Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB, Paramount, CBS et al. This is for fun, no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's note: The sequel to "How did this happen?" - the first fic I've posted. You should have read it before you start with this one or some things will be confusing.

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THE PRESENT

Annabelle is sound asleep and as usual I can't take my eyes off her. She's so beautiful, my little daughter, so sweet and so totally mine. I must have already spent hours like this, just standing and watching - even more hours carrying her with me, nursing her, loving her with all my heart. Life is such a tangled mystery. It twists and it turns, it throws you upside down and spins you around ... and in the end everything is different and then you start all over again. My life certainly turned over in Paraguay. It was terrible - and turned somehow out to be the best thing that ever happened in my life. I really doubt my little baby would be here without Paraguay. And it hadn't looked like that at all after we returned to the States. It was such a strange homecoming. I never found the time to think things over because there were endless briefings and meetings and reports to be written. Clayton Webb was in no condition to do it for the CIA and Gunny had been ordered directly to another mission and never came back to Washington ... so all was dumped on my head. I was just amazed by the amount of paperwork they wanted me to do. And I thought the military was exaggerating its bureaucracy. So I stumbled rather unprepared into my first day back to duty...

***

FLASHBACK

- Parking lot of JAG Headquarters

Colonel Sarah Mackenzie took one last deep breath and climbed out of her corvette. Carefully she gathered her briefcase, shut the door, locked it and made sure her hat was sitting perfectly on her head. Once again she was grateful the cast was on her left forearm so she was able to drive. She looked to the entrance, lifted her chin and straightened her shoulders. She was able to do this. It wasn't like she hadn't seen any of her friends in the past week. She got visits from Bud and Harriet and Sturgis. But this was her first day back at work and it was making her ... nervous.

Touching her hat once more she aimed for the stairs and greeted the guard who stood at attention. The whole way up to her office she had to nod and greet and smile to the "good morning, Colonel" and "it's good to see you, Colonel" and "welcome back, Ma'am". As soon as she reached the bullpen Harriet hurried up to her - as best as somebody could hurry with an 'I'm- already-VERY-pregnant' belly.

"Ma'am," Harriet's smile was warm and honest. "It's good to have you back, Ma'am."

Mac smiled too. "It's good to *be* back, Harriet. Is the Admiral already in?"

"Yes, Ma'am. He wants to see you."

Mac nodded and walked to her office where she put her briefcase down. She took a moment to look around. It was kind of surreal that it still looked exactly the same way she was remembering it. As if nothing had happened in the meantime. But almost everything was different now. There had been Paraguay and Harm and ... Clay. Things were complicated since Paraguay. Harm had left the Navy in his effort to find her - and Clay nearly died. And he confessed... No. Mac shook her head in an attempt to clear it off her thoughts. This was neither the time nor the place to think of Clayton Webb. She reminded herself that her CO was waiting and walked over to his office. Tiner jumped to his feet.

"Good morning, Colonel, you can go right in. And Ma'am - it's good you're back again."

"Thank you, Tiner." Mac knocked at the door and entered. In front of Chegwidden's desk she came to attention.

"Sir, Colonel Mackenzie reporting as ordered, Sir."

"At ease, Colonel." Admiral AJ Chegwidden put his reading-glasses down and stepped around the table to shake her hand. "I'm glad to have you back."

"I'm glad to be back, Sir," answered Mac honestly. She took a seat as Chegwidden motioned her to. A few seconds he stood in front of her with his hands clasped behind his back then he circled back behind his desk and sat down. His questioning eyes added to her nervousness and she needed all her strength not to shift under his gaze. Finally Chegwidden looked down at his hands, folded on the desk, and then back up into her eyes.

"You're sure you're already up to this, Mac? It's no problem to give you some leave. It's just been a week since you've returned and I know it wasn't exactly a relaxing one. You've been through a lot lately..."

"Sir -" Mac interrupted, swallowed and tried again. "Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

"Granted."

"I would rather return to work if you don't mind, Sir. I - I need something to keep me ... occupied." This time she couldn't stop herself from shifting uncomfortably.

