Author's notes: Hi folks! The following hopefully funny one-shot is dedicated to one of the hilarious graphics and random spawn-point glitches in Skyrim. Some of them add involuntary comic to Skyrim. Others are a nuisance. But this one is rather enjoyable, or at least I think so. Please read and review.
Disclaimer: TES V: Skyrim is intellectual property of Bethesda Software. And I don't do this for the money, oh no! But now, on with the story.
The stuff of tavern gossip
It was a lively evening at the Bannered Mare Inn in Whiterun. Hulda had the shack full of locals and travellers. Mikael the bard was giving the umpteenth da capo of "Ragnar the Red". The greengrocer Carlotta Valentia was sitting at a side-table, along with her daughter Mila. Sinmir was – yet again – slandering the Whiterun guards. Saadia was bustling to and fro like the busy little tavern wench she was…
But there also were some new faces in town. Somehow, a Khajit had managed to sneak into town. I don't know if he scaled the sheer walls, hid under a one-axe-cart or bribed his way in. Right now he was retelling some adventures of his travels. His name was Wak-wak or in full: Wak-wak of the Harrowing-Jungle-Clan. But Wak-wak was fine enough; thank you very much. Right now, he described: "Wak-wak was travelling the Reach lately. He was on a steep part of the road not far from Markarth. It was, at first, a typical day in the Reach: foggy weather and all. But suddenly, a whole Thalmor patrol and their Nord prisoner dropped out of the clouds – literally. They hit the road and were dead in an instant. This one knows when an opportunity bites him in the…tail. So Wak-wak loots them bodies. Here, he can still show off with the prissy ring of that prissy High-Elf-woman. The other booty is already changed into septims."
Then, Anoriath the wood-elf took the word. Anoriath usually was a regular customer in the Drunken-Huntsman-Pub that belonged to his brother Elrindir. However, the brothers had gone on yet another drunken nightly hunt. And a similar "event" had occurred – like the one that led to the pub's name. But this time, the two brothers had had a bit of a fall-out afterwards. And so, Anoriath was visiting the Bannered Mare to lay low and let the storm pass. Long story, short reader; he said: "Thalmor patrols falling from the sky and butting their haughty yellow heads on the road? Friend Khajit, that must have been a mild case on a peaceful day. I was out hunting on the Whiterun plains yesterday. From afar, I watched some giants ushering their mammoths along. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, bees buzzing around the tundra-cotton… It seemed like any other normal day. But suddenly, I heard an ear-splitting *baraaag* from above. Something huge was falling fast. It hit ground and caused a gigantic dust-cloud. When I was done with coughing and wheezing, I recognized the thing for what it was: an adult mammoth. A freaking mammoth falling out of the clouds! The divines must be really bored lately."
Hulda had listened with rapt attention from behind the counter. She wagged her slowly greying head and sagely said: "Yes, we're living in crazy times as of late. Dragons returning from the dead, a civil war and now this. What's next? Dogs being swallowed by the earth?" Then, she filled two tankards with mead and shoved them over to Anoriath and the Wak-wak. "These are on the house. Here's to crazy old Skyrim, where you can count yourself lucky when it's only raining water."
Another author's note: Ah those special little Skyrim moments! [chuckling to myself fondly] I know, there are mods out there to repair such flaws. But in this case, it would be a shame. Don't you agree?
