Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Hey Babe.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. So, so, so sorry.
I wish I could hug you and wipe away your tears and make you forget all this mess, but I can't. I'm not there anymore. Or, if you're reading this, I can't be.
First things first.
This. Was. Not. Your. Fault. There is no way in hell it would ever or could ever be your fault. Stop blaming yourself right now. I know you are and you need to stop. I said stop it!
I did this. It's all me. Blame me. Hate me. Smash all my stuff. Forget me if that's what it takes. Do whatever you need to make yourself feel better but do not blame yourself. Please? For me?
Now. I'm going to pretend you've listen to me and carry on.
Next, I guess you want to know why? What am I saying? Of course you do.
And it's so cliché. I'm going to sound like a bad teen drama. And, normally, you'd laugh at my stupidity. But I know you won't. Not this time.
This is how it went. I couldn't take it anymore. No, it wasn't the bullying. That was years ago now, before Dalton (duh!). Yes, the names hurt. I had bruises from being pushed and hit. But that wasn't what caused all this. It wasn't my family either. Did you know they sent me to Dalton because they were scared I would 'infect' them? It wasn't the stress of trying to get good grades, to do something to make them like me. I knew that plan would never work, so never had that notion. But you already know that bit. It wasn't school or family or anything really.
I guess I can't really explain what it was (and, again, I sound so cliché there). But, even though they weren't to blame, I think that those things are factor to why we are here. Or, why you are here and I am somewhere else.
(Random note: You can blame them if it makes you feel better.)
Now, I know I have no right, but can I ask you a favour? Yes? I hope you said yes… So, as my best friend, I cordially give you the right to be the official shipper of Dalton Academy Warblers. This means that you need to protect Klaine and continue working on Wevid. I don't care if you end it at bromance. Just get them together in some way! And I know this was supposed to be our mission. But I'm down for the count and a good agent never leaves a mission unfinished. So, finish it!
And, I'm sorry I'm, leaving you to do this task on your own. We were meant to do it together, I know. Hey! Maybe you can find a new partner in crime! I mean, no one will ever replace my fabulous arse. But maybe there's someone else out there who's good enough to be your second.
Please stop crying. I know you are by now. I don't want you to cry. I want you to be happy, like I couldn't be.
And please. Stop blaming yourself. You couldn't have stopped me. You didn't push me. You did nothing but help.
Does it help if I tell you that the little moments with you were the only reason I held on so long? The car trip where the boot decided it didn't like being closed and opened itself? The time we got kicked out of the mall for staring an ice cream fight? The numerous times we skipped lessons to have cartoon and movie marathons in our room?
I don't think you'll ever get how much these things mean to me. I wish I could explain it to you, but it's just this thing inside me that tells me that they are the reasons I tried. I want to explain it more, but, frankly, I can't and I have more things to say to you.
I'm sorry I left you to complete our life's missions alone but I know you can do them alone. I'm sorry I stole your batman collection but it's under my bed. I didn't damage it, I swear. I'm sorry I pushed you in the fountain and called you adorable. I have no excuse, but you did look cute while soaking wet. I'm sorry I ignored you for a week. Again, no excuse. I wish I had never done it. I missed you the whole time. I'm sorry I left you with Klaine. The terror is now yours to control though. Use them wisely, young one.
But, most of all, I'm sorry for the things I never did. I'm sorry I never went to the lake with you when you asked. I had secrets I couldn't let you see. I didn't ever want you to see them. But, I was kind of glad when you did. I'm sorry I never told you my secrets. I just couldn't risk your friendship. I know that it was stupid, don't worry. I'm sorry I never let you help when you did find out. Maybe, we would still be together if I had. I'm sorry I never told you I loved you.
God, I love you so much. And I always will, no matter where I am. Please don't forget that. I know you love me to. You don't have to tell me. How could you not love a sexy devil like myself?
Anyway, I love you. So, there. I think that's all I have to say.
Oh. And I'm sorry I haven't even said your name. Well, written your name. I tried to. I've tried so many times to write this with your name in it. But I couldn't. It hurt too much. But I will say it before I leave finally.
Remember; you are the six to my three. You are the feather to my whipped cream. You are my best friend and the first person who loved me, unconditionally. That's why you get this, the closest thing to an explanation I can offer. I'm sorry it sucks.
Last thing, I promise.
I love you, Jeffrey Sterling. I love you.
Forever your roommate,
In life and in death,
Nicolas Duval.
Forgive me? Please? At least enough to leave a comment?
