Slayers: Final
Draft One.
The Mysterious Priest Rides Again
Disclaimer--The usual, I don't own any of the characters from Square Enix and Kadokawa Publishing.
The two warriors stood ready, weapons in hand. Their eyes fixed on the prize to the victor, their faces expressing pure lust and hunger. Around them, spectators stood in fear and awe in anticipation of the upcoming carnage, edging closer for a good view but staying far enough back to avoid injury. For they have seen it before and always one of the warriors wins but also, always the battlefield would be always laid to waste. The city guardsmen fingered their swords nervously. This time it may be different, for this time it will be the last time. The last time, on the last battleground for the last porkchop.
Someone in the crowd coughed, disrupting the eerie silence that had enveloped the resturaunt for a good. . .oh. . let's say. . . .fifteen minutes now. To the two duelists the cough was the same as a gunshot starting a race. In a flash the two lunged for the piece of meat, forks and knives in front of their extended arms. The utensils clashed. Sparks flew, dishes shattered and somewhere in a little corner on the far side of the diner, the manager began to fill out insurance forms.
Suddenly the fight for extra portions was interrupted. The two fighters' silverware had become so entangled with each other as to resemble a shoestring knot. Half a heartbeat later they tossed away the useless tangle of metal and resorted to hand to hand.
At least they were about to. A concerned but very foolish employee had decided to take it upon himself to save his means of employment and the last in the towns' eating establishment (and thus his job) by removing the fought after chop. Bad, bad idea. The resulting "Diru Brandou" an earth spell in the shamanism field of magic reduced the eatery into a lumber yard by creating an explosive upheaval of dirt and rock.
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Three days later...
So here we are, 25 miles from here to the nearest city and still being chased by a mercenary band calling themselves the "Culinary Avengers". But at least they are nowhere in sight for now. Maybe Gourry and I can take a breather.
"Hold up Gourry," I said. He looks as tired as I feel. Three days of nearly non-stop fleeing will do that to you I suppose. Especially if you are carrying about 500 gold pieces, mess supplies, spare clothing, toiletries and two fairily weighty daggers. Fleeing...If only I had my magical powers back I could show those poofy-hat freaks I can do more than just flee! But being that time of the month...my magic energy just won't work to full capacity, I can still cast a simple illumanation spell but that will not help me much right now.
"About time," Gourry said in a weary voice. "I have never seen such a determined group of bounty hunters in my life; I mean it was only the 37th resturaunt that you blew up! They still have a whole continent left!"
We sat down on a downed tree near a stream about a mile from the road. The forest was thick with tangled willows knarled oaks and beeches but even if we couldn't see anyone coming, we would sure be able to hear them. But that would work both ways too...this forest is carpeted with branches and leaves. The mid day sun shone here and there through the sparse openings in the canopy, making the woods seem somewhat dark and foreboding. But to me and Gourry, forest equals food, so we don't really worry about appearances that much.
"No kidding! You'd think that they think we are trying to destroy fine dining in its (its) entirety! If only I could get them to listen to me and explain that I am only culling out the eateries that offer poor service and too few portions..." It was true...mostly. Almost every eating establishment we had been to either ran out of food, tried to make us leave before we were done or was just flat-out rude to us. Like it was OUR fault that a few peices of furniture and china were broken while we played our almost ritual 'Food Duel' every meal? Apparently people in this continent had never heard the term 'insurance'.
"Lina, wanna go catch some fish while I go find some tubers or mushrooms or something?"
Gourry...he has been my constant companion for...it must be 3 and a half years now. Wow, that long... At first he was just a mercenary I had met who decided to protect me until I got to Atlus city on our continent. Now...I don't know what he is to me. A friend? Definently. But what is the blonde swordsman to me now? Whoa...I haven't really thought like this since we were in the Katahto temple in search of a Clare Bible manuscript, a powerful tome of sorcerry that contains magiacl revelations from the world of the Demons and the Gods. But then the Demon Dragon King Gaav kind of interrupted that train of thought but trying to kill us all to disrupt his former master's plans, HellMaster Phibrizo. But why did they start now I wonder? Oh! I can think about it later! It's time for some fishing!
"Sure thing Gourry, I think I saw some edible shrooms about 50 yards back the way we came." With that we set out on our appointed tasks. When I got to the stream I pulled out a long strand of hair and magically strengthened it to be a suitable fishing line. Even in my current magically weakend state, I can still pull off some small cantrips like this.
Why do I stay with him? At first it was to get his Sword of Light, Gorun Nova, a very rare and powerful weapon created by the Dark Lord Dugradigdo otherwise known as DarkStar. But that kinda went away fairly quickly, I just kidded him about the sword ever since the first incident in Sairaag. Ever since then we just kinda stuck together. ..Maybe because I am in lov-
SNAP!
What was that?
CRACK!
"Gourry?" I whispered, hoping he was near by right about now.
"There you are little girl!"
"AHHH!! DIRU BRANDOU!!!" Whoops.
"Diru Brandou? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
It was one of the Culinary Avengers in all of his poofy hatted glory...sheesh. He was a portly man of around forty with an overly ornate chef's uniform. But being somewhat fat apparently doesn't matter to the avengers as I found out. They were hellbent on getting vengence for all of the resturaunts I uhhh...remodeled.
"No matter. Your incoherent blabbering will get you nowhere in the face of gourmet justice! No more will you destroy those who would serve overly small amounts of food for exuberant prices!! TREEEEMBLE as you face the POTATO MASHER of JUSTICE!!"
Wow. I'm glad I don't have the bodyweight of a blue whale strapped to my stomach. I wonder if he and a certain princess of Seyruun I know are related? Crazy or not, though, he does look intent on hurting me. But that's what these new daggers Gourry got for me are for. It's times of the month like this I can use my new combat training to its fullest. My straight-edged dagger in my left hand, the curved-bladed weapon in my right. I eased my body into a combat stance, left leg in front of my body, slightly bent for a sudden spring in any direction if needed. Daggers in a reverse grip, right hand tucked in close ready to spring for some slashing action. Left hand held halfway infront of me leveled at my clavicle ready to turn aside any attack. I stood ready to confront a man in a poofy hat, armed with a potato masher. Albeit a dangerous looking potato masher...are those nails imbedded into it?
"Well, if you are looking for a fight, you've found the right woman." I put in as much moxy as I could at the moment. Considering that Gourry and I are having as much trouble as we are with these...characters, I wasn't in the mood to fight even one without my powers or Gourry. But seeing as my "Protector" is nowhere to be found, I guess it can't be helped. Despite his appearance, he is still a merc, not some lowly bandit I can stomp in my sleep.
I stepped up to him just out of his striking distance. Gourry said always look at your opponents eyes. The eyes will tell you what you adversary will do next. His steel gaze drifted slightly to my right. He moved faster than I thought possible with his carriage, he almost made the 5 foot distance between us before I could react. And react I did. Just as he was about to strike at my right shoulder I sidestepped to my left sticking out a foot to trip him up and bashing the back of his head with the pommels of my daggers. The results were as expected.
"Too EASY!" It was! We never had it this easy fighting them before! Of course we were always outnumbered...
I plopped down on him and upon searching his wallet I was 25 gold pieces richer. Yipee. That might pay for a few plates of food...somewhere that hasn't heard of the name Lina Inverse. But that is fast becoming difficult due to the rate of my. . .mishaps. Wow, I'm actually worried that my name is spreading.
RUSTLE.
Oh, great...
I looked around and found myself surrounded by the rest of the Culinary Avengers in all of their gaudy glory. Nice, I think I need Gourry with me right about now. Great they are closing in, maybe I can rush through them before there aren't any more gaps between them...
Just as I was about to move I heard it. Something I have not heard for nearly four years . . . something I could have lived without ever hearing again . . . .
"Oooohohohoohohohohoo!"
It can't be. . . .
"What was that?" That was one of the mercs now looking decidely nervous...buddy, I would be more than just nervous if I were you.
The merc band was now ignoring me for the most part, just an occaisional glance my way to see that I was not trying anything cute. They were, however, scanning the area with darting eyes and hushed warnings to eachother. They made their kitchen-esque weapons ready.
Then, there she was. I couldn't believe it, I still can hardly believe it's true. But there she was, looking just as I left her all that time ago. She was standing between a pair of close growing trees, hands on her hips with her always present arrogant grin on her lips, clad in a distasteful black leather bikini with spiked shoulder guards and black cape. Her raven-hair and overly large and gelatinous breast swaying in the slight breeze. . .nobody has any right to be stacked as good as Naga. . .
"I see you need the help of I, NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT, once again Lina Inverse!"
"NAGA!?! What are YOU doing here!?!" I was stunned. What the hell WAS she doing here?
"She's with the Enemy of Fine Dining! Get her!" Exclaimed one of the poofy-hat-ted jerks. "You two, take her down," the apparent leader gestured to the two goons closest to the udder-chested sorceress.
They made their move toward her. But they didn't realise Naga had already made her move. Her incantation complete, she only spoke the word of power to send the gourmet killers a death on the rocks via multiple "freeze arrow". The magically conjured icicles of the water shamanism variety first impaled the unfortunate cooks and then encased them in ice as if it weren't enough to just stab them.
