It's always here, confined in the clean, white tiled walls, that he realizes just exactly how pathetic he is. Although, given that the two of them are definitely his closest friends, and they've welcomed him so warmly and have been treating him so well, plus he does pay for his expenses and a quarter of the rent, he still feels like he shouldn't be there, like he's imposing on them and intruding their privacy.
That's probably because he really is.
When he really thinks about it, he admits to himself that there were a million ways to turn down Chanyeol's offer; it seemed futile, but he could continue to search for an apartment that he could afford, or maybe find another person to room with that lived around the area so he wouldn't have to get too far from work to cut down expenses on commuting. If it really came down to it, he could quit work and go back to his parent's place for a while, just until he's able to fix his shit.
But there he is, body submerged in a tub of now lukewarm water, pitying himself even more as the minutes tick by. There's a knock on the door and he almost doesn't acknowledge it.
"Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo calls from outside. "I'm going out for a bit. Chanyeol's still asleep, feel free to make breakfast for the three us."
Baekhyun gets up into a sitting position and splashes water to his face. "Sure, if you're down for burnt eggs and maybe some milk."
"Totally down for that," Kyungsoo replies. Baekhyun hears him chuckle and then he goes, indicated by the fading sound of his footsteps.
For a while, Baekhyun just sits there, in the middle of the tub, before he gets up and grabs the towel he prepared for himself. He pats his body dry and wraps the towel around his waist. Little droplets of water drip from his hair down to his exposed chest and he hurries to get to his room where he gets dressed. He walks over to their room, Kyungsoo's and Chanyeol's shared room, and peeks his head inside.
He remembers how, when he first arrived, he had suggested that he sleep on the couch, to which Chanyeol chuckled and told him that there was no need, that Baekhyun could use the guest room because nobody used it anyway. Of course, Baekhyun had thought.
Chanyeol is lying on his stomach, his limbs sprawled all over the bed now that the other occupant isn't around. He's snoring, Baekhyun could tell, and then he snorts unhappily in his sleep before shifting around so he's lying on his back, his arms bent in a weird angle. He seems to wake up, hands feeling up the bed, probably looking for Kyungsoo…
Baekhyun gets out of sight before Chanyeol can see him. He walks over to the small kitchen place and pokes around the refrigerator for something to make just as he hears a door open and then promptly close. He's still deciding whether he wants to impress Kyungsoo with something other than eggs for breakfast or just settle for the usual scrambled yellows when Chanyeol appears, bed hair and all, looking a bit confused.
"Where's the little devil?"
"He would love to hear that," Baekhyun replies, taking out five eggs from the refrigerator, almost dropping one but successfully catching it before Chanyeol does.
"Oh, nice reflex," Baekhyun absentmindedly says, already cracking open two eggs over a bowl. He opens the fridge and feels relieved when he's able to fish out tomatoes.
"And you used to say I have bad eye-hand coordination," Chanyeol says, to which Baekhyun replies by tossing him a tomato which he barely catches. "Hey!"
Baekhyun just shakes his head, swiftly catching the tomato, although he admits that it could be because he was prepared for it.
"You still haven't answered me," Chanyeol reminds him. "Where'd Kyungsoo go?"
Baekhyun is ready to fry the eggs when he answers, "I don't know, he just told me he was going to go out and that I should make breakfast. He said he wouldn't be out for long, and since he wants me to make breakfast, maybe he'll be back for it."
The taller male hums, slumping on one of the metal stools around the small kitchen island. "And he couldn't bother to tell me," he whines, pout and all.
Baekhyun holds back a remark about how Chanyeol should stop acting like him and Kyungsoo were newlyweds. "Well, seeing how sound asleep you were, I wouldn't have to guess why he didn't tell you about it." It takes a moment for him to realize it but when he does, he pauses and bites his tongue, internally punching himself for his slip. Baekhyun didn't see how Chanyeol was sleeping, or, at least, Chanyeol doesn't know that he did.
Thankfully, Chanyeol only nods, seemingly not understanding what Baekhyun had just unconsciously implied. He says something about taking a shower and then leaves Baekhyun alone to make breakfast.
"Hey, Baek, Jongin just called me, says he knows somewhere you could transfer to. He doesn't know how much they'll pay you, but you could give it a shot, go for an interview," Kyungsoo tells him, handing Baekhyun his phone. "There, he messaged me the details for you."
Baekhyun whips out his phone and saves the information. "Thanks, Soo. He could have just called and messaged me, though."
