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Musings

By Dancingkatz

I hate sitting here trying to look like I belong while Shacklebolt discusses strategy with the rest of the Order. I wonder why Dumbledore ever allowed Kingsley to bring me into the group since it seems all I ever do is break things or fall over things at just the wrong time.

Hell, I managed to crash into the china cupboard on my way across the kitchen to put my teacup in the sink. It doesn't matter that I've gotten really good at repairing spells, I hate it that if there's something to damage I'm going to find it the hard way. And though only Moody looked at me like I'd released the worst of the deatheaters we have locked up in Azkaban I know that the others are just as fed up with me.

I'm fed up with me.

I'd trade being a metamorphmagus for even 24 hours of normalcy. It'd be wonderful to walk towards a date and not end up flat on my face or have caught my heel on the hem of a table cloth and dragged everything to the floor.

I'm so tired of the panicked look on the faces of the shopkeepers in Diagon Alley when I come in to buy something. I'm going to have to get an owl and just order everything by post and have it delivered. I could just change my appearance I suppose but I can't change my voice and I'm a klutz no matter what color my hair is or how I shape my nose or eyebrows.

Sigh.

Great. They heard that.

Maybe if I sit perfectly still they'll go back to what they were talking about and stop looking at me. Next time I'm going to sit in the corner in the dark, assuming I can grab that chair before Severus does.

Severus. Why is it that he makes me feel even more incompetent than the rest of them? It's not like he gives me those pity-filled glances like Dumbledore. No. I'm not going there.

Besides, he's too busy working on whatever it is that Dumbledore wants him to do to even look once at me, unless I manage to damage his potions equipment or supplies. Or trip and fall right in front of him in the passageway.

And I certainly seem to manage that more often than not. I did it tonight, didn't I? I wonder if I can morph myself invisible. I definitely wished to be invisible when he fell on top of me and Sirius made an altogether uncalled for remark. If looks could kill I think both I and that overgrown juvenile delinquent would be dead. Even so, he at least helped me up afterwards which is more than I can say Sirius has ever done… even if he had to make a snide comment as he did it.

It sounds like Shacklebolt is starting to give out this week's assignments. I really should listen to this but what's the point when I know he's going to tell me that I'll be staying here to make sure everyone else has a point of contact. It's not like there's really anything to do here except keep out of Kreacher's way and make sure that Sirius doesn't try to leave, which isn't that hard so long as he has access to the firewhisky and the wizarding wireless.

Sigh.