The mercenaries, now completley unhinged, they charged at the smirking mad woman, weapons/food prepartory tools raised to turn her into some macabre main entree. But once again Naga was ready for them.
"Bephis Bring!" She called out as she slammed an open palm to the earth, calling forth Bephis one the greater earth spirits that earth shamansim derives its power from, to open a fifteen foot wide, impossibly deep hole in the ground. The doomed mercenaries were caught unaware and were now falling to their deaths.
All, but one that is. Some how one of the Avengers managed to sneak around Naga and was about to deliver a devastating blow with his razor edged spatula.
Suddenly he jerked spasmodically, his eyes widening in horror as he looked slowly down to the protruding peice of steel sticking out of his chest. The steel disapeared. The merc dropped. Gourry now stood in his place looking grim as he always did when forced to kill.
"Are you alright miss?" he asked Naga, who was looking more than a bit flustered at the sight of the handsome man. I don't like this one bit. No siree Bob. Not one bit at all.
"Of course! None can defeat the White Serpent so easily! True beauty can't die in such a manner!" She's looking much more composed now, though I can detect just a hint of nervousness in her eyes. Heh. Naga WAS caught off guard there. That isn't like her.
"Good- Oh, hey Lina!" He didn't know I was here did he?
"'Hey Lina', MY ASS! Where were you!? I was almost- I almost had to take them all on by myself! AND I HAVEN'T EATEN YET!!" That was close, you can't show any weakness in front of Naga, she'll rib you for weeks if you do.
"Oh, I was searching for some mushrooms for lunch, but then I got the feeling you where in trouble and then I heard some commotion and started heading your way. Before I knew it, I saw that guy about to brain this weird looking lady and had to do something about it." He did know...huh must be that animal-like instinct of his I can't understand . Oh, crap! Stop blushing Lina! Awww, nuts, that look in her eyes. She caught it. And Gourry, of course, is happily oblivious.
"Anyways...," he said, "Who is this oddly dressed woman?"
"I see you've found someone whose total blindness to beauty is equivilant to yours, Lina." Naga didn't look too perturbed, in fact she seemed to be in full flaunt mode with the way she is drawing back her hips and sticking out her chest. She is probably used to snide comments about her manner of dressing.
"Gourry, this is Naga the White Serpent, Naga for short, I traveled with her for a couple of years and she ran off in fright just before I met you."
"...Fright!?"
"Shut-up, I'm introducing you, anyways, as you can see, she dresses like a slut, is a sloppy spell caster, a drunk and her only decent use is as a meat shield."
"Sloppy Spellcaster!? SLOPPY SPELLCASTER!!? I'll have you know, Mr. Gourry, that I am Lina's most powerful and beautiful rival!"
"Rival!? Are you still going on about that!? Who ran away all scared just because I mastered a spell that harnesses the power of the Lord of Nightmares!?" She is just the Dark Lord above all Dark Lords after all. . . hehehe.
"I'll admit that I ran away, but I was not frightened of your Giggle Slave! I just ran off because I needed to get away from your spell greedy eyes to create a spell so powerful that even you would admit defeat!"
"Oh, really? And that's GIGA Slave!"
"Really, here it is...THE VOUS VRYMR MEGA!!" A new variation on the earth shamanism spell to summon a stone golem, huh? Naga always seemed to be experimenting with that spell for some reason or another. The earth shook, the sky darkened, wind ripped leaves from the trees...well basically all hell broke loose. Naga standing there in the midst of it all, seemingly immune to the chaos all around us. As for me and Gourry, we are barely keeping our feet on the ground. Dirt and rocks rising form the ground seemed to come together in a vaguely ovoid lump, two long and spindly arms appeared, two feet with...no legs? The dust is clearing, let's get a good look at what Naga has created THIS time. Ugh...that has to be the ugliest thing I have ever seen...its face heck, it's all face! two close-set beady eyes, a very large nose and mustache and a wide gaping smile...is that a bowler ontop of its head!?
"Naga...what the HELL is that thing!?" I demanded.
"The source of your demise, Lina-chan!"
"Mr. Tuberhead!?"
"What was that, Gourry!?"
"It looks like Mr. Tuberhead! I used to have one when I was a kid! You could open up its mouth and different face parts would come out like ears, eyes and mouths and you could arrange his face into all kinds of..."
"Ok, ok, I got you..." Sheesh, I guess he only remembers things that he cares about...I wonder how much space I take up in Gourry's memory banks? "But, anyways...Naga? Why are you assaulting me with a giant replica of a child's toy!?"
"A child's toy!? I'll have you know that I found the basis for this work of ART inside of an ancient tome I found in the ruins of Sairaag!" She pulled out a ragged looking peice of paper and promptly thrusted it into my face.
"Naga? This is an advertisment for a MR. TUBERHEAD DOLL FOR OCTUBERFEST 1389!! THAT WAS ONLY 5 YEARS AGO!!"
"Never mind the details! Watch as it beats you into submission!"
'Watch' as it beats me...?
"Whatever...Gourry, you can deal with this one."
"Right!" He unsheathed his broadsword, took a stance and stared at his target looking for any opening, any weakness. His gaze softened, his shoulders drooped and he said to me...
"Lina, I can't do it...I can't attack a childhood friend who has yet to attack me."
"Ch-ch-chi-childhood friend!? It's a ROCK GOLEM! No matter what cool sounding words she added to the Vous Vrymr spell it is still a sloppily made piece of trash! And besides that! I don't care if it does look like a Mr. Tuberhead doll! It couldn't have been as big as a house! So now go get it! Turn it into shoestring fries or something!"
"Ahhh...why'd you have to go and mention food? We STILL haven't eaten yet."
"The faster you trash that monstrousity the faster we can eat!"
He turned to the Tuberhead simarrilicon with a fierce intensity I have not seen since the battle against Dark Star. After all, we haven't really seen anything that looks this threatening in some time.
"No matter if you were dear to me in my youth...you stand between me and what my heart craves most. My name is Gourry Gabrieve, you're blocking my meal, prepare to die."
"Now, let's see what this 'monstrocity' can do, Lina!" Naga seemed confident, more confident than she should with her golem looking like that. I doubt it, but maybe there is more to this than meets the eye. Gourry, apparently taking to heart what I said about Naga's workmanship jumped at the uber-spud and was promptly swallowed by it. I blinked in disbelief. I blinked again. The tuber had a disturbingly pleasant smile on its face, like it was saying, "pleased to meet you!".
"What the!? Gourry!! What the hell did you do to him Naga!?"
"I didn't do anything. The Golem did! Your boy toy should be trapped inside, unharmed by the way, so now that we can settle this Woman to tomboy!"
I was completely taken aback, since when has Naga ever shown she has a brain even a third the size of those overgrown melons attatched to her chest?
"You mean to say, that the spell you said was a match for the Giga Slave was simply a ruse to make me fight you fair? Will you let Gourry go if I promise he won't interfere?"
"No way, Lina, I'm not letting anything get in my way this time."
Damn. There is something odd about her. She seems to be oddly focused. Like she really means to finish it this time.
"But why now, Naga? I thought you gave up on being my rival, what about all that time we traveled together?"
"I was merely studying your techniques and attack patterns my dear Lina. Now that I have mastered even more powerful magic I will finally take my place as the most powe-"
"Diru Brandou!"
"AAAAEEEEIIIIII......" She trailed off as she flew through the air amid dirt and forest debris. She landed about a minute later, looking a tad dazzed. I swear, one of these days. . .
"Now will you let Gourry go?"
"Mm..Fine...ooohhh...Flow Break...." With those words of power the golem disintegrated revealing a very freaked-out looking Gourry.
"Th-t-that was just like a dream I had when I was eight! Hold me!" He latched onto my chest.
"Ahhh...watch where you're grabbing, Gourry!"
"I'm scared!"
"Come on, get a hold of your self! You're supposed to be MY protector, not the other way around!"
"Oh? And what would Lina Inverse need a protector for? Hmmmm?" Here we go again...
"It's not like I had a choice, Naga." I said as I frantically tried to pound the big oaf off of me. "He kinda latched onto me a few years back and..."
"A few years? Seems to me like you'd be more than just friends if he has 'protected' you for that long." She had a sly grin and evil look in her eye.
"...Well...hey what's that?" I pointed to a sign I have not noticed before and apparantly no one else had either. It looked fairly new, with just a trace of weather damage. It read, "All you can eat Dinatorium! Just one Copper piece! Boat to the resturaunt is at Phobus Port!".
"A dream come true! Come on, Gourry, we haven't found a deal like this for years!"
"Right!" He finally detached himeself from my waist and looked 100% less pitiful and more like the self-proclaimed protector I grew to love. Whoa, did I just think that? I remember all of the times other people could tell how I felt about him...and how I quickly and probably not too convincingly rebuked them...why? Why can't I tell him? I remember cuddling up against him when he was asleep in the temple of the water dragon king...I don't know if I could of done that if he was awake. Shoot...I've been unthinkingly staring into his eyes...I wonder if Naga has noticed...
"What's wrong Lina? Do I have something on my face?" AHHCK! How did jellyfish brains notice!? He NEVER notices! And what's more, Naga has that knowing smile on her face...she'll probably use it to her advantage in some horribly convoluted way. But, Gourry can take care of himself for the most part.
