Summary: Takes place sixty years give or take later. After Elena slowly starts to get back to real life Damon presents her with his journal telling her to read his entries because they aren't just words. They're a look into his heart. Mainly based from the 7x04 episode 'I Cary Your Heart with Me'

Authors Note: If only it were that easy to press fast forward and move past the hell and head straight to heaven were Damon and Elena has reunited. In this it's possible….


"Damon"

With his name being called it's enough to cause him to snap out of his daze. Feet coming to a halt as he stops his pacing and casts his gaze towards the angel seated on the couch "hm?"

"We don't need to go through with this" catching how nervous he is and wanting to push that fear away.

"No" shaking his head "it's only fair" pausing for a moment "you know everyone else's story on how they lived life without you through the years….they kept true to their promise by writing it all down."

"I know but they aren't you and I know for you it was different for you all together."

The statement causing his curiosity to peek "how so" he asks with a raised brow.

"Stefan, Caroline, Bonnie and the others are" pausing for a moment to correct herself because not all were still here "it was easy for them to open up but it never has been for you."

Taking in what she says as he nods his head "you were the exception though" he softly states giving her a knowing smile. "Right from the start and when I refer to the start I mean back to that night on that long and winding road were two strangers met."

"Two strangers who at the time didn't know they'd turn out to be each other's soul-mate" she corrects giving him a soft smile.

The mention of soul-mate causing his smile only to grow "soul-mate" he agrees. "I had encountered maybe people over the years but I had never shared that strong of a connection with them the way that I did with you. I felt like I could tell you anything."

"Speaking of" recalling that night on the road as Elena shifts on the couch "you never answered my question."

Damon's brows furrowing in sudden confusion at her cryptic statement "what question?"

So what do you want?

Reciting it just like she had did years and years ago "so what do you want?"

Now realization dawning thinking back to the night and recalling how surprised he had been that she had actually cared to ask him. Most people in his life, human life included hadn't given a damn on his dreams, wants and desires but she had cared enough to ask and that had left quite an impression on him. "It was actually pretty simple all I wanted was to find someone who loves me as much as I love them and would except me flaws and all."

"Did you find that person?"

"Yes I did and she delivered all that and more" his face showcasing adoration for the woman a few feet away from him. Casting his gaze down towards the journal that he's practically gripping onto "and that's why I want you to read this because you've always accepted the good and the bad parts of me without judgment. I've never worn a mask in front of you Elena. It was never needed I let you see me when I was at my strongest but also at my weakest. You've seen me at my most vulnerable, raw and I'm not ashamed of that. You're right the others it came easier to them because they weren't afraid of showing what they felt but I was except for in front of you and that's why I turned to this" lightly patting the journal in his hand. "The first entry I wrote I was lost….I was heading down a dark road that I didn't want to travel because I was already seeing the consequences of my actions. I had lost you in more ways than one and that night I had gotten you back."

Hearing the brokenness in his tone is enough for her to rise from her spot, advancing towards him as she reaches up to cup his face in her hands "I'm right here" she promises him.

Instantly leading into her touch god I've missed such a touch finding solace in her that he was never able to find in anyone else. "Yes you are" shifting his head, puckering his lips and pressing a kiss to her knuckle. Feeling reassured he decides to continue on "that coffin was all I had of you. Everyone else only saw a coffin but all I saw was you boxed inside or not it made no difference it was you and I did everything and anything in my power to keep you safe. I went absolutely mad because all that mattered to me was you" that's no different "but a reckless action cost me you and my mother" falling silent at the mention of his mom wishing more than anything things could have turned out differently. "My mother took you as her captive because she wanted to punish me, she saw you as another toy soldier but you weren't that" flicking his gaze towards his journal "and shortly you'll find out exactly what I see you as." Knowing that this catch up 101 must be confusing her "thankfully I was able to get you back but all I felt was guilt because I was hit with all of my mistakes. I wanted to break, to finally allow myself to fall and I knew the only way that I could make it through was opening up to you….allowing me to say or rather write down what I was bottling up."

Removing her hands from his face he hesitantly lays the journal in her hands "I wrote these entries for you. These aren't just words this is a look into my heart, my heart that belongs solely to you. This is how I spent the last sixty years Elena missing you." Offering her a nervous smile "which is why I want you to read."

Letting everything he is telling her sink in. Having a little trouble piecing things together let's be honest the sixty years that I missed it's going to take a very long time till I finally finish this puzzle. Touched by his words she nods her head "okay." With one hand she takes hold of the journal, her free hand reaching for his, interlacing their fingers together and leading them over to the couch.