Kyungsoo shrugs. "He lost his phone recently, had to help him pick out a new one yesterday. I don't think he's had the brain to ask for anyone else's contacts yet." Just as Baekhyun hands back Kyungsoo's phone, it alerts them both of a new text message. "Oh, right on time, he's asking for your number."
"Well, you have it. Thanks again, Kyungsoo."
"Well, it sucks to see you so overworked yet so underpaid."
Baekhyun chuckles, shaking his head. "Well, that's what I get for going to college to get myself a degree in art." He gets a brief flashback of his father telling him to take something else, something practical, something that would put money in his hands and food on his plate. "Turned out to be a pretty useless degree."
The next day, he meets up with Jongin in a nearby coffee shop, one that seems to be a bit too fancy for Baekhyun's wallet. He's the first one to arrive and when he sees Jongin walking over to him, a playful smile already plastered on his youthful face, Baekhyun is just about ready to open his mouth to suggest a different place.
"Coffee's on me, for being late," Jongin immediately says, sitting on the opposite side of the table. "Have you ordered yet?"
Baekhyun wonders if he arrived late on purpose so he would have an excuse to treat Baekhyun, knowing that if he didn't have that excuse, Baekhyun wouldn't accept because he's just that type of person; as much as he hates being hopeless, he also hates being pitied. He knew, though, that he was in no position to be worrying about his pride.
"No, you can order for the both of us."
Jongin makes small talk with him while they wait for their orders to arrive, asking him about the "stupid couple" he's living with and if he's doing well with them.
"Yeah, I guess," Baekhyun allows. "Everybody knows that my burning desire to move out isn't because of them."
Jongin doesn't respond immediately, giving Baekhyun a funny look. "I see… well, you know that you could live with me, right? If you want to."
He could do that, yeah, if only he doesn't know Jongin well enough. Baekhyun wouldn't want to be around when Jongin decides to bring back some girl and do shit with her. "No, no. I wouldn't want to bother any of the other boys; I'm already causing enough trouble for Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. Thank you for the offer, though, and for recommending me that company."
"I'm sure they don't mind," Jongin says as their orders arrive. He begins to tell Baekhyun about a friend of his who works for the publication company he talked about before. "I've told him about you and yours skills, he seemed pretty eager to see you for an official interview. Didn't give me any details about the salary, though, so I guess you'll have to find out by yourself."
"That works for me. Did he give you a date?"
"Yeah, Friday this week. Will that work for you?" Jongin asks, pulling out his phone. "I could maybe talk to him if you can't make it so we can reschedule."
"No, I'll just take a day off. If I get the job then I'll just quit this current one and if I don't then a single day off won't do much damage to my already near-nothing pay."
Jongin grins at him. "That's the spirit."
He's sitting on the couch, watching The Walking Dead, when his two favorite people in the world come home. They're talking about some fancy new restaurant that Chanyeol discovered and then they spot Baekhyun on the couch.
"Baek! Why haven't you been answering my texts?" Chanyeol questions, storming over to Baekhyun and glaring down at him. "When did you get home?"
"A few hours ago. My phone died and I forgot to recharge it, thanks for reminding me. Oh, I hope you don't mind me using the TV."
"Shut the fuck up, you know we don't. Anyway, so?" Chanyeol urges, his pretend anger already gone.
"That doesn't make sense. So…? What?" Baekhyun knows what he means, but it's always nice to see Chanyeol get so worked up.
"Don't do that, Baek," he hears Kyungsoo say. "He kept worrying about it on the way home. Couldn't do anything to shut him up."
"That's because you were too scared," Chanyeol retorts, a cocky grin settling on his lips. "Because I was driving—."
"I got the job," Baekhyun cuts him off, before the situation could turn awkward for him. "They offered me almost twice my current salary. Their old cartoonist resigned and I'm the only one they have now so…"
"Oh my god, Baekhyun!" Chanyeol exclaims, his eyes going comically wide. "Congratulations!"
"Congrats, Baek. See, told you he would get it." Kyungsoo finally appears and flops down beside Baekhyun, something Chanyeol copies.
They're sandwiching him and he can't find it in himself to mind. "Thanks, you two. I'll have to file in my resignation letter before I can start, good thing I was only part-timing for them. Just give me a few months and I can move out and I'll pay you guys back, I promise."