"Oh no, nothing! Uh, let's go! To full bellies and flabbergasted chiefs!"
"You're not getting away from me this time, Lina Inverse! I'll follow you once again and this time I WILL find a weakness!"
"Whatever, Naga." With that we set off to Phobus Port. Gourry and I chattered nonstop about what we hoped there is to eat at this "All you can eat Dinatorium" while Naga accasionally joined in. Strange, she isn't nearly as talkative as she used to be...I wonder what happened to her in the last four years? Ah well, I can ask her some other time, it doesn't look like she'll stop following me anytime soon...
Elsewhere....a man was making his way through a different forest. . .
I'm being hunted. No doubt about it. The fleeting movements out the corner of my eyes. The dead silence where there should be birds singing, animals going about their daily routine. It has been like this for 4 days now. I thought it may have been wary townsfolk keeping an eye on a strange creature, but I have been outside any borders for 2 days now.
It may be time for the hunter to become the hunted.
There, an outcropping of granite. I should blend in nicely once I remove my cloak and throw in some natural debris. Now to wait for my hunter/prey.
There he -- she is. My stalker is a woman huh? Well, no matter. Strange, she does not have her weapon drawn. It looks to be a short bow. With a full quiver of arrows. Not much armor, just a studded leather shirt and a wrist guard to protect against the bowstring. She seems to have...a few magical wards too, one on her belt, one tied around her slender neck, the other on her other wirst like a bracelet...oh, no. I looked downed at my cantine and I saw an exact replica of the bracelet the woman wore tied around the neck of it. It was the one she gave me before I left for my journey.
No way.
She couldn't have! This has to be a mistake! Not even she would be so reckless...! I have to make sure though...maybe this woman just looks like her.
I'll wait for her to just walk me by unnoticed. NOW!
"WAAAHK!" Aw, dammit. It's her alright, no one screams like that but her.
"Amelia! relax, it's me, Zelgadis!" I said as I tried to calm the flailing limbs of a frighteningly energentic AND frightened young woman. If she keeps this up she'll probably hurt herself...whoops there she goes...
"...Mister...Zelgadis?" She sounds more embarrassed than injured.
"Amelia, what are you doing here?" I asked as sternly as I could manage at the moment...how does she do this to me?
"Well...I...uh..." She may have grown up physically as she seems to be as tall as I am now...how'd that happen? but she is still a kid it looks on the inside.
"Does Phil know you're here? What about Seyruun? Wouldn't the kingdom be in an uproar if they found out yet ANOTHER one of it's heirs ran off?" Maybe I pushed it a little too far...but she could've gotten hurt.
"Ooohhh...your're right Mister Zelgadis. I was stupid going after you. But, I wanted to help you! And I thought I could do that better if I were with you than being holed up in the castle. Don't worry though! I have a team of devoted scholars looking for possible cures for your body day and night! After all! It isn't just that you have to do this all alone!"
"So why all the secrecy? You could have met up with me anytime these last few days."
"AHCK! You knew?!"
"Yeah."
"I...uh...didn't know if you would like me coming with you or not, so I was coming up with a speech to sway you..." She's still into overly long and dramatic speeches, huh?
"Sway me?"
"Because you were always so distant when it came to finding your cure, I didn't want you to turn me away!" What's with that look in her eyes? Hope?
"Please don't make me go back Zelgadis, I came all this way, I was sure I could help you somehow! " She really must be desperate to stay if she forgot the "Mister".
"Yeesh...alright all alright...but! I can't promise it will be easy...you will have to follow my rules, you will be taught how to sneak properly and...ah hell, Amelia this is bugging me."
"What is?"
"What is with the bow?"
"Oh this?"
"You don't have any other bows strapped across your back do you?"
"Well, ever since I first saw Galvaira, that DarkStar longbow from half a year ago? I became quite taken with it. And since my black and shamanistic magic skills aren't really up to par with Miss Lina's I decided to practice to compliment my other skills. I decided on a short bow, because long bows were taller than I was at the time." Yeah, I rememer the DarkStar weapons; made by the demon himself, they transfer ones will into an energy weapon capable of even slicing through dimensions. . .
"OK, let's see how good you are then. It is a fine bow. Are those runes of power I see engraved unto it?"
"Yes! My own design! They help steady my aim when things get a little hectic. Watch this!" This should be interesting. "Ok, Mr. Zelgadis, would please grab those 3 rocks to your left. Thank you, now throw them as fast as you can in any direction you want to." Whoa. This IS going to be interesting!
"Alright, here it goes!" One high to her right, one down low to her left and one straight up. What the? Hail? There isn't a cloud in the sky. . .oh. . .wow. . .that ain't hail. . . those were the rocks she had targeted.
"When did you..how...huh?" Sputtering is not something I like to do, especially infront of her . . .
"Not bad, huh?" When I first met her, she was a mediocre martial artist more prone to hurting herself than the bad guys but she more than made up for it with her heart and the confusion wrought upon her enemies that always followed her patented "Justice Speeches" helped too. As we traveled she became a better fighter, less clumsy, more lethal but still wasn't a match for any of our traveling companions. Her specialty is white magic, healing magic, and she has no small skill in shamanism. But now, now it seems she may be able to hold her own in battle, without having to watch out for her she may not be as bad a burden as I thought she would.
"Like I said, I practiced, a lot (a lot). Whoa!" She slipped on her own pile of recently made gravel and landed face down infront of me. . .I guess some things never change. . .
I helped her to her feet. "You okay? Good...Well, at least I won't be want for company on my travels...as rare as that is of course!" Idiot. "Anyways, I suppose I had better tell you where I am headed. There are rumors of a smart-ass Sorceress and idiot swordsman wrecking havoc upon this continents fine dining establishments."
"You mean?!"
"Who else could it be? Well, I have been hired out to find them and put a stop to them before this land runs out of places to eat. Don't worry, I don't plan to hurt them or anything, I doubt I could. But I figure if I can get them to hold off on destroying anymore diners for a while, we could split the reward money and I wouldn't mine seeing those two walking implements of destruction again." It's true, I've grown attatched to them, even if they do drag me into trouble on the apocalyptic scale whenever I run into them.
"Only Miss Lina and Mr. Gourry could unwittingly wind up targets of mercenary bands while doing what is normal for them..."
"Yeah, but at least our continent is desensitized to it." Indeed, every resteraunt in our neck of the woods has heard of Lina Inverse.
"So where were they last seen?"
"Headed north, towards the port of Phobus. My employer seemed like he especially wanted me to find them...there was something odd about him and someting strangely familiar...ah well, I don't plan on hurting them so what does it matter?"
CRICK!
"Hide!" I whispered to Amelia. We ducked under a root-entangled outcropping of rocks, well hidden and with a more or less clear view of the small rock strewn clearing we just escaped from.
"What is it?" Amelia didn't seem to unnerved like she used to be in unknowned situations. Maybe she is growing up in more than just physical ways.
My chimaric body, one third demon, rock golem and human allowed for senses more refined than that of a normal human. Sure I got power like I wanted when I realized my limitations as a swordsman at an early age. But at the cost of my humanity. . . .
"Five men. All armed with a kind of sword. They should be coming into your field of vision in a few minutes, can you disarm them from this range?"
"Yes, I believe so. I just have to disarm them, right? I mean, I don't have to kill them?"
"Yes, after all, we don't know if they are after us or not." But, as experience will tell, they are more than likely after me . . ."You just take out their weapons and I'll confront them. Ready? Here they come."
"Ready!" They came into view, from a closer half-mile distance, I could easily make out fine details like facial scars and food stains on their clothing. They had the air of bandits about them.
"Where did she go?" The tallest and most armored of the group asked.
"I dunno, boss. The tracks lead here!" A squat and whiny voiced bandit stammered.
Five twangs of her bowstring later. . .
"DAMMIT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"
"Hell is where you will be going if you don't tell me why you are here." I said as I seemingly appeared out of nowhere in front of them thanks to my demon-enhanced speed. I didn't draw my sword, they were already disarmed and were too afraid to do anything anyway. Though it would be interesting to see how much more frightened they could get if I did draw my blade.
"What the! Wha- wha-"
"ANSWER my question!"
"We- we are on a hunting trip." The leader must either think he can get away this easily or I'm stupid.
"Really, not many hunt with just blades, tell me, where are your bows?"
"Alright, we were after a demon seen wandering in these parts!"
Simple farm boys. . . .
"And that made you want to follow me?"
"Well, yeah. I mean look at you! If you aren't a demon then what are you? If my wife that ugly, people would think I were gay!"
Rage. That is the only thing I can describe what I felt then, blind, animalistic rage. How dare they judge me!? I did nothing to them and they saw fit to insult me and track us down like BEAST!
"BLOODY WIND!" The word of power realeased a flurry of chaotic and compressed paper-thin air and dirt. The effect was as bloody as the spell's named advertised. Something inside of me stirred. A smile of satisfaction found its way onto my face...I quickly resumed my stony expression and pushed down the unsettling feelings. The rage dissipated and I regained my senses. I looked at the torn bodies and rent trees courtesy of my air shamanism spell and felt the stirrings of regret, an emotion coming less often to me lately. Did I have to kill them in such a painful manner...did I even have to kill them at all...I can ponder this later...
