Admittedly, I am a diehard Alex fan. Also an Izzie (and Katherine) fan. I adore this pairing, and honestly, they are the only reason I still turn Grey's on after The Office on Thursday nights – and maybe watch the first half the next morning. And last week's was the first episode I've seen all the way through this season, and it actually halfway inspired this little oneshot. That scene between Alex and Reed… it really got me. *rolls eyes* I loved that he confided in her, for once, and you KNOW we won't get any sort of resolution of that… and also, we know Katherine isn't in this episode, either… so naturally, this oneshot was born. Because I love them. :D That's enough rambling. Anyways, I don't own these whores, clearly, or else tonight's episode would happen a littttttle something like this. They're Shonda's; I'm just playing Barbies. (Metaphorically.) And… thankfully, I finished it before the episode (barely)… or else I wouldn't have posted it. Because I'm certain that after the episode… well… we all know it won't be like this. ;-) [/ramble] Without further ado, I present: Rise Up "She didn't show … she can't be this stupid, I… it saved her life. The IL-2 saved her life, and she didn't show up. She… she didn't show up. Who doesn't show up? She didn't show up…"
Reed stepped closer to Alex now as his words became unintelligible, as his tears took control and cascaded down his cheeks, escaping his tired eyes, his shoulders slumping slightly as he pressed his hand to his face. She wasn't sure what to say, wasn't sure what to do – she didn't know him, or anything about him… except for the fact that his wife had (maybe has) cancer, and that she left him. She left him after she was fired – and rumor had it, she left him by leaving a note. A note .
She shook her head, and stepped closer to him. He sobbed harder, gasping for air, fiercely wiping at his eyes. She placed her hand on his shoulder, her palm offering some sort of stability for him, steadying him as he shook. Before she could react, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer still, sobbing into her stomach. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his shoulders, rubbing his back in slow, gentle circles.
"Shh," she soothed as he hugged her more tightly. "Shh… it's gonna be all right."
Her words sounded foreign to her; they were vague, yet hopeful, but still… realistically, she didn't know that. She didn't know anything. A tear quickly trickled down her cheek as another sob racked his body. "Shh…"
He pulled away from her, his eyes avoiding hers; confusion covered his face like a mask. He blinked once, twice, three times, knowing full well that she was watching him intently, but didn't look up – he couldn't look at her. She didn't know that everything would be okay; there was no way that she could know that. He didn't even know what he should think.
So without a word, or warning, or - God forbid - a thank you… he left.
He quickly stood and crossed the room, leaving Reed there; her jaw dropped as she watched the door slam shut behind him. She glanced at her watch, it was early still – she had two choices. She could either go home to study and sleep, or she could follow Alex and somehow try to comfort him. She sighed, knowing that she'd feel guilty if she didn't try to help – she was a healer, after all – so she pulled her cell phone from her pocket, dialed a number, and took another deep breath as she followed Alex's footsteps out of the room.
X
"Hey… Alex. Your usual?" Joe greeted the younger doctor as he slid onto a barstool. Alex nodded absently, not even making eye contact with his old friend. Joe placed the bottle of beer onto the bar, expertly popping the top off before sliding it across the countertop to Alex. Alex took a greedy swig of the beer, the cold, amber liquid sliding down his throat effortlessly. "It's a slow night," Joe offered, eyeing his friend carefully, but Alex only nodded as he took another sip of beer.
Silence was thick between the two of them, and as Alex finished his first beer, he nodded to Joe, who already had a second one open and waiting.
The bell above the door clanked, signaling that another customer had entered the bar. Reed silently slid onto the barstool beside Alex, kindly greeted Joe and ordered a shot of tequila. She quickly downed her shot, wincing at the burn as the liquid flowed down her throat. Reed tipped the shot glass over, slamming it down onto the bar. Alex hadn't even acknowledged her arrival. She shook her head at Joe, letting him know that she only wanted the one shot. He nodded in return and placed a glass of ice water in front of her.
A long, silent ten minutes passed between the colleagues. The only things Alex had paid attention to in that time were his third and fourth beers.
"You know," Reed said, treading lightly, swirling the straw in her glass. Alex kept his attention on his beer, but she could tell he was listening. "You know," she repeated, "I'm on your side, Karev. We were thrown into this situation, as enemies, but the fact of the matter is … you and I… we make a damn good team. You are an excellent doctor, and you appear to be an even better husband."
His shoulders slumped slightly at her last words, but she took a deep breath and continued. "I don't know you. I don't know Izzie, or Meredith, or Lexie, or Cristina. You are all a part of a team, Karev – an excellent team, and it kills me to admit that - and I'd hate to see you throw that away."
He shrugged his shoulders, taking another sip of beer. She leaned over to get a good look at his face; his eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, his cheeks tear-stained. "Now, don't go batshit crazy on me, Karev," she said with a laugh, pausing to take a sip of her drink. "I called Izzie."