"Whoa, slow down, Baek. You don't have to worry about it, okay?" Chanyeol reassures him, slinging an arm around his shoulder. "Me and Kyungsoo are just genuinely happy for you, because you deserve something better than that shit you get."
"Kyungsoo and I," said man corrected. "It's still true, though." His phone rings and he informs them that it's Jongin. "Did you tell him the good news yet?"
"Oh, shit, yeah, that's another thing I forgot. Can I talk to him?" Kyungsoo shrugs and hands him the phone.
"Hey, you home yet?"
"Hey, it's Baekhyun. Sorry for not calling you, my phone died and I may have completely forgotten to contact anyone. I got the job, by the way, thanks to you."
"You fucking piece of shit. I was waiting for you to tell me but when it became apparent that I was not going to get any calls or messages from you, I had to find out from your new employer."
"Yeah, thanks, I'm glad, too," Baekhyun rubs his face, thinking about all the loans he has to pay to his friends. "I'll make it up to you when I get my first pay."
"We could celebrate here," Kyungsoo chimes in, saving Baekhyun's ass (wallet). "I could make some pasta, we still have some beer and a bottle of wine, I think."
"Kyungsoo says he wants to talk to you," Baekhyun quickly says into the receiver, he gestures that Jongin wants to kill him, handing Kyungsoo his phone back. Deal with him, he mouths, and Kyungsoo laughs at him.
Baekhyun watches as Kyungsoo gets up, the phone pressed to his ear, heading to the kitchen. He turns to face Chanyeol, following Kyungsoo with his eyes, still looking at the same spot even when Kyungsoo disappears into his realm. His eyes snap into focus and lands on Baekhyun's face.
"Congrats, Baek," he says, his tone chirpy. "I'm sure they'll promote you within a few months, or something like that."
Baekhyun nods, recalling his conversation with his soon-to-be boss. "He did say that I could try out for their magazine and do digital art for them once I get better at it."
"I'm sure that'll be in no time, knowing you," Chanyeol murmurs, picking at imaginary lint on his sweater. He looks up and meets Baekhyun's stare, cocking an eyebrow in question. "What? What is it?"
Baekhyun thinks about it, if he really wants to ask Chanyeol this, and how he should proceed with the question without possibly making things even more difficult. He can hear Kyungsoo working in the kitchen, no longer talking on the phone, and Baekhyun decides to open his mouth to ask, "Chanyeol, you're not jealous of Jongin, right?"
Chanyeol's face goes slack, his lips forming an almost straight line. His eyes flicker over to the kitchen area before settling back on Baekhyun's face. When he speaks, he speaks in a quiet voice, as if worried that Kyungsoo might overhear them talking. "We both know how Jongin felt about Kyungsoo."
"Felt, Yeol. They're just really good friends now, as they've always been. Kyungsoo chose you." Baekhyun bites his tongue to keep from saying and you chose him. "I'm sure nothing's going on between them."
"Are we even sure that Jongin's feelings are really gone, though?" Chanyeol almost scoffs. They're both silent for a few moments, Baekhyun staring at him while he refuses to make eye contact. "Look, forget I even said that. I know that there's nothing to be jealous about, but I think I'm entitled to that. It's not like I'm giving Soo a hard time. In fact, I'm positive he doesn't even know that I'm jealous." The last part is said pointedly, Chanyeol's way of telling Baekhyun to shut up about the issue. "I'll get over it, okay? Me, Jongin, Kyungsoo, and you, we're all friends, no need to get jealous of anybody, I guess."
Before he can stop himself, Baekhyun's responding, "It's funny that you would bring me up, given the context of this conversation." He says this with more malice than intended, the statement dripping with bitterness. "What's that supposed to mean, huh?"
"We both know what I mean, Baekhyun," Chanyeol spits back, his jaw visibly clenching. "I'm not stupid and I'm not dense."
For a moment, Baekhyun feels stunned. "You knew all this time?" He feels something hot in his chest, hears his own heart beating frantically. "Since when?"
"It doesn't even matter, Baek. What I'm trying to say is—," he cuts himself off when Baekhyun suddenly stands up, startling him.
"Is this some kind of joke?" Baekhyun asks, his voice barely above a whisper. "Are you some sort of sadist? Is that why you were so insistent about me moving in with you two?"
"No! Jesus Christ, Baek. Fuck, why would you even think that?"
"Does it make you feel good, huh? That someone's still into you even though you're committed, now?" Baekhyun doesn't know why he can't shut up, even when he sees the look of disbelief on Chanyeol's face turn into something more akin to hurt. "Does that make the whole thing more exciting for you? Makes you cocky, confident about yourself?"
