Itachi's Nightmare
Note: Anti 700 / Anti Poke / Anti SS / OOC / You have been warned
So Itachi saw chapter 699-700 and saw his future brother and was so shocked that he came back from the dead again to save his little bro. He just appeared out of nowhere and was like,
"Yo! Foolish little brother! how's it going?"
Sasuke blinked, "Itachi?! How?"
"I came to save you, nerd."
"Save me? Wait, how come you're here? I thought you died, twice!"
"Yeah, I keep coming back. Anything can happen after chapter 700, so... here I am."
"I see… so, why are you here, Itachi?"
"To save you, usuratonkachi."
Sasuke frowned,
"Woow! Woow! Woow! That was so OOC! Like, only I get to use that word! I have copy right and shit on it."
"O'really? Fine, I'm here to save you, dobe."
"Hey! WTF! That's Naruto's nickname. Don't misuse that, Itachi. I won't allow it."
"Geez, so annoying! What should I call you? Foolish little brother?"
"Drop dead, Itachi."
"Already did… twice." he smoked an imaginary cigarette.
"Oh god... who brought you back to life anyways?"
"Um… Kabuto?" he guessed.
"You don't know!?"
"Not wait… um… Madara?" he guessed again.
"You have no idea. Just say I don't know. Why are you even trying?"
"No! I know everything! I always knew everything the whole time. I even knew that you and Naruto would get married in the end."
"lmao at that. We didn't. You know shit." Sasuke laughed.
"I was kidding. I know that this isn't how things work in here. Your world sucks! But you're married in heavens, so~" his eyes glittered.
"lol we are? And you're like, watching and smiling like a loving mom in the background? That's funny!"
"No! Stop laughing already."
"Sorry. Why are you here again?"
"To save you, um… bro."
"Save me from what?"
"From chapter 700."
"Chapter 700?"
"Yeah, I was there minding my own business. Having popcorns and some diet cola, because I'm watching my weight now, And I was watching your gay fight with that dobe of yours, And then I saw this really weird Uchiha guy who looked like dad but with gay haircut! And then something just felt wrong, and I knew that something bad was going to happen to my cute little bro, so I had to come back to life and save you before you lose your good looks."
"I grow ugly? How come? I'm gorgeous!? Always was, will always be!" he frowned.
"Yeah, bad news, bro. You suddenly decided to look like dad and things didn't turn out good for you… I mean, you always looked like mom and I really loved that about you, everyone loved that about you, but I don't know why you had to change that in your late years…"
"Yeah, that's weird… What happened there? I'm not cute anymore…?"
"Cute?! Not even close! Oh and you also grow so fucking tall! Why did you have to be that tall? I hate it!"
"I'm not that tall."
"You will be so fucking tall! Damn you! I hate you!"
"Hey! Why are you so mad at me about this!? Could it be that I grew even taller than you, Nii-san~?" he teased.
"How dare you grow taller than me!? That's unacceptable! You don't get to grow taller than me! Fuck that! Who did this!? Who turned you into this big, ugly thing! Like, ugh!"
"Oh god! You make it sound really awful!"
"Because it is really awful! Like, ugh! My eyes burned when I saw that! I even cried! So disturbing…"
"God… I don't even want to imagine that…"
"That's why I'm here, bro! I'm here to save your ass."
"How? I mean… What could you do? Redesign me?"
"As if I could draw beautiful you! heh, I wish! Nope, drawing is not my thing."
"I thought so too… So how are you going to save me?"
"By killing ya."
"Oh god! You're here to kill me, Nii-san?"
"Fuck…"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Yeah... I'm here to end your life."
Sasuke stared at nothing in particular and said with bent lips,
"I guess I'm okay with dying… I mean I literally have nothing now."
"Really, Sasu? Nothing?"
"Nothing…"
"No one?"
"No one…"
"You have a wife in there, btw."
"A wife? Who's the lucky girl?"
"This pinked haired girl. Oh! that reminds me! You ungrateful bastard!"
"Hey! Woow! What happened there? Why are you suddenly mad at me?"
"You misused my thing! How dare you?"
"Sorry, your thing?"
"Why the fuck did you poke that girl's forehead?"
"Oh... that…" he looked troubled.
"Yeah, THAT! That was my thing! How dare you misuse my thing!?"
"Oh… you saw that… um.. funny story, I was about to leave konoha again and go wander around aimlessly like a hobo... then I had to go OOC for a moment there, not sure why tho."
"Fuck you! I had nightmares about that!"
"You had nightmares in heaven?"
"Yeah! Because this was really an eyesore to watch! That I couldn't find peace even in heavens!"
"Oh… sorry about that…"
"I spent years working on that so I could use it in my death scene! I was working on that epic moment all my life! And then you just had to ruin the whole thing with that OOC poke!"
"I'm sorry! It was so OOC of me... I'd erase it if I could… really! I would totally erase it."
"You even used it on someone you don't love! For god's sake, Sasuke!"
"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Forgive me, nii-san."
"Dammit, don't call me Nii-san… that's my weakest spot."
"But you are my nii-san."
"Tsk… I fucking love you. I can't be mad at you."
"You're too kind. I love you too, nii-san."
"Alright, already! Stop being cute."
"Cute? You think I'm cute?"
"Yes! I do! and I'm going to save you before you turn into that ugly monster."
"Ugly Monster!?"
"Ugly! Hideous! Eww!"
"Oh god, please do something about it!"
"You need to die, Sasuke! You need to die now!"
