What's Wrong With Naruto?

Full Summary: Naruto is launched into a parallel universe by one of Orochimaru's live forever experiments, where he replaces the parallel him in the other world and the parallel him replaces himself in the real world! As he finds a way back home, he encounters a creepy depressed Sakura, a Sasuke who drools over every passing girl (and guy), a batcrap crazy Hinata and an Orochimaru whose the very meaning of nice and goodliness! So what's the Parallel Kakashi to do when he finds himself as Naruto's guardian until he "get's better"?

A/N: This will mostly be written from the Parallel Kakashi's PoV, except for the prologue. That will be third person. So it's an iffy Naruto/Kakashi pairing. Maybe. If I can update. Which I can't. Well, whatever. Enjoy the semi-crack.

Warnings: Semi-crack, shounen ai(for the most part), some yaoi and general insanity later on. Oh and Orochimaru/Sasuke pairing. Definitely. But like, a crackish pairing. One-sided Kabuto/Naruto.

Disclaimer: Is this story really in the manga/anime plot line? No? Is Naruto random, bursting with characters from other games and shows who appear randomely? No? Then Naruto isn't mine.

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Naruto was currently racing to God-knows-where at three o'clock in the morning in sleep pants, bright red boxers with foxes on them, and an arsenal of weapons that would make Superman pale and cringe in fear.

'Damn Orochimaru and his experiments!' Thought Naruto furiously. He was only racing towards the experiements because he heard that Sasuke was going to be there and it would be a great chance to take a few swings at the both before kicking their butts and dragging Sasuke home. And that's exactly what he planned to do.

If all went well he could be home before breakfast.

Naruto was so absorbed in his imminent victory and inevitable breakfast that he failed to hear Kakashi, Sakura, Jaraiya and a lot of others call him back. Big mistake dude.

After a bit more running he outdistanced the people wanting to bring him back and reached the experiement site. What he found there would pretty much shock him into standing still for just long enough that things would go awry.

What he saw was so unbelieveably scary that if I simply wrote it half the people who would read this would faint and the other half might just get nosebleeds. Disappointing, ne?

"Ahhhh... Naruto. So good of the guest of honor to show up," Orochimaru pulled his tongue back in his mouth when he saw Naruto.

"You're such a nusiance, Naruto. We were in the middle of something," Sasuke said with an unhappy whine, pulling his top back on and straightening his butt-bow.

"Don't be so unhappy, Sasuke. You know this would not be possible to test without him," Orochimaru drawled slipping his sandals on.

"I know but it's seriously taking time...." Sasuke pulled a bang in an off-handed way.

Orochimaru caressed Sasuke's cheek, tracing his cheekbone with his thumb. "Soon we'll have all the time in the world." Sleazy snake-like smile. Sasuke smiled back.

And Naruto stood there, transfixed and horrified. His eye may have twitched, but just a bit.

"So... Let's get started," Orochimaru said. He and Sasuke went around to the various equipment scattered around the clearing and started pulling levers and pushing buttons. There were what looked like lazors, one of those death machines you see in cartoons with the rotating spikes and extending arms holding scalpels and other sharp things. There was seemingly random computer machines sprouting out of the ground every few feet at odd angles. There was even a desk with a gold trophy on it in the shape of Kabuto.

So, after about three minutes of pushing, pulling levers, pressing buttons and flipping switches Naruto came back to himself.

"Jah-Just what the hell was that?! And why-what are you d-doing?!" Naruto exclaimed. It seems his shock hasn't wore off completely then.

"You'll see in a minute, my dear fox-boy," Orochimaru said in the same creepy-love voice he used with Sasuke. Sasuke however pretended not to notice the tone and kept pressing colourful buttons.

Naruto's shock was replaced by anger as he slowly absorbed the fact that Orochimaru and Sasuke were about to used him in an experiement. "You're gunna use me in an experiment?" He asked incredulously.

"Trust me, you'll just love it. It'll feel so wonderfull..... Unless of course it goes horribly wrong and then the pain will be excruciating, but you don't have to worry about that. We'll make sure that doesn't happen." Same love tone. Same creepiness in Orochimaru's voice. He seemed confident that everything was going to go right. Well, let's just knock him off that high horse now, yea?

Naruto took a few steps forward, ready to pound the living daylights out of Orochimaru when he tripped on a rather thick cable.

"Noooooo!" Orochimaru cried as the lazors fired and every piece of equipment either blew up or went off. There was a bright flash of white light, and Naruto was gone. Well, the Naruto they knew. They didn't know that the Naruto from the Parallel world was sleeping soundly in their Naruto's bed, undisturbed by the transaction.

The gold trophy shaped like Kabuto on the desk rattled with shock, and then anger as Orochimaru and Sasuke dismissed Naruto's disappearance and groped each other on their way home, leaving the mess.

'I am so gunna murderl them!!!! He was my boyfriend-to-be!!!' Kabuto rattled around in his small gold cage Orochimaru had trapped him in a week prior.

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A/N: AHAHA PROLOGUE DONE. If only I can do so well with the rest of this story.

Poor Kabuto. *giggle*