His rant ends, but Chanyeol doesn't reply, just stares at Baekhyun as the latter tries to regain his breathing. Baekhyun licks his lips, clenching and unclenching his hands. He needs to get out, get some fresh air in his lungs before they collapse, so he turns around and leaves. He hears both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo calling after him but he keeps walking, no certain destination in mind.
He keeps walking until he realizes he somehow ended up in an unfamiliar looking street, deserted save for a stray dog that merely lifts its head and looks at Baekhyun when he stops a few feet away from it. He allows himself a few seconds to even his breathing, to clear his head, and then starts looking around. He thinks that the place isn't as unfamiliar as he thought it was when he starts to remember passing by the street a couple of times on his pursuit for a new job. He calms down a bit, knowing that he could go home without getting lost and further embarrassing himself by calling one of his housemates to pick him up after he stormed off like that when Kyungsoo was preparing a celebratory dinner for him. Not to mention he got upset with Chanyeol for the dumbest reason ever, and if he did get himself lost, he wouldn't be able to contact anybody because he didn't have his phone with him.
"Fuck, I'm stupid," he whispers, kicking a small rock out of his way, rousing the dog once again but it only looks at him for a while and then turns its head away, as if it too was tired of Baekhyun's shit. He decides to sit down on a shabby looking bench near the dog's place and throws his head up to look at the sky. "Wow, I'm really so messed up."
There was no reason for him to get mad at Chanyeol, because the guy didn't do anything to him except save him from ending up like the dog, living in the streets, homeless. He puts a hand to his face as he thinks about how ungrateful he acted, like he would be able to survive without someone's help, without Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's help. Who was he kidding? After 24 years, he still hasn't managed to grow himself a backbone.
And now he ended up fucking up his friendship with his best friend all because he had feelings for the stupid giant, who's going out with his other best friend. Perfectly pathetic.
"You know," he says to the dog. "You're actually lucky to be living out here. It's a real pain in the ass to be living with people, so you should be thankful you're free and able to provide for yourself."
He admits to himself that he is now at his ultimate low, talking to a dog, when he hears feet crunching on gravel and automatically stiffens.
"Patty?" A woman calls, apparently referring to the dog. "Oh my god, what are you doing here?" As if to confirm Baekhyun's ultimate defeat, that the dog isn't even homeless, Patty gets up and wags its tail while running to meet the woman. "Did you wait for me to come home? You silly, silly dog. Come on, I got you a treat."
Baekhyun watches them go, watches as the woman pretends to run away from her dog so it could chase after her, and even in the fair distance, Baekhyun thinks he could still hear her laughter and Patty's happy barks. He gets up, dusting off his pants, and decides that it's time to take the long walk home.
"Maybe I should get myself a dog."
He furiously pats all his pockets, hoping that maybe the key would magically appear after the 7th pat, but he soon gives up and admits to himself that he will have to do the painful task of ringing the bell and waiting to find out which one of his favorite people would open the door for him.
He gets a trump card in the form of Kim Jongin, who raises a single eyebrow at him. "You're almost just in time, Baek. We haven't opened the wine yet."
"Shit, Jongin, you are a fucking life saver, I could kiss you right now," Baekhyun says in a whisper and Jongin's eyebrow shoots up further into his hair. "Damn, I was so nervous."
"Well, I'm glad I could be of help? Again?" Jongin's smiling now, already trying to pull Baekhyun into the apartment. He frowns when Baekhyun doesn't budge. "What is it now?"
"Listen, okay? I fucked up. Real bad. Real fucking bad. I can't be… around them right now," Baekhyun explains. "Can you cover for me, please? Just tell them that it wasn't me, just some pizza guy or something, and then I'll sneak into my room and send Kyungsoo a text that I'll be spending the night with Jongdae and that I'm sorry for walking out on them like that—." He gets interrupted by Jongin's abrupt snort. "What? Please don't laugh at me."
"Okay, okay, I'll cover for you," Jongin agrees, shaking his head. "But tomorrow, when we both get off from work, you'll go drinking with me and tell me what exactly happened here that got you all sweaty like that. Deal?"
Baekhyun almost groans, wiping at his forehead and discovering that he is indeed sweating a bit. He almost flips Jongin off with his finger but decides against this, fearing that he might lose his savior. "Fine, fuck, okay, I'll go. Just so you know, I'm broke, okay? And you'll have to pick me up from my workplace with your fancy ass car."
