Gold
He knew Rachel wanted to have sex soon. He was nervous. He was kind of happy when she ruined it by saying she needed to get it over with before the show premiered, but at the same time was pissed. He had been so worried about it all being perfect that he was going crazy. Rachel also let it slip what Santana said about him and how he was terrible in bed and that drove him crazy. He might have said that night meant nothing, but he has never been able to stop thinking about it. He had to do something. He was driving himself crazy. He had to text her.
Santana its Finn, do you think that you could stop by after Cheerios?
She didn't get the message for another 15 minutes because Sue would never let them check there phone during practice. Those where the longest 15 minutes of his life. He didn't know what she would say, and he couldn't even remember why he was even asking her to come over. She laughed, like obviously she knows it's him they have each other's numbers. She finally texted him back.
Sure?
When she finally got there he felt like he couldn't breathe. He answered the door and just stared. She had taken her hair out of her ponytail and it was framing her face perfectly. It caught him off guard how sexy she looked, so he didn't speak right away. She was looking at him and leaning her head in a little to signal him to talk but just went ahead and said something first.
"So what could you possibly want Finn, if you are trying to convince me to come back to New Directions just stop I know I am like the absolute best thing that ever happened to that group but I am the star of the troubletones, not to mention not having to see that hobbit every day is great and not have to hear her-"
"Why did you say I was bad in bed" he interrupted her and said it kind of loud. But he looked sad.
She froze. She saw how his eyes were glassed over and he kind of shrunk his shoulders down a little when he said it. She didn't know how to tell him the truth either, but he deserved it.
"I said that because you said it didn't mean anything." He looked up at her and she shrugged her shoulders.
"I said that because I thought that is what you would want to hear" He said fast and loud.
"You thought out of all the things in the world to say that that is what I wanted to hear after we just had sex?" She rolled her eyes and looked away. She couldn't look at him anymore.
"Well you're not one for words and emotions and stuff like that so I didn't know how else to act." He felt terrible. He never knew that what he said would have any effect on her.
"Pretty sure I gave you the best sex you will ever have in your life, and you had the nerve to say it meant nothing? You could have not said a word and that would have been better than saying it meant nothing." She still wouldn't look at him.
He took his hands and put his palms on her cheeks and fingers around her head trying to get her to turn and look at him. She fought him a little at first and finally her head was facing him and her eyes were looking down. He moved around to gain eye contact trying to get her to stop being so stubborn. When she finally looked him dead in the eye he saw pain in her eyes. He saw her eyes were wet that she was obviously holding back a tear or two. He finally said "I'm sorry" He moved his head and eyes with emphasis to show that he truly meant that. She rolled her eyes again and went to move her head away he pulled her back to the same position and spoke again. "I'm glad you were my first. I wish I could say it meant everything but we weren't in love but it meant a whole lot to me Santana."
She smiled, he could tell she was trying to fight it so it wasn't a huge smile but at least it was something.
"Then why couldn't you tell me that after it happened?" She was back in bitch mode.
"I don't know, it's not really easy to talk to you and I just was afraid to." Something about this moment made him want to be honest. He's grown up a little since they last were together.
She looked at the ground and he saw she was still upset. She finally spoke "Well thank you Hudson for inviting me over to share this great moment." The sarcasm in her voice stung him. She turned to leave and he grabbed her arm. "Stay" She looked at him for an explanation. "I want to talk about it more."
"Well I don't." the way she said it she wasn't convincing anyone.
"Just come in, Please?" He was still holding her arm.
She yanked her arm out of his grip and walked right past him just barely brushing against him. He smelt her and he couldn't get over how awesome it was, then he remembered the last time he had smelled that scent. That night that they were about to talk about.
"Say what you have to say Hudson."
"I haven't had sex with anyone since you or even tried to and when Rachel came over here and wanted to do it I was almost looking for an excuse not to."
"And why is that." She folded her arms expecting him to say she like ruined him or something.
"Because well because…" He was so nervous to tell her why. She was looking straight at him with her eyes wide. "Speak" she ordered.
"Well for some reason I can't get that night out of my head." He said it fast. Paused and continued…
"When I think about going that like extra step with someone I always envision you and not whoever else I'm with and it just kinda feels wrong."
If she wasn't biting her lip she would have sworn her jaw would drop to the ground. She kind of just stood there for a couple seconds. He wasn't looking at her and his cheeks were red.
She finally spoke. "Since were being honest here, I have somethings to say. Once you kind of shot me down and didn't like fall in love with me after we ya know had sex I kind of gave up hope on all guys. I thought you know you could be my knight in shining armor. I thought you could be the one boy that would want to be mine and only mine. And I pictured in my head like millions of times me being the kind of girl that you would want. I thought if I took your virginity I would have some sort of hold on you and you'd want to be with me." She bit her tongue the second the words left her mouth. She had like word vomit or something and she wishes she could just disappear. She had no idea what made her guard come down, but it was certainly going back up.
