The first thing you should know about me is that I'm a survivor. I have survived a great many things in my time; like the time I fell out of my second-story bedroom window when I was three, or the time I was 10 and got hit by a truck while crossing the street because the driver ran a stop sign. I even made it through a hurricane while living on a boat in the gulf once. And I don't know about you, but I'm willing to bet it's not something everyone can brag about.
The second thing you should know, is that I'm one tough cookie. Yes I know this seems redundant after what I've just finished telling you, but I feel that it is vital in order for you to understand what's to come. Because not only am I tough physically, but it's damn near impossible to penetrate the wall I've built up around myself; forget about getting an emotional response. And that might mean that I'm what normal people would call a "cold hearted bitch," but those are they're words, not mine. And I'm okay with that.
The last thing you should know about me is that I am very proud. I know where I come from and I know where I'm going in life. And if I'm ever in a bind, I'll be damned if I let some freaking knight in shining armor run in to save me. I know what I want, and how to get it myself, thank you. The decisions I've made may not have been the best, but they're mine. And in the end, I'll get what's coming to me. And I've accepted that
Now I know it seems like I've inflated my ego a little bit, but I will have you know that I am NOT perfect. In fact I'm about as far from perfect as they come. Because despite all of my training, despite all of my efforts to maintain my boundaries and make my own way, I made the biggest mistake of all:
I fell in love.
I'm not really sure how it happened. I mean, come on, me fall in love? That's crazy. How can someone who doesn't even really know if she believes in love, just fall into love? And why is it called falling anyways? So that later on, after your relationship has pretty much crashed and burned you can just lie around having some sort of pity party because you need to recover like you've been thrown from a burning building or something? No no no. Not going to happen, not to me. As a matter of fact, I refuse to let it. There are plenty of other things happening in my little world right now and love is certainly not going to be one of them…
Except that it was. And I did. I took the plunge. Okay, so I don't know if I so much as took the plunge as I woke up one morning (quite literally I might add) and just knew: "I Kadence Renee Swanson have fallen in love…oh shit." And I remember repeating that sentence over and over in my head like it didn't believe it was physically possible; kind of like when your stomach tells you it needs to be fed but you don't really know what you want to eat, so you keep opening and shutting the fridge like something new it going to appear out of nowhere and its going to be exactly what you want. And after about an hour of arguing with myself, I came to the conclusion that this was all a mistake. There was no way I could possibly be in love. Not now, not ever.
Except that it wasn't a mistake. There was no denying it. I, Kadence Renee Swanson, was in love with Dean Winchester.