"Amelia! You can come out now!" I shouted towards her direction. She came walking slowly, looking like she was going to be sick. Well, considering the shape of the would-be heroes' bodies I guess it can't be helped.
"If you can, I would like you to help me search the bodies."
"What for? Money?" She seemed even more pale than she was just a moment ago.
"That and any documents they might have. Things like contracts or wanted posters with my face on it." Their is still a chance they might be mercs.
"Your face? What did you do Mr. Zelgadis!?"
"Nothing! It's just...well you know. With a body like mine..."
"Oh, Mr. Zelgaids...I'm sorry, I didn't think-"
"Don't worry about it. You know who I really am. I'll just have to put up with the rest of civilization until I can find a cure." And quickly too, I am becoming too violent whenever I run into highway men or monsters...I used to be able to get by with trashing them a little but not kill them...lately it seems like I enjoy the killing...the smell of blood...the taste of fear. My only saving grace is that I can distinguish the change in me as of yet...but what if I can't down the line...what if it gets to the point where I attack anything that even looks at me funny. Maybe that is why I have been avoiding towns and villages more than usual as of late. Except to get new supplies I haven't been able to bring myself near civilization of almost any kind.
"Amelia. If I start acting strange, I want you to stop me, ok?"
"Why? What's wrong Mr. Zelgadis?"
"I- I don't really know for sure. But for now we should search the bandits and see if they have anything of use." I can't tell her what I believe they really were...I can't do that to her. I can't let her know what I am becoming...I have to get my cure...
"...Right." She didn't seem to convinced, but she didn't press any further.
"Anyways...they don't seem to have anything of interest on them...nothing recognizable anymore at the least . . ." Lying to her like this is making me sick..."So. . .let's go and let's keep a sharper eye out for trouble."
"Ok, Mr. Zelgadis. It'll be great to see Miss Lina and Mr. Gourry again! And who knows? Maybe Mr. Xellos will be there too!"
"Xellos? Why would you want to see him?" I shuddered out the mention of that demon. Whenever Xellos is around it only meant trouble in the most ridiculous manner possible. Usually involving wild goose chases and bizzarre costumes. . .uughh. That and the fact that he seems to have taken a liking in embarrassing me whenever he can. Ah well, if we run into him maybe I can show him a thing or two about revenge.
"I dunno, I mean he isn't THAT bad. I just think that if we are going to see Lina and Gourry, Xellos should be there too, even Miss Filia and little Valgaav if possible." We started to head in a generally northern direction. We'd hit a town , asked for directions and try to get to Phobus before Lina and Gourry leave or get too far.
"Filia I wouldn't mind, though, I don't think she would be too happy meeting Xellos anytime soon." If that crazy, manic-depressive, mace wielding dragon priestess hated two things it was perverts and Xellos. . .in that order.
"Hey, Mr. Zelgadis?"
"Yeah?"
"We are still a week away from Phobus, do you think you can teach me how to sneak around like you? I mean, I don't want to be a burden or anything..."
". . .Ah yeah, I did say that I would, huh?...first things first. . ."
A week later. . .our other group of heroes is finally in Phobus.
"This is great! In a few minutes we will be dining on an unlimited smorgasborg of our dreams!"
"I can smell it form here...mmmmmm. . . ." Gourry's now drool-soaked mouth spoke our feelings clearly enough so that no one refused our ascension to the front of the ferry that had just left Phobus's main port and is now headed toward the ridiculously cheap "All You Can Eat Dinatorium for One Copper."
"What are you going to eat first, Gourry?" He always has great ideas on food.
"Hmmm...good question. If they have any roast beef, I'll take that first."
"Damn straight! You can always tell the general quality of a resturaunt by the quality of their meat! Hey, what's this? There are menus on the ferry!" I excitedly grabbed the one from on top the pile near the main cabin. I opened the menu and my heart stopped. It couldn't be...but it is! It really is!
"Lina..."
"Gourry..."
"CONTINUOUSLY PREPARED LAKE DRAGON CUISINE!!!" We exclaimed together. Suddenly we found ourselves dancing a silly little jig in our excitemnet.
"At least it isn't the 'Octopus dance' this time." She is refering to my run-in with a hypnoptis we ran into on one of our adventures. The hypnoptis had a bizarre ability to make you believe you were back in your home town and usually during a festival, too. In my case, my homeland of Zephillia was celebrating the biggest grape harvest in years and all of the young virgins would crush grapes with their bare feet to get the juice for Zephillias wor'd reknowned wine. Needless to say, without any grapes to crush I looked a tad ridiculous.
"Oh! Hi Naga! You wouldn't believe what they have in the menu! Continuously prepared dragon cuisine! I didn't know they had dragon cuisine on this side of the world!"
"Is that all? I used to eat dragon cuisine at least once a month when I was a child." She seemed a little too nostalgic to be lying.
"W-w-what!?" Only the very wealthy or royalty could get a rare and very expensive dish on a monthly basis! But, Naga? Royalty? No, not her. Even if she does enjoy the finer things in life more than the rest of us, there is no way a member of ANY royal family could get away with wearing what she does. Well, maybe in Xoana. But she doesn't look anything like Martina or her father.
"Lina, I see the island!" Gourry quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the ferry's ramp in a hungered frenzy before Naga could explain herself. Oh well, she and I can talk later when she is uproarously drunk so she'll talk more freely. We descended the ramp with a considerable lead on everyone else and found ourselves....on a deserted island...with no All You Can Eat Dinatorium....not even a whiff of dragon cuisine...no food at all...
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!?!??!?!?"
"Food? Fooooood?" Gourry seemed to be in a state of shock, I don't blame him.
"Now what have you gotten me into, Lina Inverse!?
"Dragon cuisine...no dragon cuisine..." I didn't feel like argueing with Naga. All I wanted was my full course dragon cuisine. With lake dragon...with flavor so rich and full bodied that it would make the tongues of kings who graced it moane with pleasure...
"Really, what have you gotten us into this time, Lina."
That voice...
"Zel! Amelia! Why are you here?" I embraced Amelia and slapped Zel on the back with painful results. I keep on forgetting about that stone skin of his. . .
"Well, Miss Lina, we heard about a 'Smart-ass Soceress' and 'Dumb-ass Swordsman' who were destroying this continents' eating establishments and we decided to track you down. We haven't seen each other in some time so we thought we could all get togeth...er...Gracia?" She seemed shocked, stunned, overjoyed, hopeful, disblieving and on the verge of crying all at the same time.
"Gracia?" I turned towards where she was staring and found myself staring at-
"Well, it seems that they are all here." I turned quickly to face the new speaker. There were two of them. A tall man with fire-red hair standing straight up as if it really were fire. He had a medium build to him. He wore a crimson robe with gold trim. His eyes were blazing red also. His companion was short and squat. He wore ocean blue trousers and jacket. His eyes were sky blue.
"Indeed. Just as Mihn-di told us." Said the blue one.
"Who are you!?" I demanded. They obviously had something to do with this.
"Are you here for the all you can eat buffet, too?" Asked the almost too simple man that I love.
"Wha-! Uh...no. I am afraid that we have come to put an end to your worlds plans to oppose us. You will be the first to die."
"By the way, my name is Ragnazzo and my partner is called Cagnazzo. We are the General Preist to BeastMaster Kari and Deep Sea Krakken, respectevely." If they are General Preists like Xellos, Beast Master Zellas main flunky, they must be very powerful, more powerful than I think we can withstand for long...
"This world!? BeastMaster Kari, Deep Sea Krakken!? What the hell are you talking about!?" That would be Zelgadis.
"Oh, you don't know do you? Well, it doesn't matter, you can all die anyways!"
What the!? A light enveloped us. We found ourselves inside of a tunnel made of multi-colored lights...this reminded me too much of the time Naga and I magically went back in time to save a village of elves. Of course Naga is probably enjoying this a little too much like she did last time.
"Ooooohohohohoho!" Indeed.
Our bodies distorted and twisted unnaturally in this apparent interdimensional portal. Zelgadis, looked bored, as usual. Amelia looked like she was going to vomit. Gourry held onto me around my waist for dear life. It seemed like an eternity traveling in the swirling tunnel of colors, I thought I was going to go mad. Until suddenly...
"Ouch! What the-?" We were no longer in the tunnel. Instead we found ourselves in a meadow clearing. To the north were mountains, south it looked to be a desert in the distance. East and West there were forest. We all looked very confused. Gourry and Zelgadis drew their swords. Amelia and I prepared some defensive spells. We have no idea where we are, this could be trap. Naga just seemed to be scanning the area with an odd grin on her lips.
"Oh my! It seems like all of the pieces are in place!" That voice. . .
"Xellos!?"
To be continued...
Author's notes:
Well, that was a long opening chapter, wasn't it? In case you haven't been able to tell just yet, this is a Final Fantasy/Slayers crossover fic. That does not necessarilly mean that it will take place in an established FF world though. . . Anyways, for those of you confused about the "Bloody Wind" spell, it is simply artisic licsence on the spell "Buhdy Wind" which Zelgadis used in the second episode of Slayers Next. I don't plan for all of the chapters to be this long, but they will be pretty lengthy as a whole. Stay tuned next time for new characters and a gory battle scene, YAY! GORE!
