. Most people have, but I never have lowered myself to that for what seems like eons. I wish I could, but then I'd have to explain why.
This summer I took myself off to summer school for the first two weeks. After that I went and stayed with Ron and Harry. I wonder if they will ever find out about what I do now. I also wonder what they would say.
It's really weird that I of all people have been lying since I got here. My legs are aching lately, but I pretend to others it is the stairs.
I keep seeing Andrew's face everywhere. I feel like he will pop up at any time, so I always am alert. Except when I'm with my favourite thing in the whole castle my bowline. I like to use it for herbs and to cut my skin. I don't care if it's against everything I was taught, I need it lately.
Hermione paused as Lavender stirred then sighing she turned off her wand and put down the diary. She could write more tomorrow.
Reaching out to bedside table, she grabbed her pills and downed them. Soon she felt the effect and sighed. Hermione's last thought was about what she would do once they ran out.
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The next day she did regret her late night. Hermione had potions first, and felt like dozing off a few times. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw HIS face, and struggled to keep them open.
Class finished as the bell went. Harry and Ron got up with the rest of the class but Hermione's bag had fallen to pieces and broke. Sighing Hermione went down on her knees and began to pick it all up. Then there was a thud on the floor that made Hermione look up.
"While your down there Granger, pick up my homework as well." Draco Malfoy said.
