Birds Of A Feather.
Writer: Invader Johnny.
Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez I own nothing but this idea that I'm not too sure WHERE it came from.
Synopsis: It's been over 10 years and the Irken Armada is finally coming, both Zim and Dib have a truce before the battle for the planet begins, ZADF… mentions of ZAGR.
Author Notes: This is what I think would be like if Zim and Dib decided to have a "civilized truce" before their final battle to end all battles.
At a bar…
Dib was drinking as much beer as much as a future dead man can, he felt like he needed it.
He sighs in contempt, after so many years of being mocked, ridiculed and hated the young man was finally going to prove to everyone that he was right, that aliens do exist and that he wasn't crazy.
Though not in the way he planned
He was still wearing the trench coat that he had wore since his childhood, it was one of the few things he had that brought him any sort of comfort at the moment, it was certainly pitiful.
Dib drunk as much as he could with the money he borrowed from his sister, after all who knew that being a paranormal investigator would be such a low paying job?
Yup, the young man had finally accomplished his lifelong dream but he was anything but happy, the world he knew and protected for so long was probably going to end by tomorrow night.
Thought right now he was bitterly glad that the he could enter the godforsaken place and that the bartender let him drink without a care; Dib now thanked the fact that his face looked pretty mature enough for him to get any alcoholic beverage.
Suddenly, another man in a trench coat appeared in the bar, walking casually towards him. Dib immediately knew who it was; in fact he was reason he was here in the first place.
"Sulking, are we?" The man asked cockily. He appeared to be a green guy with black hair and purple eyes, though if you look hard enough one could actually notice that he was wearing contacts
"Free country, Zim." Dib muttered while taking a large chug of beer.
"Why are you wasting time in this horrible stinking place instead of getting ready for tomorrow? The Irken asked as he sat down on the table next to his nemesis.
Dib didn't look at him but he still replied.
"Well for starters I haven't had a good drink in a long time; god knows that with the people I'm force to work with, being able to drink is a blessing in disguise!." Dib said warily and continued, "Plus there is a chance that after the war starts no alcohol will be available"
Zim snickered "How many of those poisonous beverages have you had so far Dib-stink?"
"Dunno". Then he said "But right now all I want is to see if a man who probably won't live for long can get drunk. I've had a hell of a time." The raven haired human joked as he finished his bottle of beer.
Zim nodded and said "I think I'm going to test that out as well."
Dib gave him a look "You were always such a horrible liar"
"If I was so horrible how come everyone always believes me?" Zim asked arrogantly.
"Shut up"
A waitress came close to the talking adversaries and rolled her eyes in disgust. She regained her composure and asked the two, "What can I get you two?"
"Two beers." Dib told her and took money out of his trench-coat pocket but Zim stopped him and offered
"I'm paying, it's the least I can do considering the circumstances."
Dib only nodded as he gave the waitress a tip and later she returned with two bottles of beer.
Zim finally spoke "When did you found out?"
"About the invasion?"
The Irken nodded. "I assume that's the reason you called in the first place."
Dib shrugged, "wasn't hard to figure out."
"You still have a spy-cam at my base don't you?" Zim accused irritated.
"No, as a matter of fact I don't" Dib replied and then sighs "Gaz told me"
The Invader sharply turned his head to meet the human's eyes "You're lying!"
"Afraid not, rule one about girls Zim, they are ALL saying they will keep anything you tell them a secret but eventually stuff gets out."
Zim put a gloved hand over his eyes "I will never understand the females of your species Dib-filth"
"Welcome to the club space boy".
The alien smirked then asked, "How come we're not killing each other?"
"Because right now there's nothing to fight about." Dib answered simply. "Except maybe tomorrow night, then we fight to the death."
Zim only chuckled darkly and said, "I can't believe I'm spending my last night on this planet with my worst enemy, pretending to drink alcohol."
The Irken then followed his statement by getting the bottle of beer near his mouth but having no intention of consuming the vile thing.
"We're only enemies because of our jobs, Zim." Dib said, "I guess on the sidelines we're just old skool chums who need a break in life."
Zim shrugged and nodded. He raised his bottle in a mocking toast.
"To the End of the Earth and to the end of our short wonderful friendship, we'll treasure every moment." The Irken chuckled.
The human grinned and raised his own bottle and tapped it with Zim's,
"Cheers to the End of the World."
The two laughed and they drank their beers silently. But when they were done, Zim started coughing severely and smoke began to come out of his mouth "Arrrgggggggggggh the pain THE PAIN!"
Zim then dropped to the ground and rolled around in agonizing pain, costumers were looking strangely at him. Dib grinned "some things never change."
After several minutes Zim regained composure and sat back on the bar's stool…"never again will I come near that horrible stuff from hell!"
"You know, you're not the bastard I tried to get dissected all those years ago."
Zim cocked an invisible eyebrow sceptically, "Have you got the brain worms, pig smelly?"
"Nope"
"Then what makes you say that?"
"Because you love Gaz." Dib said with a triumphant grin.
Zim nearly chocked at hearing this, "So NOW you decide to believe me?"
"Yeah, I do" He answered casually."
"So tell me Dib-Stink was it that hard to believe that I can love someone like Gaz?"
"For all the things I've seen you do," Dib found himself saying in a mixture of anger and disgust "I didn´t want to believe that someone as evil and cruel as you was capable of any emotion like love."
"Agreed, Human, agreed"
"I mean you never had any actual friends; everyone was just a tool to you, a means to get what you wanted. You were, no... you are nothing more than a heartless sociopathic monster, and everyone around you was just a means to your goals however messed up they were. You've lied, cheated and stole your way through life, and that's how you've always lived. So forgive me if I was being prejudiced BUT I gotta admit that after two years of you dating my sister actually showing that you cared for her well... the suspicions I had of you ever planning to rape her for some sadistic experiment or something just… vanished."