Jongin chuckles and moves so he isn't blocking Baekhyun's path to salvation. "That was the plan, sir."
Wasting no time, Baekhyun makes his escape to his room, quietly locking the door behind him and making sure no one would hear it. He makes a beeline to his small desk and grabs his phone, quickly sending a text message to Kyungsoo, and then to Jongdae so he can confirm Baekhyun's cover if someone asks. He contemplates sending one to Chanyeol but decides that he would just man up and talk to him tomorrow before they both leave for work.
Heaving a deep sigh, Baekhyun collapses on top of his bed, not bothering to change out of his clothes. He realizes that he's still wearing his slippers, which is a good thing because he would definitely die if someone found his slippers by the doorway when he's supposed to be out. He kicks them off and rolls over so he's lying on his stomach, burrowing his face into the pillows.
Baekhyun thinks that his fatal flaw is his habit of over-thinking. He acknowledges that his stomach shouldn't be knotting up like this, that he is definitely overreacting and he'll be able to fix things up with the two tomorrow when he gets the chance –and the courage– to talk to them. To Chanyeol, mostly, for lashing out on him like that. And to Kyungsoo for purposely missing dinner after the poor guy went out of his way to make spaghetti for them, for him.
And now he's over-thinking again. Maybe it doesn't really bother Chanyeol all that much that Baekhyun has feelings for him, and maybe Kyungsoo doesn't know anything about this. Maybe it wouldn't at all be awkward with Chanyeol if Baekhyun still lives with them for some time, or maybe Baekhyun won't be needing to live with them for much longer, after all.
Maybe tomorrow, when he wakes up, he'll find that he's gotten over Chanyeol.
Or maybe he's gotten over Kyungsoo.
Shut up, he commands his brain. Stop fucking thinking and let me go to sleep. Of course, as how the rest of his day went after getting the job, absolutely nothing goes his way and he doesn't manage to fall asleep until it's 2 in the morning, when he stops trying to decide whether he's feeling cold or warm.
Maybe I'm just really lonely, he thinks, before drifting off.
He dreams about getting his own place, a place where pets are allowed, because he also dreams about getting himself a dog, and wakes up thinking that maybe it would be a really good investment because he has never seen anyone that happy to see him.
Baekhyun can say that he likes reading, and he has read various stories. He has a collection of books, some e-books on his laptop, and some things that he reads on the internet. He has read a lot of fictional stories, and one thing that he really can't relate to is when the characters wake up and "can't remember anything that transpired last night", because right now he can remember absolutely everything that transpired last night.
He knows that it's still a bit early, that he can still sneak in a few minutes of sleep and not be late for work (but who cares anyway? He's going to hand in his resignation letter today) but he's unable to because of a headache that's blooming on his right temple, creating an annoying ache that he can't dispel by repeatedly changing his position. He gives up the cause and gets up into a sitting position and immediately regrets it as the pain in head almost immediately intensifies. Checking his phone with one eye, he groans when he reads 8:40 AM, meaning he only slept for about six hours and is actually just 20 minutes earlier than his alarm clock.
"The pain of a hangover without the pleasure of alcohol," he mumbles, stumbling to get to the door. He pokes his head out, checking for any telltale signs of anyone up yet like him, and finds none, so he goes to the bathroom to pee and to wash his face. He decides that he may as well start his day early so he texts Jongdae and tells him that the cover is that Baekhyun left his house at around 8 o'clock, and now there he is, already starting on breakfast.
Kyungsoo wakes up before Chanyeol, as usual, and spots Baekhyun by the kitchen counter, a plate of steaming bacon and eggs in front of him, toast in one hand and phone in the other. Baekhyun almost chokes on his bread but quickly puts his phone down and grabs his glass of orange juice.
"Hey, Soo, g'morning," he greets, already feeling bashful. "Hey, I'm really sorry about last night. I know you especially made pasta for me and I was being a dick by walking out like that because—."
"Yeah, I know, Chanyeol told me that you two had an argument and he offended you because of something stupid that he said. It's okay, Baek. We both know he can be really stupid at times," Kyungsoo says, grabbing a plate and serving himself breakfast.
Baekhyun feels a lot of different things at once, like hurt and betrayal and shame and fear but most of all he feels dread creep through his veins. "Oh, he told you?" he asks, trying to act casual about it and thanking the lord that his voice doesn't crack and he doesn't sound as nervous as he really is.