"Nightmares?" he asked softly. She was about to deny but thought better of it.

"I wish it'd be only in the night, Sir," she confessed quietly. Chegwidden just nodded. He understood perfectly.

"Well, Colonel, if I can promise you anything then enough work to keep you occupied." He handed her a stake of files from his desk. "Start with the Taylor case, the rest is not so important. I want your first report within the next two days."

"Yes, Sir." Mac took the files and got up.

"And Mac -" Chegwidden hold her gaze, "If you need to talk - you know where to find me."

Mac swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. "Thank you, Sir."

As she was about to walk to the door Tiner's voice came over the intercom. "Sir, Commander Rabb has arrived."

Chegwidden noticed the stumble in Mac's step. He also saw her flinch at his answer. "Very good, Tiner. Send *Mister* Rabb in."

He watched motionless as Tiner opened the door and stepped aside to let Harmon Rabb into the room. The former commander stopped short at the sight of Mac. For a second a wordless exchange seemed to happen then Mac abruptly dropped her gaze and hurried outside. Harm turned his head to look after her before regaining his composure and facing his former CO.

"Close the door, Tiner. I'm not available for the next fifteen minutes." Chegwidden fixed his eyes on the man in front of him.

***

- JAG Headquarters, 10 minutes later

Mac had dumped the files on her desk and then voted for a cup of coffee. She needed something to calm her shaking nerves down. Seeing Harm was unexpected. Oh, she had seen him once or twice at Langley - but only out of a safe distance. Yes, she'd avoided him. Avoided seeing him, avoided talking to him. She hadn't been ready to talk to him. She wasn't sure if she was now.

Sipping the hot liquid she settled down behind her desk. She tried to concentrate on the Taylor file but her eyes kept moving up and peering out into the bullpen. What were they talking about? Why now? Would Chegwidden allow Harm to return? What was the position of the SecNav? What -?

'Stop it! Stop thinking about that!' Mac forced her eyes back to the file. She reached for her cup, looked up again - and nearly jumped at the sight of Harm standing in the door.

For some embarrassing seconds a dead silence hung between them. Then Harm cleared his throat.

"Hi, Mac."

"Hi."

"How's your arm?"

Mac knocked on the cast and forced a smile. "They've promised to take it off as soon as possible but right now - it's itching. What - what were you talking about with Chegwidden?"

Harm came fully into the room and shut the door. Mac's heart made a little jump.

"I asked him to take me back. In fact I've already asked last week but he never answered my letter and he refused to see me until today."

"And how - what...?"

Harm grinned weakly. "Well, it wasn't that bad. Except for the dressing down. To be honest - he chewed me out pretty good." He imitated Chegwidden's stern voice, "'I've said I'm *considering* taking you back, *Mister* Rabb. And the only reason why I do this is the fact that without you and Colonel Mackenzie these missiles would have been fired - and only God knows how many people would have been killed.'" He grimaced and continued in his normal voice: "The rest was almost a piece of cake. The usual - that he's expecting me to work my ass off, to cause no more trouble and to take the worst and ugliest cases. And to convince him that I'm *really sure* I want to stay in the Navy forever."

Mac held her breath. "And?!"

Harm shrugged. "He said he's going to decide by tomorrow. But the chances are good. Guess, he needs someone to push around." He looked down. "I've tried to call you but your phone wasn't working."

"Uhm, no, I know." She had pulled the cord out. He looked back at her.

"I've been at your door once or twice."

"Oh? I've - I've been very busy," Mac blushed and pushed the papers on her desk from one side to the other. She had seen him through the window. She had stood at the door as he knocked but hadn't opened. "They - they've kept me busy."

"Yeah," Harm never took his eyes off her. "They've grilled me too. Wanted to know every detail. I really hope I don't have to see Langley for a while."

There was again an uneasy silence. Finally Harm took a step back.

"I've got to go. See you, Mac."

"See you, Harm."

Harm turned, paused and turned back. "We'll find a way, Mac. I'm not going to make the same mistake again."

Mac wasn't able to answer. Her heart pounded in her chest and his words were still reeling in her head a long time after he had gone.