Skulduggery's Worst Nightmare

No, I don't own SP. Derek Landy does. .. :(

Skulduggery: Don't whine. It's absolutely immature…

Oh. Sorry, Skulduggery… *hangs head in shame*

Skulduggery: Do you intend to start the story? I'm sure the readers can't wait to read about my heroics.

Heroics? Not really… Aw, Fine. Here goes.

Skulduggery's POV

I've never begged for mercy from anyone. Ever. Until today. And even worse, I was pleading to a five-year-old. And it's all Valkyrie's fault, damn her evil soul….

What was she thinking, offering me up to babysit for Crystal's son? She's always telling me how bratty her cousins are- How can the spawn of such horrible people be any better? I refused, of course, but… Valkyrie is scary when she shoots that death-look. If I could die again, then I would be in serious trouble to refuse her any further.

I owe her so much, really. It's been 20 years since I got sucked into that Faceless Ones hellhole. 18 since I got out. Valkyrie found my skull. I was impressed; I had looked for 10 years, and I hadn't found it. She found it in a back room at the Temple Bar. Finbar had been using it to hold maraschino cherries. I nearly strangled him when I found out.

So, of course, I couldn't refuse her. And now I'm babysitting this little brat, Ji- Wait what? Where'd the little dirtball go?

"Pheasant, look! I'm gonna fly!" screeched Jimmy, poised on the top of the swing-set.

How the hell had he gotten up there? And I told him it's Mr. Pleasant, not Pheasant!

"Damn! Get down Jimmy! Stop- No, don't climb higher! Your mother will kill me!" I yelled as I ran to the spoiled little kid's personal playground.

"Don't wanna, pheasant! It's my house! You do what I want!" he retorted. I gritted my teeth. If this wasn't a personal favor, I would smack this insolent little-

My interior monologue is interrupted as my hypothetical eyes see Jimmy fly through the air. I spring into action, sprinting for where I hope he'll land. But I'm interrupted as my charge is intercepted by a man who snatches Jimmy as if he's a football.

I feel momentarily relieved, until I see who has caught the little brat. My heart freezes as I see Vaurien Scapegrace land, cradling Jimmy.

"So you've got a kid now, huh? How 'bout I kill him? If I can't kill you, I'll do the next best thing!"

"He's not mine, Scapegrace, put him down. I'm…. babysitting." I say angrily, edging closer to him.

He doubles over laughing, holding Jimmy like he's an annoying little ragdoll. This whole time, Jimmy has been staring wide eyed, and then starts screaming.

"Shhh, Jimmy. Be quiet." I murmur embarrassedly. Suddenly, I understand his panic. My hat has fallen off in the confusion, and my scarf has unwound. Oh damn.

Okay- This was… Interesting. But stick with me, and hopefully it will get better… Anyway, all reviews are welcome. Even flames. They make me laugh, so go ahead! Do your worst… You don't scare me! ;)

Skulduggery: Why are you portraying me as such an irresponsible swearing fool? It's insulting.

Um, oh. Sorry, "Pheasant" *hee hee snicker*

Skulduggery: Make this story better. Or else, and you, reader! Review! If Wannabe is ever going to get any better, you have to inspire her to write more!

Yeah! What he said! :D

Bye for now.