"Yeah, about the old job and the new job and stuff like that, right?"
And now Baekhyun feels relief wash over him, followed quickly by confusion. Chanyeol didn't rat him out, so it seems. "I mean, I still missed dinner and all…"
"It's okay," Kyungsoo says, standing up and heading over to the fridge where he retrieves a medium-sized bowl of the pasta. "I saved some for you, but the two dorks finished all the booze and that's not really my fault so I didn't bother doing anything about it."
"Um, wow. Thanks for saving me some of the spaghetti, I really wanted to eat it," Baekhyun says, ogling the contents of the bowl. He doesn't have the appetite for it yet, having just recovered from the feeling of his stomach dropping so low that it hit the ground, but he really does like Kyungsoo's spaghetti.
"Sure, eat it at work or something." Kyungsoo gulps down a large amount of water and looks Baekhyun dead in the eye. "And next time, even if it's like a four-person thing with cheap wine and delicious pasta, actually attend your parties, alright?"
Baekhyun grins, an actual grin, and says, "Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. I'll make it up you."
"Of course you will. You're sentenced to washing the dishes for today."
They move on to talking about Baekhyun's plans and they're in the middle of discussing possible dates he might get as to when he can officially leave his current company when they hear the sound of a door opening and closing and a half-awake Chanyeol approaching them soon follows. He slumps down on the stool next to Kyungsoo and a plate of food is slid over to him, right under his nose. He starts eating the food with his bare hands and Kyungsoo actually looks disgusted for a few moments before he shakes his head and gets up to leave.
"I'm gonna go take a bath, need to be at the office early."
"I can't drop you off, Soo!" Chanyeol calls, picking at his food. "It's too early for me!"
"I can drive, you can commute!" Kyungsoo calls back, his voice reverberating from the bathroom. There's a loud thud followed by Chanyeol's sigh and Baekhyun's amused chuckle.
Then Chanyeol's raising his eyes to look at Baekhyun and the latter steels himself. "Okay, let me go first," he says. "I'm sorry. I overreacted. You have every right to kick me out of your house, Chanyeol, and I won't hold it against you. I know it must be… strange for you." When Chanyeol just continues to stare at him, Baekhyun adds, "And thank you for not telling Kyungsoo about it. I'm sorry you had to lie to him."
Chanyeol finally relents, shrugging his broad shoulders in an act of nonchalance. "It was for the best. Would have been awfully awkward here if he found out about it, and it's not really my secret, Baekhyun. I'm not the one hiding something from him."
There it is again, that feeling of immense guilt although he knows to himself that he has honestly not done anything morally wrong.
"I'm sorry, okay? I've liked you way before you started going out with him, Chanyeol. I'm not saying that it gives me any rights whatsoever, I'm just saying that if I could have gotten rid of these feelings, I would have the day you told me you liked him." He's feeling defensive again, like Chanyeol is judging him for keeping his feelings a secret, for hiding it from Kyungsoo. There's a sting in his eyes that he ignores. "I'm working on it, okay? I'm sorry."
Chanyeol seems to soften after this, the ice in his stare already melting, being replaced by something that Baekhyun hates; pity.
He's just so sick of people pitying him and being someone so pitiful.
"I'm sorry, Baek. I have this awful headache right now and I took it out on you and that wasn't fair." Chanyeol idly chews on a bacon strip, looks down at his plate and appears as though he's blushing and starting to get flustered. Perhaps only now did it dawn on him that Baekhyun has just made a blatant confession of his feelings towards him, and even revealed that it has a long standing history.
Baekhyun is quick to change the topic, forcing down a thick lump in his throat. "Hangover, hmm? That's what you get for drinking all the booze that wasn't even for you."
"Ugh, fuck it was Jongin's fault for staying for so long," Chanyeol mutters, pushing his now empty plate away. "Do you want me to do the dishes?"
Another reminder goes off in Baekhyun's head; text Jongin when he gets off from work. "No, I'll do it. Kyungsoo put me on dishwashing duties for the whole day."
"He's too soft on you," Chanyeol says, shaking his head. He clears his throat and gets up when he hears the door to the bathroom door swing open. "Thanks for breakfast, Baek. What time do you have to leave for work?"
Baekhyun collects Chanyeol's plate and moves to start on the dishes, turning his back to face him. "Uh, around 10:30. How about you?"