He turned his head and stared at her, his eyes burning angry holes into hers. "You did what?" he muttered.
"She didn't answer," Reed shrugged, setting her glass back down on the counter.
Alex scoffed.
"I did, however, leave her a message," she added, raising her eyebrow at him.
"You shouldn't have done that," he replied, his words slurring a bit as his eyes finally, finally met hers. "You shouldn't have done that," Alex repeated, taking a sip of beer number five.
Reed sighed. "Probably not," she agreed. "But I did anyway. That's what friends are for," she added with a polite smile as she slid off of the barstool. He looked her up and down before turning his attention away from her.
He nodded slowly and said, "Thank you. I guess."
"I was wrong about you, Alex," she added softly, her voice barely above a whisper, placing her hand protectively on his shoulder. She squeezed it lightly. "You're not a douche," Reed added with another gentle squeeze. "Send him home in a cab at eleven, Joe," she said as she turned to walk away. Joe nodded and smiled appreciatively at Alex's new friend.
"Good night, Karev!" she called out as she crossed the bar and opened the door, the bell clanking loudly as the door pulled shut behind her.
Alex nodded slightly, returning his attention to the now-empty bottle of beer. He slid it across the counter and nodded, his cheeks burning bright red as he avoided eye contact. With a sympathetic smile, Joe opened the sixth beer and pushed it toward Alex. "You heard her, Karev," he said softly. "You have until eleven."
X
And so Alex sat there, letting one, and then two, hours pass. Somewhere between beers seven and ten, Joe had stopped providing alcohol for his friend, so now Alex bitterly drank a cup of coffee. It was now 10:58; the cab was waiting, as Joe had already called for it. The bar was almost empty, save for the trio in the opposite corner, who were chain smoking and taking shots like teenagers who were sneaking around would have been (when in fact, they appeared to be in their early sixties, at best).
The door opened, and the bell clanked as the patron entered the bar. Alex didn't move a muscle, keeping his eyes trained on the coffee mug as the person slid onto the barstool beside him.
"Can I have a glass of red wine, please, Joe?" Her voice floated softly, sweetly through the air, attacking his ears. He had to have been hearing things; so he let his curiosity get the better of him and glanced to his left.
Her thin, still-short blonde hair was neatly combed, a bright pink headband holding it back from her face. Her cheeks were full and rosy-pink; she didn't look like she had lost any more weight. Her eyes held the same sparkle they always did, but she, too, looked exhausted.
Alex looked away as Joe set the glass of wine down in front of her. Izzie took a careful sip of the wine, letting the silence fall around them for a few more seconds.
Joe shook his head and sighed. "Karev, it's eleven, the cab's waiting," he said, an almost sad undertone playing in his voice.
Alex nodded as he slid off of the barstool. He pulled some crumpled twenty dollar bills out of his wallet and tossed them onto the bar, mumbling a sad "keep the change" as he turned to walk from the bar. He pulled the door open with more force than was necessary, allowing it to slam shut behind him with a resonating thud.
He stomped down the street, waving the cab on. It wasn't terribly cold, and the rain was only a light drizzle: he'd walk to the ferry. He heard the door to the bar slam shut a few steps behind him.
"Alex!" Izzie called out, picking up her pace to catch up to him. "Alex," she said again, breathlessly as she closed the gap between herself and her husband.
He focused on his steps, getting further away from her – pacing one foot precariously in front of the other – as the rainfall increased and became a steady downpour. His breaths were shallow and quick – in, out, in, out – as he walked, trying his best to tune her melodious voice out.
"Alex, please!" she panted, reaching out and grabbing his shoulder, her voice desperate and needy. He jerked backward, but only for a brief second before continuing on his way down the sidewalk. Hot tears pooled in her eyes; she stomped her feet slightly, somehow frozen in place, watching as he, once again, gained a lead on her. Her tears flowed down her cheeks, mixing with the angry raindrops that fell from the sky. She ran her hands through her hair, her heart racing, panicking slightly – he still hadn't stopped walking, and now he had at least a good block on her.
A low clap of thunder rolled slowly through the sky; a bright flash of lightning quickly followed. She covered her face with her hands, openly sobbing, with the sound of the passing cars drowning her out almost completely.
As Alex walked, his resolve was quickly dissolving, and guilt rose through his body. All he had wanted in the last couple of weeks was for Izzie to return home so they could sort everything out, so they could talk and make plans regarding their shared future. If he was being completely honest, it wasn't only about her leaving him… but now it was about her health. She was playing a most deadly game, and that… that pissed him off more than anything.
How would… how could they plan for a future – a house, babies, pets, holidays, damn it, he wanted all of that… and with her, and only her – if her health wasn't guaranteed, if there wasn't a foreseeable future? What would be the fucking point?
