Another Day at U.N.C.L.E

By M. Willow

It's one of those days when I just want to sit by myself and enjoy the solitude. Of course, I was at UNCLE headquarters and as the first female agent, I'm seldom alone. So now I look up and I see this bubbly brunette heading straight for me. Around UNCLE she's known as the gossip. Tell Cindy something and it's half way around the world within an hour. Oh, by the way, if you don't tell her something she's quite capable of making up her own stories.

I paste on a fresh smile. I can tell by looking at her that she's on a mission.

"Hi April," she says in that high-pitched voice of hers, dripping with sugar.

"Hi, yourself, Cindy." I wait for the other shoe to drop. I see Cindy's eyes darting around in that 'I've got a secret no one else knows' look. She's ready to pounce, so I brace myself.

"May I join you?" she asks while sitting down right next to me. I unnecessarily gesture my okay to the seating arrangements and she relaxes into the chair. She looks around again to see if anyone else is listening—dear Cindy apparently wants an exclusive.

"Well, I heard you're living with Napoleon." She's all innocence and light while she's saying this.

Now, I'm not really living with Napoleon. We sort of share a Victorian house in Oak Wood and Illya is included in the mix. Napoleon maintains and mostly lives in his own apartment in New York, not far from UNCLE headquarters. As for me, I've got a modest apartment in New York and so does Illya.

The house Cindy is talking about is actually a retreat for us and it's a rare day that we spend anytime together in the house.

So I'm thinking and Cindy is planning what she's going to tell everyone with or without my consent. I go into damage control.

"Cindy. We're not living together. First, it's against UNCLE policy, and second Napoleon is like a brother to me and Illya is a very good friend."

I add that last part about Illya because I know where her mind is going next. I just wanted to get that out of the way.

Now Cindy's whole face lights up. In fact, I'm thinking of telling the maintenance staff that they can turn the lights off because we got Cindy for that now. So she's looking at me, ready for phase two.

"How on earth can you possibly think of that delicious man as a brother? I mean, I've heard stories…."

Well, I have to admit, Napoleon has quite a reputation. I mean, he likes women, all sorts, anytime, and just about anywhere. I think of a good answer that will get Cindy off my back and maybe on to some other person's back. After all, I've got a reputation to uphold.

My mind is clicking fast now and I decide to take the high road. I put on an expression that would make Bette Davis give me her Oscar. I get this real sober look—you know the kind you get when you just found out your dog died. Well, that's how I look and I can see Cindy's smile starting to dissolve.

I clear my throat and say as quietly as possible, "It didn't start that way. When I first saw him I was as interested as any woman would be. But time in the field," and here I let my voice tremble, "where your life depends on your partner's actions, changes things. We became friends first and then best friends. Now I can't imagine life without him."

My head drops as if the thought of not having him in my life is worse than death. Cindy's face colors into a brilliant shade of red. She's embarrassed now and I'm triumphant.

"Oh," she says, as if that was the answer to achieving world peace and she'd just discovered it.

Cindy is searching for words. Speechless at last, I'm thinking. I decide that lunch is over and stand up. Cindy looks at me as if she is still hoping to gather some delicious gossip to share with the world. I smile my mega-watt smile and head out leaving the town gossip to look for other pray. All in all, just another day at UNCLE.