'AAANNNNGEEEELLLL!'
Angel awoke with a start, sitting up sharply and panting heavily, Buffy's scream still echoing in his head. Every night for a week he'd had the same nightmare. Always the same. Buffy was being tortured, beaten, in a dungeon. He tried to get to her but she was too far away. Just as he was getting closer, her torturer slid a knife into her stomach and she screamed his name in agony.
He reached over for the phone, pausing slightly when his hand closed over it. At first he thought it was just a nightmare. But now it was worrying him. The same nightmare every night. What if it meant something? What if it came true? He was afraid to call her. They hadn't spoken for a year. Not since Buffy came to help him after the battle…
Angel: What are you doing here?
Buffy: I just heard what happened, I came to see if you were alright
Angel: I'm fine. And I don't need you here. You didn't come when it really mattered!
Buffy: What are you talking about?
Angel: I rung you so many times, begging Giles for help, but nobody came. And now they're all dead! Now there's just me and Spike!
Buffy: Angel, I didn't –
Angel: Don't say anything. I don't want to hear it!
Buffy: Stop it! You think you have a right to be upset? What about me! Did it never cross your mind to tell me Spike was alive! Did you even consider ringing me to let me know! I deserved to know! But no! You were just so jealous –
Angel: Jealous! Please Buffy. That's in the past. We've both moved on now. You're with the Immortal, and I'm with Nina. Why would I be jealous?
Buffy: N-Nina?
Angel: Yeah. Nina. My girlfriend. You couldn't expect me to spend forever brooding over you, Buffy
He saw hurt cross her features and her bottom lip trembled. He cursed himself for saying it, but just couldn't bring himself to take it back. Of course he still loved her, and of course he was jealous of her and Spike, and of her and the Immortal. And the truth was, he hadn't seen Nina since before the battle. But he was angry, and he was hurt. He'd lost almost everybody he cared about. And the only other person who meant anything to him, Buffy, had abandoned him.
She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again, angry tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
Buffy: You know, I…I actually came here to help you. I came…I came because I was worried about you and you…you just say those things to me…I didn't know there was battle, Giles never told me you'd rung. I thought you knew me better than to think I'd abandon you…guess I was wrong
He took a step towards her and she put a hand up, moving away from him.
Buffy: Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me again
She turned to leave, then looked back at him. He could see a few stray tears on her face and his heart clenched with misery.
Buffy: I'm sorry they died. I really am
Then she left him…
He wanted to stake himself for saying those things to her. But he was still angry with her. Even though she was telling the truth and Giles probably didn't tell her he'd rang, he was still angry. He had to be angry at someone.
He never rang her. Not even when, two days later, the Powers granted him his Shanshu. More than anything he wanted to go to her and apologise, take comfort in her and feel the perfect, pure happiness he had only experienced twice in all his years. But he didn't. She didn't want him, and he knew there was too much between them for them to just start over. It didn't work like that. He couldn't just show up, say 'hey look I'm human' and expect her to accept him. Too much had happened. The curse, Angelus, the Day that Wasn't, Darla, her death, Spike, Nina…
He snatched his hand back from the phone. How could he ring her? She never wanted to see him again, he knew that much from their last meeting. But what if she was in trouble? He sighed to himself. He knew Spike would ring her, even though the two of them didn't exactly get along any more either. Spike had seen her a few times over the last year, but, true to his word to Angel, he never mentioned Angel's Shanshu.
Angel moved his hand back to the receiver, picking it up and staring at it. He didn't know what to do. What would he say? 'Hey Buffy, I've had a few dreams about you being tortured'? Yeah, he was sure that'd go down well. And he didn't particularly want to ring Giles either, not after what he'd done to him. Then he had a brainwave. Willow. He'd ring Willow.