He wasn't about to let that happen.
He stopped walking. He frantically ran his hands over his face, tuning the sound of the rain and the passing cars out. All he could hear, in that moment, was Izzie.
So he quickly turned on his heel, retracing his steps, almost jogging back to the spot where they had last made contact. Her sobs seemingly grew louder as the gap between them closed; he stopped abruptly as he reached a distance of approximately three feet. He didn't know what to do, how he should act… he was unsure of how to close the distance – both metaphorically and literally – between them.
She sniffled, rubbing her hands over her skull again. She looked up, her chocolate-brown eyes melting into his. "Alex," she whimpered, reaching her hand out to him again.
He shoved her hand away, more harshly than he would have liked to. Her face fell, any flicker of hope in her deep eyes disappeared. "Alex," she whispered, her voice cracking slightly.
"No," he said firmly, daring himself to take one step closer to her. "You don't get to talk, Isobel," he added, his voice cold and almost foreign-sounding as he spoke. "You lost that privilege," he growled.
Fear clouded her eyes. "Alex…"
He reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently, somehow reassuringly. "Shut up," he said, pulling her along, back toward the parking lot to her car.
"You're scaring me," she whimpered.
He dropped her hand and stopped dead in his tracks. "I'm scaring you?" he growled, his eyes red and angry as he stared at her. Her mouth popped open and closed in protest. "I am scaring YOU?" he repeated as he sidestepped her and stood in front of her. He took her chin in his hand, guiding her so her eyes had no choice but to lock on his. "You've been… God knows where… for weeks, Izz! Weeks! You left me by leaving a note, you don't give me a number to contact you, I didn't know where you were… and I am scaring YOU?!"
"Alex…"
"And then… you call me on the one day that's hell, the one day that I can't talk for very long… the day that this bullshit merger kills a patient and almost gets us all fired… and hang up on me? You're not a child… How old are you Izzie?" Tears pricked his eyes and threatened to fall.
"And I could have handled that, people have been leaving me all my life… my dad left, my friends left, my sister left, my mom tried to leave me, multiple times… so I can handle that. I can handle that disappointment. But what I can't handle," he growled, showing no signs of mercy as she openly sobbed – big, gasping sobs that left her nearly breathless. Her wet hair clung to her forehead, creating a messy frame around her reddened face. "What I can't handle… is the fact that you… you survived cancer, Isobel. You are a cancer survivor, thanks to that IL-2, and you are my wife. And sure, we may have rushed into this marriage, but that doesn't change how I feel about you. I love you. I want a future with you."
"We can…"
"No," he interrupted, sending shivers up and down her spine. "No, we can't. We can't, because you didn't show up for your appointment today. You didn't show up. I knew that you were pissed off at me, that you were avoiding me… but I didn't think you'd ever do something so… idiotic, Izzie! These doctors… they put every ounce of their energy into saving your life… resources, drugs, money, time, not to mention everything our friends have done for you and me… and you don't show up for a follow-up appointment? You're gonna throw all of that away? We are adults, Izzie, we have responsibilities! We have bills to pay! We have to find a place to live, we can't mooch off of Meredith and Derek forever! We are married, and I… I can't be in a marriage by myself," he continued as a quick round of thunder and lightning played out over their heads.
"What are you saying, Alex? You want a divorce?" Her voice was small and timid as she tore her eyes away from his. She shivered as she waited for his response.
Alex scoffed. "I'm not the one who walks away, Izzie. That's you," he replied coldly. She winced. He reached out and brushed her thin bangs off of her forehead; she instantly leaned into his touch. "Get in the car," he ordered as he stepped back toward the passenger side of her car. She stood there, her jaw dropping in response as he pulled the car door open and slid into the seat. He reached over and pressed the horn on the car, holding it down for about five seconds. "Get in the car, Izzie, now," he repeated.
She nodded and took a deep breath, still saying nothing as she walked to the driver's side of the car and slid into the seat. She stuck the key into the ignition and turned it, revving the engine before putting the vehicle into reverse. "Where do we go from here?" she whispered, her voice cracking a little bit as her question rolled off of her tongue… meaning so many different things all at once.
X
The drive was nearly silent. The rain continued to pour down all around them, the storm angry and insistent now as the windshield wipers fought to keep up to keep a clear visual field for Izzie. Every so often, Alex would mumble directions – turn right here… take a left… the next turn's coming up soon – and she listened, wanting to say something, anything, but her words failed her.
They were headed the opposite direction from the ferry, from the trailer that had become their makeshift home; a pit of nervousness was growing in her belly.
"Keep left here," Alex murmured, looking over to Izzie. He reached out and squeezed her arm softly as she turned onto the side street. She smiled shyly in response; her tear-stained cheeks dry now, her short hair curling around her face. He returned the smile as he spotted a parking place. "Park here," he added, and she complied, sliding the car to a gentle stop before putting the gearshift into park.