"You think? Maybe if I take good care of my skin then I won't turn out to look like that…"
"No! It's not optional. It's either you die now or you become a monster. What do you have to live for anyway?"
"I really have nothing…"
"I can't believe that you have nothing, Sasuke. After all what you went through... You at least get to keep something…"
"Nothing… Zero… Nil…"
"How come? Where are you Taka team and your stupid boyfriend?"
"Taka is gone… and my "stupid boyfriend" is now married to some girl…"
"That's so sad…!"
"Yeah…"
"You even lost an arm and all…"
"Yeah…"
"So... how about you die with me, one-armed man?"
"Don't tempt me, Itachi. I'm barely holding myself together as it is."
"I don't want to see you suffer, bro. But if you keep on living then the 700 disaster will crash you, torture you and kill the real you! You need to die, man. You need to die now!"
"You're scaring me, Itachi."
"You should be scared. I've seen some deep shit going on in there! You don't want to be there. You don't want to see this."
"Then, kill me. End my misery for me."
"You can always come back like I do, you know. You don't have to act all sad and depressed. This is supposed to be funny, you know. Don't turn it into a sad fic about you."
"It's sad… I can't help it... I think I'm going to cry…"
"Shit! No! Don't even think about crying! When you cried, the enter fandom cried with you! No, not in this one you won't."
"… OK…I'll just hold my tears…."
"Dammit, Sasuke! No I feel like crying! Stop! What are you doing to me? My little heart can't take it…"
"Sorry…"
"Oh god, I love you so much bro. I would totally marry you if we weren't siblings."
"Yeah, I know."
"Hey! Don't just agree with me! Act surprised or something!"
"Why?"
"I mean you could also act angry about it... like, what the hell nii-san! that's sick!"
"Why? What's the point?"
"So it would sound funny or cute or something..."
"Um… how are you going to kill me, Itachi?"
"Oh… I totally forgot about my mission on earth! Thanx for reminding me."
"lol, you're nothing like Itachi, but go on."
"I'm going to stab you in the heart."
"Yeah I've been through that before. And I survived somehow. So I'm not sure if it will work."
"As if I could stab my cute little brother in the heart! No... I was kidding... but Madara sucks, btw. I mean killing my cute bro even tho you look exactly like his little bro! Such a bastard… driving a sword through his "brother's heart" with straight face on. That guy went to hell. It was epic."
"Yeah... Back to our issue, Itachi. How are you going to kill me?"
"Poison you?"
"Yeah, that won't work either. I developed this strong body when I was with Orochimaru. Poison doesn't really affect me much."
"Oh! I totally forget about that. Then I'll drown you to death! How about it?"
"I could swim, you know… My body will react instinctively and I'll just save myself… I can't control that."
"Hmm… How about I just smash your head? Like hold your head with both hands and just slam you by the same wall that I hit when I died? Like Bam! Bam! Bam! Until you die."
"That's horrible… but yeah it could work, Nii-san."
"Fuck…"
"What now?"
"Don't call me Nii-san."
"Why?"
"I can't… I can't kill you like that… Dammit, Sasuke! I told you that this was my weakest spot! Why did you have to call me that now? I can't… I can't do it!"
"But I'll grow tall and ugly…!"
"Yeah, you do… Shit, I must kill you!"
"Then do it. I'll even turn so you won't have to look at my face."
"God… man… oh… my brother… my beloved brother… my one and only brother… I love you…"
"Why are you crying? You'll make me cry as well! Stop!"
"I can't! tears falling down against my will! My heart hurts! Oh god…"
"Please, stop… Now my heart hurts..!"
Sobbing Itachi, "I'm sorry, Sasuke. I need to go. I can't do it! I can't do it."
"You're leaving me behind?"
"Oh… stop! You're torturing my soul! I want to save you but I can't kill you! I really can't kill you..."
"Yeah… I understand that… That's exactly what the dobe said to me once... want to save me without killing me..."
"That bastard! How dare he leave you alone? Such ungrateful bastard."
"I don't think he had a choice. This is how horrible this ending is. You don't get to chose."
"I feel ya…"
"So anyway, Nii-san, You can go enjoy your after life. I'll come soon and be with you. It's all right. I can handle this. I've been through worse."
"I love you, bro. I love you for not making me kill you. Even tho you killed me and put me in peace... then you cried a river for doing it.. then your life became hell after it... people hated you for loving me... wanting t avenge me... You don't deserve this shit, Sasuke..."
"Yeah, and you had to come back and drop this bomb on me. But it's okay. I know that this OOC Sasuke is fake. I mean, he's nothing like me, so why pretend that this strange guy is me?"
"Yeah! Yeah! Totally! That ugly monster isn't the real you! He's nothing like you. I don't know where he got his looks from."
"My story ended with me laying on the ground next to Naruto. I died there. I didn't really survive."
"I'm totally okay with this, you know! The OOC poke came next, so… this will ease my pains."
"Yeah. Thanx for coming to save me. I'll be joining you soon."
"Bring the Fox kid with ya. He deserve better too."
"Yeah, sure."
"Well, then! adios bro~"
"So OOC, Itachi." Sasuke smiled.
"This whole thing was so OOC. Any shit can happen after 700. I have spanish accent now and I dance the flamenco. this is like my new thing up there.."
"Okay, whatever you say. Have a safe trip."
"Yep. Don't be late! We have parties like every night in there! You'll love it!"
"Sounds cool." he smiled painfully.
"Bye, Ottoto-yo."
"Bye, Nii-san."
Itachi died for the third time then went and watched The Last movie... Oops! O.o!
The end..?!
