Humorous Redwall
Martin the Founder of Redwall sat in the Dark Forest, playing a friendly game of black
jack with Gonff the Prince of Mousetheives.
"Blackjack!" Gonff exclaimed triumphantly, reaching for the candy chestnuts
from the pot.
"You cheater! You got that ace from your sleeve! I saw it was my own eyes!"
Then, Luke the warrior, famous father of Martin walked up to Martin and Gonff
and said, "Martin! Those confounded Redwallers are being attacked by vermin, again.
They need your help in dreams!"
"Aaawww, I don't wanna! Why don't you do it for once?" Martin asked.
"I'll do it!" Gonff said out of nowhere.
All at once Luke and Martin chorused, "NO!!"
"Geez, I was just saying…"
Then, Rose of Noonvale walked into the clearing from the path, and said,
"Suppertime, honey. Luke, Gonff, you can stay for dinner if you behave and don't scoff
to much."
"Much obliged, marm, but you know I can stay within those qualifications."
"Hold on Rose, I gotta win these chestnuts from Gonff. I'm winning y'know."
Martin said chuckling.
"Now, that's the greatest fib I've heard in all my seasons. And that's counting
after I died!"
While the two argued, little Gonflet appeared, and skillfully steals the chestnuts
from under them. "I gets alla da checknucks, yep!"
Then, Martin and Gonff realized what happened and started chasing the dead
dibbun. After a game of cat and mouse er… mouse and mouse, they finally caught
him.
Gonflet struggled saying, "Mar'an can'ts do nuffin to Gonflet, Me justs a likkle
dibbun!" Suddenly Matthias the warrior appears and takes the candy from the fighting
paws. "Hhaaww, none of you gets the chestnuts, I get them!" ::Sound Editor, queue evil
laugh:: Cluny then, whips Matthias, takes the candy and runs away. ::Queue gasps from
all Dark Forest Characters.::
Gonff looks after the running rat and says, "Well that was unexpected."P
Martin and Gonff go back to the tree stumps they were on while playing cards,
"And I was winning too!" Martin exclaims.
"No you weren't!"
"Yes I was!"
"No you weren't!"
"Yes I was!"
"No you weren't!"
Suddenly Luke walks up. "Martin, due to your laziness Redwall has been taken
over!"
Martin suddenly snaps his fingers, "I knew I forgot something! Oh well they
were always fooling around with my precious sword anyway."
Gonff looks mad, "I told you I could have helped! Should I go fix things?"
Martin and Luke look away long enough to yell, "NO!!!"
The Stickles walk up looking very sad, "Ummm Gonff, there is something we
have to tell you."
"What is it?"
"We aren't your real parents! You were adopted!"
"Well I figured that. I mean your hedgehogs and I'm a mouse it would only make
sense that I was adopted."
"Oh. I guess your right. Well carry on." The Stickles run away looking
embarrassed.
Martin looks after the running hedgehogs, "Well that was unexpected."
Brian Jacques walks in looking very appalled. "What have you done to my
perfectly fine story line?!"
Suddenly a large echoing voice is heard, "I tweaked it!"
Jacques looks up to where the voice should be, "You can't do that!"
The voice yells back, "Of course I can. You are in the realm of…Fanfiction!"
Suddenly a mob of goodbeasts appear and their collective voices ring out, "Bite
the paw that feeds us!"
Gonff cups his hand and yells out, "But he is human!"
The collective voices ring out again, "Oh yea! Bite the hand that feeds us!"
Suddenly Jacques is barraged by jumping beasts. He is forced to run away
ungracefully.
Gonff shakes his head and says, "Well that was unexpected."
Martin looks at Gonff and says, "And to think this all started out with me winning
a game of Blackjack."
Gonff yells out, "I won!!"
"No you cheated!"
"No I didn't!"
"Yes you did!"
"No I didn't! Columbine tell him."
"You did Gonff."
"No I didn't, Columbine!"
The collective voices of the mob ring out, "THE END!"
Gonff looks like he is thinking then says, "Then why am I still talking?"
The collective voices of the mob ring out, "Shut up!"
Martin says, "Well that was unexpected."
Gonff turns to his friend and says, "Highly."
[A/N] Ok this is the disclaimer. I do not own any of these Redwall characters. Well
except for the mob so I copyright the mob Hehehehe! Anyway I have nothing against the
glorious Mr. Jacques so don't think I hate him because! of the way I put him in this
story, it was purely based on humor not on my feelings toward him. If you have a
question for the authors direct it to obi_brent@email.com or pat1300@hotmail.com.
Thank you for reading this story and g'night!