"Around that time too. I could drop you off," Chanyeol offers, giving Baekhyun a small smile when the latter turns to look at him, checking if he's being serious.
"Kyungsoo's going to use the car, right?" Baekhyun's eyebrows are drawn together now that he's facing away from Chanyeol again. It's not rare for Chanyeol to offer him a ride, but it's also not rare for Baekhyun to turn him down. The last thing he needs is time spent alone with Chanyeol in a small and closed space.
"I have a bike, remember?"
Oh, indeed he does remember. Baekhyun does remember that bike; a huge, black motorcycle that scared the shit out of him when he first saw it. He remembers nearly dying when he rode that thing, his arms tightly wrapped around Chanyeol's mid section. The fear almost outweighed the rapture of pressing his body so close to Chanyeol's and feeling, not hearing, Chanyeol's laughter, undeniably echoed through his own.
The next thing he says is equal parts a lie and the truth, "I'd really rather commute and get stuck in a hour-long traffic than ride that monster again. The last time I did I almost fell off and died, all because of a certain person enjoying himself too much to care about his passenger."
"Shut up, Byun Baekhyun. You loved that night and we both know it. Besides, I knew what I was doing and I got you, right? I always have, silly."
He knows that he shouldn't read deeper into that simple statement, but he can't help the warm feeling that fills his stomach and lights up his face like a Christmas decoration. He doesn't turn to face Chanyeol for multiple reasons so he keeps scrubbing the plate that should have already been drying by now.
"If you think you can use that thing in broad daylight then fine," he finally relents, faking a sigh afterwards. "Just so you know, if we get into some sort of accident then it's all on you, all the hospital expenses and Kyungsoo's wrath."
Turns out that when placed in a road with other vehicles, the monster transforms into a normal motorcycle. They glide through the traffic with ease except for a few angry honks from impatient drivers. Baekhyun's arms aren't wrapped around Chanyeol like the first time. Instead, his hands rest on Chanyeol's sides and he only grabs into the fabric of Chanyeol's jacket when they make a few sharp turns that makes Baekhyun's heart race a bit faster.
Contrary to what Baekhyun thought would be a very uncomfortable and awkward moment, the ride is spent in agreeable silence, and Baekhyun thinks that Chanyeol's body doesn't tense in response to Baekhyun's touch. Miraculously, they arrive without a single scratch, and Baekhyun is forced to look at Chanyeol's smug smile.
"I think that was safe," Chanyeol says as he gets the helmet from Baekhyun. "A lot less thrilling than the last one, though."
"A lot better, that is," Baekhyun replies, barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes at Chanyeol. "Thanks, I'll see you at home."
"Yep." Chanyeol gives him one last mock punch on his shoulder then the giant's speeding off, but the eerie roar of his bike remains in Baekhyun's head all the way into the main office where he hands in his resignation later. He is told to finish his last assignment for the company before leaving them, so he does. By the end of the day, he has all his stuff packed in a small box and is just waiting for Jongin to drive by so he can officially say "Fuck you" to Hansen Publications.
The minute he sees Jongin's black Mercedes, he's getting up from his place on the bench and walking over to the fancy car. Jongin helps him with his things, putting them in the backseat, and Baekhyun climbs into the passenger seat and waits for Jongin to get behind the wheel.
"I'm so sorry I took that long," Jongin immediately says, already driving away from the building.
"I looked like I was fired, waiting for you," he deadpans, looking at Jongin with an expression that he hopes brings across the message that he is not amused.
"Yeah, yeah, really sorry about that. It's okay, you'll forget all about it when we get to the bar. It's a really good place," Jongin assures him, glancing at him from time to time but generally keeping his eyes on the road.
"If I can't afford it then it's not that good of a place, Jongin. I'm jobless."
"It's on me, Byunbaek. You're gonna pay me something else."
Even from this angle, Baekhyun can clearly see the teasing smile set on Jongin's lips and he pretends to gag. "That sounds so wrong and so fucking inappropriate."
They exchange a few banters, Jongin always laughing and smiling at him, being a good sport. That's what Baekhyun likes the most about him; he almost never gets mad, or at least Baekhyun has never seen him mad and he has never been mad at Baekhyun. They arrive at their destination and, even from the outside, Baekhyun can tell that the place isn't like one of the cheap bars that he and Chanyeol used to go to during their university days.
