Title: Finding You

Summary: Sequel to Away. After many sleepless nights due to the emotional turmoil from his unresolved conflict with Finnick, Nick decides to seek him out to make things right again. Along the way, he learns about his own personal feelings for Finnick.

Author's Note: Italics = Nick's thoughts.

Nick laid awake on Judy's bed, with his favorite gray bunny curled up by his side, sleeping soundly. He listened to the faint footsteps of Judy's neighbors and wondered what could they be doing up this late at night. After coming up with several scenarios, his mind reminded him that he too was strangely awake and proceeded to mentally facepaw him. He then grabbed his phone from the nightstand to check the time.

It better have been at least 15 minutes.

It was 2:34 am. It had only been 10 minutes since he last checked his phone.

"GODDAMNIT!"

It was official, Nick was having another sleepless night which was going to be followed by another shitty, exhausting day of work. Giving up any hopes of sleep, NIck decided to scroll through his photos since his phone was already in his paw. Nick being a bit of a camera whore, he knew he had plenty of of photos to entertain him. He smiled as he scrolled through all his photos of successful pranks at the precinct, group photos of his fellow police officers and him, and coupley photos of Judy and him. However, he felt his heart stop when he came across one photo. A selfie of a displeased Finnick wearing the elephant onesie with the hood off, and Nick right behind him smiling as widely as possible. It was taken right after their first scam with the elephant onesie, which was a huge success in Nick's opinion. As the memories of that day started to fill his mind, so did a burning feeling in his heart. He quickly put the phone away, hoping the burning pain would stop. It didn't.

He let out a quiet snarl, letting out some of the frustration and crankiness in him. His right ear pricked up as he heard some squirming from his right. Afraid he woke up Judy, he quickly looked down to his right, and saw Judy twitching her nose before resuming her usual calm breathing. He could feel her chest continuously moving up and down against his side. His burning pain waned down as his muzzle contorted into a smile. This was probably one of the few good things about staying awake. He got to witness little adorable moments like this.

He felt lucky to have met her, befriended her, and now dating her. She truly changed his life for the better. Her genuine belief that he was much more than just a shifty fox motivated him to become something else besides a con artist. A police officer, and not just any police officer, but the first fox police officer in Zootopia. He never would've imagined his life to go in that direction, almost the complete opposite from his previous profession. He thought this was the kind of stuff that could only happen in movies. It amused him how funny life can work like that sometimes.

With not much to do during another long night, he decided to go through a mental slideshow of their relationship. It was definitely one of great passion.

The first day they met, they hated each other. Judy thought he was a shifty, no-good fox who didn't care about anyone but himself while Nick thought she was an uppity, ignorant bunny blinded by her own self-righteousness. As they grew to know each other, their hearts did a complete 180 and they fell in love with each other. Nick remembered the exact moment when his heart realized it. It was when Judy handed him the application to be a cop. In that very moment of disbelief that someone had actually thought he should be a cop was when his heart screamed out her name: Judy Hopps.

Unfortunately, right after that internal declaration of love, Judy said some nearly unforgivable words about predators, which led to their break up and the three months of separation. Strangely enough, that period of time only served to allow his love for her to bloom. Sure, he cursed her for the offensive, specieist words said during the press conference. Yet, his heart longed for her, and thus his desire to be with her only grew. It was a tortuous combination of emotions Nick that would kill him during the day and keep him up at night. It wasn't until Judy came back to him and apologized that his heart felt right again.

He wanted Judy right away, and she must've returned those feelings as well. Right after they fully exposed Bellweather for the conniving sheep she was, they let down all their walls and let themselves become one that night at Judy's apartment.

He essentially moved in after that night, and he tried to spend every waking moment with her. When Judy went to work, Nick would often stay in her apartment. He knew he should've done some cons with Finnick, and he went once in awhile, but he didn't want to disappoint her by continuing to scam mammals, and frankly, he couldn't stay away from her smell. Once work was done for the day, she would return home right away, and they would not be able to keep their paws away from each other. That's why it was tough for both of them when Nick eventually had to leave her for a year to go off to the police academy.

While he was at the police academy, they would text every day and video chat every week. Every once in a while, Judy and Nick would have time to visit each other for one night, and they made sure to make those moments count. Their fellow friends, classmates, and coworkers would often comment on their disheveled fur and exhaustion the following day.

After his graduation, Nick moved back in with Judy, and their relationship rekindled. It was better this time, because Nick could join Judy at work. At work, any form of public displays of affection were frowned upon. So of course, they engaged in private displays of affection. It ranged from holding paws under the table to making out at the backseat of their police cruiser or the supply closet. It was definitely a good time, and Nick cherished hose memories. However, like most relationships, the honeymoon phase had to come to an end and they reached the point where passionate moments like those were rare. They simply lived with each other, chatted with each other, discussed taxes with each other, watched shitty movies with each other, and other normal things that long-term couples do.

Nick thought it was nice, it was fine, maybe a little boring that they reached this point, but he figured that's what every long-term relationship eventually comes to. They become that normal, boring couple that occasionally bicker. He was for the most part glad that they reached that point. In a way, it was like they reached pivotal step in their relationship, and that was enough for him, usually.

Sometimes though, he missed the spark that they used to have. There would be moments in time where he wondered if he actually still loved Judy, but then he would squash those thoughts. He told himself that he shouldn't have those kind of thoughts. Considering all the things she did for him, he thought he would be a terrible mammal not to love her.

He checked his phone again. It was 3:05 am.