Silently he takes a seat beside her. Eyes locked on the journal that she has yet to open. Feeling his heart, yes you head correctly his human heart beating against his chest. It had only been a week since Elena's waking from her deep and what felt like to him eternal slumber. Of course when he had told her that he was ready to take the cure she had insisted he take time to really think about it but she didn't win that argument.

Elena all I've been doing all these years is waiting and I admit maybe at the time of my suggestion I said it because I wanted to prove to you that I was all in but these years without you gave me time to reflect. They gave me time to grow up and finally allow myself to play the what if game and it took sometime but after awhile seeing loved ones settle down made me want the same thing. I want everything and more with you. I want to build a life with you, have the honor of calling you my wife, having a look of pride reflecting in my eyes at the sight of my wife holding our baby…..I want it all with you. For the longest time all we've done is wait. With the universe stepping in, bumps in the road being introduced and loss we've had to put our lives and plans on hold….but I'm done with wait I want to press the play button and start over again, human life included.

"Are you sure?"

Elena's soft voice returning him from the present "yes" nodding his head "just please know that I wanted to remain the better man for you….to do right by you but sometimes I got lost and I did things I'm not proud of." Sucking in a nervous breath "I was lost and I wasn't found until you came back to me."

Not opening the journal just yet as she places her hand atop his "we all get lost when we lose the ones we love. I didn't handle losing you well." Biting her lip for a second "did Alaric ever tell you how I handled losing you?"

The pad of Damon's thumb running along her knuckle "no he didn't" the mention of Alaric causing his stomach to sink because it had been a couple of years but even now he still missed his best friend. "Quite cryptic about it actually….I think he felt it wasn't his business only yours."

"That's Ric for you" a bitter sweet smile on her lips, blinking back the tears threatening to form. Looking down for a second before flicking her attention back to the beautiful man sitting beside her. "I was a wreck but I played it off well….fooled those around me acting like I was fine but in reality I was a mess. Losing you Damon it was like my very breath was stolen from me and I know it sounds silly because I was a vampire and all but I couldn't breathe without you."

"It's not" he reassures her "when I lost you for the longest time I felt like I was drowning. I was in this dark abyss and there would be times were I'd be able to bring myself to the surface but then this current would come and it would drag me down again. You saved me though because you thrust your hand into the cold depths, grabbed hold of me, pulled me up to the surface and breathed life into me….trust me I get it."

Smiling as she feels Damon's thumb sweep across her cheek to wipe a tear that was starting to roll down. "I was desperate to have you back and since Luke had felt guilty about you not returning from the other side he offered me these magical herbs."

"Magical herbs" he repeats "and what exactly did they do?"

"They brought you back to me. It was like this mirage only I was able to talk to you and touch you. In reality it was the sensible side trying to reason with me but I ignored it because even if it wasn't real it was still something. It was still something that delivered a part of you to me."

"I'm guessing that backfired" he assumes.

"In the worst of ways I guess in a way you could say I became a junkie and had cravings but they were a different kind" she trails off letting him figure out the rest.

Eyes widening, taking in what she's saying "blood….you craved blood….how bad did it get?"

"Bad" she shivers "I was feeding non-stop and the only reason I stopped was because one day Caroline had caught me mid meal and I was so surprised to see her there that I let my meal slip away and she ran across the border."

Having trouble picturing Elena, his sweet Elena losing control because of him of all people "the border were vampires weren't allowed to cross."

"Yes and that was enough to scare me for a little while. I tried to say goodbye to you" swallowing hard as her voice quivers "to let you go….but I couldn't and…..and."

"You chose to compel my memory away" he finishes for her. For the longest time he had wondered what in her right mind had possessed her to let him go. To give up what they had but now he understood. Seeing her on the verge of breaking apart he instantly wraps her in his arms "hey….hey" he gently coos "it's okay."

Falling into him as she rests her head against his chest "no….no it's not because if I hadn't I wouldn't have kept you at arm's length when you came back to me….we-we would have had more time."

Understanding what she meant now as he rubs circles along the small of her back "if there's one thing I learned about us easy doesn't exist and neither does normality" he teases. "We do things the hard way because we're fighters." Seeing that she won't look at him he draws back, placing his finger underneath her chin, tipping it up "the past is in the past Elena it can't hurt us anymore. All that matters is were finally here….together."