When they get inside, Baekhyun is more than relieved when he sees that the place isn't packed with people yet. There are still a few vacant tables and a lot of seats available by the bar, and only a handful of people occupy the dance floor; the music isn't heavy on the bass part so they're just swaying and slightly raising their arms and making silly gestures with their hands while conversing and drinking.
Jongin leads Baekhyun to the bar and they sit by the far end, a good three stools away from another customer. The bartender quickly attends to them and, in a few minutes, they each have their drinks.
"So, cheers to getting the job or cheers to being jobless?" Jongin asks, already holding up his glass.
Baekhyun shakes his head and bumps his glass with Jongin's. "To me potentially getting a better life."
Jongin laughs at him, downing a quarter of his martini. "You're such a little ball of positivity, I just love it."
"I try," Baekhyun lamely says, noting to himself the change of the music into a parade of slow and dirty songs. He avoids looking at the dance floor from then on.
"You didn't get busted, right?" Jongin casually asks, resting his chin on his hand.
"I didn't, thankfully." There's a pause in which Baekhyun remembers something and contemplates whether he should talk to Jongin about it or not. He looks at his glass and gulps down a generous amount, the familiar burning sensation travelling down his throat to give his stomach a pleasant warmth. "Can I ask you something?"
"Well the plan was that I'm gonna do the asking and you're gonna do the answering but okay, shoot."
He downs the rest of his drink before asking, "Are my feelings for Chanyeol obvious?"
Jongin raises an eyebrow, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. "Whoa. Where'd that come from?"
Baekhyun shrugs, pouring himself another glass. "Apparently it was obvious enough that even he noticed."
Jongin stares at Baekhyun's refilled glass, and then at Baekhyun's face. He seems to think about the answer, toying around with the cubes of ice in his own glass. "During high school, I think everyone thought that you two were going to end up dating each other," he starts. "The four of us, we were the closest, right? You and Chanyeol… me and Kyungsoo."
Baekhyun doesn't react, doesn't show any indication that he understood what Jongin was hinting at. He just sits there and listens, lets the other man speak.
"And then things happened, and suddenly they're spending a lot of time together and then everyone was expecting them to get together and they did. I think that maybe for an outsider, it would look like you were just genuinely happy for them but, as your friends, we knew that wasn't entirely the case."
And that applies to you, too, Baekhyun thinks. "So do you think Kyungsoo knows?"
"Possibly," Jongin allows, refilling his glass. "Did he ever say anything about it? Like, when he and Chanyeol told us, did you and Kyungsoo ever talk about it?"
"No. He never mentioned anything that had me thinking he knew about it so I assumed that he didn't."
"Then maybe he really doesn't know about it. He doesn't mention anything to me about it, so maybe we're right."
They're silent for a while, the both of them. Jongin has his eyes trained on something that the bartender is doing, and Baekhyun has turned to nursing his drink. After a few more moments of silence, Jongin speaks up again.
"Are my feelings for Kyungsoo obvious?"
Baekhyun's almost taken aback, except he thinks he was subconsciously waiting for that. "That's debatable, really, especially now that I had it confirmed directly by you."
"That's true."
It's lonely, really. Right now, it's not only himself that he feels sad for, but he also feels sad for his companion. He also thinks that it's almost silly, almost unbelievable, how the two people that they like are together, and there they are, drinking while speculating about it like high school girls.
"Do you think it's awful how I wish you'd end up with Chanyeol?" Jongin wonders out loud, his expression unreadable despite the smile that he flashes at Baekhyun. "Do you think we'd both be happy then? Do you think they'll be happy with us?"
"Yes, and I think it's awful how I wish you'd end up with Kyungsoo," Baekhyun answers, shrugging his shoulders. "I… don't know if we'd be happy then, and I don't know if they'll be happy with us because they fairly look happy with each other already."
There's a pregnant pause before Jongin lets out a quiet laugh. "Well, that's depressing."
"It is," Baekhyun agrees. "Especially when you're living with them." He realizes that there's a strain in his voice so he clears his throat and takes small sips of his drink.
Jongin looks at him, stares at him, sporting a soft smile. "That thing that you said last night, is that still valid?"
"I said I lot of things last night, Jongin. You have to be a bit more specific."
Nothing really changes, in Baekhyun's perspective. There's no difference with the way Jongin looks at him, or the set of his lips in that cheeky smile. The music's still the same, or maybe Baekhyun just really wasn't paying attention, but it takes him a while to answer to what Jongin says next.
"Can I get that kiss now?"