Nick felt that nagging, burning sensation in his heart return again, but stronger than ever. He pressed his paw into his chest. Tonight wasn't the first time he had this feeling. In fact, it started happening around the same time the honeymoon phase with Judy was over. He wasn't sure how to describe it. The best he could do was refer to it as a hodgepodge of shit, shit, and more shit.

Fuck this.

Nick got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom, making sure to quietly close the front door behind him. He arrived at the sink and looked into the mirror. He hated what he saw and splashed water on his face. He looked back up in the mirror, and saw the same thing. He let out a snarl and started splashing face repeatedly. Despite his attempts, when he looked back at the mirror another time, he saw the same thing once again.

What the fuck! Why do I keep seeing this? And why can't I get rid of this feeling in my heart? I just want to be able to sleep again...

He shook his head repeatedly and felt his eyes welling up. He finally had to admit it. Weeks and weeks of denial, he hoped the feeling would eventually go away, but it just kept coming back. His reflection had always told him the answer to his question, but he refused to believe it. But after a week of insomnia, his resolve deteriorated and had to admit that he saw an angry Finnick always standing behind him.

He felt his heart let out a brief sigh of relief as he admitted to himself the guilt he has been harboring all this time for Finnick. He was able to stow it away for the longest time, justifying it with the passion he felt with his relationship with Judy. With their relationship calming down though, it allowed his guilt to come back to the forefront of his mind and heart. Tears streamed down his face as he let the guilt take over his body.

He couldn't help but imagine how much Finnick must hate him for this. To Finnick's eyes, it must've looked like that Nick just left him for a better partnership. It must've looked like that all those years they worked together looked like it meant nothing to Nick. It must've looked like all the praises he had for Finnick were empty words. To Finnick, he fulfilled every stereotype a fox: shifty, manipulative, and selfish. He thought how ironic it was that he was one of the few foxes to break the glass ceiling by becoming a police officer, and yet he was the most stereotypical fox. Nick punched the wall in utter frustration, angry at himself for being the most hypocritical mammal he could ever be to Finnick. He wondered if Finnick could ever forgive him.

With that thought came a different feeling. He looked back at the mirror, seeing the angry Finnick once again. He reached his paw out towards the mirror, placing it where Finnick was.

Finnick…

He felt his heart yearning to see Finnick. It was strange, he had never felt it so strongly before. It felt like it would not be satisfied until Nick was within Finnick's presence and able to see him with his own eyes. However, this was soon interrupted by another feeling.

No...no...no way, I can't, I can't see him.

He looked up at the mirror and saw Finnick shaking his head and walking away. That was enough for him to utter out a gasp. He then started feeling his whole body shake as he grappled with this sudden fear.

There's no way, there's no way he'll forgive me. I can't see him. It's too risky.

Nick had always known in the back of his mind that it would take quite a miracle for Finnick to forgive him for what he did. However, it wasn't until just now that he realized how much was at stake for him. At its current stage, Nick knows their friendship has probably been damaged almost to the point of no return. Still, it leaves some room for hope that perhaps someday, it can be fixed. However, if he ever saw Finnick again, and Finnick refused to forgive him, then it would be the definite end of their friendship. And Nick absolutely could not have that. He couldn't let this friendship fail. He couldn't let Finnick fall out of his life. He just couldn't.

"Nick?"

Nick sharply turned around, and saw a sleepy Judy, her fur all ruffled up, standing by the bathroom door.

"Oh Judy, you scared me."

Judy gave him a tired smile and rolled her eyes.

A concerned look appeared on her face and she asked, "Nick, why are you up? Come back to bed, we have work in 3 and a half hours."

His ears drooping, he confessed, "I…I can't sleep."

He could see Judy's eyes widen, beating back her drowsiness, and showing concern for Nick.

"What's wrong Nick? I noticed you haven't been sleeping lately."

He rubbed his right arm, reluctant to tell Judy.

She walked towards him and placed a paw on the side of his muzzle affectionately.

She said in a gentle but firm tone, "Please Nick, I just want to help you, but I can't help you unless you tell me what's going on."

He looked at her in the eyes, and he knew he couldn't hide it any longer. He hated to see her worry for him, it added to the tremendous amount of guilt he was already feeling.

So he confessed. He told her about his guilt over abandoning Finnick. During his confession, she stayed quiet. She made sure to listen intently and to rub his arm in support when she thought he needed it. He appreciated that. She instinctively knew what to do when someone is in pain. It was one of reasons she made a great cop, and in general, a wonderful mammal. It was during this time that he was reminded once again why he loved her.

"Wow Nick, that is...quite a lot that you're going through right now."

"Yup... I'm... I'm not sure what to do."

"You need to go see him."

"But... work, I've just started being a cop for a few months. It'll look bad if I take time off to see him now."

She smiled, "I'll talk to Chief Bogo, no need to worry."

"But…," he gave a sly smile, "you won't have a partner, and of course there's no partner as good as me."

She chuckled, "Heh, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Now can you finally just admit to me that you're scared."

He gave a smile, and put his paws up as if he was surrendering.

"I'm scared that he'll hate me."

She gave him a comforting smile and grabbed his paws. She started rubbing them with her thumb gently for a few seconds, not saying a word. Nick could feel his anxiety evaporating away as she did that.

She finally then said, "I'm sure... that it's going to be tough to go through it. But you two were really close friends. I'm sure if you're genuine about your apology, then he can find it in his heart to forgive you. It may not be right away but...I'm sure he will. You just gotta take the first step."

Feeling some resolve in his heart, he said, "You're right, I shouldn't be a coward. I'll go see him tomorrow."

"That's my fox. I love you Nick."

"I love you Judy."

They gave each other a quick kiss, and embraced each other.

Finnick...