When they started on Rufioh you stood up and left.

Or rather, you stood up, told your father casteism is severely fucking outdated, you don't care, you love him, and then you left. You're probably going to get in trouble for the language, but you don't care. You're nine sweeps old. What's he going to do? Spank you and put you in the corner?

(Your father had never laid a hand on you or Equius, because A he was more of a pacifist and B he would paralyse you from the waist down, but dammit you're angry and you're trying to prove a point)

You're angry, you're trying to prove a point, and while you're trying very hard not to sound like and drag on like a certain Kankri Abalone Vantas, the slurs are too much. You can get a little castist sometimes, maybe you complain about lowbloods sometimes, but...Rufioh is exempt. He's not even on the bloody sepctrum as far as you're concerned, and the names they were calling him were poisonous, they're far, far too awful and damaging and everything else for someone as wonderful as Rufioh and you don't care how loud you have to shout that.

This would usually be the time you went to your moirail, but A her method of comforting is drawing porn of you and your friends which won't make you feel better as of now, B she's probably out pailing Kurloz and C dammit Horuss stop alphabetically organising things

So you...well. You do something you really, really shouldn't. You're both taken in that quadrant. You're awful. You're tearing apart two healthy pale relationships and leaving those who rely on them in the dust.

You can't bring yourself to care about that either.

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When you knock on the door the younger Maryam opens it, glares at you like you just stabbed her mother. You have no intention of doing that. Rosa is a fine woman who's cookies are delicious.

"Porrim's upstairs." She says. "If you're going to sleep with her I might have to warn you that countless others have already tried."

You smile and assure her your intentions are far more noble.

Porrim is upstairs, she's painting her toenails. It smells awful, but you don't think it would be polite to point that out. You just smile and wave awkwardly.

She puts the bottle down."What did they do this time."

"Rufioh."

"I highly doubt they did Rufioh. That's your job." She says it in a very maternal tone as she positions your head on her lap.

"...Porrim." Your face flushes and you can't help but laugh. "You...can't say that! That's awful!"

"Sh. I'm trying to make you feel better with my unfailing wit. Sit still and be papped goddamit."

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So of course like always she does make you feel better, and you sit and talk and she gives you some more sex advice because you're probably more likely to score with Meenah than to get it from your father (you have no intention of enacting coitus with Meenah, for a number of reasons, it was a figure of speech) like she always does, because as you know Porrim has a bucketload of experience, and you're pretty sure you and Kankri are the only ones she hasn't slept with. The thought of not being Rufioh's first is...well. You already knew you weren't. There was of course Damara. But...it...might have been nice. On another planet where that was actually possible.

You tell Porrim about Kanaya, and she tells you that her sister is simply in a bad mood because her little human matesprit hasn't returned her most recent telecommunicated message yet. Apparently she'll be fine.

You tell her about your brother and she tells you that he'll grow out of it and word on the street is that he has fallen for Damara's younger sister. The one that likes dead things.

You tell her Meulin is not a reliable source for relationship gossip and of course she fucking knows that you nerd.

You laugh.

And then Kankri comes in like he doesn't usually do welp

"Porrim." he says, and he looks really torn up about something. "Porrim, I...oh. Hello Horuss."

You nod and wave and abscond as quickly as you can.

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And when Meulin asks why you haven't been seeing her as often you shrug.

"It's...nothing personal, I assure you." You mumble. "I have...a lot going on."

"I can see that." She looks concerned as she draws a picture of Mituna and Tavros. "You're not even making horse puns anymore."

You tell her you're fine, you will be fine, and you leave out the part where your father is a douche because you're not that angry with him anymore. Your anger is not something that stays with you. It drains. You'll be fine. You're always fine.

You tell her that too.

So she says, as she draws Meenah and Aranea and a giant heart, that she's worried about you and she wants to make you feel better. And you promise her, you assure her, she does everything she possibly could.

She responds by pouncing on you and licking your face. She loves that.

She loves you in a very pale way and you just don't deserve her.

(You wonder if Kankri's found out about Porrim yet. You hope not. But he is pretty smart. These are the things that worry you.)

(But then again everything will be fine because it always is if you're one of those people who just sit at the side and do nothing)