This is dedicated to my loyal reviewer, Ashfisher92.
DISCLAIMER ; I don't own Twilight. If I did, then Edward and Jacob would be non-existent. They wouldn't even be a fucking side character!
1 - He kissed a girl even though she was already dating someone.
Okay, seriously. Are you stupid? That's like an open invitation to a murder or a huge fight with the dicky boyfriend and the real lover, the awesome pixie! Did your mom drop you on your head when you were a baby, Jacob? Honestly, if someone kissed my lover, then they would have to sleep with an eye open.
2 - He walks around without a shirt on.
I think that I just went blind. No wait, it was the ugliness of Jacob Black not having a shirt on. Seriously, don't you think that its a bit too much flaunting yourself like that. And I don't think that Isabella is exactly attracted to that sort of thing, you know what I mean? You don't?
…...
well, then you are just fucking stupid.
3 - He stinks like a dog.
Okay, okay, I know. All you are saying "It's not his fault! He's a werewolf!" yeah, well I'm a muscled girl who has more muscle than most other women my age and I stink whenever I stop my workout session. I do something that makes me smell amazing. You wanna know what it's called, Black?
It's called a shower. Get one.
4 – He had longer hair than I do, and man, didn't he ever hear of shampoo?
I know that it's a lot like my previous reason, but that hair! Ewwww! Gross. I mean, I might be a bit girly here, but that's a bit disgusting when you see someone with ugly, greasy, knotty, and unbrushed hair that long and not taken care of. And when he cut it off...I don't think that you need a whole damn bottle of gel to get your hair looking like that. It will probably look a lot
better if you actually wash your damn hair.
5 – He threatened to kill himself to get a kiss.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! Even I can get some action, and I don't use that damn excuse to get a kiss! I mean seriously, I think that this is the reason why I'm a carpet mucher.
Sheesh, men and their lame-ass excuses to get a fucking kiss!
6 – He's too damn needy.
I mean, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be beside the one you love and all...But constantly trying hard to diminish a relationship that was already damaged, AND using old memories(remember when he used the memory from when Sam found Bella?) to harm the dicky boyfriend. Now that is an all-time low. Even the devil would say so.
7 – he undoubtedly has fleas.
Maybe I'm not a dog person, but I would hate to have sex with this guy (or any guy, for that matter)because, A) it would be like shoving a curling iron inside my peach. B) he would probably drool on me when I sleep...drooling excessively, of course. And last but certainly not least, if I had sex with this guy ( I wouldn't. Even if we were the last two humans on the planet) I would probably get fleas and crabs in my peach because of him.
Okay. There you go. I can't stand Jacob Black, or Edward Cullen. So review or flame. Flames will be mocked and reviews are welcomed with opened arms.