Martin the Founder of Redwall sat in the Dark Forest, playing a friendly game of black
jack with Gonff the Prince of Mousetheives.
"Blackjack!" Gonff exclaimed triumphantly, reaching for the candy chestnuts
from the pot.
"You cheater! You got that ace from your sleeve! I saw it was my own eyes!"
Then, Luke the warrior, famous father of Martin walked up to Martin and Gonff
and said, "Martin! Those confounded Redwallers are being attacked by vermin, again.
They need your help in dreams!"
"Aaawww, I don't wanna! Why don't you do it for once?" Martin asked.
"I'll do it!" Gonff said out of nowhere.
All at once Luke and Martin chorused, "NO!!"
"Geez, I was just saying…"
Then, Rose of Noonvale walked into the clearing from the path, and said,
"Suppertime, honey. Luke, Gonff, you can stay for dinner if you behave and don't scoff
to much."
"Much obliged, marm, but you know I can stay within those qualifications."
"Hold on Rose, I gotta win these chestnuts from Gonff. I'm winning y'know."
Martin said chuckling.
"Now, that's the greatest fib I've heard in all my seasons. And that's counting
after I died!"
While the two argued, little Gonflet appeared, and skillfully steals the chestnuts
from under them. "I gets alla da checknucks, yep!"
Then, Martin and Gonff realized what happened and started chasing the dead
dibbun. After a game of cat and mouse er… mouse and mouse, they finally caught
him.
Gonflet struggled saying, "Mar'an can'ts do nuffin to Gonflet, Me justs a likkle
dibbun!" Suddenly Matthias the warrior appears and takes the candy from the fighting
paws. "Hhaaww, none of you gets the chestnuts, I get them!" ::Sound Editor, queue evil
laugh:: Cluny then, whips Matthias, takes the candy and runs away. ::Queue gasps from
all Dark Forest Characters.::
Gonff looks after the running rat and says, "Well that was unexpected."P
Martin and Gonff go back to the tree stumps they were on while playing cards,
"And I was winning too!" Martin exclaims.
"No you weren't!"
"Yes I was!"
"No you weren't!"
"Yes I was!"
"No you weren't!"
Suddenly Luke walks up. "Martin, due to your laziness Redwall has been taken
over!"
Martin suddenly snaps his fingers, "I knew I forgot something! Oh well they
were always fooling around with my precious sword anyway."
Gonff looks mad, "I told you I could have helped! Should I go fix things?"
Martin and Luke look away long enough to yell, "NO!!!"
The Stickles walk up looking very sad, "Ummm Gonff, there is something we
have to tell you."
"What is it?"
"We aren't your real parents! You were adopted!"
"Well I figured that. I mean your hedgehogs and I'm a mouse it would only make
sense that I was adopted."
"Oh. I guess your right. Well carry on." The Stickles run away looking
embarrassed.
Martin looks after the running hedgehogs, "Well that was unexpected."
Brian Jacques walks in looking very appalled. "What have you done to my
perfectly fine story line?!"
Suddenly a large echoing voice is heard, "I tweaked it!"
Jacques looks up to where the voice should be, "You can't do that!"
The voice yells back, "Of course I can. You are in the realm of…Fanfiction!"
Suddenly a mob of goodbeasts appear and their collective voices ring out, "Bite
the paw that feeds us!"
Gonff cups his hand and yells out, "But he is human!"
The collective voices ring out again, "Oh yea! Bite the hand that feeds us!"
Suddenly Jacques is barraged by jumping beasts. He is forced to run away
ungracefully.
Gonff shakes his head and says, "Well that was unexpected."
Martin looks at Gonff and says, "And to think this all started out with me winning
a game of Blackjack."
Gonff yells out, "I won!!"
"No you cheated!"
"No I didn't!"
"Yes you did!"
"No I didn't! Columbine tell him."
"You did Gonff."
"No I didn't, Columbine!"
The collective voices of the mob ring out, "THE END!"
Gonff looks like he is thinking then says, "Then why am I still talking?"
The collective voices of the mob ring out, "Shut up!"
Martin says, "Well that was unexpected."
Gonff turns to his friend and says, "Highly."
[A/N] Ok this is the disclaimer. I do not own any of these Redwall characters. Well
except for the mob so I copyright the mob Hehehehe! Anyway I have nothing against the
glorious Mr. Jacques so don't think I hate him because! of the way I put him in this
story, it was purely based on humor not on my feelings toward him. If you have a
question for the authors direct it to obi_brent@email.com or pat1300@hotmail.com.
Thank you for reading this story and g'night!
