Clara Oswald was curled up alone in an impenetrable darkness. The soft rhythmic thudding of rainwater falling harshly outside and the noise of her own tears falling gently down her cheeks were the only sounds she had heard for what felt like a lifetime, as she sobbed quietly into her hands.

She hadn't had a night like this for such a long time, she had almost forgotten the way it felt. But not now. Now, the feelings were back, stronger than she had felt them for years, and they were relentless. She had been overcome by them; they had won her over again as they had so many times before.

She thought she was stronger now. She thought it was over. She had been trying so hard to fix it, to leave it behind, and it had been working. She could smile easily, and mean it - most of the time, at least. These thoughts still came to her, but rarely, and they felt sort of detached from who she was now. Everyone's past affects them, but she truly believed she could cope - she thought she had been.

Another painful surge of emotion rushed through her; her heart began to pound harder and fresh tears spilled out down her flushed face. Her sobs grew louder and more desperate, but she was alone, and there was no one there to hear her, to comfort her. This thought struck Clara and made her cry even harder, balling her fists and pounding the wall next to her. She was alone. She had always been alone. The only person whom she believed could change that was gone... And what did it matter, anyway? Even if he was here she couldn't be with him. He wasn't coming back.

She ran her tear-stained fingers lightly over her wrist, feeling the thick blood pump quickly around her body. There was no scar any more, no physical scar, on her skin. This was the part of herself she never shared, not ever, not to anyone. She barely knew herself when she was like this.

They called her a 'control freak'. She acted bossy, and confident, and strong. She didn't dare act any other way. She had to be strong, she had to be in control of herself.

If she wasn't, she ended up here. She dared not lose control of her feelings, because she knew how that felt... She knew what would happen if she did.

Her life depended on it.