Nope, I'm not dead. Life's just kept me otherwise indisposed.

Next K&T isn't ready yet, but I'll let you indulge in this little deleted scene. It would have happened a bit later than where the story is right now, but I've managed to get rid of any major spoilers. Timewise, it's in the middle of LOTSB.


18.5: Goodnight, Tali
Part 1

Tali was perplexed.

Very perplexed.

Of course, it wasn't for lack of a reason. Quite the contrary; for starters, they were actually on their way to the secret base of the most enigmatic person in the galaxy. Someone who'd been harassing them for weeks (or years, if Sidonis was to be believed) and had generally contributed to the misery of Shepard's old squad during the commander's two-year absence. It was one thing to say it (and not be struck down by an assassin to boot), but to actually believe it was actually happening...

That they were going to take town the Shadow Broker...

The quarian frowned at the thought. No-one had asked her about what she thought about a particular smudge in fine print. Liara T'Soni had rejoined the Normandy crew. The knowledge that the woman had the gall to come aboard, let alone ask him for help with her own despicable "work", had left her more tense than a vorcha from a high-grav world dumped on the Presidium. Still, the jealous quarian knew that it wasn't solely because of what Liara had almost had him doing the last time they had visited Illium. Even aboard the same ship, she was wary of John's old flame trying to steal him away.

Especially after her little talk with Mordin.

But that particular item had been more a cause for celebration than confusion.

Tali's particular brand of "celebration", on the other hand...

She took a look around the room -his room- and shivered. The quarian had stolen her way inside, intent on surprising her human with the news once he finished his rounds. Of course, that was before she'd realized that she had sat on his bed. His wonderfully soft, but much too large bed... She gulped, quivering once more. That she had actually broken into her captain's quarters was one thing, that she truly knew he wouldn't be angered by her actions another, but that she'd actually left her post almost a full six minutes early...

Keelah...

She was nervous.

And he was taking too long to arrive.

Much too long.

Trying to fill the time, she had looked through her second-latest download. But that hadn't helped, leaving her (if possible) even more curious about what could happen if -no, when- things were... less busy. And when there's one less asari onboard.

She shivered.

Her thoughts had drifted, the curiosity a toxic catalyst that led her down a path she had tried to avoid more than once before. Many times like this, she had steered herself clear before her imagination could fully distract her from reality. It wasn't like there wasn't an alternative back on the Fleet; she could go back to her station, or talk to a crewmate, or practice her shooting, or quadruple-check the core readouts. Being on a Cerberus ship, however, was different. After much arguing -both internal and external- she knew EDI would alert her if anything fluctuated in the core by more than a hundredth of a percent. Target practice was out as an option as well; as large as the SR-2 was compared to her namesake, there just wasn't enough room for a shooting range aboard (a situation that amused Garrus to no end). She had grown used to some of the crew, but she still didn't trust some of those outside the squad... and she knew all too well where Kasumi would be during Jacob's six-o'clock workout. And being in the same room as Ken again before the next shift just wasn't an option. Gabby had long-since adapted to the man's boorish behavior, but the quarian saw little of the charm that she apparently did in the Irishman.

And so, she wasn't able to keep her mind from running wild. And in doing so, she had downloaded it again. But apparently, the program had experienced a series of fundamental changes. For starters, Elkoss Combine, a volus-run company long-since trusted for developing such software, had sold its developer's license. Instead of the expected trio of rounded bars over a circle that precluded the program's startup sequence every time she had used it before, she had seen the oddly shirt-like logo of Devlon Industries. Of course, a logo and minor name change weren't going to bother her. So long as it did its purpose, she didn't care whether it was a salarian or a volus who had programmed it.

But there was another change. A single new setting whose very presence caused reality to screech to a grinding halt as she tried -and failed- to imagine the terrible implications behind it. Her mouth hung half-open, mind blank as she stared with widening eyes at the interface hovering over her wrist. Slowly, she shook her head, her brow furrowing in horror as her thoughts drifted to what sort of person would actually want to include such a feature. Her lips moved, giving voice to the first fully coherent thought she had managed to form since seeing something so inherently weird.

"Why the hell did they add a setting for ears?"