Draft One.
The Mysterious Priest Rides Again
Disclaimer--The usual, I don't own any of the characters from Square Enix and Kadokawa Publishing.
The two warriors stood ready, weapons in hand. Their eyes fixed on the prize to the victor, their faces expressing pure lust and hunger. Around them, spectators stood in fear and awe in anticipation of the upcoming carnage, edging closer for a good view but staying far enough back to avoid injury. For they have seen it before and always one of the warriors wins but also, always the battlefield would be always laid to waste. The city guardsmen fingered their swords nervously. This time it may be different, for this time it will be the last time. The last time, on the last battleground for the last porkchop.
Someone in the crowd coughed, disrupting the eerie silence that had enveloped the resturaunt for a good. . .oh. . let's say. . . .fifteen minutes now. To the two duelists the cough was the same as a gunshot starting a race. In a flash the two lunged for the piece of meat, forks and knives in front of their extended arms. The utensils clashed. Sparks flew, dishes shattered and somewhere in a little corner on the far side of the diner, the manager began to fill out insurance forms.
Suddenly the fight for extra portions was interrupted. The two fighters' silverware had become so entangled with each other as to resemble a shoestring knot. Half a heartbeat later they tossed away the useless tangle of metal and resorted to hand to hand.
At least they were about to. A concerned but very foolish employee had decided to take it upon himself to save his means of employment and the last in the towns' eating establishment (and thus his job) by removing the fought after chop. Bad, bad idea. The resulting "Diru Brandou" an earth spell in the shamanism field of magic reduced the eatery into a lumber yard by creating an explosive upheaval of dirt and rock.
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Three days later...
So here we are, 25 miles from here to the nearest city and still being chased by a mercenary band calling themselves the "Culinary Avengers". But at least they are nowhere in sight for now. Maybe Gourry and I can take a breather.
"Hold up Gourry," I said. He looks as tired as I feel. Three days of nearly non-stop fleeing will do that to you I suppose. Especially if you are carrying about 500 gold pieces, mess supplies, spare clothing, toiletries and two fairily weighty daggers. Fleeing...If only I had my magical powers back I could show those poofy-hat freaks I can do more than just flee! But being that time of the month...my magic energy just won't work to full capacity, I can still cast a simple illumanation spell but that will not help me much right now.
"About time," Gourry said in a weary voice. "I have never seen such a determined group of bounty hunters in my life; I mean it was only the 37th resturaunt that you blew up! They still have a whole continent left!"
We sat down on a downed tree near a stream about a mile from the road. The forest was thick with tangled willows knarled oaks and beeches but even if we couldn't see anyone coming, we would sure be able to hear them. But that would work both ways too...this forest is carpeted with branches and leaves. The mid day sun shone here and there through the sparse openings in the canopy, making the woods seem somewhat dark and foreboding. But to me and Gourry, forest equals food, so we don't really worry about appearances that much.
"No kidding! You'd think that they think we are trying to destroy fine dining in its (its) entirety! If only I could get them to listen to me and explain that I am only culling out the eateries that offer poor service and too few portions..." It was true...mostly. Almost every eating establishment we had been to either ran out of food, tried to make us leave before we were done or was just flat-out rude to us. Like it was OUR fault that a few peices of furniture and china were broken while we played our almost ritual 'Food Duel' every meal? Apparently people in this continent had never heard the term 'insurance'.
"Lina, wanna go catch some fish while I go find some tubers or mushrooms or something?"
Gourry...he has been my constant companion for...it must be 3 and a half years now. Wow, that long... At first he was just a mercenary I had met who decided to protect me until I got to Atlus city on our continent. Now...I don't know what he is to me. A friend? Definently. But what is the blonde swordsman to me now? Whoa...I haven't really thought like this since we were in the Katahto temple in search of a Clare Bible manuscript, a powerful tome of sorcerry that contains magiacl revelations from the world of the Demons and the Gods. But then the Demon Dragon King Gaav kind of interrupted that train of thought but trying to kill us all to disrupt his former master's plans, HellMaster Phibrizo. But why did they start now I wonder? Oh! I can think about it later! It's time for some fishing!
"Sure thing Gourry, I think I saw some edible shrooms about 50 yards back the way we came." With that we set out on our appointed tasks. When I got to the stream I pulled out a long strand of hair and magically strengthened it to be a suitable fishing line. Even in my current magically weakend state, I can still pull off some small cantrips like this.
Why do I stay with him? At first it was to get his Sword of Light, Gorun Nova, a very rare and powerful weapon created by the Dark Lord Dugradigdo otherwise known as DarkStar. But that kinda went away fairly quickly, I just kidded him about the sword ever since the first incident in Sairaag. Ever since then we just kinda stuck together. ..Maybe because I am in lov-
SNAP!
What was that?
CRACK!
"Gourry?" I whispered, hoping he was near by right about now.
"There you are little girl!"
"AHHH!! DIRU BRANDOU!!!" Whoops.
"Diru Brandou? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
It was one of the Culinary Avengers in all of his poofy hatted glory...sheesh. He was a portly man of around forty with an overly ornate chef's uniform. But being somewhat fat apparently doesn't matter to the avengers as I found out. They were hellbent on getting vengence for all of the resturaunts I uhhh...remodeled.
"No matter. Your incoherent blabbering will get you nowhere in the face of gourmet justice! No more will you destroy those who would serve overly small amounts of food for exuberant prices!! TREEEEMBLE as you face the POTATO MASHER of JUSTICE!!"
Wow. I'm glad I don't have the bodyweight of a blue whale strapped to my stomach. I wonder if he and a certain princess of Seyruun I know are related? Crazy or not, though, he does look intent on hurting me. But that's what these new daggers Gourry got for me are for. It's times of the month like this I can use my new combat training to its fullest. My straight-edged dagger in my left hand, the curved-bladed weapon in my right. I eased my body into a combat stance, left leg in front of my body, slightly bent for a sudden spring in any direction if needed. Daggers in a reverse grip, right hand tucked in close ready to spring for some slashing action. Left hand held halfway infront of me leveled at my clavicle ready to turn aside any attack. I stood ready to confront a man in a poofy hat, armed with a potato masher. Albeit a dangerous looking potato masher...are those nails imbedded into it?
"Well, if you are looking for a fight, you've found the right woman." I put in as much moxy as I could at the moment. Considering that Gourry and I are having as much trouble as we are with these...characters, I wasn't in the mood to fight even one without my powers or Gourry. But seeing as my "Protector" is nowhere to be found, I guess it can't be helped. Despite his appearance, he is still a merc, not some lowly bandit I can stomp in my sleep.
I stepped up to him just out of his striking distance. Gourry said always look at your opponents eyes. The eyes will tell you what you adversary will do next. His steel gaze drifted slightly to my right. He moved faster than I thought possible with his carriage, he almost made the 5 foot distance between us before I could react. And react I did. Just as he was about to strike at my right shoulder I sidestepped to my left sticking out a foot to trip him up and bashing the back of his head with the pommels of my daggers. The results were as expected.
"Too EASY!" It was! We never had it this easy fighting them before! Of course we were always outnumbered...
I plopped down on him and upon searching his wallet I was 25 gold pieces richer. Yipee. That might pay for a few plates of food...somewhere that hasn't heard of the name Lina Inverse. But that is fast becoming difficult due to the rate of my. . .mishaps. Wow, I'm actually worried that my name is spreading.
RUSTLE.
Oh, great...
I looked around and found myself surrounded by the rest of the Culinary Avengers in all of their gaudy glory. Nice, I think I need Gourry with me right about now. Great they are closing in, maybe I can rush through them before there aren't any more gaps between them...
Just as I was about to move I heard it. Something I have not heard for nearly four years . . . something I could have lived without ever hearing again . . . .
"Oooohohohoohohohohoo!"
It can't be. . . .
"What was that?" That was one of the mercs now looking decidely nervous...buddy, I would be more than just nervous if I were you.
The merc band was now ignoring me for the most part, just an occaisional glance my way to see that I was not trying anything cute. They were, however, scanning the area with darting eyes and hushed warnings to eachother. They made their kitchen-esque weapons ready.
Then, there she was. I couldn't believe it, I still can hardly believe it's true. But there she was, looking just as I left her all that time ago. She was standing between a pair of close growing trees, hands on her hips with her always present arrogant grin on her lips, clad in a distasteful black leather bikini with spiked shoulder guards and black cape. Her raven-hair and overly large and gelatinous breast swaying in the slight breeze. . .nobody has any right to be stacked as good as Naga. . .
"I see you need the help of I, NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT, once again Lina Inverse!"
"NAGA!?! What are YOU doing here!?!" I was stunned. What the hell WAS she doing here?
"She's with the Enemy of Fine Dining! Get her!" Exclaimed one of the poofy-hat-ted jerks. "You two, take her down," the apparent leader gestured to the two goons closest to the udder-chested sorceress.
They made their move toward her. But they didn't realise Naga had already made her move. Her incantation complete, she only spoke the word of power to send the gourmet killers a death on the rocks via multiple "freeze arrow". The magically conjured icicles of the water shamanism variety first impaled the unfortunate cooks and then encased them in ice as if it weren't enough to just stab them.