"You do have a hold on me. I just told you that I think about you when I'm with other girls. When I think about sex its sex with you." She cut him off. "Well that's nice to hear, I'm sure a lot of guys think of me then too."
"You didn't let me finish. I don't want to have sex with anyone else but you. I'm sure you've been with better but I don't think like I ever could. I wish you were this open with me before, hearing you say how you thought it hurts me that I hurt you. I just went along with what I thought you wanted because I didn't want to piss you off or be too clingy. The truth is I have wanted to kiss you every day since then and thought you would insult me or make me the laughing stock at school. And when you did kiss me at the kissing booth I had to push you away before I got all excited and you know…."
She laughed a little at that part. She kissed him on Valentine's Day mainly because she knew he was falling back in love with Quinn, and wished it was her that he wanted to secretly meet.
"I've actually haven't been with anyone better Finn. Maybe it was because you were a virgin but I never had anyone look at me the way you did and I don't know be as careful with me as you were."
She said it in a quiet voice that he didn't even know she had. He started to inch forward to her.
"You stop right there Hudson."
"Why?" He was confused. They had just been so honest with each other and she wouldn't even let him take a couple steps forward.
"Don't" that's the only word she could get out.
"Don't what?" he was confused.
"Don't get close to me." She said it saying no emotion whatsoever so it left him even more confused.
"I just wanted to give you a hug." When she heard it, it sounded like a little kid. She contemplated laughing but that was only to keep her from crying. "I don't need your pity."
"I wasn't going to hug you out of pity; I wanted to hug you because I wanted to really hug you."
"Why?" She spoke as soon and didn't even give him time to answer and spoke again "It was a bad idea to come here and I said way too many dumb things and just forget them all ok." She started heading twords the door but he was still in her way and he stood there like a statue and wasn't moving. He clenched his teeth together "No"
"No what?"
"No I'm not just going to forget what was said."
It became a stare down match. They both looked in each others eyes with blank faces. She broke first.
"Yes you are, and I'm leaving."
"You can't just shut me out and forget what was said. You can't just say things to one another that mean a lot and then just walk out the door and leave all those things behind."
"They don't mean anything." She had been waiting to be able to say that to him in some kind of form to get back at him for what he said to her before. The way she said it was shaky and were said in a way that it sounded like she was reading it, you could tell she didn't mean those words.
He still stood right in front of her blocking her way out. She folded her arms like she usually does staring at him again. He leaned down and wrapped both his arms connecting them around her and put his head over off her shoulder. Even if he wanted her to hug him back she couldn't cause he was hugging her so tight her folded arms couldn't move and hands were constricted against her.
"You're like a little kid."
He pulled back still having his arms wrapped around her but not as tight so she could loosen hers. She tried pushing him off of her.
"Finn let me go."
"Stop pushing me away. Like seriously. Not just this hug but like in life."
"I said forget it." He finally took his arms away from her slowly.
"And I said I don't want too. I told you how I feel you told me how you feel, so why the need to get away from me? If you didn't hear me I said I have wanted to kiss you every day since we had sex, and clearly I wanted to kiss you before that day too."
"It doesn't matter how long you have wanted to kiss me, you didn't. You continued your little love triangle and hop from one to the other. I'm not about to make this a square."
"Maybe I couldn't pick between them because it isn't either of them I should be with."
She laughed right in his face. "You're just realizing that now? I'm not doing this."
"But I want too."
"If you want to have a conversation that is going nowhere go and talk to your girlfriend Rachel, yeah remember her? I'm sure she could talk to you for hours about something that is going know where, and make sure to tell her you don't want to have sex with anyone but me, I'm sure she will absolutely love to hear that." She rolled her eyes
"Don' make fun of me. You really think I want to be with her after what I have been telling you?" He said it low and she could almost hear the sadness in his voice.
"Stop it finn. Stop trying to act like you would actually pick me over her. I'm no one's first choice, not ever and certainly not when It comes to Berry and Quinn."
He put his hands each on her shoulders. He saw tears in her eyes and her head hanging low again, she wouldn't look at him again. He took her chin and pulled her head back up.
"You really think I would be making you stay here if you weren't what I wanted? You really think I would be blocking this door and not letting you leave because you're my second choice? You think I would worry about being bad in bed with someone I didn't care about? I want to kiss you everyday, not anyone else. If anything I have been with my second choice until now. You're my first choice of who I'd want to kiss, you're my first choice of who I'd want to have sex with and you're my first choice of who I want to be with, not second. You're like my Gold."
She smiled so big and laughed a little with tears still in her eyes. He put on hand on her ribs and the other on her cheek and pulled her as close as possible. "I hope I'm your first choice?" He said it low. "I mean if reallllllly wanted to leave I would have used my pepper spray." He looked at her like he was still looking for an answer. "Yes Finn you are my first and only choice." He kissed her like he never kissed anyone before, his hand moving to the back of her head making sure she couldn't break it and his other on the small of her back. She had never been kissed like this before. She moved her hand up so it rest on his cheek and the other rested on his hip. They both smiled in their kiss at the exact same time. He whispered against her lips "My only choice too."