"Heh" Zim cracked a smile "Those are probably my best qualities. except when you say it in a way that makes me sound WEAK!"
Dib rolls his eyes "Your priorities are badly misplaced Zim"
He gazed at a few darts, standing up he suddenly grabbed a few and aimed them at the dartboard. The alien followed and said "Does she… love me back?"
Dib threw a dart and Bulls-eye, dead on target, right in the middle. He turned back to the Irken and said "Why are you asking?"
"Because sometimes I'm not sure I believe her anything that comes out of her mouth!"
Dib laugh… "Zim I hate you, I really do and nothing would give me more pleasure than you dying at the hands of my sister for saying such a thing"
"As if she could hurt me"
Dib smirked and decided to humour the invader "True, but I never seen Gaz so… happy… it's new and it's creepy so yeah… I'm pretty sure she loves you or at the very least likes you enough to let you hang around her."
"VICTORY FOR ZIM!"
The bartender shouted "HEY FREAK SHUT THE HELL UP!"
"MAKE ME!" The deranged extraterrstial was about to punch him when a hand stopped him "let it go Zim, remember tomorrow you just MIGHT kill this guy" Dib reminded him "Granted I don't find a way to stop you."
The invader smirked maliciously "ah yes truce time, I remember now" and with that he dropped his arm in mock defeat.
"You will die" He snarled insanely.
Turning the conversation to familiar grounds Dib asked rhetorically, "But you do realize she's like a quarter of your age... right?"
"Eh?"
"You're what? Like 200 years old and she's well in her 20's!"
Zim glared at him coldly.
"Are you implying anything Dib worm!" Zim snarled "Are you saying the age difference matters?"
Dib shook his head and said, "No, I'm just saying that if your people are gonna destroy the Earth and probably destroy the human race then what's going to happen to you and my sister?."
Zim frowns, obviously he has not thought of this dilemma, but after a few seconds he smirked and laughed sarcastically, "Oh I see where your going with this… this is your last pathetic attempt at saving your precious planet by bringing up my feeling for the Gaz-human and ask… beg the Tallest to cancel the invasion... That's low Dib-Stink!"
"That's not what I'm doing Zim"
"Then I suppose this IS this the part where you ask what should my intentions be and I join your side?"
"Again… no"
"Then you are…"
"ZIM I AM NOT GONNA ASK YOU TO TAKE MY SIDE!"
The Irken was now confused "Then what is this about human… I am afraid I do not understand what you meant when your sibling came into the matter"
Dib puts a hand on his enemy's shoulder, "Zim look I'm only gonna tell you this once… If you really, really care for my sister then … think of what she would want."
The alien snorts "That's easy, she wants this world obliterated!"
"Okkk… let me rephrase that" Dib said awkwardly "Do me this favor, if you kill me tomorrow or any of those invaders slaughter me then take care of Gaz, don't let her get caught by the soldiers, don't even tempt her to play a part in this war and most importantly, if you can get her out of the planet then do so by any means necessary."
Zim was taken aback by this simple request "You do realize that woman can probably decapitate the Tallest if she is motivated… right?"
"Yeah but we both know that wont happen… anyway I need to prepare for tomorrow."
They stared at each other, the invader and the invaded. The two stretched out their hands in respect and Dib said, "May the best man win."
Zim nodded and the two shook on it.
"Well Dib-pig, I wish things were different, too bad our friendship had to be so short."
"Yeah I know, but tomorrow night I might have to kill you. Bear that in mind my friend." The paranormal investigator smiled grimly.
Zim returned the smile and replied, "Expect the same from me pitiful human."
"I wouldn't have it any other way space boy." Dib smirked, "I wouldn't want to know if you were holding back." and the two parted before but not before Zim gave his nemesis a head's up.
"Here's something you should know Dib-filth, water doesn't burn me anymore and any Irken that comes to this planet is protected with paste so don't be surprised if your pituful water gun attacks fail horribly"
Then Zim just picked up one of the darts and threw it at the dartboard without even looking. The alien in disguise turned around the other way and left the bar, knowing that the dart hit dead on target.
Dib grumbles "should have seen that one coming"
"You should have run when you had the chance," Zim hissed. "You were stupid to try to fight me."
Dib was on the floor covered in blood, he was having trouble breathing and took in deep breaths when he spoke "You… know…. the… Earth… needed… me"
"True… but YOU knew it was pointless!"
"Protecting… my… home… was… never… pointless."
A gun was powering up.
"It is when the Irken Empire is invading!"
"So… this… is… it?"
"yup… you gave a good battle human worm baby"
"But… not… good… enough"
Zim smiled grimly "Guess not… But let me tell you something… it was a pleasure knowing you Dib-human."
"Wish… I could… say… the… same… thing."
"You were a worthy adversary for Zim!."
All that was left was to pull the trigger... "And victory would be mine!"
"I could say the same about you Space-Boy."
The gun was now between Dib's eyes.
both enemies stared, not a sound was made; there was no need for that.
They both knew it ...
... It was game over.
Well this is probably a grim end… No surprise coming from me.
I always imagined that if Zim and Dib spend years fighting over the fate of the world then the two would come to at least respect each other, This story was meant to explore their relationship as frenemies, the way I see it if the Irken Armada really did come to conquer the Earth then the two would see each other one last time before all hell broke lose.
This probably doesn't make much sense in the long haul, but tell me watcha all think?
Invader Johnny Signing Off.
