Anakin The Red-Bladed Jedi
by Nat Arnold
You know Mace and Ki-Adi, Kenobi and Yoda, Aayla and Fisto and Shaak Ti and Kolar. But do you recall the most powerful Jedi of all?
It was a very lonely Life Day for Anakin Skywalker on the planet Coruscant. While the other Jedi were comparing the degree of brown in their robes and playing Jedi games, such as "Plunge the Sabre into the Dark Lord of the Sith" and "Meditation", Anakin sat in his room all alone. He had given up on wearing brown when he had run out of levels of darkness in the shade and had finally switched to black. Because of this, the other Jedi called him names such as 'Gothikin' and 'Anemic Skywalker'. And they wouldn't let him play any Jedi games.
None of the Jedi had given him any presents for Life Day or visited him, so he was shocked when he heard a knock at the door. It was his old friend, Chancellor Palpatine.
"Hello Anakin," Palpatine said, patting the boy on the shoulder in a grandfatherly way.
"Hello Chancellor," Anakin said with a frown, staring intently at his shoes.
Palpatine seemed to be very intuitive, because he picked up on Anakin's bad mood right away. "What's wrong, my son?" he said.
"It's not fair. All the Jedi think I'm a goth, just because I think that black goes with everything. And they won't let me play any Jedi games. They're holding me BACK!" With this, Anakin drew his lightsabre and hacked his sofa into a million pieces. After finishing this, he stood panting.
"You're angry. I can tell," Palpatine said, a twinkle in his eye. "I brought you something." He pulled a brightly coloured red package from the recesses of his robe and handed it to Anakin. "Happy Life Day."
"Yippee!" Anakin said, and tore the wrapping off in childlike giddiness. Inside was a box; he opened it. It was a silver lightsabre trimmed with black, his favourite colour. "Awesome," he said with a huge grin.
"Try it on, my boy," Palpatine said with a smile.
Anakin unhooked the old lightsabre from his belt and tossed it over his shoulder. Then, with a snap-hiss, he ignited Palpatine's gift. It had the most beautiful crimson blade Anakin had ever seen; he was in love. "It's my favourite colour! How did you know?"
"I had a hunch," Palpatine said with a smirk.
"I love it, Chancellor! I can't wait to show it to the other Jedi!"
"You know, Anakin. I fear that when they see it, the other Jedi may only make fun of you more."
"Oh no. Why would they do that?"
Palpatine sighed and put his arm around Anakin, "Jedi put a lot of stock into colour. You've seen it in how they treated you when decided to wear black. Which, by the way, is absolutely lovely on you."
"Awww, thanks, Chancellor. How can I make the other Jedi not make fun of my new lightsabre."
Palpatine looked at Anakin with a sigh. "I fear that there is only one way, Anakin."
Anakin blinked. "What's that?"
"Anakin, with your blade so bright, won't you lead my purge tonight?"
"What? Kill all the other Jedi?"
"It's the only way, Anakin. Or should I say, Lord Vader."
"Wow! I've never been the lord of anything before! I'll do it, sir! Or should I say, Master!"
"Goooooood," Palpatine purred.
And with his shiny red blade, Vader hacked up all the other Jedi, even the little children. And when it was over and all the Jedi were dead, Palpatine declared himself Emperor of the Universe. And everyone was happy (except the Jedi).
But one annoying little Jedi named Obi-Wan cut off all of Vader's limbs and left him to die on a lava planet, but Vader's pal, the Emperor, came and gave him another Life Day present: a shiny black suit that made him sound like James Earl Jones. No one would ever make fun of him again. It was the bestest Life Day ever.
The End