Sniffling as her eyes finally are forced to meet his "we're survivors."

Nodding his head, pressing a kiss atop her forehead "we always survive and look where it got us" gesturing towards the room around them "we're finally getting the happiness we rightfully deserve. Took sixty years to get but it's more than worth it."

"All that and more"

"Now" lips pursed together and turning his attention to the journal held in her hand "read."

Offering him a small smile before casting her attention down, setting the journal on her lap as she gently flips it open to the first entry. Being greeted to his writing she traces the tip of her finger around the 'E' in her name as she begins to read.

Dear Elena,

I'm half bottle in thanks to my 1950 Chateau Chevel Blanc. A bottle I waited sixty five years ago to open. I used to spend nights sitting in my wine cellar, convincing myself I could actually hear it age. Tannins growing, fermenting, but appreciating its beauty didn't make time go any faster. The bottle just laid there on its shelf, torturing me. While I waited for Katherine and time stood still. So I hid the bottle and I walked away knowing that any sip of wine I'd have from that moment forward would never taste as good as I dreamt it would be and that my dear is the story of why I drink bourbon.

A small smile playing on her lips, casting her gaze towards Damon who seems to be shifting on the couch "I always did wonder why bourbon was your choice of drink and now I know."

Offering a weak smile because he knew the next part that was coming up. Remaining silent as he gestures for her to continue to reading.

Seeing that Damon suddenly had tensed up wanting to question him on it but deciding against it as she recasts her attention back to the page. Noticing that his penmanship isn't as neat as it had been and wondering if during this he had been emotional that he'd have to pause.

I don't know who I am without you but I do know that as long as I'm with you, time will stand still. So who is Damon Salvatore without Elena Gilbert? A selfish friend? A jealous brother? A horrible son? Or maybe with a little luck I'll do right by you because you may be a thousand miles and a hundred years away but you're still with me and my heart is right there in that coffin with you.

Until you come back to me….

It's during this part of the entry were Elena feels emotional. Seeing how Damon had once again downgraded himself and seen only the worst in himself. You're still with me and my heart is right there in that coffin with you that statement being her ending as the waterworks falls. Damon had been right when he had said these weren't just words but his heart being put on display. She could feel the devotion towards her and more so how powerful Damon's love for her was during the time of her absence. Tears running down her cheeks for the man who had been so faithful to her, tears shed because of the suffering he had went through and tears for all their time spent apart.

That had been only the first entry but right now the rest would have to be put on pause because right now the only thing or rather person worthy of her attention was Damon. Speaking of she turns her attention seeing that his gaze is focused on the floor probably figuring she had been disappointed with his entry. Wanting to soothe away that paranoia she gently places the journal on the coffee table. Placing her hand on his cheek and turning him to face her "you are Damon Salvatore the man I love" she adoringly states "and" using the same statement she had used long ago but tweaking it "I love you just the way you are."

Blue meeting brown, relief rushing through him and that relief shortly replaced by love as he hears her reassuring words "I love you too." Realizing that he needed to go do something "I'll be right back, sit tight" taking her hand in his, lifting it to his lips and pressing a tender kiss against it. Usually be right back actually meant be back in a second but now that he was human it would take more than a few seconds something he found he didn't mind at all. Releasing her hand, exiting the living room and disappearing from sight.

Elena watching him disappear from view, having to reassure herself that he'd return. Sometimes she still found herself having difficultly letting it sink in that she was back. She was still trying to adjust to the changes around her and it was something that sometimes would cause her to randomly break down but luckily she never fell because Damon had always stuck by her. He had become her crutch and the times she found she couldn't move he'd be the one to carry her. Just thinking about him made her feel stronger not to mention cause a smile to break out on her face and that smile only grew as she heard his footsteps coming closer. Reentering the room he holds two wine glasses but her gaze fixes on the bottle in his other hand "is that?"

Crossing into the threshold of the living room, making his way over to her "yes" he confirms. Moving so that he can take a seat beside her, setting the glasses down "this is the infamous 1950 Chateau Chevel Blanc that I've been holding onto over the years." Carefully he sets it down "do you remember before when I told you that my mother had called you a toy solder but I said you were something else?"

Eyeing the bottle for a second before turning her attention back to Damon "yes."

"You're the wine Elena in more ways than one. The first being when we hadn't yet been together when I realized I felt something for you but had to endure the sight of you with my brother. I had to watch you look at him with this look of love in your eyes that I wished would be the way you looked at me….yearning for your lips to meet against mine but I was only greeted to disappointment. Since I couldn't have wine I turned my attention elsewhere to other women, distractions….settling for second best."

