The Indispensable Senor Z: The Authoritative Compilation of the Greatest Adventures of the Honorable Senor Z – Explorer, Philanthropist, Doctor of Philosophical Pontification

I sat upon the grass, pontificating about nature to myself, absorbed in the transcendent splendor of the world all about me. I was not alone.

Standing before me was an emphatic presence that bespoke of the glories borne by the Consulates of classical antiquity – the tyrants of ancient Greece, bold and benevolent – the glorious and gracious dictator of the Roman Republic, Cincinnatus. Though none of those men, or any man, or all of the men in recorded history in combination could claim nigh the honor rightfully owed this deified Lord of humankind. I was humbled, like a man before a god.

Nay! Like a beast before a god.

Nay! Like an insect before a GOD!

I was practically resolved to grovel before him, yet he assured me in a voice that was both elementally forceful and revelatory of omnipotence that, perhaps, no other man – no other being! – can claim to have even conceived of: "When I was a lad I ate three dozen eggs every morning to help me get large!"

I broke into tears, all of my intellect and composure dashed! Again the waves of angelic verses broke upon my profligate and unworthy ears!

"And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs, and I'm roughly the size of a barge!"

"…No one," was all that I could manage to say to this being, who allowed me to bask before him, to drink in the sights of his radiant crimson tunic, his humble buckskin trousers, and his boots, which gleamed like enormous twin rocks of Onyx, plucked from the very gates of Valhalla!

His words nourished me as could not have even the ambrosia of the gods – neither Guthix, nor Saradomin, nor Zamorack!

"As you can see I've got biceps to spare!"

I drew myself upon my own, trembling feet, unsheathed my runite sword, and resolved to serve this transcended man until the end of my days – to surrender my retched and proletariat life to his patrician majesty – to submit my soul to the torments of Hades should it please him! And to my delight and everlasting gratitude, he accepted. And now I sing his praise:

"My, what a guy, that Gaston!"

His Lordship and I weaved a pattern across the land, sewing the seeds of nirvana wherever we strode. He but spoke the word, and I did for him what he commanded of me. I bore him more beer, provided him musical accompaniment for whenever he pleased, and furnished him with an incalculable number of antlers for all of his decorating. Life was beyond good – life, for me, had an unquestionable meaning.

One day, however, the man disappeared without a trace. I was crushed, heartbroken, and despondent. I swore never to serve another man as long as I lived; for other men are merely that – men: foul and besmirched creatures – and I had been servant to a god.

That is why I am as independent and free as I am. I have seen what is to come; and bear that hope to mankind.