The mercenaries, now completley unhinged, they charged at the smirking mad woman, weapons/food prepartory tools raised to turn her into some macabre main entree. But once again Naga was ready for them.
"Bephis Bring!" She called out as she slammed an open palm to the earth, calling forth Bephis one the greater earth spirits that earth shamansim derives its power from, to open a fifteen foot wide, impossibly deep hole in the ground. The doomed mercenaries were caught unaware and were now falling to their deaths.
All, but one that is. Some how one of the Avengers managed to sneak around Naga and was about to deliver a devastating blow with his razor edged spatula.
Suddenly he jerked spasmodically, his eyes widening in horror as he looked slowly down to the protruding peice of steel sticking out of his chest. The steel disapeared. The merc dropped. Gourry now stood in his place looking grim as he always did when forced to kill.
"Are you alright miss?" he asked Naga, who was looking more than a bit flustered at the sight of the handsome man. I don't like this one bit. No siree Bob. Not one bit at all.
"Of course! None can defeat the White Serpent so easily! True beauty can't die in such a manner!" She's looking much more composed now, though I can detect just a hint of nervousness in her eyes. Heh. Naga WAS caught off guard there. That isn't like her.
"Good- Oh, hey Lina!" He didn't know I was here did he?
"'Hey Lina', MY ASS! Where were you!? I was almost- I almost had to take them all on by myself! AND I HAVEN'T EATEN YET!!" That was close, you can't show any weakness in front of Naga, she'll rib you for weeks if you do.
"Oh, I was searching for some mushrooms for lunch, but then I got the feeling you where in trouble and then I heard some commotion and started heading your way. Before I knew it, I saw that guy about to brain this weird looking lady and had to do something about it." He did know...huh must be that animal-like instinct of his I can't understand . Oh, crap! Stop blushing Lina! Awww, nuts, that look in her eyes. She caught it. And Gourry, of course, is happily oblivious.
"Anyways...," he said, "Who is this oddly dressed woman?"
"I see you've found someone whose total blindness to beauty is equivilant to yours, Lina." Naga didn't look too perturbed, in fact she seemed to be in full flaunt mode with the way she is drawing back her hips and sticking out her chest. She is probably used to snide comments about her manner of dressing.
"Gourry, this is Naga the White Serpent, Naga for short, I traveled with her for a couple of years and she ran off in fright just before I met you."
"...Fright!?"
"Shut-up, I'm introducing you, anyways, as you can see, she dresses like a slut, is a sloppy spell caster, a drunk and her only decent use is as a meat shield."
"Sloppy Spellcaster!? SLOPPY SPELLCASTER!!? I'll have you know, Mr. Gourry, that I am Lina's most powerful and beautiful rival!"
"Rival!? Are you still going on about that!? Who ran away all scared just because I mastered a spell that harnesses the power of the Lord of Nightmares!?" She is just the Dark Lord above all Dark Lords after all. . . hehehe.
"I'll admit that I ran away, but I was not frightened of your Giggle Slave! I just ran off because I needed to get away from your spell greedy eyes to create a spell so powerful that even you would admit defeat!"
"Oh, really? And that's GIGA Slave!"
"Really, here it is...THE VOUS VRYMR MEGA!!" A new variation on the earth shamanism spell to summon a stone golem, huh? Naga always seemed to be experimenting with that spell for some reason or another. The earth shook, the sky darkened, wind ripped leaves from the trees...well basically all hell broke loose. Naga standing there in the midst of it all, seemingly immune to the chaos all around us. As for me and Gourry, we are barely keeping our feet on the ground. Dirt and rocks rising form the ground seemed to come together in a vaguely ovoid lump, two long and spindly arms appeared, two feet with...no legs? The dust is clearing, let's get a good look at what Naga has created THIS time. Ugh...that has to be the ugliest thing I have ever seen...its face heck, it's all face! two close-set beady eyes, a very large nose and mustache and a wide gaping smile...is that a bowler ontop of its head!?
"Naga...what the HELL is that thing!?" I demanded.
"The source of your demise, Lina-chan!"
"Mr. Tuberhead!?"
"What was that, Gourry!?"
"It looks like Mr. Tuberhead! I used to have one when I was a kid! You could open up its mouth and different face parts would come out like ears, eyes and mouths and you could arrange his face into all kinds of..."
"Ok, ok, I got you..." Sheesh, I guess he only remembers things that he cares about...I wonder how much space I take up in Gourry's memory banks? "But, anyways...Naga? Why are you assaulting me with a giant replica of a child's toy!?"
"A child's toy!? I'll have you know that I found the basis for this work of ART inside of an ancient tome I found in the ruins of Sairaag!" She pulled out a ragged looking peice of paper and promptly thrusted it into my face.
"Naga? This is an advertisment for a MR. TUBERHEAD DOLL FOR OCTUBERFEST 1389!! THAT WAS ONLY 5 YEARS AGO!!"
"Never mind the details! Watch as it beats you into submission!"
'Watch' as it beats me...?
"Whatever...Gourry, you can deal with this one."
"Right!" He unsheathed his broadsword, took a stance and stared at his target looking for any opening, any weakness. His gaze softened, his shoulders drooped and he said to me...
"Lina, I can't do it...I can't attack a childhood friend who has yet to attack me."
"Ch-ch-chi-childhood friend!? It's a ROCK GOLEM! No matter what cool sounding words she added to the Vous Vrymr spell it is still a sloppily made piece of trash! And besides that! I don't care if it does look like a Mr. Tuberhead doll! It couldn't have been as big as a house! So now go get it! Turn it into shoestring fries or something!"
"Ahhh...why'd you have to go and mention food? We STILL haven't eaten yet."
"The faster you trash that monstrousity the faster we can eat!"
He turned to the Tuberhead simarrilicon with a fierce intensity I have not seen since the battle against Dark Star. After all, we haven't really seen anything that looks this threatening in some time.
"No matter if you were dear to me in my youth...you stand between me and what my heart craves most. My name is Gourry Gabrieve, you're blocking my meal, prepare to die."
"Now, let's see what this 'monstrocity' can do, Lina!" Naga seemed confident, more confident than she should with her golem looking like that. I doubt it, but maybe there is more to this than meets the eye. Gourry, apparently taking to heart what I said about Naga's workmanship jumped at the uber-spud and was promptly swallowed by it. I blinked in disbelief. I blinked again. The tuber had a disturbingly pleasant smile on its face, like it was saying, "pleased to meet you!".
"What the!? Gourry!! What the hell did you do to him Naga!?"
"I didn't do anything. The Golem did! Your boy toy should be trapped inside, unharmed by the way, so now that we can settle this Woman to tomboy!"
I was completely taken aback, since when has Naga ever shown she has a brain even a third the size of those overgrown melons attatched to her chest?
"You mean to say, that the spell you said was a match for the Giga Slave was simply a ruse to make me fight you fair? Will you let Gourry go if I promise he won't interfere?"
"No way, Lina, I'm not letting anything get in my way this time."
Damn. There is something odd about her. She seems to be oddly focused. Like she really means to finish it this time.
"But why now, Naga? I thought you gave up on being my rival, what about all that time we traveled together?"
"I was merely studying your techniques and attack patterns my dear Lina. Now that I have mastered even more powerful magic I will finally take my place as the most powe-"
"Diru Brandou!"
"AAAAEEEEIIIIII......" She trailed off as she flew through the air amid dirt and forest debris. She landed about a minute later, looking a tad dazzed. I swear, one of these days. . .
"Now will you let Gourry go?"
"Mm..Fine...ooohhh...Flow Break...." With those words of power the golem disintegrated revealing a very freaked-out looking Gourry.
"Th-t-that was just like a dream I had when I was eight! Hold me!" He latched onto my chest.
"Ahhh...watch where you're grabbing, Gourry!"
"I'm scared!"
"Come on, get a hold of your self! You're supposed to be MY protector, not the other way around!"
"Oh? And what would Lina Inverse need a protector for? Hmmmm?" Here we go again...
"It's not like I had a choice, Naga." I said as I frantically tried to pound the big oaf off of me. "He kinda latched onto me a few years back and..."
"A few years? Seems to me like you'd be more than just friends if he has 'protected' you for that long." She had a sly grin and evil look in her eye.
"...Well...hey what's that?" I pointed to a sign I have not noticed before and apparantly no one else had either. It looked fairly new, with just a trace of weather damage. It read, "All you can eat Dinatorium! Just one Copper piece! Boat to the resturaunt is at Phobus Port!".
"A dream come true! Come on, Gourry, we haven't found a deal like this for years!"
"Right!" He finally detached himeself from my waist and looked 100% less pitiful and more like the self-proclaimed protector I grew to love. Whoa, did I just think that? I remember all of the times other people could tell how I felt about him...and how I quickly and probably not too convincingly rebuked them...why? Why can't I tell him? I remember cuddling up against him when he was asleep in the temple of the water dragon king...I don't know if I could of done that if he was awake. Shoot...I've been unthinkingly staring into his eyes...I wonder if Naga has noticed...
"What's wrong Lina? Do I have something on my face?" AHHCK! How did jellyfish brains notice!? He NEVER notices! And what's more, Naga has that knowing smile on her face...she'll probably use it to her advantage in some horribly convoluted way. But, Gourry can take care of himself for the most part.