Putting two and two together "they were the bourbon"

"They were the bourbon" he repeats "wine is at its finest when it sits for a long period of time that for us being meeting in the middle…..when everything was finally right. You were the wine. What I longed to taste and when I did I was greeted to heaven and I found myself wanting to drown in such a taste for long as I possibly could."

Grabbing the bottle he unloosens the rest of the cork. Back when he had been a vampire he had used his vampire strength to reset the cork back in but now he had depend on a cork screw he had used in the kitchen making it easier to loosen.

"For the longest time I had believed Katherine to be the wine but I still indulged in other drinks, bourbon because I satiated the need whether it be blood, sex or both. When I thought I was going to finally get her back I was ready to finally taste the wine but it never happened because I had been mistaken. She hadn't been the wine and if she had she had been only a bad batch. You were different though" reaching for one of the crystal wine glasses, lifting the bottle and pouring the crimson liquid into the glass as he fills it to the top "you were the wine and even during your absence I didn't indulge in bourbon….in women because none of them came up to par with you. I had finally gotten the feeling of making love and I found I felt complete and whole with you something I knew I'd never find or share with anyone else."

Offering her a smile as he hands her the glass, their fingers momentarily brushing together "with you in slumber the bourbon had changed it was no longer seen as women but more so the fact that I'd be forced to live life without my life. That I'd have to find reason to push on while the world continued to spin madly on."

Grabbing his glass and pouring the crimson liquid into it but setting it down on the table "the wine became the future that we had promised each other….wine is at its finest when it sits for a long period of time and that period of time was me waiting years for you to come back to me. It was something I happily did though because I knew once you opened those beautiful and gorgeous eyes of yours again I'd get to have my wine again."

"This time is different because I want to share this with you. Just as I want to share a future with you but in order to have that happen…in order to make it all the more concrete." Not saying another word he sinks down in front of her on bend and knee. Reaching into his jean pocket he retrieves a small antique box "I want us to share a toast tonight and I think the best form of toast is one that deals with love and I can't think of a better way to showcase my love to you than this." Damon's eyes remaining on Elena as he slowly lifts the lid revealing maroon leather, velvet and silk lining but he knows it's not the box that captures her attention it's the breath taking ring displayed in front of her.

"Elena Gilbert" his intense, loving, adoring and devoted baby blues meeting her warm brown eyes "will you toast with me tonight to our engagement?" A nervous smile showing on his lips as he finally takes the leap "will you marry me?"

The moment he had sunk down on his knees Elena knew what to expect next but hearing him say those words she had longed to hear causing tears to immediately fall. Already finding herself choked up as she nods her head using that for her answer until she's finally able to get the words out "yes…yes…a thousand times yes" she whispers through sobs.

It had been just below a whisper and muffled through the sobs but he heard it deeming it now to be his favorite word. Taking the ring wanting to make it all the more official as he slips the ring onto her finger, admiring how perfectly it fits her perfect ring for the perfect woman. Damon's gaze remaining locked on the finger that now has a ring on it, lifting his gaze so it meets hers "Elena Salvatore" not able to hide the smile immediately etched on his expression "yup" nodding his head "I like it….has a nice ring to it." Bowing his head down and pressing a chaste kiss against her finger.

"It's perfect" sinking to the floor so that she can kneel in front of him. Cupping his face in her hands "you're perfect" she whispers before capturing his lips in a passionate yet tender kiss.

Sixty years, it had taken sixty years for them to finally find themselves at this moment. Sixty years of him being lost to finally be found again. Damon's lips moving against hers, mirroring the action and framing her face in his hands as he returns the kiss allowing them each to get lost in each other.

To the both of them the kiss lasts for ages but really it's only a few minutes after being human catches up to them and they have to break away. Leaning their foreheads against each other, their smiles matching each other letting it sink in that this was real and happening.

Damon the first to move away as he reaches over grabbing each of their glasses from the table, handing Elena's glass over to her as they each raise their glass to each other. There are a million things that they can say, countless speeches to give and maybe to anyone else they needed a thousand words to explain it all but to Damon all they needed were two small words because it spoke volumes.

"To us"

"To us"

Their glasses clinking together as they toast to the future they had gone to hell and back for. Both of them lost along the way but being found again. Anyone else who would have walked in their shoes most likely tossing in the towel and giving up but they weren't just anyone.

They are Damon and Elena.