He stepped out of the car and quickly walked around to the driver's side, opening the door for Izzie. She blushed. "Thanks," she murmured as she stood, shivering a little bit as she readjusted to the temperature.
He nodded and turned to face a small yellow house. A stereotypical white picket fence enclosed the front yard; brick pavers lined the driveway. An abandoned basketball hoop stood proudly near the matching yellow garage, its chain hoop swaying in the wind. A 'for sale by owner' sign decorated the front yard – proud white letters, spelling out SOLD splayed across the sign. Izzie gave Alex a confused look, quirking her eyebrow at him.
He shrugged and tugged on her hand, leading her toward the front door. He pulled a key out of his pocket, twisting the cool metal in his fingers before inserting it into the lock and twisting the knob to open the front door.
He reached inside and turned a light on before returning his attention to Izzie. "Well, go on," he said softly, nudging her forward slightly.
She stepped into the house and moved to the center of the room. The house was empty. Her feet slid slightly on the hardwood flooring; Alex reached out and steadied her arm. She dropped her purse onto the floor before slowly spinning around the room to take a good look at the space. The white walls were bare and slightly dirty, the floor scuffed a tiny bit. The floorboards creaked beneath her shifting weight.
"Alex?" she asked with a smile, turning around once more to face him. "What is this place?"
He shrugged. "It's our future," he offered vaguely. "If you want it, that is."
Fresh tears… different tears… pricked her eyes now.
"It needs a lot of work," he continued, motioning around the room and stepping toward a doorway. "The floors need fixing… everything needs to be painted," he explained as his hand captured hers and he led her into the kitchen. He flicked the light on, illuminating the fairly large room before them. "Cabinets need repair, and the windows desperately need to be re-insulated and cleaned. This place was all I could afford… all we could afford… for right now. But one day," he added, his voice lowering to a whisper as hot tears cascaded down Izzie's cheeks. "One day we'll do better… we'll move into a huge house with plenty of room for a dog and kids… if that's what you want. Because it's what I want."
"I want that too," she replied, her voice cracking slightly. She squeezed Alex's hand. "It's perfect," she said honestly, scanning the room again, her heart melting a little bit as she thought of his thoughtfulness.
"Okay," he nodded. "Then tomorrow… we'll talk to the Chief about a job or maybe a transfer somewhere… and more importantly, we'll schedule you a new appointment…"
Izzie shook her head. "No… I don't need to go."
Anger flashed through his eyes. "Izzie."
"I don't need to go," she interrupted, placing her hand on his chest, instantly calming his racing heart, "because I went yesterday. I went to one at a private practice… one of Dr. Swender's old colleagues… I forgot to call and cancel," she added, her cheeks burning bright red. "I'd never… ever… not show up. I know how important this is, Alex," she said softly.
He pulled her in for a tight hug. Tears spilled out of his eyes as he pressed gentle kisses to the top of her head. "What did Reed say to you, Izzie?" he whispered a moment later.
"Hmm," she hummed softly, swaying slightly as she remained in her husband's embrace. "It's not important," she said with a timid smile, her mind flashing back to the voicemail from Alex's friend. "I'm here now."
"No more leaving."
"No more leaving," Izzie repeated. She hugged Alex closer to her body, feeling safe in his strong, capable arms. "I love you, Alex," she whispered.
"I love you, too, Izz," he replied, kissing her head again, keeping her in his arms.
And so the married pair stood, wrapped in one another's embrace, safe and warm and reunited. There was plenty more for them to discuss… but that could wait until tomorrow. It could all wait – she was home, they were together once more, that was all that really mattered. He smiled as he pulled her close again, breathing in her unchanged scent. He silently reminded himself to thank Reed tomorrow at the hospital… because without her… who knew what the future held in store for Alex and Izzie?
And now…
They were starting over – he knew for certain that whatever would come their way, they'd figure it out, somehow, together… and with a little help from their friends.
What's in your heart? You and me are gonna rise up And every things weird You and me are gonna rise up Sometimes we get lost You and me are gonna rise up Cause we're gonna rise up Ben Lee - Rise Up.
What's in your head?
Its one or the other these days
The quick or the dead
Sometimes we gotta fight
So don't you complain
Cause I never promised this
Would be easy, babe
and they will be surprised, yep
But soon they'll be gone
Cause our whispered words
are louder then bombs
so don't you lose faith
say its no fun
cause we've come to far to stop
before we're done
and they will be surprised, yep
You and me are gonna rise up
and they will be surprised, yep
(They will be)
But soon we'll be found
This is far to important
To turn back now
and they will be surprised, yep
You and me are gonna rise up
and they will be surprised, yep
They will be surprised, yep
They will be surprised, yep
Come on and rise