"Oh no, nothing! Uh, let's go! To full bellies and flabbergasted chiefs!"
"You're not getting away from me this time, Lina Inverse! I'll follow you once again and this time I WILL find a weakness!"
"Whatever, Naga." With that we set off to Phobus Port. Gourry and I chattered nonstop about what we hoped there is to eat at this "All you can eat Dinatorium" while Naga accasionally joined in. Strange, she isn't nearly as talkative as she used to be...I wonder what happened to her in the last four years? Ah well, I can ask her some other time, it doesn't look like she'll stop following me anytime soon...
Elsewhere....a man was making his way through a different forest. . .
I'm being hunted. No doubt about it. The fleeting movements out the corner of my eyes. The dead silence where there should be birds singing, animals going about their daily routine. It has been like this for 4 days now. I thought it may have been wary townsfolk keeping an eye on a strange creature, but I have been outside any borders for 2 days now.
It may be time for the hunter to become the hunted.
There, an outcropping of granite. I should blend in nicely once I remove my cloak and throw in some natural debris. Now to wait for my hunter/prey.
There he -- she is. My stalker is a woman huh? Well, no matter. Strange, she does not have her weapon drawn. It looks to be a short bow. With a full quiver of arrows. Not much armor, just a studded leather shirt and a wrist guard to protect against the bowstring. She seems to have...a few magical wards too, one on her belt, one tied around her slender neck, the other on her other wirst like a bracelet...oh, no. I looked downed at my cantine and I saw an exact replica of the bracelet the woman wore tied around the neck of it. It was the one she gave me before I left for my journey.
No way.
She couldn't have! This has to be a mistake! Not even she would be so reckless...! I have to make sure though...maybe this woman just looks like her.
I'll wait for her to just walk me by unnoticed. NOW!
"WAAAHK!" Aw, dammit. It's her alright, no one screams like that but her.
"Amelia! relax, it's me, Zelgadis!" I said as I tried to calm the flailing limbs of a frighteningly energentic AND frightened young woman. If she keeps this up she'll probably hurt herself...whoops there she goes...
"...Mister...Zelgadis?" She sounds more embarrassed than injured.
"Amelia, what are you doing here?" I asked as sternly as I could manage at the moment...how does she do this to me?
"Well...I...uh..." She may have grown up physically as she seems to be as tall as I am now...how'd that happen? but she is still a kid it looks on the inside.
"Does Phil know you're here? What about Seyruun? Wouldn't the kingdom be in an uproar if they found out yet ANOTHER one of it's heirs ran off?" Maybe I pushed it a little too far...but she could've gotten hurt.
"Ooohhh...your're right Mister Zelgadis. I was stupid going after you. But, I wanted to help you! And I thought I could do that better if I were with you than being holed up in the castle. Don't worry though! I have a team of devoted scholars looking for possible cures for your body day and night! After all! It isn't just that you have to do this all alone!"
"So why all the secrecy? You could have met up with me anytime these last few days."
"AHCK! You knew?!"
"Yeah."
"I...uh...didn't know if you would like me coming with you or not, so I was coming up with a speech to sway you..." She's still into overly long and dramatic speeches, huh?
"Sway me?"
"Because you were always so distant when it came to finding your cure, I didn't want you to turn me away!" What's with that look in her eyes? Hope?
"Please don't make me go back Zelgadis, I came all this way, I was sure I could help you somehow! " She really must be desperate to stay if she forgot the "Mister".
"Yeesh...alright all alright...but! I can't promise it will be easy...you will have to follow my rules, you will be taught how to sneak properly and...ah hell, Amelia this is bugging me."
"What is?"
"What is with the bow?"
"Oh this?"
"You don't have any other bows strapped across your back do you?"
"Well, ever since I first saw Galvaira, that DarkStar longbow from half a year ago? I became quite taken with it. And since my black and shamanistic magic skills aren't really up to par with Miss Lina's I decided to practice to compliment my other skills. I decided on a short bow, because long bows were taller than I was at the time." Yeah, I rememer the DarkStar weapons; made by the demon himself, they transfer ones will into an energy weapon capable of even slicing through dimensions. . .
"OK, let's see how good you are then. It is a fine bow. Are those runes of power I see engraved unto it?"
"Yes! My own design! They help steady my aim when things get a little hectic. Watch this!" This should be interesting. "Ok, Mr. Zelgadis, would please grab those 3 rocks to your left. Thank you, now throw them as fast as you can in any direction you want to." Whoa. This IS going to be interesting!
"Alright, here it goes!" One high to her right, one down low to her left and one straight up. What the? Hail? There isn't a cloud in the sky. . .oh. . .wow. . .that ain't hail. . . those were the rocks she had targeted.
"When did you..how...huh?" Sputtering is not something I like to do, especially infront of her . . .
"Not bad, huh?" When I first met her, she was a mediocre martial artist more prone to hurting herself than the bad guys but she more than made up for it with her heart and the confusion wrought upon her enemies that always followed her patented "Justice Speeches" helped too. As we traveled she became a better fighter, less clumsy, more lethal but still wasn't a match for any of our traveling companions. Her specialty is white magic, healing magic, and she has no small skill in shamanism. But now, now it seems she may be able to hold her own in battle, without having to watch out for her she may not be as bad a burden as I thought she would.
"Like I said, I practiced, a lot (a lot). Whoa!" She slipped on her own pile of recently made gravel and landed face down infront of me. . .I guess some things never change. . .
I helped her to her feet. "You okay? Good...Well, at least I won't be want for company on my travels...as rare as that is of course!" Idiot. "Anyways, I suppose I had better tell you where I am headed. There are rumors of a smart-ass Sorceress and idiot swordsman wrecking havoc upon this continents fine dining establishments."
"You mean?!"
"Who else could it be? Well, I have been hired out to find them and put a stop to them before this land runs out of places to eat. Don't worry, I don't plan to hurt them or anything, I doubt I could. But I figure if I can get them to hold off on destroying anymore diners for a while, we could split the reward money and I wouldn't mine seeing those two walking implements of destruction again." It's true, I've grown attatched to them, even if they do drag me into trouble on the apocalyptic scale whenever I run into them.
"Only Miss Lina and Mr. Gourry could unwittingly wind up targets of mercenary bands while doing what is normal for them..."
"Yeah, but at least our continent is desensitized to it." Indeed, every resteraunt in our neck of the woods has heard of Lina Inverse.
"So where were they last seen?"
"Headed north, towards the port of Phobus. My employer seemed like he especially wanted me to find them...there was something odd about him and someting strangely familiar...ah well, I don't plan on hurting them so what does it matter?"
CRICK!
"Hide!" I whispered to Amelia. We ducked under a root-entangled outcropping of rocks, well hidden and with a more or less clear view of the small rock strewn clearing we just escaped from.
"What is it?" Amelia didn't seem to unnerved like she used to be in unknowned situations. Maybe she is growing up in more than just physical ways.
My chimaric body, one third demon, rock golem and human allowed for senses more refined than that of a normal human. Sure I got power like I wanted when I realized my limitations as a swordsman at an early age. But at the cost of my humanity. . . .
"Five men. All armed with a kind of sword. They should be coming into your field of vision in a few minutes, can you disarm them from this range?"
"Yes, I believe so. I just have to disarm them, right? I mean, I don't have to kill them?"
"Yes, after all, we don't know if they are after us or not." But, as experience will tell, they are more than likely after me . . ."You just take out their weapons and I'll confront them. Ready? Here they come."
"Ready!" They came into view, from a closer half-mile distance, I could easily make out fine details like facial scars and food stains on their clothing. They had the air of bandits about them.
"Where did she go?" The tallest and most armored of the group asked.
"I dunno, boss. The tracks lead here!" A squat and whiny voiced bandit stammered.
Five twangs of her bowstring later. . .
"DAMMIT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"
"Hell is where you will be going if you don't tell me why you are here." I said as I seemingly appeared out of nowhere in front of them thanks to my demon-enhanced speed. I didn't draw my sword, they were already disarmed and were too afraid to do anything anyway. Though it would be interesting to see how much more frightened they could get if I did draw my blade.
"What the! Wha- wha-"
"ANSWER my question!"
"We- we are on a hunting trip." The leader must either think he can get away this easily or I'm stupid.
"Really, not many hunt with just blades, tell me, where are your bows?"
"Alright, we were after a demon seen wandering in these parts!"
Simple farm boys. . . .
"And that made you want to follow me?"
"Well, yeah. I mean look at you! If you aren't a demon then what are you? If my wife that ugly, people would think I were gay!"
Rage. That is the only thing I can describe what I felt then, blind, animalistic rage. How dare they judge me!? I did nothing to them and they saw fit to insult me and track us down like BEAST!
"BLOODY WIND!" The word of power realeased a flurry of chaotic and compressed paper-thin air and dirt. The effect was as bloody as the spell's named advertised. Something inside of me stirred. A smile of satisfaction found its way onto my face...I quickly resumed my stony expression and pushed down the unsettling feelings. The rage dissipated and I regained my senses. I looked at the torn bodies and rent trees courtesy of my air shamanism spell and felt the stirrings of regret, an emotion coming less often to me lately. Did I have to kill them in such a painful manner...did I even have to kill them at all...I can ponder this later...
"Amelia! You can come out now!" I shouted towards her direction. She came walking slowly, looking like she was going to be sick. Well, considering the shape of the would-be heroes' bodies I guess it can't be helped.
"If you can, I would like you to help me search the bodies."
"What for? Money?" She seemed even more pale than she was just a moment ago.
"That and any documents they might have. Things like contracts or wanted posters with my face on it." Their is still a chance they might be mercs.
"Your face? What did you do Mr. Zelgadis!?"
"Nothing! It's just...well you know. With a body like mine..."
"Oh, Mr. Zelgaids...I'm sorry, I didn't think-"
"Don't worry about it. You know who I really am. I'll just have to put up with the rest of civilization until I can find a cure." And quickly too, I am becoming too violent whenever I run into highway men or monsters...I used to be able to get by with trashing them a little but not kill them...lately it seems like I enjoy the killing...the smell of blood...the taste of fear. My only saving grace is that I can distinguish the change in me as of yet...but what if I can't down the line...what if it gets to the point where I attack anything that even looks at me funny. Maybe that is why I have been avoiding towns and villages more than usual as of late. Except to get new supplies I haven't been able to bring myself near civilization of almost any kind.
"Amelia. If I start acting strange, I want you to stop me, ok?"
"Why? What's wrong Mr. Zelgadis?"
"I- I don't really know for sure. But for now we should search the bandits and see if they have anything of use." I can't tell her what I believe they really were...I can't do that to her. I can't let her know what I am becoming...I have to get my cure...
"...Right." She didn't seem to convinced, but she didn't press any further.
"Anyways...they don't seem to have anything of interest on them...nothing recognizable anymore at the least . . ." Lying to her like this is making me sick..."So. . .let's go and let's keep a sharper eye out for trouble."
"Ok, Mr. Zelgadis. It'll be great to see Miss Lina and Mr. Gourry again! And who knows? Maybe Mr. Xellos will be there too!"
"Xellos? Why would you want to see him?" I shuddered out the mention of that demon. Whenever Xellos is around it only meant trouble in the most ridiculous manner possible. Usually involving wild goose chases and bizzarre costumes. . .uughh. That and the fact that he seems to have taken a liking in embarrassing me whenever he can. Ah well, if we run into him maybe I can show him a thing or two about revenge.
"I dunno, I mean he isn't THAT bad. I just think that if we are going to see Lina and Gourry, Xellos should be there too, even Miss Filia and little Valgaav if possible." We started to head in a generally northern direction. We'd hit a town , asked for directions and try to get to Phobus before Lina and Gourry leave or get too far.
"Filia I wouldn't mind, though, I don't think she would be too happy meeting Xellos anytime soon." If that crazy, manic-depressive, mace wielding dragon priestess hated two things it was perverts and Xellos. . .in that order.
"Hey, Mr. Zelgadis?"
"Yeah?"
"We are still a week away from Phobus, do you think you can teach me how to sneak around like you? I mean, I don't want to be a burden or anything..."
". . .Ah yeah, I did say that I would, huh?...first things first. . ."
A week later. . .our other group of heroes is finally in Phobus.
"This is great! In a few minutes we will be dining on an unlimited smorgasborg of our dreams!"
"I can smell it form here...mmmmmm. . . ." Gourry's now drool-soaked mouth spoke our feelings clearly enough so that no one refused our ascension to the front of the ferry that had just left Phobus's main port and is now headed toward the ridiculously cheap "All You Can Eat Dinatorium for One Copper."
"What are you going to eat first, Gourry?" He always has great ideas on food.
"Hmmm...good question. If they have any roast beef, I'll take that first."
"Damn straight! You can always tell the general quality of a resturaunt by the quality of their meat! Hey, what's this? There are menus on the ferry!" I excitedly grabbed the one from on top the pile near the main cabin. I opened the menu and my heart stopped. It couldn't be...but it is! It really is!
"Lina..."
"Gourry..."
"CONTINUOUSLY PREPARED LAKE DRAGON CUISINE!!!" We exclaimed together. Suddenly we found ourselves dancing a silly little jig in our excitemnet.
"At least it isn't the 'Octopus dance' this time." She is refering to my run-in with a hypnoptis we ran into on one of our adventures. The hypnoptis had a bizarre ability to make you believe you were back in your home town and usually during a festival, too. In my case, my homeland of Zephillia was celebrating the biggest grape harvest in years and all of the young virgins would crush grapes with their bare feet to get the juice for Zephillias wor'd reknowned wine. Needless to say, without any grapes to crush I looked a tad ridiculous.
"Oh! Hi Naga! You wouldn't believe what they have in the menu! Continuously prepared dragon cuisine! I didn't know they had dragon cuisine on this side of the world!"
"Is that all? I used to eat dragon cuisine at least once a month when I was a child." She seemed a little too nostalgic to be lying.
"W-w-what!?" Only the very wealthy or royalty could get a rare and very expensive dish on a monthly basis! But, Naga? Royalty? No, not her. Even if she does enjoy the finer things in life more than the rest of us, there is no way a member of ANY royal family could get away with wearing what she does. Well, maybe in Xoana. But she doesn't look anything like Martina or her father.
"Lina, I see the island!" Gourry quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the ferry's ramp in a hungered frenzy before Naga could explain herself. Oh well, she and I can talk later when she is uproarously drunk so she'll talk more freely. We descended the ramp with a considerable lead on everyone else and found ourselves....on a deserted island...with no All You Can Eat Dinatorium....not even a whiff of dragon cuisine...no food at all...
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!?!??!?!?"
"Food? Fooooood?" Gourry seemed to be in a state of shock, I don't blame him.
"Now what have you gotten me into, Lina Inverse!?
"Dragon cuisine...no dragon cuisine..." I didn't feel like argueing with Naga. All I wanted was my full course dragon cuisine. With lake dragon...with flavor so rich and full bodied that it would make the tongues of kings who graced it moane with pleasure...
"Really, what have you gotten us into this time, Lina."
That voice...
"Zel! Amelia! Why are you here?" I embraced Amelia and slapped Zel on the back with painful results. I keep on forgetting about that stone skin of his. . .
"Well, Miss Lina, we heard about a 'Smart-ass Soceress' and 'Dumb-ass Swordsman' who were destroying this continents' eating establishments and we decided to track you down. We haven't seen each other in some time so we thought we could all get togeth...er...Gracia?" She seemed shocked, stunned, overjoyed, hopeful, disblieving and on the verge of crying all at the same time.
"Gracia?" I turned towards where she was staring and found myself staring at-
"Well, it seems that they are all here." I turned quickly to face the new speaker. There were two of them. A tall man with fire-red hair standing straight up as if it really were fire. He had a medium build to him. He wore a crimson robe with gold trim. His eyes were blazing red also. His companion was short and squat. He wore ocean blue trousers and jacket. His eyes were sky blue.
"Indeed. Just as Mihn-di told us." Said the blue one.
"Who are you!?" I demanded. They obviously had something to do with this.
"Are you here for the all you can eat buffet, too?" Asked the almost too simple man that I love.
"Wha-! Uh...no. I am afraid that we have come to put an end to your worlds plans to oppose us. You will be the first to die."
"By the way, my name is Ragnazzo and my partner is called Cagnazzo. We are the General Preist to BeastMaster Kari and Deep Sea Krakken, respectevely." If they are General Preists like Xellos, Beast Master Zellas main flunky, they must be very powerful, more powerful than I think we can withstand for long...
"This world!? BeastMaster Kari, Deep Sea Krakken!? What the hell are you talking about!?" That would be Zelgadis.
"Oh, you don't know do you? Well, it doesn't matter, you can all die anyways!"
What the!? A light enveloped us. We found ourselves inside of a tunnel made of multi-colored lights...this reminded me too much of the time Naga and I magically went back in time to save a village of elves. Of course Naga is probably enjoying this a little too much like she did last time.
"Ooooohohohohoho!" Indeed.
Our bodies distorted and twisted unnaturally in this apparent interdimensional portal. Zelgadis, looked bored, as usual. Amelia looked like she was going to vomit. Gourry held onto me around my waist for dear life. It seemed like an eternity traveling in the swirling tunnel of colors, I thought I was going to go mad. Until suddenly...
"Ouch! What the-?" We were no longer in the tunnel. Instead we found ourselves in a meadow clearing. To the north were mountains, south it looked to be a desert in the distance. East and West there were forest. We all looked very confused. Gourry and Zelgadis drew their swords. Amelia and I prepared some defensive spells. We have no idea where we are, this could be trap. Naga just seemed to be scanning the area with an odd grin on her lips.
"Oh my! It seems like all of the pieces are in place!" That voice. . .
"Xellos!?"
To be continued...
Author's notes:
Well, that was a long opening chapter, wasn't it? In case you haven't been able to tell just yet, this is a Final Fantasy/Slayers crossover fic. That does not necessarilly mean that it will take place in an established FF world though. . . Anyways, for those of you confused about the "Bloody Wind" spell, it is simply artisic licsence on the spell "Buhdy Wind" which Zelgadis used in the second episode of Slayers Next. I don't plan for all of the chapters to be this long, but they will be pretty lengthy as a whole. Stay tuned next time for new characters and a gory battle scene, YAY! GORE!
